Authors: Adina Senft
She needed to make it up to Emma for doubting her—even if Emma never knew it. “Let me make those for you as well, then. Bring them to quilting on Tuesday and I’ll have them back by Sunday.”
Emma wavered. “But I wanted to make my wedding clothes myself.”
“Who’s making Grant’s things?”
“Christina. They’re close, and she offered before I had a chance to.”
Carrie nudged her. “You’ll be making his shirts and pants for the rest of your life, dear one. Let Christina make these and it will be the last thing any Yoder woman will do for him.”
“There is that,” Emma admitted.
“In the meantime, while the cake is baking, I can have your cape and apron done. Please.”
“All right.” Emma hugged her. “I’m so thankful for friends I can count on.”
Carrie hugged her back. And wondered whether, if the women of the community did not do something, poor, reckless Lydia would be able to say the same.
T
railing cattail fluff, the little girls joined them and they began to climb the gentle slope back to the house. But before they walked out of the trees, Will and Kathryn Esch waved and walked toward them in a way that said, “We need to speak to you.”
“Run and find your
Daed
, now, girls, while I visit.” Emma squeezed their hands and they ran off,
Kapp
strings flying behind them. Carrie glanced curiously at Emma. Had that really been necessary?
“Emma,” Will said, settling his black broad-brimmed hat more firmly on his head. “It’s a blustery day for a walk.”
“It was also a long time for two little girls to sit,” Emma responded with a smile. “If I wear them out now, they’ll be willing to color in their books this afternoon without jumping around like a pair of grasshoppers.”
“Thinking like a mother already,” Kathryn said, but she did not smile. Instead, she gave Carrie an apologetic look. “We would like to speak to Emma privately, Carrie. I think I saw your man getting ready to go.”
Whether this was true or not, Carrie never found out, because Emma put a hand on her arm. “Carrie knows everything that goes on with me. She is free to stay if she wishes.”
Oh my. Oh my goodness. There was only one topic in the whole world about which this couple would want to speak to Emma.
They had found out about the correspondence-school packets. And now the fat was in the fire.
“Does she?” Will’s face was grave. “Then I wonder that she did not do one of two things when she learned that you have secretly been letting our son study high school subjects in your home. It is very strange to me that she would not have come to us, or at the very least, counseled you against this behavior.”
Carrie’s cheeks felt cold, her fingers nearly numb.
Amelia and I did counsel her
. But to say so would be disloyal. What could be said had already been said months ago. All she could do now was stand beside Emma and hope that they could both hold each other up.
“How did it come to light?” Emma asked. Carrie knew her well enough to know that that calm tone had not come easily.
Kathryn’s distress showed in her eyes, though her voice was steady. “Janelle Baum at the post office stopped Will when he was getting stamps, and asked him if a certain parcel had been misdirected. It was addressed to our Alvin, but care of the Grohl postal box. She found it very odd.”
That Janelle, getting people into trouble under the guise of being helpful.
Then again, if folks didn’t practice to deceive, they wouldn’t get into trouble, would they? There was no hope for Emma now. She had sown her tares with open hands; now it was time to reap them.
“When we opened it, we found his correspondence-school papers,” Will went on. “And when we asked him about it, the whole story came out. How you and he have been deceiving us for nearly two years.”
“I am very sorry you found out in this way,” Emma said.
“But not sorry enough to say no when he asked you to be part of this plan?” Will asked.
“Is that where he’s been going all this time when we thought he was courting Sarah Grohl?” Kathryn asked. “He has been studying at your place?” She rubbed her hands over and over, as if they were cold, too. “I cannot imagine Lena being a party to such a deception.
Es wunnert mich.”
“Mamm knew nothing about it.” Emma leaped to her mother’s defense. “Alvin would come and use our kitchen table late at night, after she was asleep. I alone am responsible. Not her.”
“What will happen to Alvin?” Carrie ventured, her voice hardly above a whisper.
“He has not joined church, but he is still living under my roof,” Will said. “I have told him that this will stop, or he will not be welcome anymore. There will be no more packets, and he will turn his hand to being a better apprentice at the buggy maker instead of filling his head with nonsensical
Englisch
ideas.”
“And he has agreed?” Emma asked.
Both parents looked at each other. Will’s jaw set. “He will see sense.”
He had not agreed. Carrie resisted the temptation to look at Emma, but she could imagine what she was thinking. Alvin was slender and studious. The kind who wore glasses and pored over books by lantern light, not the kind who could control a six-mule team or wrestle buggy parts together.
“I noticed that you were sorry we found out,” Will said, “but not so sorry you took part in this deception.”
“I can’t say that I am sorry.”
Carrie drew in a surprised breath. How could she not be?
“Alvin is a smart boy—far smarter than I was at his age. He wants to be more than a farmer or a buggy maker, Will. He wants to be an engineer or a scientist.”
“I know what my son wants better than anyone,” Will retorted. “Better than you. And if he does not understand the will of God for his life, at least I expect you would, even after your gallivanting around the country and taking up with people from New York.”
Emma began to speak, then bit back the words.
“Kathryn and I—we would like to hear that you repent of what you have done, and promise never to help him in this way again.”
After a moment, Emma said carefully, “Let us put this behind us. What’s done is done, and now it’s up to Alvin to choose his path with God’s help.”
“That sounds to me like no answer,” Kathryn said. “My husband has asked you to say that you are sorry for your actions.” She touched the shawl wrapping Emma’s arm. “You don’t want to live with this on your conscience, Emma, I’m sure.”
Emma covered the other woman’s fingers and squeezed. “I don’t, Kathryn, truly.
Ja
, it was wrong not to tell you. But it was Alvin’s secret to tell or not tell. He asked for help and I gave it. I cannot be sorry for that, when it made him so happy.”
“Of course getting his own way made him happy,” Will snapped. “Cars and electricity in our homes and cell phones in our pockets—these things would all make the
Youngie
happy if we were foolish enough to give in to them. But do they make God happy? And do they help our brothers and sisters to walk in His will?”
There was only one answer to this, and Emma would not give it. Why wouldn’t she just say “I’m sorry” and be done with it?
“It’s finished,” Emma said at last. “He has already asked me to get the packets at our place for the new school year, and I told him no. And I told him I would not be getting them on Old Orchard Road, either. That’s why the packet was sent to Sarah’s, I expect. He couldn’t think of anywhere else to have them send it.”
Kathryn’s chest rose and fell with what Carrie could only imagine was relief. She looked up at her husband.
“But you are not sorry for this sin,” Will repeated.
“I am sorry that my actions have distressed you,” Emma said. “Very sorry. But I cannot be sorry that a young man whose mind can challenge any boy his age in the county should get on with his education. If he lived in the Beachy church over in Douglas County, he would go to high school and no one would think a thing of it.”
“He is not in the Beachy church, nor will he be if I have anything to say about it,” Will said heavily. “Emma, I must know that you repent.”
She was silent.
“How are you going to go to Council Meeting in two weeks and say you are at peace?”
“Because I am.”
“How is that possible? I can’t stand up and say so. This trouble has put me miles away from peace. We must resolve this. We must both be in harmony on this matter.”
“Will—” Kathryn began softly.
“And what about Grant Weaver? How can he marry a woman who cannot tell the bishop she is in unity with the congregation?”
All the color drained from Emma’s face. “This has nothing to do with Grant, or with our wedding.”
“I say it does. I say a man who would marry a woman who is proud and stiff-necked, and not afraid to defy the
Ordnung
if she feels like it, needs to think twice about his choice.”
“Will—”
“Silence.” Will shook off his wife’s restraining hand. “I will have words with the bishop about this. If you will not repent, then it is his place to step in.”
Emma’s jaw flexed, and when Carrie slipped a hand into her elbow, her arm felt as hard and unyielding as bone.
Will made a sound very like the snort of an angry bull, and turned on his heel. “Come, Kathryn.”
“I will pray for you,” Kathryn said over her shoulder as she was marched away, but the wind snatched at her words and Carrie could hardly hear them.
“Emma, what are you thinking?” Carrie demanded in the softest tone she was capable of.
“I’m thinking of Alvin,” Emma said softly, watching the Esches’ retreating backs. “And the look on his face when he got his grades. They were good grades, Carrie. I wasn’t tutoring him—he was far beyond my little bit of knowledge. He’s a smart boy.”
“His brains better be able to find a roof over his head, if Will goes through with what he said.”
“He will. He’s not a man to say something and not live by it.”
“But that wasn’t what I meant, you know. I meant, what are you thinking, to put yourself forward now of all times?”
Emma dragged her gaze away from the Esches, who had found Bishop Daniel and were talking to him urgently, bowed toward him as though to keep the sound of their words to themselves. “I couldn’t lie. I’m very sorry Alvin was foolish enough to send a package anywhere near Janelle Baum. I’m sorry that I’ve distressed them. But I’m not sorry I gave the boy a place to study. Not one bit.”
“That’s the part they want. They want the whole sacrifice.”
“I know. Look, here comes Amelia.”
They waited for Amelia to join them, and Carrie could see from the look in her eyes that she already knew. “Emma,
Liewi
, what trouble have you got yourself into now?”
“That didn’t take long.”
“I was coming up to say good-bye—Eli has taken the boys to hitch up the buggy—and I heard Will Esch telling Bishop Daniel. I don’t think it’s gone much farther. Everyone else has gone into the house to get out of this wind.”
“She won’t tell him she’s sorry,” Carrie blurted. “Amelia, please talk to her. She isn’t listening to me.”
“I listened,” Emma said.
“Yes, but you didn’t
do
. What if he makes a fuss and the bishop is forced to come and talk to you?”
“Then I’ll offer him some coffee and a slice of pie, the same as I always do.”
“And what if he says he will not marry you and Grant next Thursday? Marriage is a holy covenant, Emma. You can’t make your vows when you’re out of kilter with your brother in the faith.”
“You’re getting that mixed up with Communion, Carrie,” Emma said in a tone that was maddeningly calm. “I can face Grant with this on my heart, though facing God is a little more serious.”
“I would say the whole thing is serious,” Amelia put in.
“No, it isn’t. It’s just a tempest in a teapot,” Emma retorted. “Will Esch has never cared about what Alvin has done or not done. He’s the youngest boy, and if that man even remembered he was alive half the time, I’d be surprised. He’s just mad because someone put something over on him. His pride is smarting, and I’m not going to pander to it.”
Carrie looked at Amelia helplessly. “Maybe Grant can talk some sense into her.”
Amelia’s gray eyes were as troubled as the cloudy sky around them. “You know I think you were wrong to do it,” she said. “But here’s a chance to put it right. Even if you don’t believe you were wrong—even if you think Will’s dander is up and he’s like a rooster looking for a fight—Emma, you must humble yourself and say the words.”
“Even if I don’t mean them?”
“Sometimes we have to do what we don’t want to so that we can make peace.”
Emma eyed her. “The words would be a lie. Is that what you want me to do?”
“I want you to do what is right.”
“By lying.”
“By putting our own thoughts aside and thinking of the other person. You’re not exercised by this. Will is. It’s up to you to think of him and not yourself.”
Emma kicked at the brown grass and started down the hill. For one horrified moment, Carrie thought she was turning her back on both of them, but when Emma looked over her shoulder and gave them a quizzical look, she took Amelia’s arm with a sigh of relief and joined her for the walk to the house.
Will and Daniel were still there, though Kathryn had gone in. Daniel lifted a hand when Emma changed direction to go around them. “Emma, a moment.”
Oh dear. Surely he wouldn’t speak to her right out here in the yard, where it was freezing and anyone could hear? Carrie glanced around wildly. Where was Grant? She should go find him. She should—
“Our brother Will tells me you have wronged him and Kathryn in the matter of their son Alvin,” the bishop said slowly.
“I let him study in my kitchen,” Emma said. “And the packets from the correspondence school came to our mailbox.”
“Did Lena know of this?”
“No. She would have stopped it if she had.”
Carrie’s stomach sank as Daniel Lapp noticed her and Amelia, standing a little to the side and clinging together as much for warmth as for moral support. “I think there are others who should have stopped it if they had known about it.” His gaze settled on Carrie. “There are all kinds of worldly thinking going on in this district that must be stopped.”
Carrie’s breath seized up in her lungs.
She didn’t need that letter from Mary Lapp now. She had her answer.
Amelia gripped her arm. “Are you all right?” she whispered. “What is he talking about?”
She nodded—a lie without words. She was not all right. But she couldn’t have spoken if her life depended on it.
The bishop turned his attention back to Emma. “Emma, we must have harmony in the
Gmee
if we are all to take part in Communion four weeks from now. You saw those who were baptized today. They have been washed clean. This is how we must be if we are to take the body and blood of Christ.” He paused, and gazed at her. He really was a kind man, Carrie thought. It wasn’t his fault that he had no tact and that he found dealing with the problems people brought to him painful. He would much rather be out in his barn with his horses, where speech and action had direct results, and the animals didn’t need counseling on the consequences of their behavior.