Timothy 01: Timothy (10 page)

It was Anna’s screams that got me moving, Hugh wanted to take a legendary dump. I told him he had to wait; he was not enthused but he acquiesced. I ran down the stairs which was cumbersome considering I was carrying another human inside of me but wasn’t pregnant, though I was eating for two, I mused. I turned from the stairs, the stupid bitch had unlocked the church doors in a vain attempt to get away from me, did she miss the four or five hundred zombies perched outside that were now streaming in like lost souls clamoring for forgiveness.

Anna was picking her poison as she stumbled back from the flesh worshippers, she turned and ran full speed past me and up the stairs. The zombies were only seconds behind. Dammit, I had never played well with others and I wasn’t about to start now. Anna was
my
prize, I had paid dearly for the right to eat her and I’d be damned if I was going to let these slobs spoil it for me. Hugh started a buzzing in my head, I was thinking this was the beginning of his plan to be rid of me. It was an incapacitating sound, I couldn’t think—it was all encompassing, I felt like drowning in the hum.

‘
Well played,’ I told him as both my body and my mind fell to our knees. Hugh did not respond, he didn’t owe the defeated anything I thought as I rolled over onto my side. ‘Just finish it,’ I thought, ‘I’ve got no defense for this.’

Funny thing was Hugh wasn’t doing anything to me, he was communicating with the zombies in the church. Whatever he was saying it involved telling them to not go up the stairs. The zombies had stopped no more than two or three feet from where I had collapsed, they were looking eagerly at the stairwell but they did not come any closer.

‘
Eliminate. Eat female,’ Hugh said.

‘
Shit, Hugh, what the hell did you do?’ I asked, like usual he didn’t answer. I think I could kind of get used to the little guy, he didn’t say much but he sure packed a mean punch, I thought as I stood up. I felt the old familiar rigidity coming on, I asked Hugh to stop. Again he listened.

“
I just want to do this right,” I said aloud. I pulled my clown pants down to my ankles which was no easy feat considering the poundage of shit and human debris stuck to me. I squatted like a germaphobe female in an overflowing port-a-pottie. I’d never had stage fright before but taking a shit in front of a hundred or so zombies was intimidating. My asshole was puckered tight, until Hugh decided enough was enough, I think a bowling ball would have fit easily once Hugh loosed it. Zak remnants flowed from me like a brown river of mud. The smell was horrific ambrosia. The closest zombies were ankle deep in my offal, it seemed to excite them as they began to sniff enthusiastically. It felt so good it was like having an anal orgasm if such a thing were possible, no matter what I’d told all the girls before that I’d convinced to have that type of sex with, I had never believed in it before now that is.

A few minutes later I was gleefully pulling my pants back up. ‘That was thoroughly enjoyable, buddy,’ I told Hugh. If this was what having a friend was like I could get used to it. The zombies were watching as I began to go up the stairs but not a one of them broke the invisible barrier Hugh had set up.

‘
Any chance you could tell me what you did back there?’ I asked.

No reply was forthcoming for such a long while I didn’t figure one was coming at all and when it did I sure wasn’t expecting it.

‘
Fuck off,’ Hugh said.

I stopped ascending the stairs, at first shocked that my friend had turned on me and then to laugh uncontrollably when I realized he had been telling the zombies to ‘fuck off’ not me.

‘
That’s rich, buddy!’ I thought as I wiped a phantom tear away from my empty eye socket. Hugh didn’t say anything, but I got the distinct impression that he was pretty pleased with himself.

I traveled the rest of the way up with what I would imagine was a very large smirk plastered across my face, although I’m not sure if anyone could have noticed through the blood and bile on my face. I was not prepared for what greeted me at the top of the step. Instead of cowering in the corner, Anna was in the middle of the room standing naked. My old self quaked with desire; she was sculpted as if from the hand of God himself. I had bedded some beauties through the years and not a one of them could hold a candle to the creature that stood before me. The slight knocking in her knees only made her that much more attractive. Compound that with the fact she was a devout virgin married to Christ and Him not being much into conjugal visits made her fucking perfect.

“
I am offering everything of me so that you will not kill me,” she said with a slight retching hitch to her words.

“
What makes you think, Sister, that I would not just take what I want and discard the rest?”

Her eyes widened in alarm. She moved closer, her breasts swaying enticingly. She was trying to hold her breath and when that didn’t work she was filtering air through her nearly closed lips and clenched teeth as if that would do anything.

“
I can do things for you that you’ve never had done,” she pleaded.

“
Oh, I doubt that,” I told her. She seemed fairly practiced for someone of the Cloth and her trimmed pussy hair was making me doubt her professed occupation, but I was not yet ready to shatter the illusion.

She openly gagged as she moved even closer, if she could have turned her head all the way back she would have as she pulled my clown pants down. She added her vomit to the mixture already on my clothes, to her merit she didn’t skip a beat. She gasped as she stood back up coming face to face with my one eyed monster.

I laughed at her. “Not much you’re going to be able to do with that Sister,” I told her as I grabbed the base of my cock, the top half black and barely hanging on. I shook it violently until it dropped to the floor with an audible plop. I was pretty impressed considering that was only about half my penis.

Anna began to vomit anew spewing stomach butter all over my decapitated manhood.

“
I’d really like to help you out,
Sister,
I really would, but it looks like that’s just not in the cards.”

Anna’s ploy for life was over and now she knew it. Not that I was ever going to let her live, even as a kid I used to like to play with my food before I ate it.

“
How could God let something like you live!” she spat.

“
We are the wrath of God!” I answered her harshly.

She must have thought I was talking about the zombie collective when in actuality I meant me and Hugh.

Anna began to back up, searching frantically for anything that resembled a weapon.

“
Should I wait a few minutes more and see if you come up with anything?” I asked her mockingly.

Her eyes flared as she looked over to me, and for the second time Anna surprised the hell out of me. She dropped to her knees, hands clasped in front of her, head bowed, she was reciting the Lord’s Prayer.

“
Get up!” I yelled at her. She was infuriating the hell out of me and I didn’t know why. I wanted her to be scared and cowering it just made it that much more enjoyable for me. Maybe the endorphins and adrenaline combined with the meat made it taste better.

I ran up on her, my heavy footfalls causing her to move slightly as the floor yielded to my weight, but she did not look up or stop her prayers.

“
Your God will not save you!” I yelled, and still she continued. “Oh, I get it, you’re trying to save
me!
Well here’s a newsflash—I don’t need saving because zombies never die! I’m as right as rain!

Hugh was screaming at me as I turned and walked back down the stairs and through the throng of zombie brethren. They watched as I left the church before they headed up the stairs. Anna never screamed out as she was eaten alive, I stayed on the lawn looking up at the sky. Hugh had finally relented after a solid hour of letting me know how he felt about losing a meal. Zombies began to come back out through the church doors as they must have realized that all the potential food source within had been depleted. Some stood still like me, some headed off, but the majority just kind of milled around aimlessly. With no job, hobby or external obligations there wasn’t a whole bunch to do.

I looked at my peers. We were a sad lot; I was missing half my penis and an eye and I was far from the worst. There was one old lady zombie who must have awoken from a deep sleep to realize she had become the undead, she had not had the foresight to put her dentures in, just thinking of the cravings she must be going through hurt my stomach.

‘
What now, Hugh?’ I asked my only friend.

‘
Eat,’ he told me.

And really, what other option was there? I could hear gunshots in the distance, so that meant food was available, but like all great predators it was time to minimize risk to my health, such as it was, and maximize sustenance. The young, the old and the infirm would offer the least resistance and probably the least taste but I couldn’t keep taking damage—Hugh could only stitch together so much. A hospital sounded like the most opportune place to ransack, but when the outbreak hit that would be where the first zombies showed up, meaning the larder would likely have been emptied on that first day.

Where next and then it struck like a bolt of lightning—nursing home! There was the Saint Vincent Home for the Aged on my way to work, I never gave it more than a passing glance but right now it sounded like a twenty-four hour Wendy’s. The food was way past prime but the fight would be long gone from those inhabitants. I began to whistle as I walked straight down the center line of the empty roadway. A zombie or two looked my way because of the unnatural noise I emitted but none investigated any further. I avoided any street where I could hear fighting, most times it involved voracious gun fire followed almost immediately by screaming. Fifty zombies would fall for every human eaten and still we would win, but then what? When man became extinct what became of us? I shuddered to think of our potential demise and pushed it from my mind as I concentrated on getting us intact to St. Vincent’s.

There were zombies already congregated around the nursing home, which meant food was still available, and none of them were being shot another plus.

‘
Hugh, I’m going to find us a way in, can you tell the others to ‘fuck off’ again?’

The buzz started at the base of my skull, I ran around to the back of the nursing home a gated fence my only hindrance had stopped the others in their tracks.

‘
Stop, Hugh!’ I begged, just able to shut the gate behind me before the blinding pain of Hugh’s communication threatened to overwhelm me.

I rested my head against the cool steel chain links as I waited for the tide of pain to peel back. It was slow like the outgoing tide and it was long moments before I could stand completely back up, I was going to have to be very careful before I told him to do that. I had been ready for this one and it had hurt twice as much, what could I expect the next time? Zombies bowed the fence in where they made contact but they were more likely to become pressed through like Play-doh through a mold than be able to follow me. A large black man dressed in a white orderly uniform came up behind me as I went to the back entrance.

‘
Fuck off?’ Hugh was asking me if he should tell the other zombie to go screw.

‘
No, no, no!’ I begged. ‘I’ll take care of it.’

I swept the big man’s legs out from under him, after he had fallen I got behind him and put my right arm around his throat, and then grabbed my right wrist with my left hand. The loud crack as I snapped his neck sent a crow flying from a nearby tree.

‘
He won’t bother us anymore,’ I told Hugh.

As I got up and stepped away the orderly got to his feet.

“
Wasn’t expecting that.”

The orderly’s head was bent all the way back so that he was staring at me upside down. He kept turning his body to follow his line of sight. I hadn’t killed him like I had intended but he was effectively out of commission. An ancient woman looked at me through the large French doors. How could she have possibly flown under Death’s radar for so long? I looked better than her. She had wrinkles as deep as fast water carved crevices, her face might look like a mini diorama of the Grand Canyon but her eyes, they were full of intelligence. No jelly-brain there as she watched me dispatch of the orderly. I wasn’t the cavalry that she might have been hoping for. She looked down to the lock to make sure it was engaged before she did the unthinkable, she flipped me off. I stopped to place my hands on my knees as I bent over laughing. There was a good chance I would save the old bird for last just for that. Who knows she might even die from natural causes before I got to her.

I stood up, the laughing felt great but now I was hungry. I walked a few steps around the yard until I found what I was looking for. I motioned for the old biddy to get out of the way as I hefted the rock in my hand, positioning it just right so that I could get maximum velocity before I hurled it at the mostly glass doorway. The lady glared at me but she moved all the same. The crash of glass was a satisfying feeling as large shards shattered to the ground.

“
Have you no respect for your elders?” The old crow asked me as I broke through the door, sustaining a few more cuts along the way.

“
Only in so far as I can eat one,” I told her. It really made no sense but my hunger was beginning to crowd out all higher thought.