Authors: Kels Barnholdt
“Did you know that Melissa and Carmen are friends?” I ask softly.
He nods. “Yeah, since freshman year. Why?”
“I don’t know,” I say, trying to sound calm. “I just saw them together this morning and I kind of got a bad feeling. I mean, it’s not exactly a secret that Melissa isn’t a fan of us dating.”
Austin frowns. “But I don’t talk to Melissa.”
“I know that. I just hope her and Carmen aren’t up to anything, that’s all.”
Suddenly he looks really annoyed. “You don’t even know Carmen. Don’t you think it’s a little unfair to judge her?”
“I’m not judging her. I’m just saying I have a bad feeling, that’s all.”
He looks at me for a second and then nods. “Oh, I get it. You’re jealous.”
I take a step away from him. “I’m not jealous. I’m just trying to talk to my boyfriend about a concern I have. I didn’t know that was a crime.”
Our gym teacher blows a whistle to let us know class is about to start and everyone starts to line up against the wall.
Austin shakes his head. “I better go.”
Then he leaves me standing there. Alone.
***
When I walk into the library after school later that day, I’m still annoyed about my fight with Austin. I didn’t see him again for the rest of the day. So around lunchtime I sent him a text that just said “hey.” But he never answered me. Was he really that mad at me? I wasn’t even trying to start a fight. I just wanted him to be aware in case Melissa and Carmen tried to do something.
The more I thought about it though, the more I thought maybe Austin was right. I didn’t really know Carmen. Maybe she was nothing like Melissa. Maybe the fact that I was a little jealous was clouding my judgment of the situation.
I look around the library and see Mark sitting at a table toward the back. Karli must not be here yet. I walk toward him and set my backpack down on the table.
“Hey,” I say sitting down across from him.
He flips his cell phone shut. “Hey.”
“Ah, using your cell phone in the library I see. Someone likes breaking the rules.”
He rolls his eyes and shoots me a smile. “Oh yeah, I’m a real bad ass, aren’t I?”
I smile and then take my own phone out of my pocket and check my inbox.
Nothing back from Austin. I frown.
“Waiting for a text?” Mark asks me.
“No,” I say too quickly. “Well, maybe.”
“Feel like talking about it?”
I bite my lip. I do want to talk about it to someone. But Mark probably isn’t the best person to have this conversation with. I mean he’s on the basketball team with Austin. The same basketball team that Carmen is the “manager” of. (Who has a girl manager on a boy’s basketball team anyway? I mean not that girls can’t be into basketball, but I’m just saying. I’ve never heard of it before.) Anyway, the last thing I need is Mark running to Austin or Carmen saying I was freaking out about them being friends or something. Which, I’m not. Freaking out that is.
“I won’t say anything to Austin if that’s what you’re worried about,” he says to me. It’s like he totally read my mind.
I bite my lip. It would be totally stupid to tell him. I don’t even know him. But, on the other hand, it’s not like Austin’s trying to talk to me about it and it is really weighing on my mind. Oh, what the hell.
“It’s not even a secret really, I just probably shouldn’t be talking about it.”
Mark nods. “I don’t want to pressure you. But if you do want to get it off your chest I’m a really good listener.”
I sigh. “I might have a little bit of jealousy.”
He laughs. “Let me guess. Carmen?”
“God, am I that obvious?”
He reaches into his bag and pulls out a notebook and a few pencils and then shakes his head. “No, I’ve just known Carmen since middle school so I know how she is.”
Of course he’s known her since middle school. Apparently everyone goes way back with Carmen except for me. I swear I must have lived under a rock my entire freshman year or something.
“Oh,” I say, nodding and starting to take my own notebooks out of my bag. “So you must know I’m acting like a ridiculous jealous girlfriend right?” It comes out in a kind of joking way and I find myself laughing a little to myself.
But to my surprise, when I look up Mark isn’t laughing. He’s kind of just staring at me. And it could be my imagination but I swear he has a sad expression on his face, almost like he feels sorry for me or something.
“What?” I ask him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
He looks uncomfortable for a second and then shakes his head. “Nothing.”
“Mark,” I say slowly, “what’s wrong?”
He starts slowly drumming his fingertips on the table. Up and down, up and down, up and down.
“It’s just…Carmen doesn’t really have respect for relationships. If you know what I mean.”
“So,” I ask, “you’re saying I should be worried?”
Mark pauses and then starts drumming his fingers on the table again.
“Mark?” I try again.
“I’m saying you should be really worried. Especially because Austin’s done this type of thing before. But you didn’t hear that from me.”
“Done what type of thing before?” I ask.
Mark shrugs. “Cheated on his girlfriends.”
My heart starts beating extremely fast in my chest. Is Mark honestly sitting there telling me that Austin is a cheater? No, that couldn’t be possible. Although I’m not exactly sure about Austin’s dating history. I hadn’t even started to like him until this past summer. Sure, I’ve seen him with a few different girls in the past but I never heard anything about them ending badly. There was no way he would ever do anything like that. He was way too nice of a guy.
“I never heard anything about that,” I say honestly.
Mark laughs loudly and a few people in the library turn to look at us.
He lowers his voice and leans forward. “I wouldn’t tell my new girlfriend about the past girlfriends I’ve cheated on. Would you?”
“Girlfriends?” I ask him. “As in more than one?”
He shrugs. “Who knows? But probably.”
There must be a pained expression that comes across my face or something because he adds almost as an after thought, “But it’s probably different with you. I mean, didn’t he like serenade you in front of the whole school or something?”
I try to stop the millions of thoughts racing through my head so I can concentrate on what Mark’s saying, but it’s a little hard at the moment. He’s talking about the first day of school a few months ago.
It’s a really long story, but when we first got back to school, Austin ignored me for the first like, half of the day. I ended up getting in a pushing match with Melissa over him and he asked me out in front of his whole lunch period. The whole thing was actually pretty romantic if you ask me. Word about it had spread through our entire grade. And, apparently to the senior class as well.
I shake my head and force a little laugh. “Something like that.”
“See,” he says, “so it’s clearly different with you.” Only he doesn’t seem like he means it.
And just as Karli flops her books down on the table to join us, he looks me in the eye and adds, “Probably.”
Chapter Four
I swing the door open to my house later that afternoon and walk inside. My mom is in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookies. The aroma has drifted through the entire house and it smells absolutely amazing. On any other day I would have been all over them, but I have no appetite today.
I drop my bag on the floor and slump down at the kitchen table.
“Bad day?” my mom asks as she takes a tray of cookies out of the oven and sets them on the counter.
“You could say that,” I say, setting my head in my hands.
“Ah,” she says knowingly, “let me guess, trouble in paradise?”
I sigh. “Something like that.”
“Well, whatever it is I’m sure you’ll work it out.”
Yeah right. The thing is, I don’t see Austin as the type of guy who would cheat. I really don’t. But why would Mark make something like that up? He doesn’t even know me that well. There would be no reason for him to lie to me. Plus, he’s played basketball with Austin for a few years now. If anyone would know that type of stuff it probably would be the other guys on the basketball team. There’s a different party pretty much every weekend with that crowd.
The other problem is this. There’s no way I can ask Austin about it. Asking him would pretty much be like me telling him that I don’t trust him. Not to mention I would have to explain to him why Mark and I were talking about him. Which means I would have to tell him how I told Mark about Carmen. Which also means that I would have to tell him how Mark was the one who told me about how he’s cheated on his girlfriends in the past. Which would clearly make Austin pretty pissed off at Mark. Which would cause tension on the basketball team. So, you see, I’m screwed all around. I have no choice but to keep my mouth shut.
“How’s the Spanish studying coming along?” my mom asks as she mixes a new bowl of ingredients for another batch of cookies.
I roll my eyes. Who could concentrate on studying for stupid Spanish after Mark tells me that he thinks my boyfriend is going to cheat on me with Carmen, because he’s
“done this type of thing before?”
Once Karli got there it was really hard for me to concentrate with all the thoughts racing around in my head. I could hear the words Mark was saying, but it was like they were going in one ear and out the other. But I can’t exactly tell my mom any of this. So I lie.
“The studying is going great.”
“Really?” my mom asks, sounding surprised.
“Don’t sound so surprised, Mom. I am pretty smart, you know.”
She smiles. “Oh trust me, I know. I’ve just never heard you call studying great before.”
My cell phone rings, which saves me from having to explain anymore. I dig into my purse and look at the screen. It’s Alexa.
“Sorry, Mom, I have to take this,” I announce, jumping up from the kitchen table.
I walk upstairs towards my room and hit the accept button.
“Hello?”
“Jake asked if he could be my date to my party next week,” she announces.
I can’t help the feeling of happiness that comes over my body as I hear this, even though I’m busy feeling sorry for myself over my current situation. Jake Murphy is this boy in our grade who Alexa has had the biggest crush on for as long as I can remember.
Now, normally Alexa’s pretty forward when it comes to guys. I mean she’s really pretty, so it’s not like she has any trouble getting attention from boys. But she never went after Jake.
She said he wasn’t like other guys. That he was her friend. She had been waiting for as long as I can remember for the right time to tell him how she felt and apparently now was that time.
“Wow,” I say sincerely, “I’m really happy for you, Lex.”
She gives a little scream into the phone. “Ahh, I know. It’s finally happening!”
“So was it worth the wait?” I ask her.
“It’s always worth the wait when you finally get something you’ve been waiting on for what feels like forever.”
I smile into the phone. “So,” I say flopping down on my bed, “tell me exactly how it happened.”
***
After Alexa fills me in, I get off the phone and try my best to study my Spanish. I have a bunch of notes from earlier today on all the stuff Mark went over with us. But looking at them now, nothing seems to make any sense.
They just look like a bunch of words blurred together for no real reason. I consider calling Karli and asking her to come over and help me, but then I realize me and Karli studying together probably isn’t the best idea. Talk about distracting.
Just as I’m considering calling her and seeing if she can be any help over the phone instead, I get a notification for a new text message. It’s from Austin.
“Are you home?”
“Yes,” I type into my phone and hit send.
The response comes right away. “Come outside in five?”
I type “Okay,” and send it.
See? He obviously wants to see me so we can talk about what happened in gym this morning. It probably would have been better if we talked about right away, but at least he’s coming over now so we can make up in person. That’s mature. Things are definitely always much better solved in person.
I glance out my bedroom window and see his red BMW in the driveway. Jeez, that was way less then five minutes. What did he do, fly here?
I walk downstairs and grab my jacket out of the closet. “Mom, I’m running outside to see Austin for a second.”
“Not too long,” my mom tells me, “you have a lot of studying to do.”
I swing the door open and walk towards Austin’s car. It’s cold out so I button up my jacket as I walk. Every time I see his car up close I’m reminded of how jealous I am of it. He hasn’t let me drive it yet but I’m hoping if I keep asking he’ll eventually give in.
He’s leaning against his car waiting for me. He must have come straight from practice because he’s still in his workout clothes -- a pair of mesh shorts, a t-shirt with a gray hooded sweatshirt zipped up over it, and his basketball sneakers.
The second I see his face I know something is wrong. It’s not like he’s giving me a dirty look or anything, it’s more just a feeling that comes over me. Like maybe something bad is about to happen. I feel like when you spend so much time with someone you can easily tell when something’s going on with them, even when other people can’t.
“Hey,” I say, walking toward him.
He looks up and makes eye contact. “Hi.”
“How was practice?”
“It was good,” he says, scuffing his sneaker back on forth on the pavement of my driveway as he talks. “I’m pretty tired.”
I nod and take a step toward him. “You didn’t have to stop over. You could have just called me when you got home.”
“So,” he says looking me in the eye, “why didn’t you tell me you and Mark were hanging out?”
I’m a little taken aback and confused. This is why he came over? I thought he came over so we could talk about what happened this morning. Not about stupid Mark.
And why didn’t I tell him we were hanging out? Um, maybe because I wasn’t hanging out with him. I mean, yeah we were studying together, but that doesn’t count as hanging out with someone, does it?