03-Strength of the Mate (38 page)

“I’m sorry, Adam,” Dawson whispered, burying his face against the side of Adam’s neck. “I’m so sorry you lost your brother. I wish I could take away your pain. It’s okay to miss him. Just let it go. I’m here, Adam. I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Adam let himself be held up by Dawson. He gripped Dawson’s T-shirt, holding on tight. Hiding his face against Dawson’s shoulder, Adam could no longer stop himself from unraveling. He sobbed brokenly, tears saturating Dawson’s shirt. “I miss him so much. It’s not fair, it’s not right. Why him? Why wasn’t it me?”

Dawson rubbed his hands soothingly over Adam’s back. He was warm and strong; the only thing keeping Adam on his feet, right now. “I’m sorry you lost him. I know you miss him. But it’s not your fault, Adam. None of it was your fault.” Dawson murmured over and over, as if he could somehow make it the truth.

Adam didn’t deserve the absolution Dawson offered. The tightness in his chest, the weight on his shoulders eased as he cried in Dawson’s arms. “He didn’t deserve what happened. There’s nothing special about me.” He sucked in a deep, audible breath. Adam exhaled, bone deep exhaustion settling over him. He had no more tears left.

“You’re special to me.” Dawson’s lips brushed against Adam’s skin as he whispered. “I’m sorry you lost someone you love, but I’m very grateful you survived. Don’t ever say you’re not special. Ever.”

Adam took another deep breath. He held on to Dawson, afraid that once he let go, Dawson’s opinion would be different. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “You won’t think I’m special when you realize what I did to your shirt.”

Dawson huffed a surprised laugh. He tightened his arms around Adam’s body. “I feel special that you could let yourself mess up my shirt.”

“Okay, now we’re just being melodramatic.” Adam relaxed his grasp on Dawson. He lifted his head slightly, grimacing at the sight of Dawson’s shirt.

Dawson pulled back a little, keeping his arms around Adam. “Right now, I kinda wish I was one of those fancy gentlemen who could offer you a handkerchief. Unfortunately, I got nothin’.”

Pulling out of Dawson’s embrace, Adam lifted his arm to press his shoulder to his cheek. “My brother’s a Marine. I know how to make do.” He used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe the moisture from his face. Adam echoed Dawson’s quiet laughter. He used the sleeve on his other arm to finish drying his face.

“That’s one of the things I admire about you,” Dawson said softly.

“I wish I didn’t think that admiration was misplaced.” Adam put his hands on his hips, staring down at his boots. Shame wouldn’t let him meet Dawson’s eyes.

“I know. We’ll have to work on that.”

Adam nodded. He started to hope Dawson might have some success with that. He glanced around them, wondering how many people had witnessed his foolishness. He recognized both Jason and Paul, standing several yards away. With their backs to Adam and Dawson, it looked like they were ensuring them some privacy.

“How did they get out there?” Adam asked. He hadn’t heard them leave the building, let alone sneak past.

Dawson grinned playfully. “They’re werewolves. We are predators, you know.” He feigned offense. “We can be pretty damn stealthy when we want to.”

“I should probably remember that.” He still couldn’t quite meet Dawson’s gaze, so Adam stared at his broad chest. He cocked his head, frowning. It looked like Dawson had two pairs of the same style of sunglasses hooked to his shirt collar. “When did we start wearing identical shades?”

Dawson snorted. “Since you nicked my second pair and never gave them back.”

Adam looked up into Dawson’s face, surprised. “I-I-I-I did? I’m sorry. Why didn’t you say something?”

Smiling, Dawson leaned in and gave Adam a loud kiss. “I don’t complain about things that don’t bother me. You think you’re ready to head to the gym with me?”

Adam snagged a pair of shades from Dawson’s collar, slipping them on. “Lead the way.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Adam offered to accompany Dawson to the front gate, but he refused. He was out the door with a quick kiss. Adam felt at loose ends. He hoped he’d be able to sleep that night, otherwise it was a long fucking time until morning.

With a resigned sigh, he set up his laptop on the small desk. He’d check his email before he tried to call Tim. Adam double-checked to make sure his sat-phone was fully charged and ready to go.

Scanning his inbox, Adam’s eyes landed on an email from Tim. They’d been emailing regularly, but this one was from Tim’s personal account instead of his military one, and had a new subject line.

Subject: Full Moon Run Prep

Adam-

Noah says it sounds like Dawson is all ready for the full moon run. He’s expecting it to be fun. He knows he’ll have a few discipline problems, but after the mess he had to clean up, it’s still a huge improvement. Things will get even easier, the longer Dawson’s influence guides the
sippe
, and the weres are able to settle in.

I’d like to meet your friends, Mercer and Rodriguez. Noah was impressed with them. Well, as impressed as Noah ever seems to be with anything! It sounds like they’re good, honorable Marines and werewolves. I’m glad you’ve made good friends. I’m glad Dawson can rely on them, too.

If you’ve got any last minute questions about the run, don’t hesitate to ask. Things get very intense, but all in good ways. You can trust anything that might get said, or even demonstrated.

Be well.

Tim

Adam read and reread that last sentence. Everything he thought he’d known about werewolves and their full moon runs had been blown to hell in the last month. Lately, he’d listened to the stories about the weres after the full moon. He just wished everyone—including Tim—wasn’t so vague about the most important details. Adam clicked on the ‘Reply’ button.

Hey Tim,

The weres are all out in the desert, chasing down poor, helpless, innocent, fuzzy little critters. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here, all alone, and waiting for them to return. How exciting! *eyeroll*

I went with Dawson to check out everything he arranged for the werewolves. The biggest change of all is how the focus is on the community now, instead of individual shifters doing whatever they want. The mood on the base is a hell of a lot lighter than it ever was before. They built two dog runs. A few of the weres made sure Carson and Granger were locked up for the night. The rest of the werewolves, who used to fuck with us, but weren’t the ‘masterminds’, are on what kinda sounds like extended probation.

You’ll like Mercer and Rodriguez. Like everyone else, they’re a little in awe of you. Like everyone else, they just don’t know you. (Ha!)

Give Jeremy my regards.

Adam

It was so formal, you’d never know they’d grown up together. Adam wondered if Eric and Tim were this reserved with each other. Probably not. He was in a war zone, getting his ass shot at every few days, he shouldn’t keep letting these small opportunities go by.

Adam hit ‘Send’ without editing the email.

He was surprised to see an email from Eric in his inbox. His eldest brother was good about keeping in touch, he just didn’t always have much time that coincided with his access to the internet.

Yo, Adam!

It might be a few days after I write this that I actually have an internet connection to send it. But now is when I have a minute to write, so now is when I write!

It sounds like you’re thriving over there in Iraq. That’s great, man. It cracks my shit up that you and Tim overlap in your spheres of influence! It’s about time one of us makes some waves in Timmy’s perfect little pond. Make sure you keep him on his toes. I’m proud of you, making sure your men make it through their convoys safely. This Dawson Rivers guy is lucky to have you at his back, bro.

Things here are the same as they always are. Our work here is important, and there is a lot of need for our help. Human beings do a lot of atrocious things to one another. They always claim to have a righteous cause, but in the end, they really just enjoy making others suffer. Good men like your Dawson Rivers, who always do what’s right, are keepers.

If you can take the time to reply, I’d really appreciate it. I know you’re busy, but a friendly word can sometimes be the difference between a hard day, and a horrific one.

I love you, Adam, and I hope someday very soon, the three of us will be home in the States at the same time. We can get a beer together and literally swap war stories.

Your brother,

Eric

Adam was happy as hell to hear from Eric, but he didn’t like the tone of the email. Eric was the optimistic brother. He was disgustingly altruistic. This email sounded like it came from a disillusioned man who was worried about more than a few things. Obviously, Eric and Tim had been in touch, so he’d ask about it when he talked to Tim.

As if Adam’s thoughts had conjured him, Tim was requesting a video call with him. Gathering his thoughts, he answered Tim’s call.

“Hey, bro. You’re lookin’ good! I was online when your email arrived, so I decided to try to catch you before you signed off.”

“That’s cool, man. I was gonna call you in a couple minutes, anyway.”

“Good. I like hearing from you.” Tim looked like he sincerely meant that.

“I got an email from Eric today. Did you get one, too?”

Tim frowned. “Yeah, I did. How do you think he sounded?”

So, it wasn’t just Adam. Tim had picked up on something, too. “Disillusioned.” Adam gave voice to his earlier thought. “Like he’s lost faith. He sounds scared, Tim. Has he ever sounded scared before?”

Tim slouched in his chair, running the fingertips of one hand over his forehead. “No, he hasn’t. Eric’s not naïve, he understands the risks of working in the places he works, but now he seems like someone who knows he’s a target.”

Adam nodded his agreement. “He said some things that make me think someone let him down. This might sound too melodramatic, but I get the idea he feels he’s been betrayed.”

Staring into the distance, Tim ran his fingers thoughtfully over his lower lip. “It’s not melodramatic when you’re living and working in a war zone, which he is, essentially. Trust is critical. A betrayal can be significant.”

“Speaking of betrayal,” Adam said, wary of the sudden dark mood, “the two of you have been talking about me behind my back. Thanks for that. Again.” He grinned so Tim would know he wasn’t angry, for once.

“Hey, he asked if I knew what was going on with you,” replied Tim with an exaggerated shrug. “I told him you’d made convoy commander, that you were helping Noah clean up some issues, and that you’d taken up with the pack leader, who just happened to be a part of the evil brotherhood of Marines.”

Adam laughed. “You said a little more than that, but that’s okay. Whatever it was you told Eric made him think Dawson is some sort of perfect literary hero. And I never considered the Marines an evil brotherhood. Exaggerate much?”

Tim snorted. “Maybe I just reminded him that I know and worked with Dawson, and that I like it that you two found each other. And you had no love for the Corps for a few years, but that’s in the past.”

Adam leaned back in his chair with a deep sigh. “The distant past, with a lot of other things. I’ve got my hands full with the present.”

“I hear that,” Tim said with a grin. “Are you ready for your first full moon run as a werewolf companion?”

“I guess I am.” Adam shrugged, trying not to squirm at the word companion. “The weres have it all under control. There was nothing for me to help with. Now, I’m just waiting for morning.”

“Yeah, imagine my surprise when I learned standing Sentinel is the exception, not the rule,” Tim said ruefully. “Camp Fallujah is a large, well-staffed facility, with all the resources they need. It’s Dawson who needs you the most. Looking after him ensures the werewolves are happy and healthy, and they place great value on that.”

“Except, no one’s willing to come right out and tell me what I need to do,” Adam blurted, giving in to his frustration. “I’m waiting for Dawson to come back in the morning, but I have no idea what he’ll need from me.”

“He’ll tell you what he needs and wants, when the time comes,” Tim said, like it was obvious. “Or he’ll just pin you down on the bed. Whatever works for the two of you. Just remember, he’ll be telling the truth. You can trust everything you see and hear.”

“Now see? That’s what I’m talking about. That’s the second time you’ve alluded to something, instead of just coming right out and telling me what you mean.” Adam didn’t mean to get angry, but he hated feeling like he was in a fog.

Tim threw up his hands. “How am I supposed to know how things work between the two of you? Honestly, it’s not something I really want to know about my younger brother. If he’s talkative, it’s safe to believe him. If he’s affectionate, he means it. Can I change the subject now?”

Adam chuckled. Seeing Tim flustered was a rare treat. “Yeah, I think I get it.” He had to admit, he didn’t really want to think about his brother’s love life with Jeremy. “I appreciate you trying.”

“Just be ready. They’re a handful, the morning after the run.” Tim’s smile was both secretive and pleased. That, more than anything, assured Adam there was nothing to be worried about.

“Noted. Speaking of which, how are Jeremy and his pack?” asked Adam.

“Everyone is doing well,” Tim replied. “Jeremy asks after you frequently. If you ever want to discuss the werewolf side of any of this, he’s more than willing.”

Adam realized their family had grown a little, with the addition of Jeremy. He used to go out of his way to make sure Tim didn’t have a happy ever after. He always made sure to put distance between himself and his family. Things were so different now. Adam was different now. “That’s nice of him. Tell him thanks. Jason Rodriguez is great about explaining their culture, but if I need more help, I won’t hesitate to reach out.”

“He’ll be happy to hear that.” The smile on Tim’s face made it clear he liked Jeremy to be happy. “Anything else I can help you with?”

“Nope,” Adam answered on a sigh. “Only thing left to do is wait ’til tomorrow morning.” He took a deep breath, telling himself that Tim wasn’t going to scoff. They’d matured past that, when Adam wasn’t looking. “Hey, Tim, you know I love you. Right?”