Authors: Kate Sparkes
“You mean...” My stomach fluttered.
She smiled. “You’re not going to have me around to make things awkward. If you give yourselves to each other completely, body and soul, if you make a conscious decision to love him, that might be it. Is that what you want?”
My mouth went dry. If I weren’t so worried about my heart being broken again, or breaking his if I had to leave... if I could truly let go and give myself completely...
Cassia smiled. “It’s a lot to think about, I know. I shouldn’t have said anything. He may not even be considering that.” One eyebrow arched as she watched for my reaction.
I suspected this was what he’d been about to mention before Mama Bunn interrupted us in her cabin. He hadn’t tried to bring it up again, though.
I didn’t know whether to be excited or terrified.
“Should I talk to him about it?”
She snorted. “Not if you think he’s got a drop of mer blood in him. I could be reading this all wrong. My dear, wonderful, horribly irritating brother has been rather closed off to me lately. The very mention of eternal devotion would send most mers running for the deepest convenient body of water.”
Unexpected relief flooded me, and I let out a long breath. “Thanks, Cassia.”
“Anything for my loved ones. I’ll miss you both. All of you.” She picked up her pack, slung it over her shoulders, and walked away. “Until we see each other again,” she called back.
I raised my hand to wave, but she had her eyes forward, leaving us all behind.
“Gods keep you,” I whispered.
12
ROWAN
T
hat afternoon I learned that while I thought I’d been an outsider before, nothing turns a person so invisible as the act of wandering around, searching for someone to take a smelly baby. Still, I managed to root out the child’s mother when we passed her at the stable and he started screaming for her.
No sooner had I relieved myself of that duty than another came. Patience dashed up to me, breathless. “I wondered where you’d gone,” she said. “Was I too hard on you before?”
I laughed. “Not even close.” Our archery practice had gone well. She was far better than I was at first, but I soon recovered the skills I hadn’t practiced in some time. I supposed I should be happy with that, but my lack of further development frustrated me. Magic was supposed to help a person learn things and pick up new skills more easily. That may have been true for many, but it didn’t seem to be helping me much.
Patience narrowed her eye at me and nodded. “Good. Because I’m not going easier on you next time.”
“But not now, right?” My arms still ached.
“No. Now we pack.”
“Sorry?”
She gestured around, and I noticed that the people in the stable weren’t merely cleaning. As we watched, they loaded items into a wooden cart—a pitchfork, a shovel, a few bales of hay that I suspected had been lifted from unwary travelers.
As we left the stable, I nearly ran face-first into Goff.
He glared down at me. “Help at the infirmary,” he ordered, and walked away.
“Please and thanks,” I added under my breath, and Patience smirked.
“He’s always like that,” she said as we arrived at our destination. “Probably just passing on orders from Laelana. She’ll be with those Sorcerers somewhere, making bigger plans.”
A burly fellow with a scraggly black beard handed me a box. Patience climbed into a waiting cart, took the box from me, and set it down.
“You don’t see them together much, do you?” I asked.
She shoved several crates aside to make more room, then stood with her hands on her skinny hips, considering. “I think their marriage is more about convenience than anything. He was a community leader before, but she’s got the brains.”
I laughed. She sounded far too grown-up. “How did you ever get to be so observant? At your age I wouldn’t have noticed.”
“Different lives I guess. My mama taught us to notice things. She made it a game. We watched people, tried to guess what they’d do next, tried to say why they did the things they did. We had no way of knowing whether we were right most of the time, but it was a good thing to learn. And I can see those things as well with one eye as I could with two.”
We continued loading. “How old are you, Patience?”
She paused. “Ten? Eleven? Nine? I don’t know. We don’t keep track, and our people let children stay young for as long as possible. But you grow up whether you put a number to it or not, right?”
“True.” I tried to imagine what that was like, and decided it would be wonderful. No raised eyebrows and,
You’re nineteen and not married yet?
Education wouldn’t be tied to one’s age. If a precocious child wanted to push herself to learn adult things, perhaps no one would stop her. And if one fell behind, no one would judge.
Ideally, of course,
I added to myself.
No society is perfect, and surely some folks keep track in their minds. But still—
I looked up to see Patience grinning down at me from the cart. “You see an idea running past and chase it like a dog after a rabbit. That’s my observation on you.”
I laughed. “I won’t deny it.”
“We’d be a good team.” She looked around. “Goff’s gone. You want to go do something more interesting?”
Before I could reply, Patience’s attention snapped away from me. Her gaze fixed on a spot across the camp, and she shielded her eye against the sun to get a better look. “The scouts are back. Come on.”
I had a hard time keeping up with her as she dodged between people, her tiny body passing through tight spaces while I was forced to “excuse me, pardon me” through the busy crowd. By the time I caught up, she had already made her way close to a group of riders who dismounted and handed their horses off to a villager.
“Goff! Laelana!” bellowed their leader, a broad-shouldered fellow with light brown hair shorter than I had become accustomed to in Tyrea. He seemed familiar, though I was sure we had never met. “News from the border!”
Laelana emerged from her cabin, and Goff jogged over from the direction of the kitchen. “Spit it out, man,” Goff ordered.
“Refugees from Darmid,” the man said, and took a long swig from his water skin. “Crossed the border a week ago, give or take.”
Laelana frowned. “Why?”
The scout wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “I couldn’t get a straight story, but you know how they are over there. Seems the magic hunters are coming down hard on people. Most of ’em seemed confused. People were being accused who had never showed any signs of magic. Some said people were being executed without trial, but I doubt any king’s foolish enough to allow that. I mean, theirs is clearly not all there.” The man knocked on his skull with a fist. “But that’d be suicide.”
I pressed my palms against my thighs to keep my hands from trembling. They’d been hunting magic for generations, but I couldn’t help thinking that this new pressure was my fault. I’d escaped. I’d killed the king’s top hunter, and several others were dead because of my rescuers. We’d stolen the king’s prized captive. And now other people were suffering for it.
Laelana didn’t seem impressed with the story. “I hoped you’d have something useful for me, Hank. What am I supposed to do with this?”
“Dunno. You said to bring news. I didn’t hear anything else that we hadn’t heard before.” He turned in a full circle, watching the people returning to their work. “What’s happening?”
“We’re leaving. You almost missed us.”
Hank scratched at his sun-reddened face. “I thought you wanted allies. These Darmish people have none here. They have nowhere to go except the town they’re in now. If you took them in, I’m sure they’d be grateful. They’re hungry, a few of ’em hurt. Some might actually have magic.”
“And no skill in it,” she added. “They’re useless to us. They won’t fight. It’s just more mouths to feed, and right now, we can’t afford that.”
True enough, given the way things were going in the camp, but the way she said it made me want to slap her.
Those are my people, not empty, needy stomachs.
Hank rested his fists on his hips and watched her leave.
I stepped closer. “Excuse me?”
Hank turned. “You’re new.”
“New here, yes. Could you tell me where those people were?”
He crossed his arms. “That accent. You’re Darmish?”
“I was. I’m not quite sure what I am now. My family might have been in trouble with the hunters, and with the king. It’s possible that they’re there. You didn’t hear where those people were from, did you?”
Now that I was closer to him, I realized why he seemed familiar. He reminded me strongly of Callum Langley. This man was more worn out, with a few streaks of gray speckling his hair. Still, the similarity was uncanny enough that I couldn’t help feeling like a mouse before a barn cat when he looked down at me.
Surely you’re not thinking of going back there, to those people and that danger,
I thought.
No. Not that far. But perhaps to a Tyrean border town….
“Can’t say I paid close attention,” he said. “They might’ve mentioned a few towns, I think. Um... Ramsull?”
“Ramsdale,” I whispered. Just an hour’s journey from my hometown of Lowdell.
“Sure,” he said. “Lowdown, maybe.”
My heart jumped to my throat.
This doesn’t mean your family’s there.
“Where are they?”
“I can tell you they were in Durgin’s Post when we were there about three days ago.”
“So three days’ journey west?”
“About that. We didn’t take a direct route back.”
“Thank you.”
Hank nodded and stalked away. With him out of the way, I saw Aren standing not far off. My stomach twisted as I waited to see whether he’d come to me, or move on to keep his father happy. He moved as though to leave, but he must have caught something in my expression. He approached with a concerned look.
“What was that about?” he asked.
“Darmish refugees in Tyrea. Some from my hometown, maybe.”
“Must be bad for them to come here.” He spoke without apparent concern or emotion, and seemed to be feeling out my reaction to the news.
“That’s what I’m thinking.” I stepped into the dimly lit space between two buildings and sat on the ground. Aren crouched next to me with his back against the wall, and Patience stood in front of us. “I can’t decide whether I should be worried that my family is there and among the injured and hungry, or that they aren’t.” I swallowed back the lump in my throat. At least I wasn’t crying.
Aren took one of my hands in his and squeezed. Though I couldn’t be grateful for the circumstances, I couldn’t help relishing the feel of his skin on mine.
Get a hold of yourself. It’s only been a few days.
“They’ll be fine,” he said. “Even if they’re not out yet, there’s obviously a way through. They’ll make it to safety.” But he didn’t sound certain.
“You could find out,” Patience said. Aren gave her a look that said she shouldn’t say any more, but she didn’t seem intimidated. “It’s only a few days, right? You could catch up with us later.”
“A dangerous few days,” Aren said. He released my hand and rested his forehead in his hands. “I won’t stop you if you want to go look, but I don’t know what good can come of it. Either they’re there and safe now, or they’re not. And what then? Are you going to go back into that gods-forsaken country again to look for them?”
The hard edge to his voice surprised me. “Are you still mad at me for last time?”
Patience backed away. “I think I should let you guys talk alone.” She turned and hurried off.
“Rowan, I could have lost you last time you went back there,” he said. “Do you have any idea how frightened I was when I found out they had you? Or how much I hate feeling that way?” He sank the rest of the way to the ground. “I need you. And if you go back again... I can’t stand the idea of something happening and me never knowing what became of you. You can’t expect your luck to hold out if you go back a second time. And if I’m going toward Luid with my father, that’s only taking me farther from you.”
“What about what you said before, about not letting go of what makes me who I am? I can’t help worrying about them. They’re in danger.”
“That’s not your fault.”
“Isn’t it?”
We didn’t say anything for a few minutes.
“The fact is,” he said slowly, “that there could be benefit in you finding your family. If your aunt were with them, if she were willing to help us, it would be a great help to Nox in her work.”
“Not to mention feeding people,” I added. “What’s Nox working on that’s so important?”
He shook his head, and my chest tightened as I felt the invisible chasm between us widening. There were secrets now, when we’d promised there wouldn’t be. Our separation was supposed to be a show for Ulric’s benefit, but the distance was becoming real.
“It’s nothing you need to worry about,” he said. “Just something for my father. But the fact is, you can’t go alone. At least, I’d prefer that you didn’t, and I can’t come with you.”
I almost mentioned Florizel then, but remembered the threat in Ulric’s voice. I’d told Aren about the conversation, but wasn’t sure I could stomach revealing that I’d held that information back for fear of Ulric finding out we’d spoken.
It seemed the king had us both keeping secrets.
“What if we both went after everything else is settled?” he asked. “We could go to Luid, see my father back where he belongs, and then find your family.”
My stomach clenched. “How long will that take?”
“I don’t know. But I don’t know what else we can do. It kills me to say it, but I can’t do this without you. If you disappear again, I—” He smiled sadly, and there was something else in his expression I couldn’t read.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I think I’d forgotten how hard my father could be to deal with, that’s all. Even if we’re not supposed to be talking, it helps to have you around. I still think you have a part to play in all of this, even if my father disagrees.”
“What aren’t you telling me?”
There was pain in his eyes then, deep as I’d ever seen it. “We’ll talk about it later, I promise.”