Authors: Kate Sparkes
She frowned, then winced as Griselda poured water over a deep gash on her leg. “Wanderers don’t trust the word of kings or princes. Besides, this was my fight. I owed him. Not you.”
I sighed and stood. “If that were how it worked, I’d have to die a hundred times to satisfy everyone who thought they owed me a blade to the heart.”
Patience’s eye filled with tears. “It’s over now, right?”
“For you, it is.”
I walked back to the road and looked out over the field that was now dotted with bodies. For me, it was only beginning.
43
ROWAN
I
n stories, they always say “there was a battle.” They don’t speak of the destruction, the families torn apart and lives lost. Innocent or not, any soul leaves a void when it’s ripped from the world.
They make it sound necessary. Noble. It may be the former, but there was nothing noble about what I saw that day.
Well after dark, we approached the battlefield again. Aren had muttered something about it being a sad excuse for a battle, but for me it had been enough to make me hope I would never witness another. Too much blood, too much pain. Too many bodies now for us to clean up.
“It’s a shame Ches isn’t here,” Victoria said. She wrapped her hands around the wrists of a woman’s body and dragged it toward the woodcutter’s sledge someone had brought us from town.
“Why?” Aren asked. “Is he fond of this sort of work?”
“No, he’s a historian. Always has taken an interest in military strategy and such things.”
“Magical?”
“No.”
Aren rolled the body of a skinny young man so he looked up at the stars. The boy’s face was burned half-off, with further lightning-burns radiating from the wound and disappearing into the charred collar of his shirt. “Then he might not have been prepared for this.”
Qurwin lifted a heavy man under the armpits, and I took the feet so as not to drag the body over a stony patch of ground and cause more damage. Aren hadn’t told everyone why it was so important that we retrieve the bodies and take them to the forest just outside the city, to the edge of what he called the Despair. They had agreed to help, though, probably thinking we were acting out of respect. Laelana had stayed back at camp, but we had plenty of help.
Griselda gagged. “Does anyone know magic to get rid of the smell?”
Another aspect of battle I’d been unprepared for.
“Let’s just get this done before the sun rises,” Aren said, and walked toward the bridge and the river. “Rowan, help me?”
I didn’t speak until we were well away from the others, surrounded only by the few bodies who had died closest to Luid. “You’re going to use them, aren’t you?”
“Is that a problem?” he asked, speaking in clipped syllables. He didn’t look at me, but at the city.
“I don’t know.” A middle-aged woman lay at my feet, head caved in. It reminded me too much of Kel. I looked away. “I suppose they’re not doing anyone much good if they rot here. And I believe you that their spirits are gone. It’s just... it’s going to be horrible, isn’t it? Especially for anyone who knew them. Even those who didn’t are going to object.”
He frowned. “And?”
I braced myself for his anger. I didn’t want to say it, but someone had to. “And I wonder whether this is why you didn’t try to stop them. Because they’re more useful to you dead than they are alive.”
He turned slowly to face me, and the moonlight falling on his face picked out every aspect of his expression in terrible detail. Sorrow, pain, anger. Perhaps for the first time, I saw all of it. The depths of the darkness in him.
“Is that what you think of me?”
I chose my words carefully. “I would have thought it of the Aren I met last autumn. You’ve changed since then, but I know how angry you are about Kel’s death. Anger makes us do things we wouldn’t otherwise. Drives us back to old ways, maybe.”
“You have no idea how angry I am.”
I wished he sounded angry. It would have made more sense than the ice-calm surface he presented.
“I will do anything to bring Severn down,” he said. “You know that. But this was Goff’s decision. Not mine. If I can use his mistake for good, is that such a terrible thing?”
“That doesn’t answer my question. Aren, I’m with you. I will help you get this done. I also believe you want what’s best for all of us, and respect you enough to question you if I see you doing things I think you’ll regret.” My heart fluttered with anxiety as he stared at me. “I just want to understand what we’re doing, here.”
He sat on the ground, facing the city. “Come here. Please.”
I glanced back, saw that the others were still working, and sat next to him.
“Rowan, you’ve always known I wasn’t like you. I don’t care about people the way you do. Since we met, I’ve discovered that I appreciate kindness as I’ve seen it in you. I admire you, and there’s a part of me deep down that needs you. Most of the time I want to be more like you. But right now, with things as they are and the challenge that’s before us, I need to rely on other strengths, ones that got me through the years when there was no kindness or mercy in my life. Severn taught me how to get things done no matter what the cost, and he’s about to find out just how well I learned my lessons.”
A chill passed over me. There was a time when I’d have begged him not to say more, to hide the ugly truths from me. Now, I only waited for him to continue. I wouldn’t look away this time.
He glanced back at the bodies. “I can’t weep over every death, but I can make their sacrifice matter. I don’t always like who or what I am, but right now that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter whether people are angry with me, or whether they question my motives. Even you. I have to do this.”
He seemed so alone then, even with me sitting right there. I wanted to touch him, to tell him everything was okay, that no matter what he said or did, nothing would change. But I couldn’t. Everything had already changed, and it wasn’t my place to comfort him. My heart broke at the realization of how far we’d drifted apart in such a short time.
“Maybe the thought did cross my mind,” he said quietly. “Maybe I knew this was the only way to have enough strong bodies to be of any use to us. But they would have died anyway. If I’d sent our people after them, more would have died, and we’d have lost any advantage we had. Now we know at least something of the magic Severn has available to him. And we have soldiers who can’t feel pain.”
A cold wind blew toward us from the city, carrying away the smell of death. I closed my eyes. Anger and ruthlessness were as much a part of Aren as were his humor, his passion, and his love for me. Seeing him this way and realizing that fact should have made it easier for me to accept our separation, but I found myself drawn to him again. Though this side of him frightened me, it didn’t make me love him less. I wasn’t sure what that meant for me, except that he’d changed me as much as I had him.
The world is bigger than we know,
I thought,
and life far more complex than I will ever understand.
“Thank you,” I said.
He looked at me, surprised. “For what?”
“For being honest. We should get back and help.”
He stood and offered me a hand up. “You’re not disappointed? Not going to convince me of how wrong and selfish my motives are?”
“No.”
“I just told you I considered letting seventy people die because I’m angry about one death.” He followed me as I picked my way through the field of bodies.
I stopped, and he nearly ran me over. “Do you
want
me to fight about it?”
“No. I’m just...” A hint of a smile came to his face. “I’m curious.”
“There’s a switch.” I crossed my arms and looked up at him. “Tell me, if Kel were still alive, would you be collecting bodies right now?”
He looked away. “No. I didn’t want to use that talent. Ever. I was glad when my father forbade it just a few nights ago. But things have changed.”
“Would you have stopped Goff if Kel were alive?”
He considered that question more carefully. “No. Even if I’d tried, he would have gone on. And I wouldn’t have sent our people to join him.”
“Fine. If nothing has changed except that we now have a better way to get you into the city, I have no reason to be angry.” I turned away, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back.
“You mean that?”
“A few months ago, I’d have been horrified.” I couldn’t help reaching out to touch his face. He shivered as my fingers trailed over his cheek, and I let my hand drop to my side. “Back then I’d have wanted you to make decisions based on what I thought was right. And that would have been wrong of me. Aren, I love you. But you’re not me, and I’m not you. We have to live our own lives, and I’m not going to judge you for what you do with yours. I know you meant it when you said you want to use your powers more wisely and for the good of Tyrea. Has that changed?”
“No. I think this is the right thing to do. It’s just that everyone else I’ve ever met disagrees.”
“They don’t know you the way I do.”
“Thank you.” He almost kissed me then. I saw it in his eyes, the way he leaned forward ever so slightly. But he didn’t. Instead, he turned to examine the flat, perfectly round rock that lay on the ground near the woman’s body.
“This doesn’t mean I’ll let you get away with just anything,” I added.
“I know. I chose my adviser well.”
I joined him in looking at the stone. “Someone was throwing these, right? They did a lot of damage.”
“They did.” He squinted at it, crouched, and laid a hand on its side. “But this is interesting.” He took out his knife and dug into the side of the rock, pulling out a soft, cream-colored chunk.
I smelled it. “Cheese? They killed someone with cheese?”
“It is. And they did.” He wiped the knife clean and frowned. “Why might that be?”
“It worked.”
“It’s more than that, though. These men were sent out to defend the city. Every one of them used magic to do so. If they’re not the best Severn could send, they’re at least among the most capable. And yet the best this one could come up with was...” He trailed off, but I didn’t interrupt his thoughts.
Not until I had one of my own. “You said he was gathering magical talent from all over Tyrea. People from the provinces wouldn’t have developed their skills to prepare for battle.”
“No. They’d be using their magic for farming, for trades, and caring for their families. They’re like Victoria. They might be strong, but they’ve probably channeled their magic into one skill for so long that they can’t learn anything new, and they have to improvise. Conjuring—actually, calling objects from elsewhere—is a rare skill, but this Sorcerer obviously never learned to broaden the skill beyond his work.”
“So that’s good, right? If this is what Severn has to send against us, we have a better chance of winning.”
“Maybe.” He started toward the largest body left on the field. No one had yet come for Wardrel.
Armor clanked as he rolled the giant over and pulled a thin sword from beneath one arm, where nothing had protected the massive man from a determined little girl.
Aren’s jaw tightened as he observed his dead brother. “Make sure they bring him, but have him set away from the others. I don’t want to look at him until I have to.” He walked away.
“Where are you going?”
He waited for me to catch up. “I need to talk to Ruby and make space in camp for her. Then to Morea about fixing a potion for me, and about what else we might do for Ulric. We’re going to get my father better, and we’re going to ride into the city to defeat Severn, find Nox, and put the proper king back on the throne.” His eyes turned to look past me, at the city. “I don’t want it. Not yet.”
44
NOX
S
evern’s recovery was nothing short of astonishing. With my potion bolstering his magic and his health, his pain eased and he returned to full health within a day. Much as I’d have liked to mess up the formula and have done with him, he called someone in to taste everything that he ate or drank, my potion included. The young man knew what effect the potion was supposed to bring on, and would notice if it were off. So I bided my time and used the correct ingredients when I made a new batch, adding only what would be beneficial.
I found myself with freedom to move around the palace as I pleased, though I always felt as though someone was watching. Not Myk, of course. Another name on the list. Another loss, if a small one, that Severn needed to pay for.
I had freedom to work on my own projects, though finding motivation was difficult now that I knew my journey to the city had been in vain. Still, I wouldn’t waste the time and resources I had. And if my path had taken a turn, well, I wouldn’t run from that. Not after everything I’d already been through.
I had to keep up appearances during the day following Severn’s return, and used the time to test improvements on his potion. The other Potioners stole glances, but seemed generally less interested in me than I’d worried they would be. After they left I worked through the night, and near dawn I finished my potion to block magic from my mind.
I suspected it would work well enough to keep Severn from sensing my grief when we met again, but I’d still need to be extremely cautious. It had the side-effect of making me feel closed off and slow-witted, but it would have to do.
I bottled the translucent, brown dragon-egg potion and left it beneath my workstation. I’d take a dose if Severn requested me. Otherwise, I’d just have to be careful to guard my thoughts as Aren had taught me. Enemies could be lurking anywhere, and I’d need to stay sharp.
Dawn came, turning the sky to the west pink. I tried not to think about the fact that Kel wasn’t enjoying that sunrise.
All I wanted was time to sleep, and to grieve. There was more work to be done, though. I forced myself to work when the other Potioners arrived, though I sneaked a nap in my room around mid-day and indulged in another after supper. I returned to the lamp-lit workroom long after the palace slept.