Authors: Sarah Pinborough
Tags: #Thrillers, #Bullying, #Fantasy, #Social Themes, #General, #Crime, #Juvenile Fiction, #Fiction
NATASHA:
Even before the DI, Caitlin, came to talk to me, I was thinking about her. Since I saw it on the news. You know, about her being found in the river near me. It made me feel sick. I swallowed water she’d rotted in. She died there. I died there.
DR HARVEY:
You didn’t die. You should try not to see it that way.
NATASHA:
Easy for you to say. My heart stopped just like hers. I wasn’t breathing just like her. Maybe she’s the one in my dreams. In the darkness.
DR HARVEY:
Nicola’s body was only discovered on Sunday night – you were having these nightmares before that.
NATASHA:
Maybe she’s mad I didn’t die properly. Jealous.
DR HARVEY:
Nicola Munroe was dead long before you went in the river. She was not capable of any emotion. Perhaps you have survivor guilt. You lived and she died. Did you know Nicola Munroe?
NATASHA:
No.
DR HARVEY:
Then you can’t make assumptions about any feelings she might have. Even if she was capable of feeling now, surely it would be more natural for her to be pleased that one of you made it out of the water alive?
NATASHA:
(Laughter)
DR HARVEY:
Why is that amusing?
NATASHA:
Do you know anything about teenage girls?
(Pause. Sniffing)
(Quieter)
I don’t think it’s got anything to do with him. I really don’t. Even if I can’t remember, I’m sure I would feel something, you know? When I saw him.
EXTRACT FROM
DI CAITLIN BENNETT’S CASE REPORT:
20TH JANUARY (COPY ALSO IN CASE FILE
NICOLA MUNROE)
Given the extreme decomposition of Nicola Munroe’s body, it is still unknown whether she was drugged or under the influence of alcohol prior to her death. Samples have been sent for further testing. It is also unknown whether she was alive or dead when she went into the water. Beyond the comparable location of her body, it is difficult to draw comparisons with Natasha Howland’s case; however, there are the following similarities:
EXTRACT FROM
DI BENNETT’S NOTES
(UNOFFICIAL RECORD) IN INTERVIEW WITH
NATASHA HOWLAND AND REBECCA CRISP 20/01.
14.00/15.45 RESPECTIVELY. BOTH GIRLS
AGREED THAT THE HEAD TEACHER,
CHRISTINE SALISBURY, WOULD STAND
AS RESPONSIBLE ADULT:
Natasha Howland
Howland clearly unsettled by discovery of Munroe’s body so close to the site of her own incident. Referred more than once to them both being in the water at the same time. Less collected than on previous conversations. I asked her routine questions. Brought up Aiden Kennedy. Both women were acquaintances of Kennedy.
Howland has seen Aiden Kennedy twice since her accident: once at Jamie McMahon’s house when she and her mother went to thank him, then again when he picked Rebecca up from a party Friday night/Saturday morning held at student Mark Pritchard’s house. Confused by my questioning. Surprised to hear Aiden’s name mentioned. Has had nothing to do with him since he asked her out nearly two years ago. Embarrassed by this. Says she laughed at him. (Interesting.) His behaviour at McMahon’s was the same as normal towards her – says AK never looks her in the eye. (Shy? Guilt? Obsession?) Says to her knowledge his relationship with Rebecca Crisp is both serious and sexual, and that Crisp sems happy. She asks why we’re interested in Aiden. What he has to do with anything. Genuine surprise. No memory prompt. On completion of interview sent her to meet the doctor again. Need her memory back. Frustrating!
Rebecca Crisp
Smart kid under the shell. Asks why talking to her not the other two girls. Teen dynamics interesting. Ask her about the night of the incident. She repeats she was with Aiden until he dropped her home at midnight. Did she speak to him later? She responds as per previous statement that she fell asleep watching TV on her computer. Asked where he went after that, she states home. Clear on questioning that she can’t be sure he did, but that’s what he said. Defensive here – realisation of something? Shaky. Angry. Scared. Says to check with Aiden’s mother. Then asks if we have already. Mention AK asking NH out on a date. How does he talk about her? Crisp outburst. Teary. They don’t talk about her. It was a long time ago. (Jealous? NH makes her feel insecure?
Does
he talk about NH?) Takes a moment to calm. Crisp confirms their relationship is sexual. Nothing abnormal. (She’s uncomfortable here. Not cocky. Maybe not giving everything sexually he wants? AK frustrated? Needs the fantasy of others?) Does AK see other girls? Has he ever cheated? Anger at this. No, they are in love. (Bless her!) Leave a moment. Write notes. She asks why I’m asking so many questions about AK. Defensive. (nervous?) I ask if she knew that Aiden knew Nicola Munroe, the Maypoole girl . . .
‘What is she talking about?’ Becca knew she was shouting. She couldn’t help it. Her whole body had been shaking since the policewoman let her go. ‘Why didn’t you answer my calls?’ She wanted to throw up now they were face to face. She’d run from school to his flat and then to Mr McMahon’s house and her anger hadn’t faded. Here he was. Shaken, pale and beautiful. He tried to hold her but she pulled away. She was too angry. Too angry and upset and suddenly terrified.
‘I don’t have my phone. They took it. I went and bought another one as soon as they let me go.’ He pulled a cheap handset from his pocket. ‘But I don’t have your number in it. I came here to see if it was on any of Jamie’s phone bills. I use his landline sometimes – you know how shit the reception is in this house.’
‘Why don’t we all calm down?’ Mr McMahon –
Jamie
– stood in the corner of the sitting room, awkward in his own home. His dog sat at his feet, whining occasionally, upset. ‘Whatever it is, it’s a misunderstanding.’
‘She says you
knew
her!’ Becca almost spat the words at Aiden and then, much to her own shame, burst into tears. Strong hands were on her shoulders, bigger than Aiden’s, and then she was being led to a sofa. She sank into it, heavy, the fight going out of her.
‘Hey.’ Jamie crouched beside her and handed her a tissue from his pocket. ‘It’s crumpled but it’s clean.’
‘Thank you,’ she mumbled, hating herself for being so weak. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s okay.’ His voice was soft. Kind. She wanted to cry all over again. Her world had been, if not pulled out from under her, then very severely shaken. ‘But you know that this will just be nothing, right?’
Becca looked up at her boyfriend, who immediately rushed over and sat down. He smelled clean. Shampoo and soap and the unique scent of him underneath it all. She loved him so much she would break from it. Even now.
‘They said that Nicola Munroe had her phone contacts backed up on her MacBook.’ His voice was shaky. ‘My number was on there.’ The world shimmered around Becca a little, light refracting sharply from the edges of the coffee table as she stared at it, unable to look at him.
‘How?’ Becca asked. ‘How did she have your number?’
‘I’m not sure.’ Aiden shrugged helplessly and it made her want to hug him and punch him all at once. ‘I had hers, too. She was a muso. I go to gigs and people know I do some pro stuff. I guess we must have swapped numbers at something.’
‘Why didn’t you
say
anything?’ Swapped numbers. The words carried weight. It was something they giggled over in the girls’ changing rooms at school, or on the bus, or in McDonald’s. Swapped numbers. Private messaged. DM’d. All those things were the prelude to the first kiss.
Everyone
knew that.
‘Never occurred to me. When I get my phone back you can look through it. I have a lot of numbers. I didn’t realise I had hers. I was probably stoned when she gave it to me. You know, one of those in-the-bar-post-gig things.’
She didn’t know, not really, but she nodded anyway. Sometimes the three years between them felt non-existent and at others they were a lifetime.
‘You’ve got to believe me, Becca.’ He grabbed her free hand. His palm was sweaty. ‘You have to. Why would I have anything to do with this? Or with Natasha?’
‘So you never asked Nicola out?’ She hated the doubt and suspicion in her own voice, and Aiden recoiled, his beautiful blue eyes,
eyes she could drown in
, wounded and hurt.
‘No. No, I didn’t. Jesus fuck, Bex, what are you suggesting? That if I ask a girl out and she says no, I just lob her in the river and let her die?’
She stared at him. She felt stupid. And yet not stupid. The worm of bitter insecurity was growing in her gut. ‘No, of course not. I just . . . I just don’t understand.’
‘Why are they asking you about this now?’ Jamie said. ‘Nicola Munroe went missing months ago. Surely they checked her phone records and contacts then?’
‘They did, but I wasn’t important to that investigation. Not until her body showed up so close to where you found Tasha. Then they must have passed it all over to that Bennett policewoman and she recognised my name. She spoke to me when I picked you up from the hospital.’
‘She spoke to me there, too,’ Becca said. She felt tired. Hugely, massively tired. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry. I’m just scared.’ The tears started again. ‘She asked me all these questions about you and me, and then about you and Tasha, and then when she mentioned Nicola I guess I just totally lost it.’ She wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing freely, wetting his skin with hot tears and snot.
‘It’s okay. It’s okay.’ He held her tight. ‘
You
know I didn’t do anything, and
I
know I didn’t do anything, so that’s it. It’s just a coincidence. And not even a big one. It’s not like we live in the middle of some huge city. If you think about it, it’s not exactly totally random that I had the number of some girl my own age who went to all the local gigs.’ He pushed her gently away. ‘Just fucking bad luck.’ He smiled. ‘You’re freaking out more than my mum did. I think you’re freaking out more than
I
did.’
‘I’m calming down now. It was just a shock.’
‘You’re telling me.’
‘Did they speak to you, too?’ she asked Jamie.
‘Yep,’ he said. ‘Not a lot I could say. Just that Aiden is perfectly normal – whatever that means – and happy with you and had never mentioned either of the girls to me. More importantly, I told them he knows I walk Biscuit early every morning so he’d have to be pretty stupid to push Natasha in the river knowing I’d be coming along at any second.’
This practical logic calmed her more than any of Aiden’s heartfelt protestations had. Aiden wasn’t dumb. Even if he was some crazy woman-attacker – and she felt even more like a lunatic hearing the words like that in her head – he wouldn’t risk getting caught like that.
‘They have to follow up these leads,’ Jamie said. ‘It’s their job.’
Becca knew he was making sense. She took a deep breath. Bennett was just dotting i’s and crossing t’s as her dad would say. Of course she had to follow up on Aiden. She wouldn’t be doing her job if she didn’t. Suddenly she felt stupid for rushing there. Or at least rushing there so full of high drama.
‘Were you guys working?’ she asked. ‘I’ll go. I’m sorry. I need to be less of an idiot.’
She wanted some fresh air. She needed to get a grip on herself. She’d acted like some hysterical bitch. And what had freaked her out so much? Was it that the DI made Aiden sound suspicious, or was it that he had the dead girl’s number and never told her? She really hoped it was the first but she wasn’t entirely sure. She knew her insecurities could turn her into some kind of jealous mental. She constantly thought that Aiden was going to fall in love with someone else. Some sophisticated muso girl. She tried to control it, or at least not let it show.
‘Yeah, we were,’ Aiden said. ‘I figure carry on as normal. And you’re not an idiot. But give me your number again now and I’ll call before you go to bed.’ She took the cheap handset from him and typed it into the contacts with her name, and then sent herself a text so she’d have his new number, too.
He walked her to the door and she felt almost as awkward as they had in the early days, when there was all this emotion and attraction between them but neither had the guts to actually talk about it.
‘Sorry I was a dick,’ she said, eventually.
‘You weren’t a dick. Sorry the police thought I might be a psycho maniac.’
She laughed, and then so did he, and the tension between them slipped away as they kissed their goodbyes. He was just Aiden. Warm and handsome and chilled. So what if he had some muso chick’s number in his phone? He wasn’t a kid. It didn’t
mean
anything.
‘I’ll call you later,’ he said. ‘I love you.’
‘I love you, too.’
The door closed and she took a deep breath of damp air. It was crazy to think that Aiden could have anything to do with what happened to Tasha. She was with him that night. He’d been relaxed and happy. They both had. And pretty off their heads. He’d been in no state to throw anyone in a river.
Her phone buzzed as she headed down the gravel drive to the cut-through path leading to the main road. It was Hannah, checking up on her since rehearsals were cancelled. Wanting to know where she vanished to, and if she was okay. It was so Hannah. Never brave enough to be pissed off. If it was the other way around, Becca’s text would have been more
Where the fuck are you??
She typed back a quick reply saying she’d call her later and shoved her hands in her pockets to keep them warm. The snow had melted but it was still cold, especially so close to the river.