1514642093 (R) (30 page)

“Has she got a bag packed?”

He nodded, not taking his eyes off Jas. “Is this it?”

Bridget smiled, and I could suddenly see her old self reappear. Calm in a crisis, the voice of reason. “Yes love, this is it. Come on, grab that bag and your car keys and let’s get going.”

I didn’t know what to do with myself. Should we boil water? Get towels? What?

“I’ll phone her midwife,” Bridget said, giving Vinnie a little push towards the hallway. “You grab the bag. Heath, go with him.”

I went with Vinnie down the hallway, doing as I was told. Jesus, that was a lot of water on the floor. I had no idea if that was normal or not. When we reached the bedroom, Vinnie froze. He turned to me with eyes as big as golf balls. I waited for him to say something, but my usually gabby big brother was speechless.

Despite the gravity of the situation, it made me smile. Vinnie. Lost for words. Wonders would never cease.

“Come on, Daddy, get your shit together. Jas needs her bag,” I said, clapping him on the back.

That seemed to spur him on, and he nodded, seeking out a small canvas bag that sat on the floor under the window.

“Where are your car keys?” I asked, reaching out to take the bag from him.

He blinked at me. “Living room.”

“Great. We’re done here, then. Let’s go.”

I steered him out of the bedroom and back down the hall into the living room, where a hive of activity awaited us. Maia was sitting with Jas on the couch, holding her hand and talking to her in a low voice. Another one calm in a crisis. Bridget was on the phone to the midwife. Alex rushed in, slightly breathless.

“I’ve moved our cars so you can get yours out,” he said, pocketing the keys. “Is that the bag? Mum said to put it in the car. Here, I’ll take it. Where are your keys?”

Handing the bag to him, I waited for Vinnie to answer.

I shoved him in the shoulder to hurry him up. “Vin – keys?”

He looked around the room, as if trying to remember, then pointed to the dining room table. “Over there.”

Bridget got off the phone and clapped her hands together. “Right, the midwife said she’d meet us there. The contractions are still pretty far apart, but because her waters have broken, they need her at the hospital as soon as we can get her there.”

“Contractions?” Vinnie frowned, echoing my thoughts. “What contractions?”

“I didn’t know that’s what they were,” Jas said sheepishly. “I thought she was just really active in there.”

“Seems she’s been having them most of the day,” Bridget added, heading to the couch to help haul Jas to her feet, with Maia’s help. “Up you come, love. Time to go.”

It was pretty clear Vinnie wasn’t capable of driving. My laid-back brother was in near lock-down mode. I grabbed his keys off Alex when he reappeared, and offered to drive them.

Everything after that happened in a rush. Suddenly, we were all going to the hospital, in convoy.

It was the longest forty minutes of my life. The contractions started getting more painful, and despite Jas putting on a brave face, I could tell she was scared. I was torn. Drive faster or slow down and drive carefully? I settled on driving as fast as I could, as safely as I could. Maia sat beside me, while Jas and Vinnie occupied the back seat. Bridget and Alex followed close behind in her car.

By the time we arrived at the hospital, things had really sped up. Jas was having trouble walking, and Vinnie and I both had an arm around her shoulders, flanking her as we slowly made our way across the car park towards the main entrance.

A wheelchair miraculously appeared as we were checking her in, and then we were on our way up to the maternity ward. The whole hour seemed to fly by. Jas was whisked into a delivery room, with Vinnie right behind her, and Bridget, Alex, Maia and I were left to stew in our own juices in the waiting room down the hall.

My God, the noise.

Not Jas, but some other woman, just up the hall from her. She sounded like a wounded animal and it grated on my nerves. I wished someone would shut her the hell up.

Maia reached for my hand, as if reading my mind. “I’m so nervous for them.”

I stared down at our hands, laced together on my thigh. I felt sick, now that the adrenaline rush had worn off. I kept seeing the puddle of water on the kitchen floor at Jas’s feet. I could only imagine what Vinnie was going through.

“How long do you reckon it’ll take?” Alex asked, sitting across from us, his elbows resting on his knees as he wrung his hands.

Bridget smiled, reaching over to put an arm around his shoulder and give him a squeeze. “There’s no way of knowing, but I think we’ll be here a while.”

Alex leaned back in his seat, frowning. “How long’s a while?”

“Well, with Em it took about twelve hours. With you, about eight.”

I gaped at her. Twelve hours? In pain like that?

Right on time, the woman up the hall let out a guttural moan that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

Bridget cringed. “Poor love. Just as well it’s worth it in the end.”

Jesus, it’d better be.

She was grinning at me, her eyes crinkling with merriment. I frowned at her.

“Your face,” she giggled, although she was trying not to.

“How can you laugh at a time like this?” I snapped.

She sighed. Indulgently, like you do with children. It made me even angrier.

“Childbirth is such a privilege,” she said patiently. “It changes your life. Your body is torn apart, but your heart is suddenly stronger and yet more vulnerable at the same time. The pain is part of the journey. Nothing worth having is easy.”

She looked wistful, pulling Alex closer and leaning her head on his shoulder. He let her, to his credit, which was a big concession for him. The past few days had definitely made an impact on him.

“I remember thinking, with both my babies, that I would miss being pregnant. I would miss that connection, feeling their little body inside of mine. It was me and my baby against the world, and once they were born, I worried about losing that. But when the baby’s born, you’re so busy loving them and caring for them and getting to know them as the wonderful little human beings they are, you don’t get a chance to miss them. You just get used to sharing them.”

Maia squeezed my hand, and I looked over at her. She had tears in her eyes. I knew what she was thinking.

What if I’m her baby?

With each new day, it became more obvious that the pain of not knowing where she fit in the world was bearing down on her. Being surrounded by birth and death and love and loss was only reminding her of what she might be missing out on.

“She’s going to be fine,” Bridget said quietly.

It took me a moment to realise she was talking about Jas. “Yeah. Of course she is.”

I wondered how Vinnie was holding up.

MAIA WAS ASLEEP, SPRAWLED
across the three chairs to my right. Her hair was pooled behind her, one hand tucked under her chin. She looked beautiful, even in this light. I stood across the room, leaning against the wall, on my third cup of coffee. It had been five hours and still no sign of the new arrival. Jas must be exhausted.

The screamer down the hall had finally given birth an hour ago, and they’d moved her and baby to another room. One other woman had been admitted, but there wasn’t much action from her yet.

Vinnie had come out a couple of times for a break, and Bridget had gone in to be with Jas. He was tired and scared. He said Jas wasn’t acting like herself. He said she was in a lot of pain, demanding an epidural, even though that wasn’t in her birth plan. When he reminded her of that, she swore at him. Like a sailor. I’d never even heard Jas swear before, but Vinnie said she came out with a few words that had even made him cringe.

The woman up the hall had nothing on Jas. She’d been screaming like a banshee for half an hour. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take of this. I sure as hell didn’t know how Maia could sleep through it all, but I was jealous that she could. I was on tenterhooks.

Alex had taken a walk down to the cafeteria to see if he could find us some food, so I sat down beside Bridget. She put her arm around me and leaned her head on my shoulder.

“I think the waiting is the hardest part,” she said quietly, so as not to disturb Maia.

Jas let out another yell from down the hall.

“Or maybe the second hardest part.”

I took another sip of my coffee. I was about maxed out on the stuff. Any more and the ratio of caffeine to blood in my system would be nearing critical mass. I had to make this one last.

“Em was such a beautiful baby.”

I glanced down at her. I’d been wondering if this was bringing back memories for her.

“All soft blonde curls and big eyes,” she smiled. “But my favourite part of her was the little spot on the back of her neck. It was so soft and she smelled so good. I couldn’t stop kissing it.”

I reached down and set the coffee cup on the floor beside my chair and turned to her, pulling her into my arms. She settled her head into my neck and we sat there like that for a good few minutes in silence. I could feel the pain, seeping through her, into me. I had no idea what it was like to lose a child, but I imagine it’s like losing a part of yourself. I desperately wanted to ease that pain, tell her that it was possible – only possible – that Maia could in fact be Emily. I wanted to see the hope in her eyes again, because I hadn’t seen it there for so long.

But I didn’t want to cause her any more heartache. It was also possible that Maia was
not
Emily.

I drew away from her, and she wiped her eyes. I had no idea she’d been crying, but it didn’t surprise me.

“You okay?” I murmured. “Can I do anything?”

She shook her head, smiling through the tears. “Just memories. You know how it is.”

Yeah, I knew. I gave her another brief hug, then she settled in the chair beside me again, and we both stared at Maia, still sleeping on the chairs opposite us.

“She looks peaceful,” Bridget said, echoing my thoughts.

“She does. She hasn’t been sleeping well lately. I guess it just all caught up with her.”

I reached down and picked up my coffee again, cradling the cup in my lap.

“You two are perfect for each other.”

I looked over at her, my heart racing. It’s not that I’d been worried about what she thought, because she’d been so great about everything, and she liked Maia. I guess I just needed to hear her say it.

“She’s brought you back to us,” she said, meeting my eyes. “Because I know how much you’ve been hurting all these years, and I know how much you miss Em. But you need to move on now, and Maia arriving when she did was more than just coincidence, I’m sure of it. Sometimes, signs are just people who turn up right when you need them most. You just have to open your heart and your mind, and the possibilities are there.”

I swallowed the lump that had lodged itself in my throat. She had no idea, but I agreed with her now. Wholeheartedly.

I heard footsteps coming down the hallway and Alex appeared around the corner with a bag and a grin.

He waved the bag at us. “Score. Sandwiches, muffins and those big cookie things.”

Before we had a chance to respond, a yell erupted from the room down the hall, long and low. It didn’t even sound human. Then, seconds later, a baby wailed.

My heart felt like it was going to burst. I looked over at Maia, and she bolted upright. She stared at me, her eyes wide and frightened, as though she couldn’t remember where she was.

I started to pray silently.

Please let everything be okay. Please let everything be okay.

Minutes later, a door burst open down the hallway and I poked my head around the corner to see Vinnie lumbering slowly down the hall towards us. He was clearly exhausted, and he looked like he’d been crying.

“She’s here!” he cried, dissolving into my arms as he reached me. “She’s here and she’s perfect. She’s just perfect!”

“Is Jas alright?” I asked, refusing to be happy until I knew for sure everyone was going to be okay.

“She’s fine,” Vinnie sobbed, grabbing for my arm as I propped him up. “She’s sore, but she’s fine. She’s a fuckin’ superhero!”

“Oh darling!” Bridget cried, throwing herself into his arms as the three of us stood there in the hallway. “Congratulations!”

Alex clapped him on the back, grinning with relief. “Congrats, Daddy! That’s awesome!”

“How heavy was she?” Bridget asked, wiping tears of joy from her cheek.

“I have no idea,” Vinnie said proudly. “But she’s tiny!”

Bridget laughed and Vinnie wiped his eyes, taking a deep, calming breath. I’d never seen him look so happy, or so relieved. My heart was pounding. The drama of the night seemed to hit me all at once, and now that I knew everything was going to be alright, I could finally allow myself to breathe.

Vinnie pulled me into a hug and I held on tight to him. My big brother was a father. It still seemed weird. Everything was going to change.

He pulled away from me, oblivious, but wearing the biggest smile I’d ever seen. “Come and see her. I want her to meet Uncle Heath.”