1929 (37 page)

There was a living room only marginally
larger than their current place, a kitchen with a small nook for a
dining table and a bathroom in between the two bedrooms. The
fireplace was in better condition. Although the walls were filthy,
there were very few holes to repair. Caleb took Arianna’s hand and
led her into the smaller bedroom.

“We can put a cradle here and a rocking chair
there,” he said. She glanced around the room trying to see what
Caleb was seeing. “We’ll make it really nice, Ahna. Claire can
paint all of the walls and even the ceiling. And I’ve already
written my mother. I’ve asked her to send the cradle she used for
me when I was born.”

“That’ll be really nice, Caleb. It’ll
brighten the room up so much,” she said, looking around. They
looked at every vacant apartment after that, and Caleb took more
notes on repairs needed.

“Which one do you think we should take?”
Jonathan asked Ava during a brief moment alone.

“I’m not sure. Maybe the one next door to
Arianna?” she suggested.

“Why that one? It’s in bad shape.”

“I know. We can fix it up, and that way I’ll
be close to help her when she has the baby.”

“That’s really thoughtful. I guess we can
always take one of the larger units later,” he said and smiled.

“Well, we don’t need two bedrooms,” she said
flatly.

“Not yet,” he said, taking her hand and
leading her downstairs to look at the apartment next to Arianna’s
again.

Claire had chosen the apartment across from
Arianna and each couple spent some time in their future home,
taking notes and making plans for improvements.

∞∞∞

It was nearly dark when they began walking
home; they were happy, chattering and joking as they walked through
the frozen snow. Along the way, Aryl and Caleb started pitching
snowballs at each other, and Claire and Arianna quickly crossed the
street for safe territory. Aryl jogged ahead to hide behind a
garbage can and made more snowballs. He jumped out and threw one as
hard as he could toward Caleb, who ducked, and the snowball hit
Jonathan square in the face. Caleb laughed hard and Aryl waited for
Jonathan’s reaction. Jonathan wiped snow from his eyes, shook his
head, looked up at Aryl menacingly and warned Ava.

“You might want to join the girls across the
street.” It was each man for himself as they hurled snowballs
through the air at each other and burst into laughter when they hit
their targets. Caleb and Jonathan teamed up and launched a barrage
of snowballs at Aryl, who went scrambling down the street, looking
for cover. Claire, Ava and Arianna stood across the street,
watching them take turns ganging up on each other and shook their
heads.

“They never did fully grow up, did they?”
Arianna asked.

“Nope,” Claire answered.

∞∞∞

“You should get in a hot bath,” Ava told
Jonathan as she helped him out of his coat, which was dripping from
the snowball fight.

“No. I want to talk to you. But I will change
clothes,” he said, shivering. She went to put tea water on while he
changed clothes and leaned on the sink, wondering what he wanted to
talk to her about specifically. She had been so happy to see him
with life and hope in his eyes and to be close to him that she
forgot about the details of their fight; forgot about Elyse, forgot
about how defensive he was of her, forgot how he never really
denied still loving her. She forgot that he never did explain what
was said between them on that trip he took alone, when he was
supposed to have ended the relationship much earlier. She started
growing anxious and angry as she recalled all the things that
remained unresolved. He saw the uneasy look on her face as he came
into the kitchen.

“What’s wrong?” he asked cautiously. She
looked away, turning toward the stove.

“I was just thinking,” she said.

“About what?”

“The last few weeks.”

“That explains the troubled look,” he said,
stepping behind her and putting a tentative hand on her waist. “I
hope looking at the building today and knowing that it’s just a
matter of time before we’re out of here helped a little. I know
it’s just a small step, but it’s a step toward getting our life
back. A small piece of it, anyway.” She turned around, slightly
irritated.

“It has nothing to do with this building or
that building. I was thinking about the last few weeks with you,”
she said, looking up at him.

“Oh,” he said, suddenly scared that he
misinterpreted her body language, that maybe she was putting on an
act for the sake of the others and was still planning on going to
Maura’s. “Well, that’s part of what I wanted to talk about,” he
said. She poured two steaming cups of tea and handed him his, then
walked around him to the living room and sat on the couch. He sat
beside her and took a deep breath. “I know I’ve been . . . out of
sorts. I’ve had a really hard time with everything that happened.
Losing everything and all–”

“But you didn’t lose everything, Jon,” she
said quietly, not looking up at him.

“I know that now. And I’m sorry it took me so
long to realize it,” he said, taking one of her hands. “Aryl and
Maura have really helped me . . . .” He wasn’t sure how to finish
the sentence. “Before I go into all that, I know you have a lot of
questions you want answered. Things I couldn’t explain before but
I’m ready to explain now.” She sat back and thought about what she
wanted to know most of all.

“Do you still love her?” she asked, not
looking up at him.

“No. I don’t,” he said with conviction. “I
didn’t really ever. It’s complicated,” he said with a sigh.

“Then why were you so upset when I called her
a . . . .” She couldn’t bear for him to be defensive of Elyse
again, so she left it at that.

“I probably better just start at the
beginning and tell you the whole story. It’ll make more sense that
way, all right?” She nodded, slightly apprehensive about hearing
every detail about this woman. “It started at one of my client’s
parties three years before I met you. She was new to the business
of entertaining and stayed in the background a lot, not mingling
and flirting like the others. When I was returning from the
restroom that evening, I overheard someone scolding her for not
being friendlier with the guests. I saw her standing at the bar,
looking very uncomfortable, so I went over and started talking to
her about pointless things just so it looked like she was being
sociable.

“Later that evening, I did take her back to
my room, but we just continued to talk. She told me about her
family and that her lifestyle was a last resort. Her parents were
old and broken and barely keeping a roof over their heads. She had
managed to get through her first four parties without having to,
you know, personally entertain anyone. For the remainder of the
trip, she stayed near me at all the gatherings, and the other men
left her alone. She was really grateful for that.”

“Forgive me if I don’t pat you on the back
for your kindness,” Ava said snidely. Jonathan let the comment
slide and continued with his story.

“Nothing happened on that trip. But before I
left, I did visit the brothel and spoke with the owner. I made it
appear as if I wanted to reserve Elyse for my visits only and
offered compensation. They accepted the arrangement, and she was
really appreciative.”

“And you made this arrangement before
anything happened with her?”

“Yes. I never really planned on anything
happening. I just wanted to help her,” he said uncomfortably.

“But it did. Eventually.”

“I spent a lot of my free time with her on
subsequent trips. Nothing happened until the third trip, almost a
year after I had first met her. I did care about her, Ava. But I
didn’t love her. I may have thought I did at the time, but I
didn’t. I liked having someone to spend time with on my trips. She
didn’t have to live a sordid life, and I wasn’t alone when I went
overseas.” He paused to let her absorb what he had revealed so far.
“A year or so later, I met Ruth and we started seeing each other
regularly. I took Ruth with us the next trip, and Elyse was not
happy to see me with someone else. I guess I looked at our
arrangement as more of a humanitarian deal than she did. I went to
see her that night and tried to talk to her, but she was furious
that I had brought Ruth and demanded that I send her home. I told
her that was ridiculous, and I would still try to spend some time
with her before I left.

“The next night, I told Ruth I had a meeting
and went to another hotel where Elyse was waiting. She was acting
strange, demanding that I marry her and take her back to America. I
told her I couldn’t do that, and she said that if I didn't, then
she wanted our arrangement to end. I told her I would end it, if
that’s what she really wanted, and that’s when she went hysterical
again and I walked out.”

“That’s when she went to Aryl looking for
sympathy,” Ava assumed.

“You know about that, too,” he said with an
uncomfortable laugh and ran his fingers through his hair.

“We girls tend to talk.”

“Apparently. I did see her one last time that
trip. I spent most of the night talking to her after she explained
her erratic behavior. She told me that on my previous trip, two
months earlier, she had found out she was pregnant.”

Ava froze, staring at him with wide eyes. He
could see her shock and gave her a minute before going on. She
stood up clumsily, spilling her teacup on the floor where it
shattered, opening her mouth to say something but couldn’t find the
words.

“Ava, listen to me. Let me finish, please.
Just let me finish,” he pleaded. “Please sit back down.” She
continued to stare at him. “Hear me out. Please.” He sighed heavily
and forged on. “She told me that’s why I had to marry her, why I
had to take her with me. I told her I couldn’t do that, but I
promised her that I would see to it that she and the baby had
everything they needed. She told me if I didn’t marry her then she
would get rid of the baby. I begged her not to do that. But she
laid down her ultimatum.” He stood and walked over to Ava. She was
still visibly shaken. “I didn’t love her. I couldn’t marry her. So,
she went to the doctor and took care of it,” he said solemnly. “I
ended the agreement with the brothel and she refused to see me
after that. She was still angry at me for what she felt like she
had to do. The next time I saw her was after I married you when I
went alone. She came to my room and tried talking to me, but I
stopped her cold. I told her I was married and everything we had
was in the past. She screamed and yelled, threw a few things at me
and then left. I never spoke to her again after that.”

“So, why is it that you were so defensive of
her? If you didn’t love her and didn’t want to marry her?” Ava
asked.

“Because that’s not who she was. I spent a
lot of time getting to know her, and she was a good person. And I
still feel very guilty over what she had to do.”

“But that was her choice, Jonathan.”

“I know. But I still feel responsible. So,
that’s the whole story,” he said, letting her mull it over and
waiting for her questions. She didn’t want to talk of Elyse anymore
and went on to the next concern on her list.

“Ruth told me something that day in the park
when I confronted her,” she started. “She told me that you felt
sorry for me, and that’s why you married me. Is that true?” she
asked.

“No. Absolutely not,” he said. He took her
hand, led her to the couch, and pulled her down onto his lap. “I
never felt sorry for you. I fell completely in love with you. By
the time I took you home late that night, not only were Ruth and
Elyse the farthest people from my mind, but I knew you were the
one. I knew I would marry you.”

She leaned over and rested her head on his
shoulder, relaxing somewhat. He sighed with relief and locked his
arms around her.

“But you still dream about her.”

“These last few weeks I spent a lot of time
thinking about the past. Most of it was too painful to revisit, so
I thought a lot about Paris and the fun I had there. Not so much
about Elyse,” he added quickly. “But me and Caleb and Aryl. It was
sort of my escape, thinking about those times,” he explained. “I
spent so much time in those memories, some of which were combined
with guilt. That’s actually what that dream was about that night. I
wasn’t dreaming about what you think. I was begging her not to get
rid of the baby again.”

“But if she kept it, you’d always be linked
to her. And if you didn’t love her–”

“I know. I just felt that it wasn’t the
baby’s fault. And as shallow as this may be, if it had come to
light after I met you, I most likely wouldn’t have felt so strongly
about her keeping it. That probably makes me a horrible person.” He
put his head down on hers and waited for the next question.

“No, it doesn’t,” she assured, although she
loathed herself for a moment, being glad he would have chosen her
over Elyse and their unborn baby.

“I’ll tell you anything else you want to
know, Ava,” he said after a long stillness. She shook her head
against his chest.

“No, that’s enough for tonight,” she said,
feeling there had indeed been sufficient explanation for her to
feel confident of her place in his heart again, and she would sleep
soundly.

Ava slept through Jonathan’s alarm the next
morning and he quietly dressed for work, kissing her on the
forehead before leaving.

∞∞∞

Insistent pounding on the door woke her, and
she stumbled to the door, wrapping herself in her robe. She smiled
when she looked through the drilled hole and saw Maura’s dark,
auburn hair piled high on her head, still in her uniform and
looking rather impatient. Ava opened the door and hugged her before
she could fully step inside.