1st Chance (8 page)

He broke my heart, standing there like a little boy full of sorrow. But I knew he was being truthful with me. I knew he was being truthful with himself, and this made me think that he could change. If he didn’t like who he was right now, surely he would want to? After I kissed him, I decided to make a few confessions of my own.

“I’m broken too, Nate. I get anxiety attacks. I’ve been having them for a couple of years and they’re horrible and embarrassing. They come out of nowhere and make me think that I’m going to die.”

“God, Anna, I’m sorry. I had no idea. You seem to cope with it well.”

“I don’t get them all the time, and I’m mostly okay now. They just come on sometimes.” I thought back to my last one, when Becky had been there for me, as she always was.

He rubbed my arms gently. “So I guess we’re both fucked up?” I laughed, appreciating his attempt at lightening the mood; it had certainly been an emotionally charged evening so far. “Now, how about some of this fun we’ve just made a deal on?” His voice sent shivers down my spine as his hot breath tingled the skin of my bare neck. He lifted me up and spun me around so I was sitting on the counter. An aftershave bottle rolled to the floor with a thud, but neither of us cared to pick it up.

As Nate kissed along my shoulder blade and down to my chest, goosebumps broke out across my skin—all my nerve endings sparked and I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer to me. His hands slowly snaked across my back and he pressed closer still, darting a hot tongue over my lips, gently pushing my mouth open to explore. My back pushed against the mirror on the wall above the counter. Even through clothes, it was cold on my burning skin.

Any doubts, any fears I’d had a couple of hours before, any uncertainty I felt at the power of my emotions, faded further with each touch until the only thing in the world was this sensation, this electricity. He pulled away to lift my top off over my head, his eyes locked with mine the whole time, the turquoise only just visible around the edges of his dilated pupils. I stretched my arms up to help him and then tugged on his t-shirt, lifting it so his navel was exposed. From my seated position, I couldn’t reach to take it off him, so he ripped it from his body with one hand. I could feel the ache between my legs throb as he slid my jeans down, biting at the inside of my thigh, making me jerk with the sharp thud of pleasure. By the time he reached the top, I was desperate, and cried out his name as his tongue rotated on my clit, firm and warm. My head spiraled and I grabbed handfuls of his hair wildly to pull him back up to me.

I tore at his pants and must have moaned, as suddenly our two bodies became one, but I was no longer in control of anything as I spun wildly in a tornado of ecstasy. My nails dug into his flesh and I felt his muscles tense with each thrust. I heard him groan into my ear and I bit down on his shoulder as I turned to white hot liquid. He jerked inside of me as I convulsed against him. Gasping for air, my shudders eventually slowed to a stop as he held me in his arms tightly.

“Right,” I said, once I’d got my breath back. “If that’s the sort of fun I’ve signed up for, then I want to put my name down twice.” He laughed and kissed me on the tip of my nose before handing me my discarded clothing.

“Much as I’d like for you to stay naked, if we don’t get out of here soon, we’re going to end up spending the night.” I dressed quickly and Nate fiddled with his GPS to get directions for me to drive us back to the hotel. The deliciousness of spending the night with him, the freedom of not having to think up some story to feed Becky later, struck me once again.

We walked through the deserted parking lot, I was tucked snugly under his arm and I thought back to the night when we’d bumped into each other. I’d have never thought that things would have turned out the way they had. As we got closer to my car, I felt like we were any other couple in the world, with none of the problems that haunted us—internally and externally. The night continued like that; just me and him, enjoying each other. Talking, laughing and drinking. Like there was nowhere outside of us two. We were the city, the country and the whole world. I felt so close to him, like I had knocked a few bricks from that wall he’d built around himself. He seemed more settled, more relaxed.

As I was about to drift off to sleep, wrapping myself around a warm and affectionate Nate Sullivan, I found words forming in my head that I did not want to hear. Or feel. Or admit to. Just a bit of fun, that was what this was. Those words had no place during a bit of fun. Those words had no place with a man who openly told me that he was impulsive, selfish and mean. Those words had no place in a relationship that was likely to end badly before it had properly started. As Nate closed his eyes, I tilted my head upward to look at him and opened my mouth to speak.

“Goodnight,” I whispered. Saying one word but meaning three. I thought he could probably feel it, I saw the trace of a smile flash over his lips.

“Goodnight to you, too.”

***

By the time I got back home, it was late on Sunday evening. I crept into the apartment like a teenager getting home after curfew. Becky said she was staying at Jason’s until Monday morning, but I still felt the need for stealth as I crept down the hallway. I chucked my overnight bag inside my room and relaxed slightly once it was gone—being caught with that would have been tricky to explain. Flicking on the lights I sank onto the sofa and tucked my feet under me. I left the TV off. I just wanted to sit and commit the last day to memory, to think about the way his fingers felt when they brushed my skin, the scent of him when I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck.

Nate had said that he’d text me to let me know when he was nearby again. I rolled the phone over and over in my hand, wanting contact with him, wanting him to be eager. There were only three months left of the tour and after that, I knew seeing him would be a whole lot easier—and that was when things were likely to get even more complicated. If it carried on like this, I wouldn’t be able to hold back my words like I had last night, and that would be when it would stop being fun to me. But I tried to just enjoy it as it was now. We had gotten away with our rendezvous, which meant we could again.

The next morning, I padded into the kitchen as Becky sat crunching on a piece of seeded toast.

“Hey. Nice weekend?” I asked her cheerfully as I placed my cell on the counter so I could make fresh coffee.

“Not bad. You?” she asked, focusing on her breakfast.

“Boring. The usual.” I eyed her carefully as I poured granules into the filter. Something didn’t feel right. “Everything ok?”

“Everything is just fine, Anna.” She spoke slowly, as if she wanted me to shut up. So I did, pouring the water into the percolator in silence while she chewed. There was definitely an odd atmosphere and I felt incredibly uncomfortable. There was no way that she’d found out I’d been away—I checked and double checked that I’d left no signs. I’d parked my car in the same spot and had even put a couple of plates and cutlery in the dishwasher to make it look like I’d been home. Maybe her and Jason had had a fight? Whatever it was, the tension in the kitchen was chokingly thick, and while I waited for the drips to fill the coffee pot, I ran off to the bathroom with feigned urgency. I puttered about for a while, flushing the toilet and running the faucet unnecessarily, then took a deep breath to face her again. I hated this kind of loaded mood. It scared me, even if I had nothing to do with the cause of it. I wouldn’t ask her any more questions for fear of an actual confrontation. I would do just about anything to avoid seeing people get angry.

On my return to the kitchen, was stood by the coffee machine. I wouldn’t have thought anything of it if it weren’t for the look of horror that paled her face when she looked up and saw me. It was then that I glanced down and noticed my cell in her hand. My bones turned to icy water.

“Since when did you change your pin code to unlock your cell?” She waggled the phone at me. “I thought we would always know each other’s pin, in case of an emergency.”

I nearly cried with relief at my cautious action earlier in the week. Nate and I had been texting and I thought it best to change it, just in case. Good God was I glad I had.

“Oh, I think someone at work saw me unlock it, thought I’d be on the safe side. Why do you need to use my cell?” I wasn’t going to let her out of it that easily.

She stammered, but only for a split second. “I was just being lazy, sorry. I needed to give work a quick call and couldn’t be bothered to get mine from my room. Coffee’s ready,” she added casually.

“Becky. Is everything alright? You’re being a bit. . .odd. Did something happen between you and Jason?” Nothing about this morning added up—her freezing coldness, her trying to use my cell. I didn’t understand any of it.

“Jason and I are fine. More than fine, actually.” She poured herself a cup, without offering me any, and went to sit back down at the table. “Why don’t you tell me about your weekend?” A creeping dread crawled around me like poison ivy. I pushed it away; there was no way she could have found out where I was.

“I told you, why do you keep asking? It was boring, as usual—internet, TV. Oh, I went for a walk around the park yesterday morning. It was nice, I was thinking about getting a dog you know?” I rambled until she held up her hand in a stop motion. I closed my mouth.

“I came home. I came home and you weren’t here.”

“What? Well, it must have been when I was out.” I put my hand out to hold on to the wall, I felt like I was going to faint.

“No. Because I came back on the Saturday morning to pick up my jacket and you weren’t here. And neither was your toothbrush. Then I came in again on Sunday to see if you were back, and you still weren’t here. Who takes a toothbrush with them on a walk to the park?”

No,
I screamed in my head. This couldn’t all come out now. I’d had one night with him, it wasn’t enough, I wanted more.

Becky pushed a chair out from the table with her foot. “I want you to sit down and tell me what the hell’s going on.”

I sat down and fought back the tears. This could be where it ended, but I wasn’t done having fun yet.

About the Author

Elizabeth wrote her first romance novel at age fifteen when she discovered writing about boys was way easier than actually talking to them. Since then, her flirting skills and relationship techniques have helped hundreds of others find their mojo. After earning a master’s degree in secondary education from UNC, she worked abroad teaching English, bar-tended at late night clubs in Chicago, and continues various philanthropy projects that focus on empowering women. But she always returned to writing. Though she’ll forever be a free-spirit at heart, she now lives in Los Angeles with her two dogs. If she’s not working on her latest sexy story, you can find her reading, watching reality television, or indulging in her unhealthy addiction to rock concerts.

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