21st Century Dodos: A Collection of Endangered Objects (and Other Stuff) (20 page)

Dodo Rating:

B-sides

In the golden age of the single, you were, of course, getting two songs, not one, every time you purchased a 7” from your local record shop – an A-side and a B-side.

Some artists used the B-side to get rid of any old material they had lying around the recording studio, or to lazily plonk another track from the album, but for many it was an opportunity to have some fun or to do something a bit different. For others, it ended up being where they put some of their finest songs.

Gene Vincent’s very first single was a little ditty called ‘Woman Love’. You could be forgiven for not knowing that, as it was deemed too risqué for radio play so DJs instead played the B-side, a song called ‘Be-Bop-A-Lula’. The rest is rock and roll history.

‘Gloria’ by Them, ‘Rain’ by The Beatles, ‘Erotic City’ by Prince, ‘Unchained Melody’ by The Righteous Brothers, ‘How Soon Is Now’ by The Smiths, ‘Maggie May’ by Rod Stewart, even ‘I Will Survive’ by Gloria Gaynor, for goodness sake, all started out as B-sides.

The sleeves of singles often didn’t list tracks as A-side or B-side, instead leading with the main track and tagging the support song as b/w or c/w (backed with and comes with). The A or B would appear on the label of the record itself.

The vast majority of B-sides would grace the flipside of a 7” single, never to appear anywhere else ever again, but some canny record executives realised the money-making potential of these rare tracks and many big acts have released B-side and rarity compilations over the years as a result.

One of the perverse things about the B-side, of course, was that many of them never got played at all. You had to physically flip the single over to play it on your turntable, and if you were obsessed with playing Olivia Newton John’s ‘Physical’ over and over again
while bouncing around in a leotard, you may never have got round to listening to ‘The Promise (The Dolphin Song)’.

When consumers moved to favour the CD single during the ’90s, the B-side still hung around, in theory, but with no need to turn over the disc, it just became an extra track or track two, and a lot of the mystique and magic was gone. Of course, with many bands still insisting on issuing vinyl singles, the B-side is still technically around, but no longer holds an important place in the musical firmament.

Dodo Rating:

Interludes

In the early days of television, much of the programming was live, so the schedule was not always as accurate as today. The BBC would often find itself with a bit of time to fill, and fill it they did, with a range of interludes – short films to keep viewers entertained until the next scheduled programme was ready to air.

The most famous of these is probably
The Potter’s Wheel
, a five-and-a-half-minute black and while film of a potter (who only had his arms in shot) throwing a pot on a wheel. A quick YouTube search will find the clip today, and very soothing it is, too, accompanied as it is by ‘The Young Ballerina’ composed by Charles Williams, and played by the Queen’s Hall Light Orchestra.

Other interludes included a spinning wheel, a windmill (the BBC clearly liked things that went round and round) and, by the magic of trick photography, the London to Brighton train run in four minutes. There was also a tropical beach, complete with crashing waves and pleasant breeze, and footage of a kitten playing with some wool and a wastebasket.

My personal favourites were the drawings and paintings done from scratch. You would see a blank sheet of paper and the artist’s hands, and as the five minutes elapsed an owl or lion would be created in front of your eyes.

Dodo Rating:

Green Cross Code Man

Ask anyone born in the 1960s or 1970s to recite the Green Cross Code and they will almost certainly reply with:

STOP! LOOK! and LISTEN!

During the days of public information films, road safety was a message that was constantly being sent out, whether it was by Tufty the squirrel, Alvin Stardust, or Kevin Keegan. But by far the most memorable individual was the green and white superhero, the Green Cross Code Man.

Across a series of TV commercials he would materialise out of thin air whenever some long-haired urchin tried to cross a stereotypical British street, often into the path of an oncoming Austin Allegro. Saving said oik from certain death, he would remind him of the safe way to cross, using the maxim:

‘Always use the Green Cross Code, because I won’t be there when you cross the road.’

Originally, I am led to believe, he would just say ‘Always use the Green Cross Code’, but that resulted in scores of children (idiots, clearly) running out into roads in the fervent expectation that the Green Cross Code Man would leap out to save them. At least, that’s what the ones who survived claimed. As a result of which they added the second part of the sentence, which conveniently rhymed.

The films ran from the mid-’70s to 1990, and the Green Cross Code Man was played in each of them by Darth Vader himself, Dave Prowse. Dave, as many of you will know, is from the West Country and has quite a strong regional accent. He was famously dubbed by James Earl Jones in the
Star Wars
films. Sad to say, he
was also dubbed in many of the Green Cross Code clips as well, but that didn’t stop him from undoubtedly saving the lives of thousands of kids.

Now that’s a real superhero!

Dodo Rating:

Television Stations

When I started researching this entry for the book, I was originally thinking about the regional independent stations of the ’70s, ’80s and ’90s that didn’t quite make it to the 21st century, stations such as Thames Television and TVS. But then I realised that we have lost dozens upon dozens of cable and satellite stations since the dawn of such technology.

Regional ITV franchises were weird things. Every ten years or so, ITV would renew its franchises by getting the existing holders to bid to keep their broadcast licence, while allowing other companies to bid as well. The deal was simple, the company that offered the most money, assuming they passed certain criteria, would get the franchise. These were sealed bids, so no one knew what the other companies were bidding.

Sounds fair enough, but it did lead to some anomalies. For example, no one ever tried to bid against Granada Television, presumably because they made
Coronation Street
, the nation’s favourite soap opera at the time, and held the country to ransom over it. Or something like that. Basically, they didn’t pay as much as other stations, and didn’t have to worry about being outbid.

Other regions, such as London and the South East, were hotbeds of competition, and this meant that from time to time the TV channel you were used to watching vanished completely. I remember when Thames changed to Carlton but you may have lived in a region covered by TVS, Tyne Tees, or HTV; each of which is no more.

It may seem like a small thing but when your childhood of TV watching is punctuated by the same TV ident every day – such as Thames Television’s London skyline emerging from the River Thames – then their passing is worthy of note.

But like I said, there have been loads more casualties in recent years. Do you remember any of these?

Auction World TV, Bravo, Carlton Food Network, Comedy Channel, ITV News, L!ve TV, Lifestyle, Men & Motors, Open Access, Teachers TV, UK Horizons.

And what about Landscape? It was around in the early days of satellite television. New age music played along to moody videos of birds in flight or paradise beaches.

There are plenty more, but time to move on.

Dodo Rating:

The Watershed

Yes, I know it still technically exists and, don’t worry, I am not about to come over all Mary Whitehouse on you, but I am sure many of you remember the days when the watershed actually used to mean something.

No swearing, no tits, no arses, no willies, and definitely no female private parts before 9pm. TV stations would also avoid any themes of a remotely adult nature and films would often be edited and censored to remove any ‘questionable’ content. There simply was nothing salacious to see before the watershed.

Clearly any really explicit content is still kept till after the watershed, but adult themes and storylines pervade most TV dramas that air in the early evening – just think about the plots of
Eastenders
or
Coronation Street
, for example. It also seems that, over time, some former after-9pm shows have come to be considered suitable for earlier viewing, especially on digital and satellite channels.
Blackadder
is fairly easy to find on one of the comedy stations at any time of the day, but was originally shown at 9pm on BBC2.
Friends
is rated 12 on DVD, but is often shown on Channel 4 in the early morning at the weekend. And there are many more examples.