31 Days of Winter (45 page)

‘Not really. I just feel a bit stiff, that’s all.’

‘A hot shower will help loosen up your muscles.
Come on. I need to eat. I have quite an appetite this morning.’

‘I’ll bet,’ I giggled.

‘If you weren’t so bruised, I’d spank you,’ he
laughed. I smiled over my shoulder, then frowned as I recalled last night and
how scared I’d been as I went under the water. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked as I
shivered.

‘Just remembering being in that water and thinking
I was never getting out.’

‘You scared the living daylights out of me. I was
in complete panic mode when I heard you scream and I came out and couldn’t see
you.’

‘I can’t believe you came in after me. You could’ve
drowned as well.’

‘I swim in the loch in Summer, I’m strong,’ he
advised as he caressed the small of my back.

‘Then I’m very lucky. Thank you so much,’ I whispered
sincerely as I held his gaze. He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear, then
leaned down and kissed my temple.
How could something so simple make my
stomach flip like that?
I wondered. I grabbed his hand and yanked him down
onto the pillow next to me. ‘Thank you,’ I uttered again. ‘For
everything
.’
I felt my eyes fill up, and I was terrified that any minute he was going to
remember that he shouldn’t be happy and revert back to his cold distant
persona. It had been hard to accept before, but now we’d had sex, my connection
to him ran even deeper, it was going to hurt an awful lot more. He held my
cheek and brushed my tears away with his thumb as he frowned.

‘Have I made you this sad?’

‘No, you’ve made me happy.’

‘I’m happy too,’ he nodded, with a surprised look
on his face. I quickly scooted across to him and kissed him, and was
ridiculously over the moon when he kissed me back as he held me to him. We
kissed for a few minutes before he broke away with a sigh. ‘I’m also
really
hungry.’

‘Ok, I can take a hint, you’d rather food than
me.’

‘No, I need food so I have the energy to eat you
later,’ he chuckled. I blushed and quickly extracted myself and scrambled down
the end of the bed towards the ladder. ‘Why the hurry?’

‘I recognise the twinkle in your eye and I need to
shower and brush my teeth first,
desperately.
’

‘Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but now
you’ve brought it up,’ he chuckled. I stuck my tongue out at him as I made my
way down the ladder and skipped to the bathroom. I was about to sit on the
toilet and froze.

‘Dan?’ I called.

‘Yes?’

‘Can I ask a favour?’

‘What?’

‘No peeping through the floorboards, I need to
pee.’

‘You turn me on in many ways Ellie, but watching
you on the toilet doesn’t rank in any of the fantasies that I’ve imagined.’

‘What fantasies?’ I asked as I did my business
secure in the knowledge that he wouldn’t be watching.

‘Do you ever just enjoy a bit of quiet time?’ he
laughed.

‘I’m a people person, I like talking and listening.
I suppose you prefer the silence.’

‘I wouldn’t say I prefer it, I’m just used to it.’

‘You shouldn’t be. You’re a young guy who should
be out interacting with people. You’ll be single for life if you don’t get out
there.’

‘What about you? What are … what are your dating
plans when you get home?’ he called, with a hesitation. I smiled, there was an
edge of jealousy in his voice.

‘I’d like a bit of me time for a while, but Brooke
wants me to jump back into the saddle and start dating, more a casual friends
with benefits sort of thing.’ I waited for a response and none came, so I
flushed the chain, washed my hands and stripped off my t-shirt. I turned on the
shower, stepping into the hot water and running my hands over my face before I
let out a startled scream when I felt his hands on my hips as he pressed up
behind me.

‘I
hate
the idea of you with anyone else.’
His voice had taken on a surprisingly serious tone, letting me know he was more
jealous than I’d actually surmised.

‘You don’t want me to see someone else?’

‘No.’

‘But you don’t want me either?’

‘I want you, I just can’t have you. The minute you
get on that plane you’re moving onto your new life and I’m living mine here.’

‘I told you, I could see you when you come to
London,’ I reminded him as I ran my hand up his firm chest.

‘You deserve someone who’ll make you his priority
Ellie, and I’m not that man, much as I want to be.’

‘You don’t get to decide what I need Dan,’ I
objected. ‘Maybe I don’t need all that relationship pressure after my last two
disasters. Maybe I’d be just fine seeing you for a few amazing weekends a
year.’

‘They would be amazing, but you wouldn’t be fine.
Don’t lie to yourself. You’ve already admitted you don’t do well being alone.’

‘But what if …’

‘What if, nothing,’ he interrupted as he clasped
my face and kissed me. ‘We have over a week together for many,
many
amazing moments, let’s stop talking and start doing.’ He kissed me more
vigorously and I automatically responded, clasping the back of his neck as I
hopped up onto his hips. He grunted and walked me back into the tiled wall, the
steam of the hot water had nothing on the heat radiating from us both as his
hand snaked down between my legs. He thrust two fingers inside me as his thumb
pressed against my clit. I pulled back from his mouth to let out a satisfied
cry as his fingers worked faster and faster, all the while he kept his eyes on
mine, taking pleasure in watching my reactions. I drank him in through half
closed eyes, my jaw slack as another smile of satisfaction spread across his
face.

‘Kiss me,’ I pleaded. His gaze was too intense.

‘No. I want to watch you.’

‘Why?’

‘You look so happy.’

‘I am,’ I nodded as I writhed on his fingers, my
breathing getting out of control. I don’t think even my fingers could affect me
the way his did. How did he know exactly where it felt best, what speed to go,
what pressure to apply? He was
amazing
. I dropped my eyes from his as I
felt my climax approaching. I was seriously struggling to contain my feelings
for him, something in me just felt an undeniable connection to him, one I
didn’t want him to know about for fear of scaring him off.

‘Look at me, Ellie,’ he ordered in his deep sexy
baritone that felt like an all over body caress. I slowly raised my head as my
body began to tense, the minute I connected with his shining green eyes I was
done for. I quaked and mewled as he held me up with his one large palm, his
other fingers not ceasing until I’d ridden it out. I trembled as he removed
them, then watched a wicked glint in his eyes as he slowly sucked each finger
and groaned. ‘I need you. Now.’

‘Yes,’ I whispered with a nod of my head. In
seconds he’d widened his stance, his hips levering my thighs further apart and
dove into me. He was like a snow plough, nothing stood in his way or slowed
down his forward momentum, and I screamed as he buried himself to the hilt
inside me.

‘Ok?’ he asked gruffly as he held himself deeply
inside of me.

‘Yessss,’ I sighed. ‘You’re …
incredible.
’

‘No, you are,’ he replied as he moved to kiss my
neck, just under my ear. ‘You fit me perfectly, there’s not a millimetre to
spare. No one ever fit me like this Ellie, I was born to fuck you.’ He reminded
me by thrusting into me again and I screamed and gripped his shoulder blades,
digging my nails in. ‘I need you hard and fast, ok?’

‘Ok,’ I moaned as the ripple effect of his shaft
rubbing all my sensitive internal nerves spread outwards.

‘Hold tight,’ he growled. I did as he powered in
and out of me, eliciting more screams of pleasure amidst grunts of his own. He
was like a wild rutting stag, as if he’d suddenly remembered what pleasure sex
could bring him, this time was for him, not for me and I was fine with that. I
let my body relax and move to his rhythm, reached up and grasped his hair as I
pulled his head back and kissed him. He was forceful, crushing and bruising my
lips as he used my body. I came violently and heard him make a grunt of
approval, but he didn’t slow down. I had to break away and tilt my head to the
side to try and take in some gulps of air. He was instantly on my neck, biting,
kissing, and rendering me to putty in his hands.

‘No,’ I moaned as I felt another climax
approaching.

‘Let me have it,’ he ordered in my ear.

‘NO.’

‘Stop fighting me and do as you’re told, Ellie.’

‘It’s too much … you’re too much,’ I cried as I
tried to hold it in.

‘You
will
do as you’re told, Ellie Baxter.
Come. NOW,’ he stated in a tone that left me in no doubt he expected immediate
compliance. I had visions of him in a boardroom, wearing a sexy three-piece-suit,
as he bossed about his minions like that and shattered again. ‘Ellie,’ he
groaned as I felt him flex inside me.

‘O, shit,’ I panted as I continued to tremble.

‘Wanking’s never going to be good enough for me
now,’ he sighed.

‘We definitely need to work on your romance
repertoire,’ I laughed.

‘Sorry, but … it’s been hard to remember what sex
was like, I’ve got so used to my hand, but nothing’s going to compare to you.’

‘I shall take that as a compliment then.’

‘You should. I’ve had a lot of sex in the past,
seriously crappy sex it seems,’ he chuckled and lifted his hands to gently hold
me face again, planting another tender kiss on my lips. I looked at him
puzzled. He was such a complex guy. He could be cold and distant, rough and
raw, hurtful and closed off, yet tender, caring, loving and giving. I just knew
that there was a really decent loveable guy buried under this façade he’d made
for himself. I was so scared that without me to remind him of the guy he could
be, the guy he really was, he’d revert back. I knew it shouldn’t matter, in
less than a week I’d be gone and I’d never see him again. Why
should
it
matter? I knew why, I knew I was going to be thinking about him for a long
time, wondering what if? I knew if I had enough time I could break him, but time
I didn’t have. The thought was like a punch in my stomach and the hurt must’ve
shown on my face. ‘What is it? You look like you’re about to be sick.’

‘I feel sick,’ I nodded, not lying.

‘You’re hungry. You hardly ate last night. Come
on, clean up and I’ll make our breakfast,’ he smiled. I nodded and gasped as he
lifted me off him and set me down, steadying me as I wobbled. He smiled and
dipped his head and kissed me again, before reaching for the shower gel and
squirting some in his palm before passing it to me and lathering up his body. I
just stood with the plastic container in my hand as I watched him. He was
simply magnificent, every inch of his hard muscular body was toned and in
proportion, not an ounce of fat anywhere. His perpetual bronzed skin showed off
his masculine dark hairs on his forearms, chest and the trail that led down to
his most masculine part of all. Even flaccid he looked bigger than Matt had
erect. I tore my eyes away and turned my back as I cleaned up properly, smiling
as I felt his arms slide around my waist as he nosed through my wet hair and
kissed my neck.

‘Don’t, or we won’t make it out of the shower,’ I
advised.

‘Hmmm. Sounds ok to me.’

‘You need sustenance as we’re nearly out of
candles and I can only think of one fun thing to do in the dark later to make
the night fly,’ I advised. He groaned and kissed my neck again.

‘Sounds like the perfect plan. See you out there.’

I dried off and towel dried my hair before
rummaging in his wardrobe where I’d hung up a few of my clothes. I put on my
blue jeans and a cream thick jumper and headed to join him in the small
kitchen, where the smell of coffee and bacon emanated from. I stood awkwardly
behind him, I wanted to tiptoe up and kiss the back of his neck, but we weren’t
a couple and I felt like I was constantly on borrowed time, never knowing what
may flip that switch in his brain and make him revert. He turned his head and
smiled at me, stepped forward and kissed me, making me blush.

‘It smells really good,’ I advised.

‘Why don’t you pour the coffees, I’m nearly done.’

We ate at the bistro table as we chatted, well I
chatted and he just listened. I cleared up and he suggested taking a walk to
enjoy the views before the snow finally disintegrated. I got a disapproving
look as I refused a hat, but smiled as he pulled his black coat around me and
kissed me as he zipped it up. He automatically took my hand as we set off, him
with a small rucksack on his back loaded with water and some cheese sandwiches.
We followed the running trail and he pointed out the various birds we spotted
on the way and explained their feeding and nesting habits. It was so hard to
reconcile this outdoorsy Dan with someone who used to work in the city. We
stopped for our sandwiches on an outcrop of granite that hung over the loch as
we just enjoyed the silence and I smiled shyly at him as he reached for my hand
and held it tightly as we looked out at the view. Eventually he helped me up
when we were done and put his arm around me as we walked, tucking me into his
side. I glanced up at him and grinned, he’d always been tall and broad, but now
he was standing even straighter, he seemed larger than life, not least from the
smile plastered across his own face, reflecting my own.

‘I can feel you watching me.’

‘You look happy.’

‘I am. You’ve woken something in me, a part of me
that I’d forgotten, that I’d left behind. Feeling happy isn’t an emotion I’ve
allowed myself to feel for over three years, but I know the moment you leave
you’re going to take that spark of life with you and I’ll return to feeling
empty.’ He sighed heavily as he glanced at me and kissed my hair. ‘Happy as I
am now, you’ve ruined me, because I’m going to be living in the dark every day
when you’re gone, knowing how life could have been.’