3.5. Black Magic Woman (3 page)

Authors: John G. Hartness

“Not a bit. Occam’s razor it is, then.”

Greg’s head snapped up. “Occam’s razor?”

“You know, all other things being equal, the simplest explanation is most likely the correct one?” I said, finally the smart one for a change.

“I know what it is, bro. I just didn’t think you did.” So much for me being the smart one.

“So now what?” I asked them.

“Well, since you broke Greg’s nose, I think he’s safe from smelling anything. And since her mojo doesn’t seem to work on women, I’m in the clear, so all we need to do is…this!” Sabrina tossed a handful of black pepper in my face, setting off an insane sneezing fit and ensuring that I wouldn’t smell anything for at least another few minutes.

“Thanks, now how to we find this chick?” I asked, reaching out to Greg for some of his tissues. Unfortunately as we scoured the convention center, it became pretty easy to follow her path by the trail of unconscious old men she’d left. We found her in the exhibit hall, once again surrounded by mindless men. I know, Sabrina would probably say that was redundant, but that’s beside the point.

I held up my hands as we approached. “We don’t want to fight, we just want to talk.”

“What is there to discuss, vampire? You have nothing I want, no life force to feed me. These men do, and they are so happy to let me borrow it.” She was glorious now, almost glowing with stolen life force.

“I don’t think they understand that it’s an interest-free loan, and pretty unfortunately short-term.” I replied, trying to come up with a way to take her out without hurting any of her human shields.

“I don’t understand you, vampire. What are you babbling about?” About the response my jokes usually get from really hot women, much to my chagrin.

“I just want to know who you are, why you’re doing this, that’s all.” I kept easing closer to her, but she kept a solid wall of sweaty, hypnotized nerds between us as she backed away.

“I am Anaisin, and I was old when your ancestors were crossing the land bridge wearing furs. I am who they worshipped in the daylight, and she who they told tales of around the campfire! I am what you wish you could be, and what you will never become! I am the eater of souls, the devourer of worlds, and…”

“And you talk too much.” Sabrina said from behind her. The immortal hottie spun around, and Sabrina put three rounds from her service automatic between her eyes. I shielded my eyes from the spray, but there was none. Instead, holes appeared in the soul-stealer’s head and rainbows of light started to shine from inside. The beams of light multiplied and coalesced into one solid column of blinding luminescence shining straight up into the air. The light pulsed along the ceiling for a few seconds, then shrank down into a ball glowing brighter than the sun. The ball vibrated in midair once, twice, then exploded, sending thousands of beams of light throughout the convention center.

Blinded, I dove for the floor and rolled under a couple of vendor tables to get out of the way of the light. I didn’t think it was sunlight, but I didn’t feel like testing my theory just then. The light show lasted for about half a minute, and then I crawled out of my hiding spot. Sabrina was standing right where I’d left her, but she looked
different
somehow. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something had changed very subtly in her. Anaisin was nowhere to be seen, and all around where she had stood, men were blinking and rubbing their eyes, as if waking from a dream. I looked around slowly, and everywhere I looked I saw men coming to their feet and shaking their heads in confusion. They all seemed to have returned to their rightful age, so a couple of bullets to the face must have been the right solution to the problem. Come to think of it, that’s a solution to a lot of problems; just don’t tell my hippie partner I said so.

I pushed through the crowd to Sabrina’s side and put a hand on her shoulder. She looked at me questioningly, and I turned her to where a significantly younger Dave was hugging his son to his chest. “I guess all’s well that ends well, huh?”

“If you can say this ended well. I shot that woman in cold blood!” She looked at me and I saw a lot of things in her eyes. Confusion, anger at herself, fear, and insecurity.

I put both hands on her shoulders and looked at her firmly. “That wasn’t a woman. I don’t know what she was, but if anything, she was an uber-vampire, able to drink from people’s life force without actually touching them. Whatever she was, she was bad news, and you took her out. And you might have been the only one who could. Being a chick and all. And being armed.”

“With silver bullets.”

“Silver bullets?”

“I carry a couple of mags of silver bullets ever since our Fairyland trip.”

“Good idea.”

“And a couple that are blessed with holy water, just in case.”

“If you tell me you’ve got special garlic-tipped wooden rounds, I’m going to worry.” She laughed, but I noticed that she didn’t answer.

Just then, Greg came running up, completely out of breath. “Oh good, you killed her. That’s great! Jimmy, you got any cash?”

“I never have cash, and where have you been?”

“This dude has a Mint in Box Voltron, and I’m like five bucks short.”

Sabrina reached into a hidden pocket in her costume and handed him a bill with a grin. “Here, go buy your doll.”

Greg and I looked at each other, then back at her and in unison said “Action figure!”

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