He hadn’t offered to show her the bedrooms and Jani hadn’t wondered about them. But she developed a sudden curiosity about the master suite. About the bed he slept in. About what it might be like to be taken to it...
But when it struck her that the thought was actually going through her mind, it rocked her a little. She couldn’t be thinking about his bedroom. His bed. Being taken to it. What was she doing?
And that was when she recalled what she’d come into this evening telling herself. That she had had every intention of avoiding another kiss from Gideon, and that she’d had good reason for that.
Ground rules!
she mentally shrieked at herself.
Dial it back and stick to those rules!
Which would have been easier to do if she’d wanted to. But kissing him was so wickedly divine...
Still, she knew she couldn’t let it go on. She certainly couldn’t let it go even further, in the direction she’d been thinking about.
So she pushed slightly against his chest, trying hard not to note how much her fingers wanted to dig into it instead, and her tongue retreated at the same moment to compound the message.
Gideon got it.
The kiss grew chaste, and then ended. Only to be followed by another, as if he needed just one more morsel before he really could stop.
Then he inhaled deeply and sat back, shaking his head.
“We’ve come from really different places and we’re headed down really different paths,” he said in a deep, raspy voice that was so quiet she was almost not sure he was talking to her. “Why isn’t that carrying the kind of weight it should be and keeping this on the straight and narrow?”
“I don’t know...” Jani said, as quiet and as dumbfounded as he seemed to be.
“I like you and I’m not supposed to—that doesn’t help,” he said, half joking.
“Wine on the carpet?” she offered again.
He laughed. “I’m pretty sure you could throw it in my face and it wouldn’t help.”
“If that’s what you want...” Jani teased, again pretending to reach for the glass.
And again Gideon caught her wrist.
And again Gideon kissed her—only lightly this time. But it was another kiss that Jani didn’t want to end, in spite of everything.
Except that somehow her willpower had found a bit of a hold.
Apparently, so had his because this kiss was short-lived.
“I should get home,” she said before he had the chance to start again. She didn’t trust herself, either; that bit of willpower she’d mustered was already weakening.
Gideon conceded with a lift of his chin. He stood up and got her coat from the closet while Jani grabbed her purse and went to the door.
“I’ll go down to the garage with you,” he offered.
And then there would be more opportunities for kissing—in the elevator, at her car...
“No, no,” Jani said. “There’s an attendant and security cameras all over and I’m parked two spaces from the elevator. I’ll be fine. Really!” she added for emphasis.
He brought her coat to her and held it for her to slip into, and she knew he was having as much difficulty keeping to the straight and narrow as she was when his hands went to her shoulders from behind for a moment while she fastened the buttons.
But then he let go, and she turned to face him with something she knew would put a damper on everything.
“Sunday dinner...” she said, doubting that he needed any more of a reminder than that to know she was asking if he was coming.
“At your grandmother’s house. To get the check to start the community center,” he said, his tone distinctly more somber, making it clear he was not at all enthusiastic about the prospect.
“We’re not ogres...”
“
That’s
what I need—grow a big green head, would you?”
“By tomorrow? I can try, but I can’t make any promises.”
He was looking very intently at her and she knew he didn’t want to agree to Sunday dinner. But she thought that she might be what was keeping him from a flat no, so she said, “Remember that you’ll be my
special
guest.”
He laughed at her outrageously naughty spin on what her grandmother had said, and she was glad he knew she was only kidding.
“Come on,” Jani urged without any guile. “Just come. If you hate it you can whisper that in my ear, I’ll get you the check and you can leave.”
He didn’t want to. She could see that.
But then he took another deep breath and said with all his reluctance in his tone, “Okay.”
Jani had the answer she needed and thought she should go before he changed his mind, so she opened the door a crack as she said, “I’ll text you my address. Come to my place at four and we’ll go over together.”
He nodded and Jani thought she’d sufficiently changed the tone of things to prevent any more kissing.
But no sooner had she thought that than he took both of her arms in his massive hands and pulled her into another very sound good-night kiss.
Then he let her go and opened the door the rest of the way for her.
“Big green head. By tomorrow,” he commanded as she went to the elevator.
“I’ll do my best,” she assured him as she pushed the elevator button and the door opened instantly.
She got in and turned to find Gideon standing in his doorway watching her, looking for all the world the way she felt—as if he would have done anything for this evening not to be ending.
But then the doors began to close and Jani called a last-minute, “Good night. And thanks for dinner!”
And she fought the urge the whole way down to the parking garage not to hit the button for his floor again and just go right back up and into his arms...
“Ground rules,” she whispered to herself as the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened to the garage where a man was waiting to get on.
Only then did she notice that her finger was actually poised over the button for the seventh floor.
She yanked her hand back, took a deep breath and exhaled.
But she finally managed to get out of that elevator and go home.
Chapter Eight
“I
don’t know what’s wrong with me, Jack,” Gideon confided in his friend over breakfast the next morning at a small diner down the street from Gideon’s loft.
His friend’s response was a wry, humorless imitation of a laugh. “After yesterday’s round of battles with Tiffany on the phone, hearing Sammy crying in the background because she was screaming at me, yeah, there’s a side of me that doesn’t know what’s wrong with you, either. That side of me thinks there has to be something wrong with you
not
to run as fast as you can from
any
woman. Unfortunately, there’s the other side of me.”
“That saw Jani getting off the elevator in the garage last night when you were getting on,” Gideon guessed.
Jack had shown up unexpectedly minutes after Jani had left. Gideon had been hoping the knock on his door meant she’d changed her mind and come back. Instead he’d opened it to his distraught friend. After it had become apparent that Gideon had hoped Jack was someone else, Gideon had explained the situation and they figured out that Jack had just had his first glimpse of Jani downstairs.
From then on they’d talked about Jack’s troubles. Then they’d scheduled this breakfast and Jack had left Gideon to get back to thinking about Jani. To wishing Jani
had
been outside his door instead of his friend. To reliving their kisses. And wanting to kiss her again. And to wanting to do more than kiss her...
Which was why this morning’s breakfast conversation was about Gideon’s demons rather than Jack’s.
“Yeah, unfortunately there’s that other side of me that saw January Camden last night,” Jack confirmed. “And that woman is
something.
What did you call her?
A hot little number?
No truer words than those! Who wouldn’t be blinded by that?”
It chafed at Gideon to hear his own early description of Jani repeated by his friend. It seemed disrespectful and demeaning. But what was he going to say to Jack? That his opinion, his feelings about Jani were different now? That would be admitting that there
were
feelings about Jani now. For Jani...
He didn’t even want to
think
about that, let alone admit it.
“Blind is not a good thing,” he said rather than addressing any of the rest of it. “I can’t lose sight—”
“Of her being a Camden, I know. But whoa! She’s gorgeous! All that great hair and those eyes? Those are some of the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen!”
His friend’s admiration prompted a wave of jealousy in Gideon on top of everything else...
“It’s crazy,” he muttered more to himself than to Jack. Then to Jack, he said, “She’s a damn Camden, and she wants kids in the worst way. Worse than any woman I’ve ever met. It’s like fate is laughing in my face. Not only is she a member of a family that victimized mine, but she’s also kid-obsessed. One or the other makes her poison to me and she’s
both!
”
“So you want to be totally turned off by her,” Jack said.
“But every time I’m with her, I forget all about her last name or who her relatives are. I even forget the baby stuff the minute she’s not telling me about it.”
“And
you
just want
her
in the worst way,” Jack summarized, using Gideon’s own words. “Forbidden fruit?” Jack suggested.
Gideon shrugged, unsure himself.
“So, just out of curiosity,” Jack said cautiously, “if she
wasn’t
a Camden, would you cave on the kid thing? Do you really mean it about no more kids in your life
ever?
”
“I really mean it,” Gideon said without wavering. “You love a kid like you never knew you could love anything—you know that.”
“I do,” Jack agreed. “It’s kind of a shock how much.”
“And now you know what it’s like to have them ripped away from you.”
Jack didn’t say anything to that. He didn’t have to. The dark stare he was sending at his juice glass was confirmation enough.
“I’m not getting anywhere near another kid.
Ever!
” Gideon said.
“So you’re right—January Camden is double trouble. But you want to be all over her, anyway.”
This time it was Gideon who stared daggers at the orange juice. “Which is why I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Jack laughed another wry laugh, this one with a touch of humor to it. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just a normal, healthy, red-blooded American boy with one of the most luscious pieces of—”
“Don’t call her that!” He had to stop his friend before the word came out of Jack’s mouth because he just couldn’t let Jani be denigrated that way.
Jack merely said, “There’s nothing wrong with you. There would be something wrong with you if you
weren’t
tempted by a woman like that. I’m in the middle of divorce agony and cringing at the thought of another relationship, and I still couldn’t take my eyes off her last night. I watched her walk all the way to her car before I pushed the elevator button to close the doors.”
Gideon felt another wave of jealous resentment that he couldn’t understand.
“Yeah, well, normal or not, it doesn’t help,” he groused. “And now I’m stuck going to dinner with the whole Camden clan tonight.”
“That’ll be weird,” Jack commiserated. “Going to their house. Being with all of them. I’m surprised you agreed to it.”
“Yeah, I’m not even sure how I did. You just don’t expect to get steamrolled by a little old lady—I didn’t see that coming and didn’t have much time to mount a defense. Then last night with Jani—”
“Going to dinner at her grandmother’s house means you’ll see her and you were too hot for her to say no.”
Gideon didn’t bother to deny that. “Geez, I’m pathetic,” he moaned disparagingly instead.
Jack laughed genuinely—but sympathetically—then. “It’s only one dinner and you’ll come away with the start-up money for the community center. Let’s think of it like that.”
“Okay, let’s think of it like that,” Gideon concurred sarcastically.
“Then maybe you should try to find a way to get this woman out of your system,” his friend suggested.
“Detox? Is there a rehab center to conquer addiction to a Camden?”
Jack shrugged elaborately. “Or sometimes you gotta dive in all the way before you can come out on the other end....”
Gideon didn’t respond to that.
He was too worried that his friend might be right.
And that one way or another, he couldn’t keep himself from diving in when it came to Jani.
He just had to hope he
did
come out on the other end.
And without the kind of scars and consequences the Camdens had left before...
* * *
Ordinarily Jani loved Sunday dinner at GiGi’s. It was a big family gathering where everyone was free to bring as many guests as they wanted.
Seth, the oldest of the Camden grandchildren, lived in Northbridge, Montana, so he could only come when he was in town. But the remaining nine never missed a Sunday. And now that Cade was engaged, his fiancée, Nati Morrison, was also there every week to share the meal, along with her grandfather—and GiGi’s companion—Jonah.
Tonight several of Jani’s cousins had brought friends and Nati had also brought her friend Holly, so—along with Margaret and Louie who also always attended as extended family rather than household staff—it was a large group.
Such a large group that Jani was certain she alone was aware of how reserved Gideon was.
But he
was
extremely reserved.
When anyone approached him, he was amiable and friendly. When spoken to, he engaged in conversation and seemed interested. Jani had seen him talking sports and laughing with her brothers and cousins—who made great effort to get to know him and include him. He was polite and cordial to GiGi and had even stiffly accepted the hug the older woman insisted on giving him. And he’d had a lengthy talk with Jonah.
But now that Jani had experienced the relaxed Gideon, she knew the stiffer, more formal version when she saw it. And she saw it all through dinner, dessert and still now when she came from the kitchen with containers of leftovers that GiGi was sending home with her and with Gideon. Jani was reasonably sure that he hadn’t spent even one minute of the evening relaxed or comfortable.
He was literally standing with his back to a wall as she went to him. And although he was in the living room with everyone else, he was about as near to the front door as he could get, as if he might slip out at any moment.
There was also such a tightness to his facial muscles that every line of his handsome face was more sharply etched.
Not that he didn’t look fantastic, because he did. After texting to ask how to dress for the evening, he’d shown up in a dark gray sweater that zipped from midchest to the top of a mock neck. He’d left the zipper halfway down so he didn’t appear stuffy; the open sides accentuated his jawline and made him look dashing and daring.
He had paired the sweater with low-rise charcoal pants that rode his hips and cupped his derriere so well Jani had caught more than one of the other women there stealing glances.
But regardless of how fantastic he looked, he also looked like someone who needed to be given a break and shepherded out of there before he made an escape on his own. So when Jani reached him she said, “We’re all set. My grandmother just wants to say good-night to you and we can go.”
Gideon only nodded, as if he didn’t want to seem rude and show too much relief at the idea that he was minutes from the end.
Jani was glad when GiGi worked her way through the room at just that moment.
“I’ll get our coats,” Jani said, leaving Gideon to her grandmother, who had already given him the check for the community center without fanfare earlier in the evening so that their contribution would remain discreet.
The coat closet was nearby and she could hear the exchange of farewells between Gideon and her grandmother. She could hear that Gideon said all the right things—complimenting GiGi on the meal, and thanking her for dinner and for the check. Jani could also hear GiGi telling him how glad she was that he’d come and inviting him back anytime. When Jani returned, GiGi squeezed his upper arm rather than repeating the hug she’d first greeted him with, told Jani she’d talk to her tomorrow and left them to their coats.
Jani led the way into the entry where she set the leftover containers on the table beneath the crystal chandelier that hung down from the high ceiling. After accepting his coat from her, Gideon set it on the table, too, and took Jani’s coat to hold for her.
Tonight Jani had on black slacks and a sweater Margaret had knitted her for Christmas. It was a bright red cable-knit with an off-the-shoulder scalloped neckline that folded over to drape down past her breasts. The drape provided a second layer of concealment making a bra unnecessary. So Jani hadn’t worn one.
She slipped her arms into her black knee-length wool coat and Gideon lifted it onto her shoulders, brushing her bare skin as he did. Tiny tingles rained through her and she felt her nipples tighten instantly, but she worked to give no indication that such an innocent thing could do so much to her. She hoped she’d succeeded—the last thing she would want Gideon to know was that that was all it took to send her to the brink of being turned on. Instead she reached around with one hand to take her hair out of her collar and then grabbed the leftover containers from the table to hold in front of her like a shield.
“Okay, we can go!” she said glibly, still trying to conceal the effects of her brief contact with him. Effects that were compounded when she watched him shrug those broad shoulders into his leather jacket.
After that, the chill of the winter air when they stepped onto the landing outside the oversize front door was just what she needed.
Gideon had met her at her house but then insisted on driving. His car was parked pretty far back in the line of vehicles that surrounded the fountain at the center of the circular drive and even continued down the short private lane that led from Gaylord Street.
Neither of them said anything as they walked to it, and Jani only muttered a soft “Thanks” for Gideon opening the passenger door for her. He didn’t respond before he closed the door and went around to get behind the wheel and start the engine.
“That wasn’t too bad, was it?” Jani asked when they were settled.
“No,” he said without conviction.
“It was awful? Horrible? You had a terrible time and the food made you sick?”
“No, none of that,” he said with an involuntary laugh.
“This is just the way you are when you have a fabulous time?”
He kept his eyes on the road. “Your family couldn’t have been nicer or more cordial—and it wasn’t phony in any way. They made me feel like one of them. It looks like that’s what they do with everybody. I was worried your grandmother might make some big production out of giving me the check, but she handled that great, too. She—all of your family—they’re down-to-earth, regular people—”
“Because we aren’t from Mars,” Jani joked.
That got no response.
“The food was great,” Gideon went on. “And there’s even lunch for tomorrow. How can I complain about that? And that house...” He breathed an admiring sigh. “That’s some house.”
“So this
is
you after a fabulous time?”
He let silence fall for a moment before he said in a quiet, solemn voice, “I just kept looking around at the grandeur of that house, at all of your family, and picturing the dark, dreary bar and the small apartment above it that was the center of
my
family life. And what my family ended up like...”
Oh.
“You live in a really nice place now, too,” she reminded him in a way she hoped was diplomatic.
“Yeah, but it didn’t come at anyone else’s expense,” he said quietly. Then Jani saw him shrug. “It was just tough to separate things tonight. And not to feel guilty and disloyal for being where I was, for
not
having a miserable time or... You know, for
not
disliking you all...”