A Beautiful Lie (The Camaraes) (101 page)

The lay in the dark in silence for several minutes, and then Muira rolled onto her side to face her husband. 
“
Lachlan?
”
she whispered. 

“
What?
”

“
Are you asleep?
”

There was a paused. 
“
Yes.
”

“
Lachlan
,
”
Muira hissed.  She felt the mattress give as he shifted position, also rolling onto his side she guessed, so that they were peering at each other through the inky darkness.

“
What is it, Muira?
”
he yawned.

“
Are you angry?
”
she blurted.  She listened to him sigh.  He was doing that too often lately.  She wanted them to be happy and carefree again!  But she feared that wasn
’
t going to happen for quite sometime.

“
In general or with-
”

“
With me?
”
Muira interrupted.

“
Why would I be angry with you?
”
he asked, sounding genuinely puzzled. 
“
Muira, you have to know, you
’
ve been the one thing keeping me going this last week!
”
  He reached for her suddenly, pulling her into his arms.

“
Truly?
”
she sniffed.

“
Yes!  Muira, you know that, I told you-
”

“
I just feel so- so lost and confused,
”
she whispered shakily. 
“
Like- like it
’
s all my fault somehow,
”
she confessed hoarsely, shuddering as she spoke the words aloud.

“
What?  No!
”
Lachlan yelped. 
“
Why would you even think that?
”
he growled, clutching her tighter.

“
Because I
knew
what Tavish was like, and I kept quiet, I made you keep quiet,
”
she whimpered, tears trickling silently down her cheeks. 
“
If I hadn
’
t been so worried about keeping everything a secret this couldn
’
t have happened!
”
she hiccupped.  Hindsight could be a truly terrible thing.

“
Muira, we couldn
’
t have known that
this
is what he intended,
”
Lachlan said, hiss voice very calm and even.

“
But what if-
”

“
Shh-
”
In the darkness Lachlan
’
s fingers found Muira
’
s lips. 
“
You cannot live a life on
‘
what ifs
’
,
”
he said gently. 
“
Now try and get some sleep.
”

“
I
’
m afraid to sleep,
”
Muira mumbled weakly. 
“
Because when I wake it will be morning and then-
”
but her words descended into sobs.  Lachlan gathered her against his chest, and began comforting her as one would an upset little girl, stroking her hair and murmuring soft words of love. 

Muira cried herself to sleep eventually, but Lachlan stayed awake, watching over her all through the night.

..ooOOoo..

Muira woke to find that her husband was already dressed and out of bed.  He was stood looking out of the window at the dark pre-dawn world beyond the glass.  There was one glorious second of peace, when Muira didn
’
t understand the morbid set of her mind, and then it was gone, in a fierce rush of memory and realisation.

“
It
’
s nearly time, isn
’
t it?
”
she whispered, hugging the blankets tight around her body like a shield.  Lachlan didn
’
t answer with words, but in the dim light Muira watched him nod slowly.

“
I
’
ll have to leave you soon and see that everything
’
s preceding as it should.
”
  His voice was cold, detached, so unlike his usual rich, warm burr.  Muira wondered if distancing himself like this was the only way that Lachlan was able to go through with the morning
’
s
…
event.

“
There really is no other way?
”
she asked timidly, and immediately wished the words unsaid; she feared that she
’
d just pushed her husband past his limits.  Lachlan turned, wounding her with the haunted look in his eyes.

“
Would you like to ask that question to parents who were forced to bury their two year old daughter?
”
he asked numbly. 
“
Or any of the families and friends who
’
ve lost people thanks to your Mr MacEantach?
”

“
This shouldn
’
t be about revenge,
”
Muira argued shakily.

“
Damn you, woman,
”
Lachlan cursed under his breath.  Muira flinched and drew back against the headboard of the bed. 
“
A man
’
s going to die today because of an order I
’
ve given.  His blood is going to be on my hands.  Maybe you
’
d like to decide where your loyalties lie exactly?  Because you know, I
’
ve tried very hard to understand what it is that you
’
re going through, but I think I
’
m about to give up.  This isn
’
t hard for only you, Muira,
”
he growled bitterly.

“
I know that!
”
Muira blurted quickly, anxiously, she hopped out of bed, terrified that her husband was about to storm out of the room and leave things between them strained and angry. 
“
I know that, I
’
m sorry,
”
she repeated. 
“
Don
’
t be angry with me, Lachlan,
”
she whispered, taking a small step towards him. 
“
I- I couldn
’
t bear it.
”

Lachlan groaned, and then pulled her into his arms, in a gesture of apology and forgiveness. 
“
I
’
m going to send Bridghe to sit with you.  I
’
ve already asked her, she
’
s going to bring the twins,
”
he explained softly.

“
You
’
re letting me stay here?
”
Muira gasped.

“
Oh darling, I would never make you watch such a terrible thing,
”
he said gently, and then dropped a kiss to her brow. 
“
I have to go,
”
he breathed heavily.

Muira clutched at him for a moment, refusing to let him leave. 
“
I love you!
”
she swore, suddenly gripped by the need to tell him. 
“
Don
’
t forget that.
”

“
Never,
”
he promised, kissing her lips goodbye, before leaving the room.

It was only a matter of minutes that Muira was alone before Bridghe and her children arrived.  She was standing in the middle of the room, staring into space and still clad in her nightdress, when the knock on her door came and she managed to mumble a feeble
‘
come in.
’

“
Morning, Muira,
”
Bridghe said brightly, far
too
brightly in fact, and the smile that she was wearing looked decidedly forced. 
“
Not dressed yet?
”
Lachlan
’
s sister continued, not waiting for Muira
’
s reply of welcome. 
“
Well, we don
’
t need to call the maid, I can help you with that,
”
she announced, in such a cheerful tone that it made Muira
’
s already throbbing head hurt.