A Beautiful Lie (The Camaraes) (69 page)

“
It
’
s not as though I had a choice.
”

The accusation was softly spoken, but it pierced Lachlan
’
s very soul.  He froze.  His whole body seemed to catch its breath as he processed her words.

“
You
what
?
”
he choked, but didn
’
t give Muira time to answer. 
“
But you said- you
wanted
-
”
he groaned, pulling away from his wife, dropping her from his arms.  The pleasure, which had been so bone-deep a minute ago, was gone, forgotten, leaving only the ravages of intense pain in its wake.  He stumbled off the bed, away from Muira, but his eyes never left her face. 
“
You-
”
he began again, but he just couldn
’
t find the words.

“
Wait!  I didn
’
t mean to say that out loud,
”
Muira blurted.  She looked desperate, but Lachlan
couldn
’
t
forget what she had just said, despite what she might try to say now.  Muira crawled across the bed however, making to reach for him, but Lachlan stayed out of her grasp.

“
But you would have been thinking it,
”
Lachlan breathed.  His voice had taken on a surreal note of calm.  He reached numbly for his clothes, while Muira watched him anxiously from the bed.

“
Lachlan, please listen,
”
she said quickly, wringing her hands. 
“
I didn
’
t mean it like you think,
”
she squeaked. 
“
Please?
”
she begged, but he shook his head.

So she saw herself as being unable to deny him, unable to refuse him his
“
rights
”
as her husband
…
hadn
’
t he heard her say something similar in relation to Tavish?  No wonder he felt sick to his stomach!  Lachlan didn
’
t know how he
’
d managed to get this all so wrong, but he was determined to put it right if it killed him
…
which there was every possibility that it might.

“
I
’
ll deal with it,
”
he muttered cryptically, sitting down on the edge of a chair and pulling on his boots.

“
Deal with what?
”
Muira croaked. 
“
Lachlan what are you going to do?
”
she cried.  She picked up a shawl off the end of the bed and hurried over to him. 
“
Please Lachlan, I only meant that you-
”
she paused, frantically trying to find the words. 
“
That you can- well, make me feel things I don
’
t always want to.
”

Lachlan winced.  How was that any better than his interpretation of what she had said?  What was the difference between forcing her to feel things and forcing her to do things?  Pivotally to Lachlan, he was forcing something upon Muira that she didn
’
t want- namely himself.  He loved her much too much to continue to do that
…

“
I don
’
t want you to feel that way, Muria,
”
Lachlan breathed difficulty.  He stood up, towering over his wife.

“
What way?  What do you mean?
”
she asked anxiously, trembling as she spoke.

“
To be always afraid, always scared of what I might do next.
”

“
I
’
m not afraid of you!
”
she gasped, so passionately that Lachlan couldn
’
t bear to believe that it was a lie.

“
But you hate me- you said so yourself,
”
he murmured, flinching at the painful memory. 
“
I thought-
”
Lachlan stopped himself. 
“
I doesn
’
t matter what I thought,
”
he sighed, shaking his head mournfully. 
“
It
’
s over now.
”

“
What?!
”
Muira shrieked.

“
I
’
m going to go and see your brother.  I
’
m going to tell him-
”

“
You can
’
t!
”
Muira cried, suddenly throwing herself forward against his chest.  She clung to him desperately. 
“
Please, oh- please, don
’
t send me away, Lachlan?
”
she croaked, staring up at him with glassy, teary eyes.

“
I know that you
’
re worried about what your family will think,
”
Lachlan said difficultly, trying to steel himself against the luscious feel of her body pressed up against his own. 
“
But I
’
ll make sure they know it was all my fault- that you are completely innocent.  They
’
ll be ready enough to blame a MacRae warrior I
’
m sure.
”

He couldn
’
t understand why Muira was shaking her head, why she was clinging to
him
, why there were tears coating her cheeks.  After everything that she
’
d said to him, surely this was what she wanted?

“
Muira,
”
he said, trying to prise her off him, but she merely hung on to his body tighter.

“
Please?
”
she sobbed. 
“
Please, just- just forget that I said anything?
”
she begged. 
“
I just wanted to hurt you.  I was just lashing out.  What you-
we
did just then was-
”

Lachlan would never know how Muria had intended to finish that sentence, because there was loud knock on the chamber door.  Muira, in her near-to-naked state, squealed and ducked behind her husband as he called for whomever it was to enter.

“
Laird MacRae wants to see you immediately, Lachlan.
”
  The man delivering the message was the MacRae
’
s war captain.  His eyes flickered disapproving towards his tanist
’
s wife. 
“
He
’
s going to see the Camerons now and wants you with him.
”

Lachlan nodded his head gravely.  He heard Muira whimper his name again, but he couldn
’
t afford to pay her any heed.  He knew what needed to be done now.  It was just a case of doing it.

..ooOOoo..

Muira watched her husband go with a newly broken heart.  It had just been starting to mend.  She
’
d very slowly been beginning to heal, and then, like a scab being ripped off a wound, she was in a worse place than where she
’
d started!  And this time, it was all her fault!

“
Oh God!
”
she whimpered, turning back towards the mattress and crawling upon it like a wounded animal.  She breathed in the scent of sex that lingering upon the sheets and began to cry in earnest.  What had she done?  What had she done!

It had been so wonderful, so heavenly.  Muira had finally found a sense of peace as she
’
d lain in Lachlan
’
s arms, and then as the blissful clouds lifted there had been a second, just a moment, of bitter resentment- and it had come spilling out of her mouth!

She wailed pitifully into her pillow.  She felt emotionally shattered, but also physically exhausted.  Her swollen eyelids were too heavy to keep open, and before she had a chance to fight it, Muria had cried herself to sleep.  It was a few hours later when the sound of the door opening woke her instantly.

“
Lachlan?
”
she called, squinting through the darkness, a little surprised by how late it was, her stomach growled in protest.

“
Muira?
”
Lachlan
’
s voice carried through the shadowy room.  There was an edge of concern to his tone that Muira clung to. 
“
Are you all right?
”
he asked anxiously.