A Bid for Love (26 page)

“My thoughts exactly.” Meela what about to say more, but hesitated.

“What aren’t you telling me,” Jared said.

“Well, Cassi said you were crying. She said something about you caring a lot about Laranda, but you don’t seem too worried about her. Not like Cassi described.”

“What?” Understanding dawned on Jared as he replayed the events at the gallery from Cassi’s point of view. He had stayed with the woman who would have killed them both. He had even reassured Laranda of his love.

Had Cassi also misinterpreted his words when he told Laranda that Cassi could never be her? That was most certainly true; Cassi could never be a cold-hearted, money-grubbing user like Laranda. He had to find her and explain.

“The airport. Let’s go to the airport!”

Agent Shulte nodded in agreement.

When they arrived at the airport, the plane to San Diego was already in the air. Pale and dizzy from the effort of reaching the ticket desk, Jared reached out to the wall to support himself with his good arm.

“I’d better get you back to the hospital.” Agent Shulte took his arm.

Jared let the man lead him back to the car. Cassi had left him! She hadn’t waited to see if he was all right, or even to say goodbye. Jared felt betrayal that seemed many times worse than what Laranda had done to him. One thing he knew was that he loved Cassi. Loved! She should have trusted him, believed in him.

Jared continued to torture himself with her memory: the smell of her, the way the sun brought out the highlights in her incredible hair, her brown eyes, so deep that he felt himself absorbed every time he looked at her. The vitality embodied in her ready smile, her kissable lips, her impetuous behavior. The list seemed endless. How could he go back to what his life had been—dull, monotonous, unfulfilling—before he knew Cassi? It wasn’t something he wanted to think about. Since he’d met her, a whole realm of new possibilities had emerged, and he wanted to explore them to the fullest.

In his mind, he could see her face when he had kissed her the night before. There had been an underlying passion he’d never felt before, and certainly not when he’d kissed Laranda today. Love made all the difference. But Cassi obviously didn’t share his feelings, or she would have trusted him more completely. Now that the mystery of the Buddha was solved, she was gone.

Logically, Jared knew his thoughts didn’t add up. After all, she’d come to save him at the gallery, risking her own life. He also remembered how she admitted that she enjoyed being with him, and how she’d returned his kiss. So, what was the problem? Was it his fault because of what happened with Laranda? Surely Cassi should have waited for him to explain.

Misery like none he had ever known descended upon him. He had opened his heart as Trudy had advised and had only succeeded in getting it broken.

“You could go to San Diego when you’re better,” Agent Shulte commented, not looking at Jared, yet obviously sympathizing with his pain.

“But she left me!”

“When a deal at work doesn’t go right, do you just dump it?”

The man had a point. Jared wouldn’t give up easily. He would go to San Diego, if only to hear from Cassi’s own lips that she didn’t love him. At least he would know the truth. Determination filled his heart, replacing the misery. He hadn’t come this far to lose her—at least not without a fight.

“You’re right,” Jared said. They drove in silence for a moment before Jared thought of something else. “How about stopping back at my apartment for a shirt? It’s on the way. The sooner I look normal, the sooner the doctor will release me.”

The other man sighed. “Only if you promise that we’ll go straight to the hospital afterwards. I think you’re bleeding again.” He jerked his head toward Jared’s shoulder. Sure enough, a large patch of red stained the fresh bandage. “What we men go through for a beautiful woman.”

Jared had to agree.

On the way home, another thought occurred to him. He had never actually told Cassi how he felt about her, and it was entirely possible that his actions after the shooting had only doused any inkling he’d given her. Despite his own hurt, tenderness for Cassi swelled in his heart.

At the apartment, he put on an old shirt and packed a few items for the hospital. He didn’t plan on staying more than one night, and that only because he’d promised Agent Shulte. As he emerged from the bedroom, he stopped, noticing that the door to his
Life
collection was ajar.

“I could have sworn I left this door shut last night,” he said.

Agent Shulte motioned Jared back and drew his gun. He approached the door cautiously. “Is anyone there?” he asked. No one answered. In true FBI fashion, he pushed open the door cautiously and peered into the room. After a moment he called out, “There’s nothing here but a bunch of statues.”

Jared followed him into the room, instantly seeing what was different. On the floor in front of his collection lay a box he remembered only too well. His eyes swept over
Life,
quickly finding the addition.

Cassi’s statue.

Wonder filled Jared’s mind. Cassi had given him her Mother and Baby.

One could argue that she let him have it in payment for shooting him, or that she simply believed the statue belonged in the collection. But Jared knew how much she loved the Mother and Baby, and by giving it to him, Cassi said far more about her feelings than anything else they had shared.

“She cares,” he said, hardly daring to believe. “She cares!” Jared jumped into the air and hollered again, “She cares!”

With sudden inspiration, he knew what he had to do now, and he would do it just as soon as he got out of the hospital. Jared smiled, and then frowned as black ate at the edges of his vision until the room went suddenly dark. Strong arms caught him as he fell into unconsciousness.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

The house was quiet. It had been that way for a week, ever since she had returned from New York. Cassi sat in her TV room, staring at the blank screen, the only light coming from the lamp beside the couch. Through the open window came a light summer breeze, rustling the leaves of the various plants that dotted the room. Not another sound broke the lonely silence.

Why didn’t Jared call?

She had heard nothing from him since the day of the shooting. He hadn’t even sent a check for the Mother and Baby.

Could she have killed him with that bullet? She didn’t really believe he was dead, but it remained a possibility. Infection could have set in, or something equally as bad.

At first, holding on to the thin hope that he would contact her, she had tried to slip back into her life as if nothing had happened. After four days of his silence, she had asked Linden for vacation time and had come home in tears.

That was the day she had finally unpacked the duffel bag Renae had given her and found the T-shirt Jared had worn at the beach. She clutched it first to her heart and then to her face, breathing in his fragrance. She remembered vividly how she had hidden it in her bag when Jared had come back early to the motel from the funeral. It was all she had of him, and she was grateful for it.

She threw herself onto her bed and cried, her face buried in the shirt. “How can it hurt so much?” she asked over and over. The protest only grieved her more.

She put on Jared’s shirt that day and hadn’t taken it off in the three days since, except to shower. Eventually, she knew she would get over him, but until her heart healed, she wanted to wallow in her sorrow, feeling the bittersweet pain. No matter what the consequences, she agreed with the saying that it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. At least she now knew what love was.

Her phone rang shrilly in the silence of the room. Cassi picked it up, trying to stifle the hope that flared within her.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Cassi. It’s Renae. How’re you doing?”

Cassi sighed. Since her adventure in New York, Renae had called her every day. “I’m fine. And no, he hasn’t called.”

“Maybe he can’t find your number. Why don’t you call him?”

“What would I say? ‘Hi. I’m completely crazy about you, could you propose?’ Is that what you’re suggesting?”

“No, but I can’t believe you left New York without saying good-bye. Did you ever tell him how you felt?”

“Not unless a bullet to the shoulder counts.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was.”

“No way. Don’t worry. He’ll call.”

“It doesn’t matter. He loves Laranda.”

Renae snorted. “I don’t believe it. I saw the way he looked at you.”

“Well, he’s in New York with her, and I’m here alone. Isn’t that plain enough?”

“Maybe he’s recuperating.”

“Renae, give it up. For heaven’s sake, I shot the man and—”

“You said he kissed you. That meant something.”

Cassi sighed again, this time more loudly. She had needed someone to talk to during those first days back from New York, and Renae had been available. Now Cassi wished she hadn’t been so open with her. “He kissed Laranda, too.”

 “Well, what if Linden had been shot and was clinging to you, begging you to stay with what might be his dying breath? What would you have done?”

Renae’s words hit Cassi like a slap in the face. For a few seconds, she was unable to breathe. Thoughts whirled in her head, tumbling against one another in a battle to be heard first. She let the phone slip to the couch.

Cassi stood up and paced the room restlessly. “If it had been Linden,” she repeated. Seeing the situation from Jared’s point of view was shocking. Laranda was his friend, and he could no more leave her to die alone than she could have left Linden.

Maybe Jared hadn’t used Cassi or led her on. Maybe he was simply a good person whose sense of right wouldn’t let him take the easy way out.

She had it nearly worked out in her mind when she spied the phone on the couch. Renae was yelling something, and Cassi quickly picked it up and put it to her ear.

“Then why hasn’t he called?” she asked.

“Oh, Cassi,” breathed Renae. “I was worried there for a minute. But why haven’t you called him? It’s the same thing.

“I left him my Mother and Baby.”

“You what? Really? You left him a six-thousand-dollar statue?” Renae whistled in amazement. “Good girl. That must have said something.”

“So now it’s his turn, right?”

Renae was silent for a moment. “I hate to say it, but you’re right. It’s his turn now.” She paused a moment more before adding, “Maybe he’s an arrogant pig, after all.”

Cassi chuckled for Renae’s benefit, though pain shot through her at the thought. “Hey, thanks for calling, Renae. I really have to go. Besides, don’t you have a baby who needs you or some plans to make?” Renae had told her she was going to take guitar and voice lessons two nights a week as soon as she recovered fully from having her baby.

“Yeah, but call me soon, huh?”

“Sure. Thanks for calling.” Cassi disconnected with relief.

The utter silence immediately overwhelmed her. She took a last look at the room, and then turned out the light. Loneliness crept over her like something she’d never experienced before, heavy now that she’d experienced so much companionship with Jared. She shrugged the thought aside, knowing she had to get on with her life, but at the same time knowing she would never again look at things in the same way. Love had changed her.

Sighing deeply, she turned on the light in the hall that led to her bedroom. Perhaps she would read a bit before trying to sleep through the nightmares she knew would come, as they had every night since shooting Jared. Sometimes in her dreams he died, and in others he pointed an accusing finger at her as the ravishing Laranda at his side laughed gleefully. In the dream, Cassi would run away but always behind her ran the hook-nosed smuggler waving a gun.

She shivered as the doorbell rang, sounding loud in the stillness of the night. Involuntarily, Cassi flinched. Who could it be at this time of night? She turned on the entryway light and opened the door.

“Jared!” Cassi’s shock was complete. There he stood, looking more handsome than she remembered with his blond hair and piercing blue eyes. Closer inspection, however, showed that his unshaven face was haggard and also pale. His left eye was still greenish, and a sling held one arm securely against his chest.

“May I come in?” His eyes ran over her as if searching for a hidden sign.

Cassi realized she was still wearing his T-shirt, and for a moment she considered slamming the door and running to change so he wouldn’t suspect the extent of her suffering. “Yes, of course, please come in.”

Jared bent down and awkwardly picked up a medium-sized box with his free arm.

Cassi rushed to help, noticing a dozen or more other boxes also on her porch. “What’s this?” Hefting the box, she led the way to her living room.

Jared shifted his feet nervously. “Open it,” he said, giving her a lopsided smile that made her heart jump.

Puzzled, she opened the flaps to reveal six shoebox-sized cartons inside, cushioned by white packing peanuts. Puzzled, she looked up at Jared to see that he had gone to her front porch and was carrying in another box. “Go ahead,” he encouraged.

She pulled out the first carton and opened it. Inside lay three of the smaller pieces from Jared’s
Life
collection, nestled in thick tissue. She put it down and removed the lids of three more boxes. “Your collection,” she said. “What—why?”

“The minute I saw you’d given me your statue, I knew I would give you all of mine, along with my heart. I’ve brought all fifty-three—no, fifty-four with the Mother and Baby.”

Jared reached for her hand, going to one knee on the soft carpet. “I think I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you standing in front of those pamphlets at the hotel, dressed in your jeans and T-shirt, with your hair tumbling around your shoulders. I should have told you how I felt the night we broke the Buddha. Then after the shooting, you left and I thought you didn’t care, but when I saw your statue, I knew. Oh, Cassi, please give me a chance to show you how much I love you. I can’t live without you and your crazy impulsiveness brightening up my life. I know we can work everything out. Please, marry me.”