Authors: Sarah Dosher
Kirk wiggled his guitar back and forth, waiting for me to finally accept it. When my hand touched
his
guitar I almost pissed myself. I actually hate to admit that because no matter how talented, he was still just a man – flesh and blood like I was. But I’d idolized him since the moment I first heard him strum a single note, and that stays with a man, no matter how hard he tries to be on the outside.
I finally started to strum the guitar, but my fingers felt off and too big for the strings. Looking at Kirk, I saw genuine interest, not the eyes of a man just listening to please his daughter. I breathed in, pulling in as much air as my lungs could hold, until I finally felt the adrenaline course through my veins. Then I played. And I was good. Way too fucking good to be so young. Talent was never an issue for me, and I knew it.
The music flowed from every pore as the nervousness faded into the calmness that always took over any time I played. Its power came from my fingertips, and as they stroked the strings, the calm quickly spread through my body until nothing else remained – just my euphoria and my music. It was more addicting than anything else I’d ever tried—women, alcohol, drugs—I tried a lot of things, and nothing touched the music.
Kirk’s face lit up with surprise after I played the first few bars. By the end, he’d pulled out another guitar and was playing right along with me. On our third song, a guy about my age came into the room. His eyes locked on the girl sitting next to me and never diverted until the song was over.
“You ready to go?” He asked her then turned toward Kirk. “Dad’s waiting for you on the bus.”
“Hey, Shaw, I wondered where you went when you ran away from me.” She jumped up and scurried to the guy’s side. “I’m all set.”
When the two of them reached the door, she stopped and gave me a small wave before disappearing through it.
“Great job, young man, you really are pretty damn good. Keep it up and you’ll be playing here one day.” Kirk said and patted me on the back.
It was the best fucking night of my entire life. It was also the night I decided to stop living the life of a delinquent foster kid and focus on music – and I owed it all to
this
girl.
Chapter Four
Eli Blue
The sound of my phone blaring woke me from a dead sleep. I looked at the screen and saw a picture of the evil stepmother from Cinderella. That was my way of referring to my mother; she was everything the evil stepmother dreamed of being and more – conniving, mean, hurtful, a user. She only contacted me when she wanted something, usually money, but I’d just given her plenty last week, so surely she couldn’t have blown through it already. I hit ignore and tossed the phone on my bed next to me. After the sound stopped, I became aware of a heavy leg draped across my stomach, cutting off all the blood to my lower half. Shaw.
My phone gave off one last, loud beep letting me know my mother had left a message then immediately started ringing - again. I hit ignore - again.
Shaw rolled over and ran his hot hands up the side of my body then wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close. I felt his morning glory digging into my stomach and his wet tongue gliding across my ear. Placing my hands on his chest, I pushed back so my head was free from his warm breath.
“I don’t remember falling asleep with you in my bed last night.” I informed him, as my voice cracked with sleep.
He easily moved closer to me, as if the force of my arms pressing against his chest was nothing but a nuisance.
“Baby, I miss you.” He ran his lips across my cheek, stopping just as he reached my mouth to hover, waiting for my permission.
Shaw was the first friend I ever had - his dad, Dave, and my dad were best friends, band mates. Our relationship had always been different; we’d gone from best friends, to lovers talking about marriage, and back to casual sex while he tried to worm his way back into my heart.
Shaw had been my first everything –crush, best friend, real kiss, sex, heartbreak. We’d been through it all together, and even when he was breaking my heart, I couldn’t stop loving him. He’d been there for me through every trying time I’d ever experienced, and he always kept me from completely falling apart. I loved every inch of him, even the insecure parts that turned him into a complete asshole. All things sexual and romantic had stopped between us a few months ago, and I had no intentions of them starting back, no matter how good his body felt pressed against mine.
“Shaw, please stop. I can’t do this anymore, the on-again, off-again sex isn’t right – it has to stop.” I said, trying to push him away again, but he refused to move.
“Sweetheart, don’t do this. I told you, I miss you.”
“Yeah, I heard you. But you know that doesn’t mean much to me anymore. If you’re looking for a piece of ass, you picked the wrong bed to sneak into tonight.”
He pulled me tighter, leaning his forehead on mine.
“I don’t want some piece of ass, I want you, Elizabeth. I miss your beautiful face, your scent, your taste.” He inhaled deeply, “Damn, I know I fucked up, I just don’t know what I’ve got to do to fix it.”
I closed my eyes and tried to stop the wetness from gathering in them. No matter how much I hated it, thoughts of taking him back had been tempting, but my mind always stopped my heart before I ever settled on that decision.
“Nothing, you can’t do anything. It’s done, and we can’t go back.”
“Yes, we can.” He said harshly, “We can, you just have to let us.”
“Please, Shaw, it’s the middle of the night, don’t do this now. Just go, and we’ll talk about it later.”
“I love you, and no matter how long you push me away, I’m not going anywhere, I’ll always be here.” He said as his arms loosened around my waist and his body disappeared from mine – immediately I felt empty.
I couldn’t see his dark eyes in the shadows of my room; they had always pierced my soul and knocked down my defenses, but not this time. Instead, glowing blue eyes that belonged to a man I barely knew were still burned into my brain.
Shaw had been battling for forgiveness since I’d caught him with a bleach blonde bimbo months ago. It was at an annual beach party his dad threw every year. A groupie far too young for Dave had been following him around for weeks, until she laid eyes on Shaw, and her desires instantly changed – if you can’t bag the famous dad, why not go after the handsome son instead. From the moment Shaw caught a whiff of her bullshit he’d practically been humping her leg. But I couldn’t blame him; things between us hadn’t been good in a long time. We loved each other, I’d never questioned that, but the love we had for each other wasn’t the kind of love a person lived for and was willing to die for. I just hadn’t convinced Shaw of that.
I’m not sure if I truly thought he’d never stray, or if I just simply didn’t care, but I hid in the spare guest room at the beach house, wanting to escape the whole party – even Shaw. I fell asleep, not for one second considering my boyfriend, whom I did truly love, was in the other part of the house with a woman throwing herself at him.
The next morning I went to Shaw’s room and knew something was wrong the second I opened the door. There were pillows and clothes thrown everywhere. I crept closer to the bed and saw a red thong lying on top of the shirt I’d bought Shaw for his birthday.
“Shaw?” I said tentatively.
I heard a muffled groan come from the bed, followed by sounds of bodies shifting. Reaching for the long curtain covering the window, I pulled it back, allowing the bright sun to filter into the room. The first thing I saw was a naked woman wrapped around Shaw’s naked body. As quickly as I took in the sight, his eyes flew open and moved to mine.
I didn’t wait to hear what he had to say. I turned and walked back through the open door. His feet fell heavy behind me, alerting me of his presence, but he never spoke a word. Once I was in my room, I turned to look at him—he was a mess. His shaggy hair was sticking up in every direction; his eyes were dark and panicked.
Neither of us spoke, we just stared at each other for a long time before I finally slammed the door.
Chapter Five
Eli Blue
I must have fallen back to sleep after Shaw left because I was awakened, once again, by the ringing of my phone. This time I answered, convinced it was my mother again.
“What do you want?” I snapped into it.
“Umm, Eli? Eli Blue? Elizabeth? I don’t know what to call you.” It was a man I didn’t recognize. I sat straight up in bed and felt all the blood drain from my head.
“Who is this?” I asked, not more than a whisper as bright blue eyes flashed in my mind.
“Hey, this is Duke. I got your number from Willow.”
“Hey girlfriend.” I heard Willow shout in the background.
I looked at my clock, and it wasn’t even eight in the morning yet, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised she was already well on her way to getting what she wanted - Duke.
“So,” Duke started, but paused. “Umm, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay? You know, after what happened with my asshole friend last night.”
I smiled. “Yes, Duke, it’s fine. Don’t worry about Deacon, he didn’t scare me away. I grew up around bands and a lot tougher assholes than him, he won’t scare me away.”
I didn’t bother to mention all Deacon had accomplished last night was to pique my interest in him even more, which made me roll my eyes at myself.
“See, I told you!” Willow laughed
Duke blew out a long, uneven breath. “I’m really glad you said that. I love Deac like he’s my own flesh and blood, but sometimes he gets me into more shit than I can dig my way out of. We’ve lost other leads because of his behavior, I’m really glad that hasn’t happened with you…well, yet, anyway.” He laughed nervously.
There was a loud rustling then Willow was on the phone.
“Girl!” she shouted. “What the hell was that with Deacon last night? I mean c’mon, how freaking hot did you guys look when we walked into the room. Sorry we interrupted, but had I known you were gonna get yourself some action, I would have stayed away.” She spoke in one long breath and it was way too early for that, I hadn’t even had coffee yet. Hell, I had barely opened my eyes. I should have known it was coming since she didn’t get to say anything about it last night while she was hanging all over Duke.
“Too early for girl talk Willow, talk later.” I said and hung up.
I had hours before I had to be at the office, lucky for me the entertainment business didn’t keep normal office hours. I sat at the small table in my kitchen with my feet crossed under, me relishing my cup of coffee. I wrapped my hands around the mug and inhaled its bitter scent. This was my morning happy place, my only solace from the dreams that haunted my nights – the only thing that made suffering through the nights bearable.
The dreams started a long time ago, long before I even knew what coffee was. My family had always been different from my friends’ families, and I don’t mean different in a good way. My mother had been a raging bitch, even back then, but I still loved her long after I should have stopped. She was my mother, so I loved her through the stoned cussings, and the drunken tongue-lashings. My dad loved her, too, although I’ll never know the reasons he held on for so long.
Everything changed one day when my dad came home from a tour, unexpectedly, and he saw firsthand how the verbal abuse had slowly turned physical. He came through the front door just in time to see my mother slap me because I’d left Lego’s scattered on the floor, and she’d stepped on one in her hung-over shuffle to the fridge for a little hair of the dog.
It didn’t take him long to have my mother packed up and out of our house, once I confessed how long it had been going on. I cried, and told him how much I missed him when he was gone, and he vowed to never leave me again. He didn’t – after that day, he took me everywhere he went. He never left my side except when he was on stage, and even then I was only a few feet away, backstage, waiting for him. It may not have been a picture perfect childhood, but for a few years I had my dad all to myself, and they were the best years of my life.
He was busy every day, but he always made time to put me to bed. Even if I hadn’t seen him all day, he would show up, just in time to read me a book and tuck me in bed. I knew most kids hated bed time, but for me it was the brightest part of my day. It was when my dad stopped his whole world from spinning just so he could spend time with me. Every night I got to pick out which book I wanted to read.
“Baby girl, we have to read Cinderella again?” He’d ask, trying to conceal the smile on his face.
“Yes, dad. She’s my favorite. When I get big, will you buy me glass slippers so I can find my prince?”
“You won’t need glass slippers, or a fairy Godmother to help you, princess. You know why? Because you’re the prettiest girl in the whole wide world.”
Then he’d kiss my head and slowly open the book. Most nights I could get him to read it to me twice, but on special occasions he’d read it more.
Then one day the unthinkable happened, and my whole world went dark and bitter just like Cinderella’s had. That weekend I’d stayed with Grandma because dad was recording. She dropped me off in the huge circle driveway and waved goodbye as I bounced into the house, ready to see my dad. I had to force open the door because there was so much trash on the floor. Empty cans, wrappers, and tons of other stuff scattered everywhere. I’d never seen our house this destroyed; not even the music studio had looked like this before.
“Daddy!” I hollered before I’d even closed the door behind me.
There was no reply.
“Daddy, are you here?” I tried again a little louder.
Still no reply.
My heart started pounding in my chest and my throat squeezed tight. I crept into the house, but before I made it very far cans started falling down the winding staircase in front of me. I screamed, and was about to bolt out the door when I heard a faint cry coming from where the cans had fallen and immediately knew it was Lucifer. I ran to the kitten my dad had gotten me only a few weeks earlier. She was huddled on a step, hiding under an empty chip bag.