A Bride Worth Billions (35 page)

They say when you die you get a flashback of your entire life right in front of your eyes. It is like watching a movie, with your eyes wide open, a movie featuring you as a lead protagonist. But it didn't really happen in that exact sense with me.

Between crushed pieces of alloy and shattered crumbles of glass, I could see his face. The face that made me think that heaven and earth can collide in your lover’s eyes. The face that made me think that the sun and the moon doesn't hold the world together. It’s him. It had always been him. But I couldn't reach to my world anymore. His amethyst blue eyes were still and a thick stream of blood was oozing out from his throat. I tried to unbound myself, but my arms were blocked under the airbag and I couldn't unbuckle my belt. I wanted to scream out loud for help. I wanted to let him know that I was with him and that I will always be with him. But not even silence was coming out of my mouth. I closed my eyes and found an enigmatic solace in the darkness. And finally, it all started coming like a movie, like a perfect flashback.

I could see it all – the first time when I laid my eyes on him and knew, just knew that he would be the one for me, the prom date and the slow motion dance, the first kiss in the rain, the separation, the longing for each other’s touch while we were caught in a long distance relationship, the reunion, the proposal, the engagement, the wedding, the bells, the car. I could remember the moment I looked at my parents and my friends while sitting with him in our new car, decorated with flowers, ribbons and empty cans, and a big sign of “Just married” at the back. They looked happy, unworried and calm.  Little did they know that the calmness would soon subside because of the storm that was about to hit us in a while. We drove towards the fields, away from the city and somewhere far from the crowd. We wanted to go to a place where we could get lost in each other, isolated but never alone. And then it happened - the fall that tore us apart, an eighteen wheeled truck, the deadly highway and the broken tail lights of our car. It was all darkness afterward, and so the darkness I became.

I opened my eyes with a pungent smell of antiseptics. I was in a hospital and the blonde nurse who was staring me with her plum face and brown eyes made it even more prominent.

“Where is he?” I asked about the well-being of my recently wedded husband, which was the first thought that crossed my mind.

“Let the doctor come. He will let you know about your husband. I have examined you and cleaned all the bruises. We will run a head CT to make sure you have no brain injuries. After that, you would be good to go!” She said in an almost mechanical way, closing the blue bottle of the antiseptics.

“Where is Dan? I have to meet him NOW!” I laid emphasis on the last word and tried to get up from the bed.

“You should take some rest, Annie. We are still not sure about any internal bleedings,” the doctor said while indicating the nurse to sedate me.

“Where is he?” I tried to get up. I wanted to be with Dan. I wanted to know if he was fine or not, but I couldn’t even keep my eyes open after a while. The nurse sedated me and I crossed the bridge to unconsciousness.

I was constantly fighting for the next couple of hours between the states of consciousness and dreaming. I had to think a couple of times before I finally opened my eyes and found the same doctor waiting for me.

“I know you have a lot of questions, Annie. I have all the time for you. But first, I would like to know about your well being. Please follow the light for me,” he said and turned on the torch. I did what I was told and followed the light with my eyes. He conducted a nominal exam for the next couple of hours and I did everything I was told without uttering a word in disapproval.

“I’m done now. You have got a couple of bruises and a stitch on the forehead. Your CT is clear and I don’t see any other reason to keep you a hostage here. Do you have any question for me?” He sat down in front of me, as he knew it was going to be a long conversation.

“Where is Dan?” I asked and saw the look on his face. He knew that it was coming. He didn’t have to say anything. His silence said it all.

“We tried our best, but I’m sorry for your loss. He is no more with us.” He said those disastrous words and I felt as if my entire world collapsed. I couldn’t keep my heart beating, I couldn’t keep my lungs running, I couldn’t think straight. Going on and living my life without him seemed like an impossible thing, but I was alive. My heart was still pumping, my lungs were still working and my brain was still able to think in black and white. I was still alive, without him. I didn’t know what to do or how to react without him by my side. I wanted to cry, but I also knew if I would cry, nothing in the whole wide world would make me stop. I never thought that I would end up losing him, never thought that I would be so alone.  Losing him was my biggest nightmare and it was time to stop being a dreamer, and to face the reality.

It is easier said than done. The more I tried, the harder I failed. My dad had driven me back because, of course, I wasn’t in a state to drive. The news of my husband’s shock had shattered me.  Isn’t it strange as to how we take so many things for granted? Right when Dan had given me a full length kiss when we exchanged our wedding vows, none of us knew that it would be our last kiss.

I ran my bandaged fingers over my engagement ring. The ring was a promise of our love. The ring stayed, but the man didn’t. The tears kept flowing, thick and fast and I cursed God for giving me this fate. What had I done to deserve this? I had barely lived the life of a wife and here I was; a widow, grieving the loss of my best friend, my husband, the soul mate who had the whole of my heart.

My dad tried to console me, but what could he say. He knew my loss was too big for words. Dan and I had known each other for too long and it was weird to think that the next time, I had news to share, he won’t be beside me. I wanted to break something, to hit hard so that the pain inside would feel a little less than what the external injuries would. But perhaps I knew, no matter how much I bleed, it is the heart that will refuse to heal.

I didn’t want to get over his loss. My dad asked me, if I would like to stay with him for some time because he knew staying at Dan’s place would be very painful. Every single room in his home was full of memories. I remember the time we first made out in his room, oblivious to the rest of the world. I remember how he had whispered in my ears those little dirty things which we would be doing after our honeymoon. He had always been a man with too many plans. He had vividly told me every single thing about how he intended to make love to every part of me and the memories kept coming.

I knew no matter where I stayed, the memories were mine and it was foolish to even try and lock them. Heck, I didn’t even want to do so. If Dan was no longer with me, I was not going to part with his memories. I asked dad to drive me to Dan’s place because this is where I belonged. This is where my Dan belonged.

My mother and even my friends asked if I wanted company and I didn’t even bother to text back anyone. I told my dad to ask others not to disturb because I wanted some time to myself. He looked at me with concern and tears filled his eyes and for a moment I felt like a jerk for being so cold. However, when you have just lost the guy who meant the world to you, you really cannot do much but grieve.

I knew he would understand and I promised to take care of myself and locked the gate and steered inside. As soon as I heard the sound of the car marching by, I howled and shrieked and cried so loudly that I felt the insides of my heart will rip apart from the impact which the noise had. Of course, the heart still kicked strongly.

“Dan, I need you. I love you. Come back, babe!”

I kept screaming these words to no one in particular, perhaps hoping that God would change their mind and send back the husband who was supposed to be kissing me by this time. We would have been in France now. I have always loved the Eiffel tower and Dan had promised me to take there and he had said; he had some really dirty plans. He never broke his promise; then why was I sitting and crying when I should be holding hands with Dan at the Eiffel tower and sealing the bond with the endless kisses of love.

I had no clue of how much time passed. I hadn’t fainted, but I didn’t know what consciousness felt like. I was sitting on the floor barefoot and hugging an old frame where Dan was licking chocolate off my fingers.

Pictures.

The room was filled with pictures. We both had known all along that we were meant to be together. Dan had promised that when we would return back to our home after the honeymoon, he would paint our room with daisies and pictures of the two of us. I slowly gathered courage to get up from the floor and climbed the stairs that took me to the room.

Daisies! Who would paint them now, not that I cared about those flowers anymore. As I unlocked the room and opened the gate, I was stunned and shocked to silence.

The room was painted and there were too many daisies and pictures from our prom night. There was a picture of me climbing up his shoulder and there was a picture of Dan proposing me to marry. This couldn’t happen! When had Dan planned all of this? He had been staying with me for the last week. I couldn’t understand how all of it was possible and then wondered at the beauty of the man I had lost. I would never get my answers because the one person who always surprised me was no longer there to solve the puzzles that eluded me.

I sauntered in the room to lay on the bed. I swear that I could feel as if Dan was right there beside me, hugging me and caressing my hair and brushing away the tears that kept falling. Perhaps, I really needed to sleep. The medicines were messing with my mind, but oh God, why couldn’t the damn medicines bring Dan to life! I believe that was the most tragic thing.

I woke up the next day with an empty side of the bed. His absence was haunting me to the core. I couldn’t bring myself to the conclusion that he was gone. I traced my fingers on the traces of the empty bed sheet where he lay the last time. I danced my fingertips on his pillow and felt the curl of his hair, filling the gaps between my fingers. I swear, at that moment, I could feel him beside me.

I looked at the wall clock which stared back to me and let me knew that it was a quarter past eleven in the morning, almost forty-five minutes left for the noon to hit. I felt something on my neck, a touch. The sudden touch alerted my senses and I rushed to the bathroom.

There must be something wrong with me. There has to be. There was no scientific reason or explanation behind what I just experienced. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and turned the tap on.

“It is just a bad dream. Just a nightmare,” I reminded myself over and over again until I would start believing that it was just a dream. But as soon as I turned the tap on and rinsed my face with the cold water a couple of times, I realized that it was no longer a dream. I saw the characters forming on the mirror, clearing the mist of the warm water. “I’m here for you,” I read after taking a deep breath.

“I’m here for you,” I spoke out loud this time and I swear, I could feel someone else speaking those words for me – to me. I was not alone in the room, in my house. I felt a sudden chill across my spine, which found its way to each and every cell of my being. I felt someone’s hand on my wrist, holding me tight and taking me back, towards the bedroom. I followed the force silently like a lost lamb without any disapproval. It was a pleasant kind of force. I could feel it in the atmosphere that the presence was not there to harm me but to protect me.

I felt the touch of his lips on my forehead, and how his hands perfectly held my face as if the maker would hold a full moon with all its beauty. I didn’t say a word, didn’t snap out of it. I knew it was him – Dan. I could recognize that kiss in my wildest dreams. I felt his fingers running on my face and the slightly rolling towards my neck, unbuckling my hair. It has always been his favorite trick.

As I lay on my bed, surrounded by cushions from every side, I could sense his lips and his tongue on my throat. His fingers perfectly filled the gaps between my fingers and held them together. I was holding myself in one piece; still I was falling apart with every second. As he made his way from my throat to my chest and unbuttoned my blouse with his teeth, I knew it was Dan. He was not gone. He was still there for me.

He kissed passionately on my lips and I could feel him. I could taste him, his essence, his presence inside of me. He bit my lower lip with his teeth and I felt his tongue playing with mine, letting me know how much he has always loved me. I could feel him everywhere. My forehead, my tongue, my lips, my throat, my arms, my bosom, my chest – he was everywhere all at once. He was both inside me and around me. I didn’t make him stop. I was on a different planet and gravity could not hold me together. I just closed my eyes and let him do his magic. I crossed all the planets and the galaxies that ever existed in the universe. I tasted every ocean and traveled each and every continent – all the deserts and the mountains, the beaches and the waterfalls. And I came back again to where my body lay shivering between the feathers and an invisible man.

I took a deep breath when it was all over and I wrapped my arms around a lover – who wasn’t really there.