A Brush of Wings (37 page)

MARCUS WAS A FATHER.

He could hardly contain his joy, hardly wait to hold his son. But here, halfway to the hospital, that wasn’t all Marcus was thinking about. He and Mary Catherine were both quiet, aware of the weight of the next few hours.

And the gravity of Lexy’s decision.

“I’ll remember this day forever.” Marcus took Mary Catherine’s hand.

“Yes.” On and off all morning she’d been wiping tears. “Every minute of it.”

Marcus tried to picture how after tonight there would be three of them. Their son’s crib was waiting for him, along with blankets and teddy bears and a nursery filled with things their friends and family had bought for them.

Back in January they’d contacted an adoption agency and a home study had been done. Marcus understood the only problem, of course. Mary Catherine’s heart. But that wasn’t a deal-breaker. As long as Marcus and Mary Catherine were both willing to raise the child if one of them died, then there wasn’t an issue.

Especially because Lexy had chosen them, despite Mary Catherine’s heart issues.

A representative from the adoption agency was meeting them at the hospital—assuming Lexy still wanted to go ahead with the plan. Mary Catherine leaned her head on Marcus’s shoulder. The two of them were quiet for a few minutes.

Mary Catherine was the first to speak. “I wonder how Lexy’s doing.”

“I’ve been thinking about her. It has to be hard.” Marcus thought for a moment. “She’s felt the baby growing under her heart all these months. Then holding him for the last hour.” He raised his brow. “Only God could give her the strength to let go.”

Marcus replayed the past twenty-four hours. He and Mary Catherine had been at the hospital last night and earlier today for the delivery. Several times they came in to pray with Lexy and comfort her. Those times with the three of them had been very sweet.

They were even in the room for the birth, there to celebrate his arrival and to make sure Lexy and the child were healthy. But neither Marcus nor Mary Catherine held the baby. Instead, the two of them went home—just like they had all agreed before the birth. Lexy had requested an hour alone with the infant, before Marcus and Mary Catherine officially met him.

Her last hour with her baby.

Marcus and Mary Catherine had used the time to drive home, change clothes, grab the diaper bag, and fasten the car seat into their SUV. They had prayed before they climbed into Marcus’s truck. Neither of them had felt very chatty.

“I’m glad we haven’t named him yet.” Mary Catherine shifted, facing him. “You know . . . just in case.”

Marcus nodded. He didn’t say anything, didn’t want to put words to the idea that even now Lexy could change her mind. But the truth was, she could. Marcus and Mary Catherine had given her that option. Legally she had time to change her mind. Lexy had assured them that wouldn’t happen. The plan was for the three of them to sign adoption papers when they were all together.

They would name their son in the next few days.

Lexy had told them many times that she wasn’t going to change her mind. She was certain about her decision. But what if she was supposed to keep the child? It was a thought Marcus couldn’t voice.

After Lexy asked them to adopt her baby, Marcus and Mary Catherine had talked often about the chance of the plan falling through. Recently, though, they rarely brought up the topic. The heartbreak if Lexy decided to keep the baby now would be more than Marcus could imagine. But even still he and Mary Catherine wanted God’s will.

Whatever that was.

And so Marcus spent the remainder of the drive to the hospital praying. Asking God to guide them and to speak to them in the next hour or so.
We need Your will, God. Please help Lexy make the right decision, the one that lines up with Your plans.
Not just for each of them.

But for the tiny baby whose future would depend on it.

29

A
PART OF MARY CATHERINE
refused to fully accept the possibility that she was going home today with a son. She didn’t dare let herself believe it. Not when there was still a chance Lexy could keep the child. As she and Marcus walked through Cedars-Sinai Hospital and rode the elevator up to the maternity wing, Mary Catherine could barely breathe.

“I only want what’s best for him,” she whispered as they stepped off on the seventh floor.

“Me, too.” Marcus put his arm around her as they headed to the nurse’s station. “Pray for that.”

“I am.” They were directed to Lexy’s room, and along the way Mary Catherine could hardly focus. Was it really just six months ago that she’d nearly died in this very hospital? Back then she couldn’t imagine having another week of life, let alone a husband and a child. Already her life was a miracle. That would be true whether she left here today with a baby or not.

Lexy’s door was partially closed. Marcus was about to knock when they both heard something from inside the room. The soft sound of Lexy crying. Mary Catherine looked at Marcus and then hung her head. What was happening? Was Lexy having doubts? Should they have someone check on her? In case she wasn’t ready for them?

But before she could say anything, Marcus leaned toward the opening. “Lexy?”

“Come in!” The girl was definitely crying. But she sounded almost relieved. “Please.”

They stepped inside and the scene took Mary Catherine’s breath. Lexy looked so small, so young. But she also looked very much like a mother. She held the bundled baby in her arms, cradled close to her. The swelling around her red eyes told how difficult the past hour had been.

Lexy spoke first. “He’s your baby.” She looked down at the infant. “This has been one of the best hours of my life.” She lifted her eyes to Marcus and then to Mary Catherine. “But I’m not ready to be a mother. I’m just not. I want what’s best for him.”

“You’re sure.” Mary Catherine held her breath.

“Yes.” Lexy wiped her eyes with her free hand. “God’s opening up one plan for me. And a different one for my little boy.” She smiled at Mary Catherine. “Jeremiah 29:11. Just like you always said.”

For the first time since they left the hospital more than an hour ago, Mary Catherine felt herself draw a complete breath. Lexy had been working with a counselor from the adoption agency, keeping her options open and making sure of her decision.

Lexy ran her hand over the baby’s head. “My counselor said it’s not like I’m giving my baby away.” She gave Mary Catherine a sad smile. “I’m placing him in a better life. Giving him a better future. Which is the best way I can love him.”

Just then the woman from the adoption agency knocked on the door. “Lexy.” She peered into the room. “Is this a good time?”

“It is.” Lexy introduced the woman to Mary Catherine and Marcus. “I’m ready to sign the papers.”

The woman nodded. “Very well. They’re right here.” She moved slowly, respectfully. It took her a minute to pull a folder and a pen from her bag. “Would you like to hold the baby while you sign?”

“Yes, please.” Lexy’s tears returned. Quiet tears, as if they came from a place deep in her soul.

Mary Catherine felt strangely awkward and peaceful all at the same time. She and Marcus stayed toward the back of the room, waiting, watching. She didn’t dare look at the baby. Not yet.

The woman handed Lexy the papers positioned on the folder. “We’ve gone over this . . . where you need to sign.”

For a brief moment Lexy closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. The woman handed her a tissue. “Would you like more time, Lexy?”

The idea of taking more time seemed to snap Lexy out of her obvious grief. She dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose. “No, thanks. I don’t need more time.” She took the pen and paperwork from the woman and with the baby cradled in her left arm, she began to sign the documents.

Mary Catherine’s tears came like a flood. The picture of Lexy holding her baby with one hand and using the other to sign away the rights to her child was something she would hold on to always. The cost of this gift was more than Mary Catherine could comprehend.

After she was finished, Lexy asked the woman from the adoption agency to give them some time. Mary Catherine and Marcus would sign papers later. The next few minutes were not part of the legal transfer of rights for the baby.

They were more personal than that.

When they were alone, Mary Catherine and Marcus came up alongside Lexy’s bed. Mary Catherine spoke first. “How do you feel?”

“Sore.” Lexy winced. “But I’ve asked God to let me do this again. When I’m married. When I can be the mom I want to be.”

Mary Catherine nodded. Marcus put his hand on Lexy’s shoulder. “We would always welcome you to visit him, Lexy. You know that.”

“I do.” Lexy looked at her baby again. “But I don’t think that would be good for me or for him.” She turned her attention back to Marcus. “You understand, right?”

Marcus nodded. “I do.”

Lexy brought the baby close to her face. She kissed his cheek and then, fresh tears streaming down her face, she held him out to Mary Catherine. “Here.” She released a few quiet sobs. “He’s yours.”

With all the love she could have possibly felt, Mary Catherine took the child into her arms and held him close to her heart. For the first time, she looked into his face and as she did he opened his eyes. “Hi, baby boy.” Mary Catherine held him closer to Marcus. “He’s perfect.”

Marcus leaned in and kissed his cheek. He looked at Lexy. “He’s beautiful.”

“I know.” She smiled, clearly proud. “He looks like me when I was born.”

Lexy had already been discharged from the hospital. She had made it clear she didn’t want to stay any longer than she had to. Rhonda and Ollie Wayne would pick her up and take her back to their house.

Then in a matter of days Lexy would move to Texas.

Mary Catherine wasn’t sure what to say or do next. She wanted to give all her attention to Marcus and the baby. But that didn’t seem sensitive to Lexy. Most birth moms would allow a social worker or adoption agency representative to take their baby from their arms. In this case, Lexy wanted to hand him directly to Mary Catherine and Marcus.

But this moment could only last so long.

“You’re ready for Texas?” Marcus must’ve sensed that it was about time to leave.

Lexy nodded. “I’ve been talking to my aunt and uncle every day. My mom and grandma are so happy for me.” Her eyes lit up. “I didn’t tell you! I think my mom and grandma might move to Texas, too. We all need a new start.” She hesitated, her voice softer. “My mom’s learning to read. She wants to finish high school. My uncle said he’d help her, too.”

Mary Catherine reached for Lexy’s hand. “You said they have a strong church?”

“They do.” Lexy smiled at Mary Catherine through watery eyes. “You saved my life. I mean it.” She looked to the baby. “And Sami saved his.”

“The Lord saved us all.” Marcus’s eyes were damp, too. He looked from Mary Catherine to the baby, and back to Lexy. “None of us would be here otherwise.”

Lexy took a fresh tissue from the box near her bed. “I do have one thing I wanted to ask you.” She sat up a little straighter, wincing at the pain. “I thought of a name for him. I can’t get it out of my head.” She looked nervous, like she wasn’t sure if she should say this next part. “You can name him what you want, of course. I just thought . . . maybe . . . This would mean a lot to me.”

The idea of Lexy naming the baby wasn’t something they had talked about. But Mary Catherine was completely open to the idea. After all, she and Marcus hadn’t allowed themselves to think about names yet. Mary Catherine still had hold of Lexy’s hand. She nodded. “Tell us.”

“Okay . . . so God is giving me a second chance in Texas. It was my uncle Garner’s idea. He felt like God was telling him and his wife and kids to take me in. So I could be part of their family. And they live in Dallas.” Lexy paused. She looked from Marcus back to Mary Catherine. “So the name Dallas Garner keeps coming to mind.” Lexy let her eyes fall to the baby once more. “Dallas Garner Dillinger.” She smiled through new tears. “Sounds like a president or something, right?”

“Dallas Garner Dillinger.” Marcus said the name first. He looked at Mary Catherine. “I like it. I really do.”

The name was beautiful. Mary Catherine looked into the face of her son and suddenly she was absolutely certain. “It’s the perfect name for him.”

“That way . . . you can tell him about me. About how God rescued me out of LA to Dallas, Texas. And how He used my uncle Garner to change my life.”

All three of them were in tears as the name settled into their hearts. “All right . . .” Lexy held up her arms. “Let’s say goodbye.”

Still cradling baby Dallas in her arms, Mary Catherine leaned in and hugged Lexy. “We’ll always be here for you. If you ever need anything.” She pulled back enough to look into Lexy’s eyes. “Stay close to Jesus.”

“I will.” Lexy’s voice was a choked whisper. But in her eyes Mary Catherine saw something she desperately needed to see.

Certainty.

Marcus prayed for them then, for Lexy and the future God had for her, and that one day she would have more children of her own. He prayed for himself and Mary Catherine, for their health and for a lifetime of raising Dallas Garner. And he prayed for God’s protection over all of them. Then Marcus hugged Lexy. “Thank you. For trusting us with him.”