A Bundle of Joy 1: Baby Wanted (BWWM Interracial Romance) (6 page)

The baby!

She moaned again and tried to ease herself to the edge of the bed. She needed to get to the bathroom so she could make sure everything was okay. Fear gripped her as forcefully as the pain and she crawled into the master bathroom. Reaching up, she flicked on the light and the trail of blood from the bedroom to the bathroom ripped a scream from her throat.

Sean shot out of bed. “Heather! Heather, what’s wrong?” He crashed to his knees beside her and her fear was mirrored in his own features. He lifted her gently and set her on the toilet. His voice was a soft blanket on her skin. She already knew they’d lost the baby, but she couldn’t tell him.

Couldn’t bear to voice her worst fear.

He undressed her gently and cleaned her up while she stared, unblinking at the wall. Soothing sounds of his voice spoke words but they tumbled together like nonsense. None of them could undo what she’d done. She should have heeded the warning of her inner voice, her sixth sense. In a moment of weakness, she’d destroyed everything they’d built. She’d
destroyed her shot at a family.

She didn’t deserve a family.

Sean drove like a madman to the emergency room and spoke quickly to the nurses and explained the situation. They looked at her with pity. She didn’t deserve their pity. Her own awful choices had made this happen.

Sean apologized to her again and Heather turned her face away. She was the one who should be apologizi
ng. She’d used him. She’d used his body and he’d let her because he’d never been able to refuse her anything.

The doctor came in, a solemn expression on her face.
She set her clipboard on the edge of the bed and covered Heather’s foot with her hand. “I’m sorry for your loss. This happens sometimes and we don’t always have explanations.”

Tears filled Heather’s eyes and she tried to swallow the lump of sorrow in her throat.

Sean squeezed her hand. “Did we do something wrong?”

The doctor shook her head quickly. “No.
Heavens, no. And the last thing I want is you thinking that you could have somehow prevented this. I’ve looked through your records, Heather, and you were doing everything right. No smoking, no drinking, moderate exercise.” She gave her a slight smile that was probably meant to be reassuring. “I’m sorry, honey, but sometimes these things just happen. I wish I could give you an explanation. Best thing to do now is rest. Give it a few weeks and you guys can even start trying again.”

Sean stroked Heather’s arm, but she didn’t respond.

To Sean, the doctor said, “You’re more than welcome to stay, but the chairs in these rooms aren’t super comfy.”

Sean nodded and shook the doctor’s hand; she left them alone. He stared at the closed door for a moment then turned to Heather. “I’m sorry.”

She wanted to apologize too, but her throat didn’t work anymore. She’d clogged it with tears and devastation.

The nurses moved her into a private room and Sean sat beside her bed all night, his head resting at her elbow. She couldn’t even bring herself to touch his hair in a loving gesture
or to apologize for how selfish she had been. She knew he loved their baby every bit as much as she had.

But it was nothing compared to how much she loved him.

Searing heat lanced through her chest and a sob tore from her lips. She turned her face to the wall and curled in a ball.

****

Heather woke with a start. The backs of her eyes burned, but she pried them open and forced herself to look around, trying to figure out why she was in a strange room. She moved her hand to finger comb her bed head and felt a sharp sting. Looking down, she caught sight of the IV she was hooked up to. All remnants of sleep quickly left her, and memories of the last two days came crashing back into her consciousness.

Losing the baby.

Sean rushing her to the hospital. The doctor confirming what she’d already known, that she’d lost her baby. Sean and her baby.

Last evening, when she was wheeled to the operating room for the doctor to perform the D&C.

Sean bending over her, his warm breath on her cheek as he kissed her lightly, before the doors closed behind her, separating her from the man whom she loved more than she could express.

When she woke after the surgery, Sean was right by her side, his head resting next to her elbow, his arms wrapped around her. Sleep claimed her soon after. This time she was fully awake, but where was he?

Heather’s arms felt weak, but she forced herself to drag her butt until her back hit the bedpost, without upsetting the IV. Her tongue was swollen in her mouth and she remembered why her eyes burned—it was because she had shed so many tears. She remembered crying herself to sleep sometime around midnight, that first night. And she couldn’t seem to stem the flow for long. Heather’s eyes welled with more tears. She didn’t know when Sean had left or when he was coming back. She needed him to come back.

Where was he?

Daisies stood in a crystal vase on the desk by the window, a note sticking out from between the petals. Heather eased off the bed, feeling a slight discomfort, slipped on her slippers and used the movable IV stand for support as she crossed the room to pluck the envelope free. She returned and gingerly sat on the edge of the bed. She looked at the back of the envelope and saw her name scrawled across it in Sean’s distinctive handwriting. She popped the envelope open.

Heather,

There’s no way for me to make this up to you. I would take it back if I could. Please know that I never meant for this to happen. I always only wanted your happiness.

Even though I will never be able to fix this, I can keep my end of the deal. I messed up and there’s only one way I can make it up to you, so you won’t ever have to see me again if you don’t want to. I am so sorry.
So sorry.

I only meant to love you.

Sean

“No!”

The envelope fluttered from her hand and she collapsed onto the bed. What did Sean mean about keeping his end of the deal? Heather tried to bring back to memory the day, not so long ago, when she had first told him about wanting to have a baby. He’d told her to give the marriage a year, and then they could file for a divorce, but it had been a while since their marriage was real to her. She wished it was a horrible dream from which she would awake and find Sean right beside her.

“No!”

Was it from her lips the scream she heard had escaped?

The nurse ran into the room and helped Heather lie down,
then she plunged a syringe into Heather’s IV and sedated her.

The note lay on the floor and Heather stared at it, trying hard to remember when it had slipped from her grasp, until her vision blurred and darkness claimed her.

Chapter Six

Sean eased himself down on the bench. He hadn’t meant to come here today, but nowhere else had soothed his pain, so he figured, why not? Today was the day he and Heather were supposed to find out the sex of the baby. He’d taken the day off work and had spent it driving around, trying to forget what day it was. His sedan had a mind of its own because he only had a vague idea about how he’d ended up on the little bench at the bed and breakfast where he and Heather had spent their impromptu honeymoon, the place where she’d conceived.

Without warning, he was catapulted back to that awful night, the night he and Heather had lost their baby. The doctor had asked if Sean needed anything and he declined. There would be no easy way out for him; he deserved to feel every single ounce of pain pounding in his chest with every stroke of his heart. He’d waited until Heather had fallen asleep, before slipping from her room. Despair swirled in his belly. Perhaps the gods conspired against him because his so-called work-related issue was only a subterfuge to get Heather to marry him. There was no bigger idiot in all of humanity.

His feet had carried him to the window of the nursery, one floor below Heather’s room. He lifted his hand to the glass, wishing he could feel the downy softness of the babies on the other side. Wishing he could feel his own baby’s downy head. His forehead banged against the glass. What a fool he was! He should have known from Heather’s first proposal that this would never work.

He should have known…

And he felt like he knew nothing.

Weeks had passed, and he still felt as if he knew nothing.

Tyson had been a great help, a friend to lean on. The only time they disagreed was when Tyson remonstrated with him about his determination to follow through with the divorce.

“Did Heather tell you she wanted a divorce?”

“No, but—”

“There’re no buts about it, man. Only a fool would let a woman like her slip through his fingers.”

“But I’d given her my word that she has one year to—”

“—The year isn’t up. You still have a few more months to go.”

“I—” The thickness in Sean’s throat was more pronounced.

“—Use your head, man.” Tyson scowled. “Don’t go throwing away the best thing, the best woman that has ever happened to you.”

“I need to give her an out.” Sean paced back and forth, feeling the intensity of Tyson’s glare. “I don’t want her to think she’s obligated to stay with me. Remember, she’s never been enthusiastic about marriage anyway, so I’m probably doing her a favor.”

“I can’t believe you’re giving up so easily.” Tyson folded his arms across his chest. “What’s wrong with you, man? I think you have it in you to change her mind. To make her see marriage isn’t the bogey monster she thinks it is.”

“You’re not too enthused about marriage either.”

“Only because I haven’t found the right woman as yet, but I swear, if I ever find her, I’ll give up my bachelorhood in a heartbeat.” Tyson narrowed his eyes. “And don’t make this about me, man, it’s all about you.”

“No. I’m not going to act selfishly. I thought about myself, and looked what happened. I lost a child and the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

“Agreed.” Tyson said. “Look, I’m sorry for being so hard on you. No matter what you’ve decided to do, I’ve still got your back.”

Yes, one thing Sean knew for sure was that Tyson had his back, most times. Tyson didn’t support Sean when he’d learned about the message Sean had left for Heather, the day after Heather’s surgery.

Tyson had shaken his head in annoyance. “Can’t believe you did that, man.”

“I know, I know.”

“You think?”

“I’ve told you a dozen times, I doubled back to the hospital and Heather had already checked out. She gave up her apartment when we moved in to our place, so it didn’t make sense to check there. She’s not answering her phone.” Sean was such a fool. He regretted that he’d allowed self-pity to overcome him. “I’m just hoping she’s on her way here. I need to fix this…this mess I’ve made.”

“Well, that’s my cue to leave so you two lovebirds can kiss and make up. But have you thought about what to do if she doesn’t come back? That maybe you went too far?”

Sean refused to think about the possibility that Heather was going to walk away from him.
But when she didn’t come home that night, or the next, and when calls—and later—visits to her work proved futile, he had no choice but to come to the conclusion that she’d left him. What worried him most was that Heather had no close living relatives, so he worried that something serious had happened to her.

Two days passed before he thought of checking up on Heather’s friends, Selene and Tasha. They were both tight-lipped and just a bit hostile, which gave him a clue that Heather was safe, but that she didn’t want to deal with him just yet. He left messages with Selene and Tasha every day, hoping they would pass them on to Heather, but he guessed his pleas couldn’t heal the hurt he’d inflicted on her. He could empathize with the singer Robin
Thicke, who wanted his wife Paula Patton back. Sean wanted Heather back. He’d been a fool to let her go, especially when she had never given any indication that she wanted out. He called himself all kinds of fool for letting the best thing that had happened to him slip away.

Weeks later, Sean still had no clue about Heather’s whereabouts. But he wasn’t going to let her go.
Never. If it took the rest of his life to find her, he would. And then he’d prove to her every day how much he wanted and needed her in his life. To hell with going through with the divorce! What the hell was he thinking when he told Heather he’d give her one after a year had passed? He didn’t plan on divorcing her back then, and he sure wasn’t going to do it now.

The distant sound of tires on loose gravel roused him from the past and back to the present. He looked around him, marveling that he hadn’t even noticed the flowers in every color in bloom. Spring was Heather’s favorite season, and she would have enjoyed the sight of those flowers if she were there with him.

****

“I guessed
right, you
are
here.”

Heather couldn’t believe her luck when she found Sean at the B&B where they’d first made love. What a wonderful day that was,
but what had happened then could never have indicated that their happiness would be short-lived.

Sean swung around, and Heather’s breath caught in her throat. He was a mere shadow of his former self. Gone was the best friend, the husband she knew, who looked vibrant and happy. Instead he looked tortured, like he hadn’t slept since leaving her hospital room. Maybe Heather should recommend the sleeping pills that had finally given her a few hours each night. The dark circles under his eyes looked like a permanent stain. He truly looked
awful.

Her heart was barely healing from the pain of losing her best friend. He should have been the one she’d have shared all this with, the one who should have helped her through. Instead, she’d run away and gone into hiding.

She’d fostered a budding relationship with the girl she’d met along the way at that first prenatal appointment, Tasha, and even though she’d never gone back to another pregnancy and birthing class, she’d grown sister-close to Selene and Jamie. Over the last few weeks, she’d lived vicariously through their experiences. At first she did it out of punishment for her own crimes, but as they spent more time together, Heather had grown to truly care for all of the girls. They’d given her another type of family.

The problem with Heather’s original plan was that somewhere along the way she’d become a family with Sean too, and she was no longer interested in raising the baby by herself—not that she had one to raise anymore—but there were moments when she could find glimpses of reason for not doing it as a single parent, not when she had an amazing alternative like Sean.

Sean jerked, and looked up. Heather stood a few feet away.

“Is this seat taken?” Heather asked.

She waited for an invitation to sit down. Sean patted the space beside him. “Please.”

Heather perched on the end of the bench. Tears sprang to her eyes and she couldn’t stop looking at his profile. They sat in silence for a string of moments. Heather’s heart ached for him.

For her.

For their baby.

“Does it ever stop hurting?” Sean whispered.

A sob closed off Heather’s air and she bit her lip. After a moment, she could finally breathe. “I hope so.”

Sean leaned forward until his elbows touched his knees. He dropped his head in his hands and slowly shook his head. “I shouldn’t have left. That was an unforgivable thing to—” His voice broke and he couldn’t seem to finish the sentence.

Heather sighed heavily and leaned back on the bench. Her heart ached for him again and she wanted nothing more than to make his hurt go away. She knew she could never assuage her own, but she had to try to lessen his.

Heather scooted closer on the bench and her hand reached out to rub his back. She’d found it was far easier to soothe away someone else’s pain—and hers never seemed to ease anyway.

She fought to suppress her tears, but she couldn’t contain them. Tears streamed down her
face as she mourned the baby that had brought her and Sean together for a few short, splendid weeks.

Sean straightened and turned his tortured gaze to hers. Before he apologized one more time, she lifted her fingers to his lips and pressed in the center. “Don’t say it. We’ve both apologized so much and it doesn’t seem to have helped.

“I just wish—”

“I know.” She gave him a sad smile. “I’ve begged and pleaded with the powers that be and none of it has worked.” She scooted away to put some distance between them. It would be too easy to fall into their easy camaraderie and lay her head on his shoulder, or let him soothe her own aches away. But that was lost to her now.

They sat in an uneasy silence. Heather wiped her tear-streaked cheeks and blew her nose and tucked the sodden paper away.

Sean’s gaze roamed her face and Heather thought she saw remnants of the affection he’d once showered on her. She’d give anything to see it again.

“Would you change anything? Knowing what you know now, would you have done it again?” Sean asked.

Heather searched his face and wondered what answer he wanted from her. She’d asked herself the same thing a thousand times. And each time the answer had been the same: during those wonderful weeks there had been no better existence in all the
world, and she’d choose them again.

“Heck, yes. I would have.”

Sean jerked like she’d struck him. He ran a hand through his hair. “I wouldn’t have thought that was your answer.”

She eased closer on the bench because she couldn’t bear to be so far from him anymore. She left a few inches between their legs, but she could feel the heat and emotion radiating off him. “Would you?”

He straightened and leaned in close. “Every…single…second.”

Heather’s heart pounded in her chest. She didn’t want to read anything into this conversation, or the fact that he was here, or the roiling emotions of the day. But there was a low-grade fire burning in his eyes that she couldn’t resist. Her hand lifted and she settled it against his cheek. His eyes shuttered closed and his face turned deeper into her palm.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed us,” Heather whispered back, afraid to hope.
Afraid to dream that she might have another chance at a family.

But not just any family, a family with Sean.

Sean stood and Heather’s heart seized. If he walked away now she couldn’t promise that she wouldn’t throw herself at his feet and beg him to take her back.

He stood with his back to her for several moments; then he turned and held out his hand to her. “I can’t promise it will be easier this time. I can’t promise that there won’t be a heap more heartbreak. All I can promise is to love you.
And to be there.”

Without hesitation, Heather settled her palm into his. “I’ll do this on one condition.” Her heart pounded in her chest as she spoke his words back to him.

“You will.” His response was not a question as hers had been and she thrilled to his assertiveness.

She stood and pulled his hand to her belly. “I’ll only want you back in my life if you always call me wife.”

Sean threw back his head and laughed. Then he tugged her into his arms and held her tight. “Deal…wife.” He whispered the final word and he tightened his grip.

The cage around Heather’s heart started to break away and she began to hope for something new.

Something bright.

With Sean.