A Certain Slant of Light (29 page)

  
"Libby," said James, as if he still couldn't quite believe it.
"Hello."

  
"Hi," she said good-naturedly.

  
I backed up a step and stayed on the porch.

  
"What the fuck—" Mitch sounded angry.

  
"Sorry," said James. He turned sideways in the door frame
id looked away. "What are you doing home?"

  
"It's my lunch hour, asshole." I could hear the rustling of
clothes even over the sounds of guitars from the radio. "You're
supposed to be at school," said Mitch.

  
"I left one of my books here," said James. "It's my lunch hour,
too."

  
"Jesus Christ," Mitch muttered and the radio was shut off.
Then I could hear him very close to James, but I stayed hidden.

  
"Didn't you tell Rayna you'd rather chew off your own hand
than go out with Libby?" James whispered.

  
"Shut up, wiseass."

  
"Nothing wrong with changing your mind," said James.

  
Libby came out onto the porch adjusting her bra.

  
"We're gonna go get something to eat," said Mitch.

  
"I'll drive," called Libby. "Does Billy wanna come?"

  
"No, he does not," said Mitch with irritation.

  
"Can I use the car," said James, "if you're taking Libby's?"

  
"Hell no."

  
"Just to drive back to school and home after," said James.

  
There was a pause, then Mitch sighed. "Anything happens,
you're dead."

  
Then Libby noticed me and smiled.

  
"This is my friend," James told her.

  
Now Mitch followed Libby down the porch steps.

  
"Hi." Libby waved with a child-sized hand.

  
Mitch only glanced at me on his way across the lawn. "Get
your stuff, get out, and lock it," he said as he and Libby climbed into her dented red car.

  
"I will," James reassured him.

  
I stepped into the living room that I had seen before but never smelled. It had the scent of beer and pine needles. As soon as the door shut behind us, James was kissing me. He pressed hard as if
he were lost at sea, drawing fresh water from my depths. He
lifted me in a hug around the waist with my toes barely grazing the floor and walked me to his room. I shrieked at the cracking
noise the bed frame made when we fell on it.

  
Again, I was amazed at my own undisguised desire. It was as
if sex were something that we had just invented, a magic al
chemy that only our two spirits could create.

  
I managed to get his shirt off, but the metal buttons on his
pants were tight. "Help me," I laughed. And he did.

  
"What do you want for lunch?" he asked, but I couldn't speak.

  
Afterward, he was kissing my neck as if now he craved the
salt he found there, and, to my surprise, I began to cry.

  
"Did I hurt you?" He brushed the hair out of my eyes.

  
"No." Then I noticed that I was still wearing my dress, and
James still had on his socks and shoes. His jeans were around his
ankles. I poked at the pants with one foot and started laughing.
James just looked relieved the tears had stopped.

  
He kicked off the rest of his clothes and carefully took off the

 
rest of my mine as well. I watched him all the while. The room
smelled of newsprint. I felt an absurd pride at being Quick enough to smell and taste the world again. To celebrate my
senses, I kissed his bare shoulder, tasting his skin.

  
"I want to sleep all night with you," I said.

  
"I'd never have another nightmare with you in my bed," said
James.

  
"You have nightmares?"

  
He looked embarrassed to have spoken of it.

  
"What do you dream?" I asked.

  
"I'm always shouting at Mitch. I think it's Mitch. I'm warn
ing him about some danger, and he can't hear me."

  
"I want to sleep with you all night, every night," I told him.

  
"Some day." He pulled the bed sheet over us and put his arms around me. Then he saw my expression and added, "Soon."

  
"How soon?"

  
"Well, we're nearly eighteen. When we're eighteen, we can
make a home together."

  
"Why do we have to pretend to be young?" I demanded. "We could lie, couldn't we? Move to a new city and say we're twenty-
one."

  
He looked intrigued by this scheme.

  
"Well, when is your birthday?" I asked impatiently. "I mean,
Billy's birthday?"

  
"In October," said James.

  
"Only one month?"

  
"Thirteen months, actually." When he saw how shocked I
was, he added, "Well, we need a proper engagement."

  
"Are you asking me to marry you?"

  
He straddled me, a knee on each side of my body, pinning me
down on the mattress, and sat up, the sheet making a cape over
his shoulders and leaving me bare under him. The sudden cool on
my skin made me cover my breasts with my crossed hands, but
James gently took my wrists, opening my arms like wings as if he
were a painter rearranging his model.

  
"I'm on my knees," he said. "Will you marry me?"

  
Something in me whispered a warning:
You re too happy
—
in
a moment,you'll wake.
But I didn't listen. "Yes, I will," I told him.

  
I thought for a moment he intended to consummate the be
trothal, but then he caught sight of the little clock on his desk.
"We have to get back."

  
Once we were dressed and heading for the kitchen, James
reached into his pocket.

  
"I have a present for you." He pulled a small disk out and
held it in front of his face like a monocle. It was a plastic button
printed with the words YOU ARE MY HOME.

  
"What is it?" I asked, delighted even before hearing the story.

  
"It was a game in English class," he said, pinning the button
to my dress. "If you could remember what character said the line,
you won the button."

  
Now I recalled Mr. Brown playing this game with his students
the year before. "Smike," I said.

  
"Very good," he laughed. "You and I could have wiped out the
treasure chest."

  
We took an apple and a bottle of water from the kitchen, and
James led us into the garage through the inside door. I kept
stroking the button like a magic amulet. James reached under the front left fender of Mitch's car and pulled out a tiny tin box that
held a key.

  
"What does Mitch do for work?" I asked.

  
"He's a mechanic." Like a gentleman, James opened the pas
senger door for me. I loved the way the car smelled of car, not like
Cathy's. "You wouldn't know it to look at this creature of a car,"
he said, getting in. "He scraped it together from other people's
wrecks."

  
"Like Frankenstein."

  
"Precisely." He started the engine and glanced at me. "You
should drive. You need the practice to pass your test."

  
"I don't know how to drive," I said.

  
"You don't need to have Jenny's memories," said James, open
ing the automatic garage door. It roared painfully upward. "Automobiles haven't changed all that much." He pushed his
hips back in the seat and pointed down at the pedals. "Left brake,
right gas."

"This doesn't help me," I pointed out.

  
"What are you talking about?" He seemed almost annoyed at my reluctance. "Didn't they let women drive?"

  
"The car hadn't been invented yet," I told him.

James looked at me blankly for one moment, then bent for
ward in such uncontrolled laughter that I thought he was going
stop breathing. His face turned red, and tears were running
)wn his cheeks.

  
"I beg your pardon," I said, trying to seem offended. "Are you making fun of my age?"

  
This didn't help. He motioned that I should stop speaking. I
couldn't be angry with him, though.

  
"I'm sorry," he gasped. I sat and started to eat the apple.
Finally he wiped his eyes on his shirt and sighed, but he wouldn't
look at me. I gave him a bite from the apple and he calmed down.

  
"Hadn't been invented," he mumbled. Then he bit his lip,
and his shoulders started to shake again.

  
Near the school, James parked on a side street. Just as we got
to his locker, the bell rang. He opened the metal door with a
clank and brought out my book bag.

  
"Can I come calling on you tonight?" he asked.

  
I was instantly shackled with thoughts of Jenny's home. "I'm
not allowed suitors," I said. "I'll have to try to find a chink in the
armor."