A Chalice of Wind (13 page)

How incredibly asinine. It was like finding out they were Moonies. I couldn’t believe anyone would spend so much time and energy and money on all this stuff. What idiots.

So the three of them did their “rites” up here. And that kid Richard too. God.

But . . . after my nightmare, Axelle had done spells in my room, like they would help protect me or something. Which meant she thought someone was trying to hurt me. As if my nightmare had been witchcraft by someone else.

I suddenly felt dizzy, my head pounding. I had to get out of here this
second.
I ran to the door, raced down the steps, and pulled the door shut behind me. I heard a slight
snick—
it was locked again. Adrenaline raced through me, making my heart hammer, my breath come fast. I didn’t even think of where to go but flew out of the apartment and out the side gate.

On the street I stopped short. It was still daylight, the sun intermittently covered with dark gray clouds. Tourists were walking by, as if nothing were unusual, as if my life hadn’t changed hugely, not once, but too many times to count in the last month and today most of all. I slowed to a walk and crossed the narrow cobbled street. What to do, where to go—my thoughts weren’t even that coherent. I just kept taking one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, feeling my skin film with cold sweat.

Then I found myself in front of the private garden, the garden where I’d met Luc.

Quickly I moved the ivy aside and pushed open the small wooden door. As soon as I was inside and the door shut behind me, I felt the cold dread start to leave me. Inside this quiet garden, I felt calmer, saner. Safe.

Once again I sank onto the marble bench, feeling its welcome coolness against my skin. I didn’t want to search the windows of the surrounding buildings but hoped that Luc could see I was here. In a life filled with strangers, he and Sylvie were the only people I felt at ease with.

In the meantime I sat, letting my heartbeat slow, my breathing become regular. I couldn’t think, couldn’t begin to piece this puzzle together. I could only sit and listen to the muted sounds around me: the trickling fountain, the few small birds hopping among the jasmine, the very distant sounds of horses and carriages, tugboats on the river, streetcars rattling on their tracks.

I had a sister, a twin sister. I had a grandmother. Each time, I realized it all over again. Things with Clio had been strange. Maybe she didn’t want a sister. Maybe she didn’t want to share her grandmother—my grandmother. But surely my grandmother would want me? I closed my eyes and said a prayer that this was all real, that I had a real family now, that my grandmother would love me and take me to live with her, like in a fairy tale.
Please don’t let me be alone anymore,
I prayed.

As before, I didn’t hear the gate open, but when I looked up, Luc was walking toward me. A tight knot inside my chest eased, and all my tension started to evaporate. He was taller than I’d realized, wearing worn jeans and a white button-down shirt rolled back at the sleeves. A gentle smile lit his face, and it hit me again just how good-looking he was. And then I became aware of how grubby and dusty and hot I was, and my morning shower seemed a lifetime ago. Great.

“We meet again.” He sat next to me on the bench, leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees. “You look upset. Again. Is your life so crazy right now?”

I gave a short laugh, wishing I had brushed my hair sometime in the last eight hours. “Yes.”

He gave a sympathetic sigh, and it struck me how incredibly comforting he was to be with. He couldn’t be more than a year or two older than me, but he seemed light-years away from most guys I’d known. I put my head to one side, thinking about it.

“What?” He smiled at me.

“I was just thinking. . . . You have a . . . deep stillness to you,” I said. His eyes lost their dreamy expression, became more alert. “As if all of this”—I waved my hand to encompass the whole world—“washes over you without affecting you very much. You seem like a—” I paused, considering. “Like a tree in the middle of a river, kind of. And the river washes around you and past you, but the tree never moves.” I laughed self-consciously at my description.

Luc didn’t speak for a minute, just looked at me. “Is that how I seem to you?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” I said, not caring if I sounded stupid. “Everything in my life has changed. It keeps changing every day. But when I sit here with you, it’s like the world has stopped.” I shrugged. “Like time has stopped. It’s . . . peaceful. It makes me feel better. I can’t explain it.”

Luc leaned back against the vine-covered brick wall. I heard the sleepy hum of bees as they went from flower to flower among the Confederate jasmine. I remembered how Luc had told me the names of some of the plants, and, leaning forward, I picked another perfect, creamy gardenia blossom. I inhaled its fragrance, its heady sweetness, and then I tucked it through a buttonhole on his shirt pocket.

“One for you,” I said, smiling.

Luc was very still, and now he looked at me with a slight, puzzled smile.

“What do you want from me, Thais?” he asked.

“What do I
want
from you?” I didn’t understand.

“In relationships, people want things from each other,” he explained, his voice patient. “Girls might want protection or someone to pay for things—someone to show off to their friends. Guys might want arm candy or someone to take care of them or just someone to sleep with. People are afraid to be alone, and so they cling to each other like flotsam after a shipwreck. So, what is it that you
want
from me? And also, what is it that you’re
offering
me?” His crisply accented voice was very quiet, for my ears only in this still, private garden.

My mouth was hanging open. “Well, that was just about the most depressing, old-fashioned, sexist-pig view of relationships I’ve heard in a long time,” I said. I felt hurt, as if he were implying that I wanted to use him somehow. “What rock have you been living under? How did you get so cynical this young?”

Luc cocked his head, studying me. His dark hair, his beautiful eyes, made me even madder because my strong attraction to his gorgeous outside was being spoiled by his dumb inside.

“And since when do we have a relationship?” I said, feeling anger rise in my veins. “We’ve run into each other
twice!
” My jaw set as I thought rapidly, already feeling the loss of something I hadn’t even realized I wanted. “I am offering you
nothing,
” I went on, practically spitting at him. “I’d rather stay alone the rest of my life than hook up with a guy who’s only wondering what I
want
from him. And why would you even be worried? You
clearly
have nothing to offer
me.
”

I pushed off from the bench and strode to the garden gate, furious at him for ruining everything when I’d felt so peaceful and calm. I’d reached out to yank the gate open when suddenly Luc grabbed my arm and swung me around. Emotion crossed his face: uncertainty, hope, and something I recognized at the last second as strong, intense wanting.

“You’d be surprised at what I can offer you,” he said roughly, and then he was kissing me like Chad Woolcott had never kissed me in eight months of going out. Like no one had ever kissed me, ever. My head bent back over his arm and I felt the heat of his body through my clothes. It never occurred to me to resist, and I knew then that I’d wanted him all along. I felt the hardness of his arms holding me, pressing me to him. My eyes drifted shut, my mouth opened to his, and my arms wrapped around his neck as if I had no control over my own body. And maybe I didn’t.

It felt like we kissed for ages, standing there, and finally we pulled away, as reluctantly as if pulling away meant death. Luc looked as shocked as I felt. I put my fingers to my lips—they felt bruised. Luc was breathing hard. He ran a hand through his dark hair and looked away.

All I could think was . . . my world had just tilted. It was just a kiss, standing up, even, yet in that kiss it felt like everything in my life fell quietly into place and made sense.

Which it didn’t, of course. My life was still a huge, thorny mess. But during that kiss I had been able to forget about it, forget about everything.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, looking completely unlike his usual cool, suave self.

“Don’t be sorry,” I whispered, trying to pull myself together. I glanced at the sky, almost dark, and then I felt the first heavy raindrop explode against my arm. My skin felt so hot I expected to see a little puff of steam. “I have to go.” I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay there forever.

He looked at me then, intensely, as if trying to see my soul. “We have a relationship,” he said, and I got a weird feeling that he hadn’t meant to say that, that it had come out anyway. “Even if I’m . . . old-fashioned and sexist and cynical.” He gave a short laugh.

“I’ll be back,” I said. And looking into his eyes, I saw my reflected knowledge that with one kiss, everything had spun out of control.

“H
oly Mother,” Racey breathed, looking at me. “I can’t get over it.”

I took the bag of Raisinets from her and got a small handful. “Me neither.”

“So Petra knew about your mystery twin,” she said.

I nodded. “She had to. She was stunned, but not surprised, if you know what I mean.”

Racey nodded, leaning against my wall. It was getting late—soon she’d have to go. School night, etc. Like I could deal with school now. I could barely stand school when my life was somewhat normal—now it would be an unending agony.

“Well, oh my God,” Racey said, trying to sound normal. She tucked her white-streaked hair behind one ear. “You told me you wanted a sister once.”

“No. I said I wanted
you
to be my sister,” I reminded her. “I don’t want another
me
as a sister.”

“That
would
be a nightmare,” Racey agreed, and I kicked at her with my bare foot. She laughed and said, “So what’s Petra’s explanation, then?”

“Don’t know,” I said shortly. “Haven’t heard it.” I leaned against my headboard and pulled a pillow into my lap. “She said she’d explain it, but she started doing all these protection spells, and then later she said that she wanted to see Thais and me together.”

“Do you think Thais’ll come live here?”

I groaned. “I don’t know. She’s living with some friend of her dad’s. But if Nan is an actual living relative . . . I mean, there’s no room here! We’d have to share a room!” I kicked a pillow on the floor.

“Okay—it’s a freak show,” Racey agreed. “Got it. Let’s talk about something else. How’s the mysterious Andre?” She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

“How would I know?” I snarled. “I haven’t seen him today because, oh,
yeah,
I found out that I had an identical twin sister that my grandmother has been lying to me about for seventeen years!”

Racey pursed her lips. “All
righty,
then. Who’d you get for chem lab?”

Unwillingly, trying to hold on to my outrage, I laughed. Only Racey could make me laugh at a time like this. “Foster.”

“Me too! We can swap notes. Now, quick segue: so you still like Andre?”

“More than like. I mean, he’s . . . he’s just everything I could want.” I shook my head. “He’s perfect for me. I can’t imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else.”

Racey’s eyes widened in alarm. She’d never heard me talk this way. I’d never heard me talk this way either. I’d been with tons of guys, and Andre was the first one who’d even gotten close to touching my heart. And he was more than close. This was all new territory for me. It was exciting. Kind of dangerous.

“Huh,” she said, obviously thinking this through.

“Anyway: you and Jonah,” I said. “What gives?” Racey and Jonah Weinberg had had a summer fling, and now he was in her English class.

“I may have underestimated him,” Racey allowed.

I grinned. “He did look pretty good today, didn’t he?”

“Yeah.” She was about to elaborate when her cell phone rang. “Hey, Mom. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Got it.” She clicked the phone off. “It’s a school night,” she said brightly. “I better get my butt home so I can get a good night’s sleep!”

I laughed, feeling better. “Okay. But thanks, Race. You’re my lifeline.” I hugged her.

“Clio—it’ll be okay.” She pulled back and looked into my eyes. “No matter what happens, it’ll be okay, and I’ll be here for you.” We didn’t usually get all sappy with each other, so I was touched.

“Thanks. And after all,
you
have sisters, right?” She had two sisters, both older, and Trey, just a year younger than us.

“Yeah.” She frowned. “They suck.” Then she pasted on a falsely enthusiastic face. “But I’m sure
your
sister will be
great!
”

I snorted and kicked her in the butt on the way out.
Thank you, Déesse, for friends.
It was the most heartfelt prayer I’d said all day.