A Change of Heart (31 page)

Ted carried the kayak back to the garage, taking note of the uncut stack of firewood along the outside wall next to a huge, scarred stump. He’d hiked, gone into town for lunch and kayaked. Only Monday, and already he was antsy. He missed his folks, work and Cory. Especially Cory. Could he be any more pathetic?

Time to figure a few things out, and he did his best thinking while doing physical labor. Setting the kayak back where he’d found it, he eyed the maul and ax hanging from the hooks on the wall and made a decision. He took them both down, testing the sharpness of the blades with his thumb. Both were sharp.

Once he’d wrestled the first piece of wood to an upended position on the stump, he hefted the maul, shifting its balance and weight in his grip, and let her fly.
Thwack.
He’d been an idiot to expose his feelings right after her flashback.
Thwack.
Would
he never learn? She’d drawn the line in the dirt more than once, and he kept scuffing his way past it. He’d pushed her for kisses, pushed her to spend time with him, and now here he was with his heart all black-and-blue and his pride in tatters. He brought the maul down with more force.
Crack.
The two split pieces flew apart and bounced on the ground.

Was he doomed to always hand his heart over to women who couldn’t or wouldn’t love him back? He cringed, remembering the humiliation his crush on Paige had put him through. Setting one of the pieces back on the stump, he brought the maul down again.
Thwack.
At least that defeat only involved the three of them. This time, everyone at L&L knew, and what he felt for Cory was no crush. He’d gone and done it, set himself up for major heartbreak, and he had no one to blame but himself.
Crack.
He stooped to pick up the two quarters, tossing them toward the garage to stack later.

His mind conjured Cory’s image, her shy smiles, soulful brown eyes and luscious full lips. He placed the next half up, and the sound of his next swing hitting wood reverberated through the air. The impact vibrated along his nerves. She’d said he was amazing, and kissing him was wonderful. Hadn’t she also said if things were different, dating him would be a dream come true? Yeah, he was pretty sure that’s what she’d said. Was she just trying to be nice, spare his feelings and all that?

He hefted a new log onto the chopping block and took another swing. But Cory had also come to his defense at work, ending the annoying kid nickname once and for all. Plus, he’d started hanging out with the guys lately, also her doing, since it began after they’d doubled with Kyle and Brenda.
Thwack.
Still, it didn’t mean she felt anything for him. Friendship was all she’d offered. Ever.

He remembered the way she’d kissed him back, coming away breathless. Surely her response had been the result of arousal, not distress. Had he read her all wrong? He wiped the sweat from his brow with the bottom of his T-shirt. How many times had he caught her staring at him, or glimpsed the answering heat and longing in her eyes? Or had he willed himself to see what he wanted to see? Could be her glances meant nothing more than the affection one friend felt for another. He might’ve been wrong all along, and she didn’t want him at all.

One thing for certain, he really did need this break. He needed to regroup and put the pieces of his broken heart back together. From now on, if anything were to happen between them, Cory would have to be the one to initiate it. She’d already stamped
rejected
on his forehead, and it would take a good long while for that burn to cool.

That’s your wounded pride talking, son.

His dad’s voice, as clear as if he stood beside him, sounded off inside his head. “Humph. I’m not done thinking yet. I’m just trying to work my way through the hurt and the anger.” A lump rose to his throat and his eyes burned. “I’m so damned tired of the heartache and the loneliness.”

Is she worth it?

His dad’s voice weighed in again. Hell, yes, and wasn’t that just the salt rub to his wound? He wanted her, knew at a cellular level they were meant for each other, and she kept pushing him away.
I’m not your girl. I can’t be that for you.
He rubbed at the ache in his chest and blinked against the sting in his eyes.
Shit. Pull yourself together.

After finishing up the pile of firewood, he’d reorganize the Langfords’ storage garage. Things were piled up willy-nilly, and he itched to put the place in order.
Put yourself in order, you
mean.
Maybe he’d uncover something mechanical to tinker with under all of the junk. He’d caught a glimpse of what might be an old motorcycle under a pile of boxes and gear.

He’d keep himself busy “relaxing”, and then he’d return home with some kind of plan in mind. What that might be, he had no idea, but he’d reached his low—either he’d cut his losses and move on, or he’d throw himself at that wall once more and hope this time he stuck.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

C
ORY
’
S HEAD ACHED, AND HER
knees took on that wobbly, nervous feeling as she made her way upstairs to her office. In a few minutes, she’d have to face Ted across the conference table for their Monday morning staff meeting. Her heart splintered at the thought. He’d gone back to being polite but distant since the rodeo, and he’d left early last Friday before she could talk to him.

He’d seen her at her worst. She’d attacked him. As if that wasn’t enough, she’d stomped on his heart when he made his feelings for her known. Her words must’ve finally gotten through, and he’d realized he’d be better off without her. If only she could convince herself it was for the best. Swallowing against the constriction in her throat, she continued on her way.

“Hey, Cory,” Paige called behind her.

She stopped to wait for her very pregnant friend to catch up. “Good morning.”

“Morning. There’s no staff meeting today. I have to head into Evansville in a few minutes.”

“OK.” Relief washed through her. She could hide out in her office and get some work done. Nothing like avoidance to calm the nerves. “Thanks for the heads-up.”

“Sure. Do you want to come with me and take a look at L&L’s very first retail store?”

“Not today. I need to sort through the insurance bids we’ve gotten so far and start a document to compare the plans. The sooner we get the vote done, the quicker we can enroll.”

“All right. Don’t forget our housewarming party is this coming Saturday.”

“I haven’t forgotten. I signed up to bring a pasta salad.” She opened the door to their shared office and headed for her desk. “I can’t wait to see your new house. Are you all settled in?”

“The rooms we use are done. The rest can wait.” Paige dropped her purse and briefcase on her chair. “Baby boy Malloy’s room is ready, and as far as I’m concerned that’s all that matters.” Paige shot her a grin and booted up her desktop while still standing. “I just have to print a few copies off before I go.” Her fingers flew over the keyboard.

“We’ve posted the openings for a store manager and sales staff, and I have contractors coming this morning give us estimates on the remodeling. I need to pick up the plans from the architect before they arrive.” The printer came to life, and Paige snatched up the pile of papers. “I’m outta here. I’ll be back later this afternoon. Hold down the fort for me,” she said as she tucked the papers into her briefcase.

“Will do.” She waited until Paige left before spreading the insurance bids across her desk. Reading through them, she highlighted the differences, made comparisons and immersed herself in organizing the offerings. Everything needed to be clear to their stakeholders. She created a document with different columns for each provider and laid out the costs and coverage side by side.

Time for more coffee. She grabbed her mug and rose from her chair just as her phone rang. Setting her mug back down, she
fished around in her purse and pulled it out. Her breath caught as she recognized the Yale Law School number. “Hello?”

“Hi, Cory. This is Janice from the Yale Law School Veterans Legal Services Clinic. You have some decisions to make.”

Cory sat down hard, her knees finally caving to stress. “Decisions?”

“Yes. I put off calling until we had a firm offer on the table. Do you have a few minutes?” Janice’s tone was all business.

“Sure.”

“The US Army has expunged the personality disorder diagnosis from your record, and they’ve accepted the independent psychological evaluation we had done last fall. You now have a diagnosis of PTSD and an honorable discharge. Your benefits have been restored.”

Cory’s mouth went seven-year-drought dry, and her hands shook. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She paused. “Here’s where the decision part comes in. You’re well poised for a groundbreaking lawsuit, and the army knows it. You stand to gain much more than what they’ve put on the table. Plus, your case will set precedent, which will ultimately change policy. Whether or not we proceed is entirely up to you. They’ve offered to pension you off with full benefits as if you’d served your full twenty, or you can reenlist and be guaranteed a cushy stateside job. In exchange, you have to agree not to take any further legal action.”

Her mind reeled, and she could barely string words together to form a coherent sentence.
Pension me off? A cushy stateside job?
Her assailant was behind bars, found guilty by a jury of his peers. She had a copy of every correspondence she’d ever initiated with her superiors trying to get the army’s support after she’d been attacked. Plus, she had a copy of her unfixed record. If
she decided to take it to the next level, her case would be a slam dunk. Did she want to go through all of that again? “Can I think about it?”

“Of course.” Janice’s voice softened. “I know you’ve been through a lot these past couple years, but we’re really hoping you’ll agree to pursue this. Think what it would mean for other servicewomen everywhere.”

She would think about it, but not now. Her current hell took its own precedent, and the possibility of getting better loomed large and bright before her. “You said my file is already fixed, right? I no longer have the less-than-honorable discharge on my record?”

“That’s right. I’ve put a copy in the mail. You should have it by Wednesday at the latest.”

“I can start seeing a therapist at the VA center right away?”

“Absolutely.”

Memories of her lawsuit days flashed before her—the cameras thrust in her face as she walked into court. Her name and the circumstances of her assault spread all over the media for everyone to see. Did she really want to repeat that experience? But this time would be different. Vindication sent a fresh shot of adrenaline pumping through her veins. “I have a lot to think about. I need a week or so.”

“Fair enough. Call or e-mail me when you’ve reached a decision.” Janice paused again. “I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but this is so very important.”

“I understand, and I promise to give the matter the consideration it deserves. Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you and the law clinic have done for me. I…” She cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the lump that had formed. “This means so much to me.”

“You’re entirely welcome. You have my e-mail address and the
phone number for the clinic. If you do decide to follow through with this, John Nickols and I will be cochairing the case.”

“OK. I’ll let you know.” They said their good-byes, and Cory leaned back in her chair, closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips against her temples. She was no longer unfit to serve, no longer personality disordered, and something inside her loosened and fell away. Maybe a tiny part of the chip she carried on her shoulder had fallen off? She needed to call her mom and Brenda. They needed to know, but not right this minute. She could hardly wrap her head around what had just happened herself. For that matter, she couldn’t really think clearly at all. Still shaky and dry mouthed, she willed her vitals to settle.

Ted.
More than anything she wanted to talk to him, tell him her news and get his perspective on what she should do. He knew more about her than anyone. She’d shared so much with him, more than she’d revealed to her mother or even her best friend. After pushing him away, after physically attacking him, would he still be willing to be her friend?