A Change of Heart (9 page)

“I offered her a ride to the bank—a public place with a security guard. It’s not like I asked her on a date. I don’t think time is going to make a difference.” He plowed a hand through his hair. His attraction to her was a one-way street to heartache, but he couldn’t manage to steer his bus in another direction. Her smile and the way she’d looked at him flashed through his mind, sending his heart racing.
Shit
.

Where his heart was concerned, he was a sucker for lost causes.

CHAPTER FOUR

C
ORY STARED AT HER REFLECTION
in the tiny bathroom mirror. Steam from her shower still obscured the edges, framing her face in silvery drips. Should she wear makeup today? If she did, would Ted take it as a sign that she was interested in him? Her mind shied away from the thought. If she didn’t wear makeup, would his family think she didn’t care enough to look her best for them?

A compromise—foundation, a little blush and mascara—not enough to draw attention, and not so little that she’d come across as disinterested in her own appearance. She snorted. Like anybody would care either way.

Reaching for her toothbrush, she considered her clothing options: baggy old army fatigues or jeans and a blouse. Hmm. She’d like to do something about her limited wardrobe, but after paying Ted a portion of what she owed for groceries, and forcing Noah to take half a month’s rent, she didn’t have enough left for a shopping spree. Not if she wanted to continue eating, which she did. And not if she wanted to buy a car at some point. Which she also did.

She could’ve tucked a little of her paycheck away. Noah didn’t expect rent for the first three months, but it just wasn’t in her to take charity. As a child she’d had no choice. As an adult with
an education and skills, it didn’t sit well with her. She had a job; she’d pay her way.

Once she finished drying her hair and putting on a little makeup, she moved into the bedroom and dressed. As ready as she’d ever be, Cory made the rounds, locking all the windows and making sure everything had been shut off. Her stun gun rested in its place on the bedside table, and she had the pepper spray with her. Check. Slinging the strap of her purse over her shoulder, she left the carriage house to wait for Ted on the Langfords’ veranda.

It was one of those rare days where the temperature and humidity were in sync, warm but not overwhelming. Lazy white clouds drifted across the clear blue sky, and a light breeze lifted the hair around her face. Rounding the corner of the big house, she found Ceejay sitting at the wrought-iron table by herself. Sweet Pea lay sprawled half under the table, half out, like he didn’t realize he was too big to fit.

“Good morning.” Ceejay held a mug in her hands, and her feet were propped up on another chair.

“Hi. It’s awfully quiet around here. Where’s the rest of your squadron?”

“Noah is taking Lucinda to our neighbor’s for a play date. Then he has a few errands to run, and Toby wanted to go along for the ride. Micah is napping.” She ran her hand over her belly and grinned. “Once this one is born, moments to myself are going to be difficult to find.” She swung her feet down and started to rise. “Would you like a cup of coffee? It’s decaf, but—”

“No, thanks.” Cory gestured for her to sit back down. “Stay where you are. I don’t want to disturb your peace.”

“You’re an adult. I always welcome adult interruptions. What brings you to the big house this morning?”

Cory lowered herself to the top step and leaned back against
the column. “I’m waiting for Ted. He’s taking me to his folks’ place for Sunday dinner.”

“Oh?” Ceejay’s brow shot up, and her glance sharpened.

Embarrassment flooded her. “It’s not what you think. We have a bet going, and it’s his turn for show and tell.” Which reminded her—she’d have to do the same soon. She cringed at the thought of bringing him to the shabby trailer park where she’d spent her childhood. At least she’d win their bet and get a free lunch out of the humiliating bargain.

“My cousin is the sweetest guy you’ll ever meet. He used to pester me to death when we were kids, but if anyone tried to bully or push me around, he was always the first to step up and protect me. He’s more a brother than cousin.”

“Yeah, but he’s still a guy.” Cripes. She hadn’t meant to blurt that out loud. She turned away. “I mean—”

“No need to explain. I can’t imagine how difficult things must be for you right now.”

Cory shrugged. She had no words to describe what it was like. The constant anxiety, nightmares and fear, the disgust—the weight of all that emotional drag gave her no peace. She frowned as an unfamiliar pickup truck bounced along the gravel driveway.
Who’s this?

“Here’s Ted.” Ceejay sighed. “Look, I understand how you feel about men right now.”

Cory flashed her a doubtful look.

“But he’s my cousin, and I love him. Don’t be too hard on the guy just because he’s a man. He’d never do anything to hurt you or anybody else.”

“I know that.” Ceejay’s words stung. “You see me as someone who—”

“No. I don’t believe you’d intentionally hurt him. I just
know Ted.” Ceejay stared into her coffee cup. “Gah! Don’t listen to me. I’m pregnant, overemotional, and driven by my out-of-control hormones.”

Ted parked the truck and got out. His smile blazed a trail straight for her. Caught in all that warmth, all Cory could do was stare back. Ceejay had warned her not to hurt him. She saw her as a threat.
Am I a threat?
Her throat tightened, and her eyes stung. Sergeant Dickhead had turned her into someone to be avoided, or suffer the collateral damage only the truly screwed up could inflict.

Ted stopped in front of the steps. He wore tight jeans and a button-down light-blue shirt that made his eyes look more blue than gray. He looked relaxed, fit and at home in his own skin. Cory’s heart turned over and she forgot how to exhale. Ceejay had it all wrong. Ted wasn’t in any danger. She was. How could she deal with the pull he exerted on her heart, when terror and revulsion pushed right back?

“Hey, cuz.” He turned to Ceejay. “How’re you feeling?”

“Good. Really good. I’m past the morning sickness phase and now we’re on to the growing-larger-than-a-barn part.” Ceejay patted her tummy. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” He turned his high-wattage smile on Cory. “You ready to get tromped in our bet?”

“I keep telling you not to get your hopes up.” She stood and smoothed her jeans down, trying to cover up the way he made her breathless. “When are you going to take me seriously?”

“Not today.”

This was a bad idea.
Don’t be too hard on him just because he’s a man.
What did that even mean? He had all the power. Her eyes darted to the cab of his truck. Such a small space…too small. Trapped between Ceejay’s warning, Ted’s warm gaze and her own irrational, unreasonable fear, her heart pounded out a
hazard warning, and her palms started to sweat. “I…uh…Maybe I should take a rain check on today.”

Concern clouded Ted’s expression. “What just happened?”

“Crap. This is my fault.” Ceejay rose. “Forget I said anything, Cory. Please don’t let my pregnancy-induced stupidity ruin your day.”

Cory sucked in a breath and fought the unwanted sting of tears.
Do not cry in front of Ted. Do not.
She didn’t need to appear any more messed up than she already did.

“What did you say to her?” Ted’s voice was tinged with anger.

Great. Now she had guilt to add to her bag of crazy. No way did she want to come between Ted and his cousin. “She didn’t say anything. It’s just…” She glanced at the truck again and sucked in a breath. “The cab of your truck. It’s…”

“It’s just me, Cory.” Ted came around to peer into her eyes. “Do you have your pepper spray?”

She nodded.

“Let me see it.” He held out his hand.

She fished around in her purse, pulled out the leather-bound canister of safety and handed it over. He uncovered the nozzle, took her hand, and wrapped her fingers around the cylinder, placing her thumb over the top. She didn’t recoil. Where was the instant revulsion, the disgust? Instead, his protective touch sent a rush of warmth through her—disorienting confusion hot on its trail.

“God, I’m sorry. I triggered this, and I know better.” Ceejay placed her hand on Cory’s shoulder. “What can I do?”

“You didn’t
trigger
this.” Cory shook her head and moved out of reach. “I…I don’t want to keep going on about this. Please…”

“Right. Got it. Say hi to everyone for me, Ted.” Ceejay headed up the stairs. “Tell your mom we’ll make it to Sunday dinner next month for sure.” She disappeared through the front door.

“Sit,” Ted ordered. “And it might help if you breathed a little.”

It might. Then again, it might not. She sat back down and concentrated on drawing breath.

Ted moved a safe distance away and placed his hands on his hips. “No rain checks. Today is the day. I’ll wait right here until you’re ready. Keep the pepper spray in your hand for the entire trip, and we’ll open the windows in my truck so you don’t feel closed in.”

Oh, how she wished he didn’t see her for the basket case she truly was. Wouldn’t it be nice to be a normal woman basking in his attention? She might even flirt back if that were the case—but it wasn’t. Sergeant Dickhead had broken her into a thousand dysfunctional pieces, and she had no idea how to put herself back together again. There was no glue for her kind of broken, and Ted deserved so much more, so much better. Any attraction she might feel toward him needed to be squelched right now. “You must think I’m crazy.”

“Nope. I see you as traumatized. There’s a big difference.” He studied the gravel under his feet. “Noah and Ryan both went through therapy at the VA center. Do you think maybe seeing a therapist might help you?”

“I’m sure it would.” Shame twisted her into a knot, and heat rose to her face.
Unfit to serve.
She swallowed hard.

“Noah and I are all about flexible hours to accommodate therapy, Cory. If you want—”

“I don’t qualify for veteran’s benefits. Thanks just the same.” Her jaw clenched, and she couldn’t meet his eyes.

“How do you not qualify?” He moved closer. “This is service related. Didn’t you spend like, what, eight years in the service? I think that’s what Noah said.”

“Yes. Eight years.” She shot up off the stairs. “Let’s go. I don’t want to make you late for your family’s get-together.” She hurried toward his truck, way too aware he followed close behind. She opened the passenger door and climbed in before
he could help her, tracking his every move as he came around to the driver’s side.

He started the truck down the gravel driveway and turned onto the two-lane highway. “You OK? Because a minute ago you were—”

“Sure,” she lied and held up the hand with the pepper spray. “I’m all better now.”

“So…”

“Let it go.”

“Nothing that happened is a reflection on you, Cory. Putting your assailant behind bars proved that. Why don’t you qualify for veteran’s benefits?”

Her chest ached, and the familiar surge of outrage and hurt exploded in her gut. “Because according to the US Army, I have a
personality disorder
. I must have a personality disorder. Why else would I fight like hell to put my CO behind bars?” A choked, twisted laugh escaped. “After eight years of exemplary service, my country found me
unfit to serve
because I pushed to prosecute the man who raped me. I was less than honorably discharged. With a less-than-honorable discharge on my record, I don’t qualify for benefits.” She glared at him. “Satisfied?”

“Man, you were—”

“Yep. Screwed—in more ways than one.” A few rebel tears escaped, and she turned her face toward the passing rural landscape. “I gave up my military career to put that rat bastard behind bars, and you know what?”

“What?”

“It was worth it. I wasn’t about to let him hurt another woman the way he hurt me.”

“You did the right thing. You have a lot of courage, and I
admire that. I’m glad he’s in prison for what he did, but what are we going to do about getting you some help?”

“What are
we
going to do?” She sneaked a swipe at the escaped tears, hoping that her mascara hadn’t smeared too badly. “Who is this
we
? I’m not your responsibility.”

He glanced at her, his expression inscrutable. “
We
as in L&L.”

“Oh. Right. Like the groceries.” Her heart didn’t just drop. Oh, no. It fell—hard enough to bounce off the carpeted floor of his truck. Not personal. This was another employee issue, a problem to be solved. She should feel relief. She didn’t. “I have a team of law students working to get my army records straightened out. Once that’s taken care of, I’ll get my benefits back. I’m not L&L’s responsibility either.”

“How long will that take?”

“I don’t know. A year. Twenty.” She chuffed out an exasperated breath. “This is the US Army we’re talking about. My case will get passed from desk to desk for as long as it takes for the problem to go away on its own.” She sounded bitter, even to her own ears. They’d turned onto a dirt road, and she caught a glimpse of a farmhouse, a red barn and a number of outbuildings ahead. “Is that your parents’ farm?”