Authors: Amanda Weaver
“All right, Captain Curtis was a fair employer, all things considered. Then what?”
“We reached Jakarta with our cargo and spent two backbreaking days unloading it.”
“And then?”
“I was fifteen and unemployed in Jakarta.”
“You mean he didn’t bring you back home?”
“I wasn’t his responsibility. Fifteen or not, when I went to sea, I became a man, responsible for myself. And the ship we’d sailed to Jakarta needed to go into dry dock for repairs before she could make the trip back home.”
“Good heavens. What did you do?”
“I haunted the docks, looking for more work. That’s when I met Captain Sullivan. He’d recently arrived into port aboard the
Mary Louise
. I still have her. He didn’t need another man, but as I said, Sullivan saw something of himself in me, I think. He’d been on his own, working foreign ports, when he was younger than me. He brought me on as cabin boy.”
“And he was kind?”
“In his way. I told you how he encouraged me and helped me improve. When I was eventually made captain, he put me in charge of the
Mary Christine
, his other ship. I still have her, too.”
“That was indeed a kindness.”
Nate stared out across the lake, his arms flexing as he rowed them across the flat, glistening water, as if doing so was entirely second nature to him. Given a boat and a body of water, he could probably navigate it in his sleep. “He understood my need to provide for my mother and Johnny and Mary. He sympathized when I lost them. It was his interest in me that saved me when they died. He put me to work, put a goal before me, made sure I didn’t lose myself to my grief. I don’t know what would have become of me if not for him.”
“Then I’m grateful to him. The world would be a lesser place without you, Nate.”
He smiled at her. “Be that as it may, I stayed at his side for the next four years, either sailing with him or sailing his second ship for him.”
“Have you been many places?”
“There are few places with a harbor I have not been to.”
“Tell me about some.” She couldn’t keep the note of longing from her voice, nor could she help leaning forward, wanting to hear all about Nate’s travels around the world. She’d never been farther than Brighton. Any new place sounded like a great adventure to her.
“Well, Jakarta on the first trip, although it wouldn’t be my last stop there. And Bombay and Singapore, Rangoon and Sydney. Rio de Janeiro and Buenos Aires, New York and New Orleans...”
As an educated young woman, she knew all those names, of course. They evoked hazy images of sepia-toned photographs or engraved illustrations in magazines and books. But Nate had
been
there. He’d seen it all for himself. He might as well have been telling her he’d traveled to the moon. It was just as exotic and just as far out of her reach. He would sail away to see the world. She would lock herself up in Lincolnshire with Radwill.
“You’ve been to New Orleans? I’ve read about it. I’ve always wanted to visit America.”
“You’d like America. And America would like you, I suspect.”
Why was it so bloody
easy
with Nate? She couldn’t even stay mad at him. Last night she’d intended never to speak to him again and now, twelve hours later, she was sharing all her secret dreams with him. It was like she couldn’t take a proper breath until they were alone like this. No one made her feel this way, so comfortable in her own skin.
“Perhaps. Probably better than England does, for all I was born here. My friend, Victoria, was always better at being a proper English lady than I was, and she’s American. I’m British through and through and can never seem to manage it.”
Nate scoffed. “Who cares what England thinks? The only people who think Britain is the center of everything are the British. There’s a whole wide world out there, Amelia. People living lives that look nothing like yours, in lands you can’t begin to imagine. And yet we persist in thinking our way is the only way or even the right one. The men I drank with in Rio don’t care at all how tea is served at house parties in Kent, I can promise you.”
“How refreshing that would be. You saw the world with Captain Sullivan, I take it?”
“I did. We did well together. He was on the verge of buying another ship and turning over the captaining to others when he became ill. He kept it a secret, of course, weather-beaten old salt he was. I think he thought if he faced it like a storm, head-on and brooking no quarter, he’d defeat it, too. He didn’t. And I didn’t know what he’d done, leaving me the ships, until after, when his will was read. To this day it’s the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
Her throat grew tight and her eyes burned. She’d never met this Captain Sullivan, but he’d done such a wondrous kindness to Nate, she couldn’t help but feel indebted to him.
“And you grew those two ships into your fleet. Julia leads me to believe you’re something of a sensation in the industry for all you’ve accomplished.”
“Julia flatters me. Yes, I’ve achieved much, considering where I started. But my company is quite a bit smaller than Lord Hyde’s company. His is quite large and he handles the government contracts, which are extremely lucrative.”
“Hmm, it’s funny, Lord Hyde doesn’t strike me as someone who’s at all concerned with business or finance.”
“He isn’t. The few times I’ve attempted to engage him on the topic, he doesn’t have a thing to say. I can only assume his business manager handles the running of it. He must be a talented man, whoever he is. The company is a titan.”
“I suppose so.” Amelia cleared her throat and squinted out across the water. Her hat brim shielded her eyes, but the sunlight reflected back off the glassy water, shining in her face. “It would be quite profitable for you to align with Hyde’s company, I take it.”
Nate shifted on the bench. “Undoubtedly. Those government contracts are hard to get, and Hyde’s got the connections to make it happen, owing to his title. I’ve never been able to overcome that deficit, no matter how successful I’ve become.”
“But if he were family...” she trailed off, still keeping her eyes averted.
“Yes, if he were family...”
“Well,” Amelia said. “It’s a good thing Julia seems fond of you, then. Oh, look, this is where Evelyn said one could go ashore on the island.”
They’d rowed across the lake and around to the back of the little island in its center. The ground sloped gently to the water’s edge, with the trees and shrubs cleared away.
“Do you want to go ashore?”
“Why not? We’re here already.”
Nate guided their little boat into the shallows and let it coast until it nosed onto the shore. He jumped out and tugged it farther onto dry land before helping Amelia to climb out. The island was ringed with willow trees, their fluttering branches trailing into the water. The inside had been cleared, its neatly trimmed grass hinting at regular maintenance from the gardening staff. Still, it was quite peaceful and charming, for having been man-made. The laughter of the others onshore didn’t make it this far out. Aside from the sigh of the breeze through the willows and the twitter of the starlings, it was utterly silent.
Amelia and Nate walked slowly around the perimeter, as if examining the place, even though everything could be seen quite well from where they’d come ashore. They kept a respectable foot between them, along with a weighty silence. Nate had been loquacious enough in the boat, but he was talking about himself and his life. Once that was done, everything else they might talk about seemed too fraught.
“How do things progress with Radwill?” His voice in the near silence made her jump.
“Well,” she said with some strain. “He seems to be growing fond of me.”
“Anyone who’s seen him with you couldn’t doubt it.”
“Do you think so?”
“It’s quite clear,” Nate said grimly. “And is your father pleased?”
“Delighted. Radwill is exactly what Mama wanted for me. She’ll be delighted.”
“Then it seems everyone will be getting what they want except you.”
“I’ve told you, Nate, I was never going to get what I want.”
“I hope you find a way to be happy, Amelia.”
She sighed. “Nate...”
“No.” He held up a hand. “I don’t mean to start another quarrel. I mean it. I hope you find happiness.”
She stopped and turned to face him. The dappled sun broke through the leaves, picking out his golden hair and sun-kissed skin. She wanted to reach up and touch his face, shape his strong cheekbones with her fingertips, trace his eyebrows with her thumbs. Oh, fate was cruel, dropping him in front of her like the realization of every dream she’d ever had—
now
, when she was resigning herself to the future that had always awaited her. This whole business with Radwill would have been managed in a heartbeat if not for Nate’s sudden reappearance in her life, setting everything spinning. One more evening of subtle flirtation and promising glances and Radwill was hers, she knew it. She’d get everything she’d set out to accomplish, but for the rest of her life it would ring hollow, because Nate had shown her what more existed.
“Nate,” she whispered, and her anguish must have shown on her face because he was the one who reached out, cupping her face in his palm. He traced the top of her cheekbone with his thumb, his eyes moving over her features as if memorizing them, before drawing away again.
“I’m sure it will work out well.” His encouraging smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“For you, too. I’m positive Julia will say yes when you ask her. She’s tremendously fond of you. It only remains to see who will manage it first, so we can declare a winner in our challenge.”
“Can we not speak about that now?”
“It’s only reality, Nate. There are two more days of the house party left, then we’ll both start our new lives.”
Nothing had ever sounded so bleak.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right,” Nate murmured.
“I’ll miss you,” she said impulsively. “For all you’ve bedeviled me this week, I’m happy we found each other again. I’ve missed you for all these years.”
He smiled, and it was genuine, if a little sad. “I’ve missed you, too.”
“It’s a shame women and men can’t be friends the way we were when we were children. I should like to remain your friend.”
“You should always consider me your friend, Amelia, even if we’re not racing up ship masts together anymore. Even if we can’t meet as friends.” After a moment’s hesitation, he reached into his pocket. “If we’ve declared peace, I wish you’d take this back.” He pressed the sea glass into her hand.
She took it, tracing a finger around its edge. “You did it, you know.”
“Did what?”
“Do you remember what you said the day you found this? You said you were going to be like this glass, something good emerging from that sea of rubble. And here you are, about to marry the daughter of an earl.”
“Stop.” His voice was a ragged growl. When she raised her eyes to his, they were full of pain and frustration. She meant to say more, to talk them happily into their futures, where they could part as fond friends and wish each other well, but the words died on her tongue.
It was all too awful. It was hard enough to withstand him when he was teasing her and being a wretch. When he was like this, gentle and kind, her heart nearly broke open.
She cursed softly as her eyes began to water. She’d cried more in the past week than in the whole of her life before. It was ridiculous.
“Come here,” Nate murmured, drawing her into his arms. She went willingly, resting her cheek against his chest, her palms pressed against the fine wool of his waistcoat. He was so much taller than her that her head tucked perfectly underneath his chin. He laid his cheek against her hair and they stood like that together for several endless minutes. Unlike their previous physical encounters, there was no lust or uncontrollable heat. He simply held her.
The sun, the bird calls, the tiny island ringed with willows—It was as if they’d stopped time. The world and all its complications and obligations would wait for a moment. His heart beat strong and steady under her cheek, his chest rising and falling beneath her hands. This would be the last time she would ever touch him like this.
Amelia was not one for quiet reflection, but now she concentrated, memorizing everything about this moment, every sound, scent and sensation, packing it away forever in her mind like a treasured love letter. For the rest of her life, she’d secretly take out this moment and relive it in her mind, the time she was perfectly content in the arms of the man she loved. She inhaled, drawing everything about him into herself. This moment would have to last her a lifetime and she wanted to be able to recall every bit of it.
When they kissed, it seemed to happen on instinct, her face raising just as his lowered—a quiet declaration of what couldn’t be said. The passion always between them still simmered below the surface, but neither of them let it loose. His hands traced the curve of her back before one came up to hold the base of her neck, gently cradling her as if she was precious to him. She ran her fingers through his hair, reveling in the intimacy of the gesture. She’d never touched a man’s hair before and she was quite certain she never would again, no matter how events played out. She didn’t want to. She wanted Nate to own this memory.
In a show of Herculean restraint, Amelia was the one to draw back first. She kept her eyes fixed on the tight, perfect knot of his tie as her fingers slid down his neck to grip his lapels.
“We should go back.” Her voice was low and husky. “We’ve been gone quite a long time. There will be a terrible scandal.”
“Hang them all,” Nate growled.
“You don’t mean that.”
“No, I don’t.”
Nate gripped her waist, lingering there a moment as if he, too, was memorizing everything about this. Then his hands fell away and he took a step back. When she dared to look up at his face, Nate was gone and he was Mr. Smythe again, the veneer of proper Society firmly in place. Genevieve’s training was so ingrained in her, it took only a moment for her to do the same, for Miss Wheeler the heiress to step forward and leave Natty’s Amelia behind for the last time.