“Huh.”
“You’re not saying anything.”
“I don’t know what to say but I’m listening.”
She wasn’t too sure that he was. “Does this bother you?”
“No why would it? You’re fine now.”
“Yeah, fine.” Roxanne wasn’t sure what fine actually meant. The word fine had been used in so many ways. Now it just seemed like some useless word that held no genuine or clear meaning.
Adam walked over to the window and looked out at the cars parked on the street. He didn’t want to give Roxanne eye contact. He believed something in his eyes would give it away.
“The circumstances were terrible but I think things have turned out well for Morgan and me. Someone once told me that Morgan would be a constant reminder of that horrible night, the day I was attacked. But I don’t see it that way at all. Morgan is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I thought that she was the only good thing in my life. I really thought I would never find anybody until I met you. I hope this doesn’t change how you feel. You told me about your past and we were talking about having a future together. I see how wonderful you are with Morgan and I wanted you to know everything.”
Adam had to look at her. He slowly turned from the window. He only had five words. “I’m glad you told me.”
***
Adam lied to Roxanne. He had to come up with a reason that he would be gone for so many hours. They spent so much time together that he had to come up with something that would explain his absence.
He was driving downstate. Adam told Roxanne he was going fishing with his brother. That was his excuse. That was his lie.
Adam was really going to talk to Tony. Since Roxanne’s confession a lot of things had been weighing heavily on him.
He was back in prison but on the other side of the great wall. Tony Demarco sat across from Adam at a round table. This was only the second time Adam had come to visit him.
Many things had been discussed the last time Adam came to visit Tony at the prison. But Adam didn’t mention Roxanne by name. Adam refreshed Tony’s memory on the night that they went to visit Daniel at the college.
Tony knew exactly what he was talking about because he had years in prison to recall the days that led up to him being incarcerated.
“Why are you headed with this trip down memory lane?” Tony knew that Adam had something to say but he was stalling.
“Do you remember the purse, the girl?”
“Yeah I remember I talked to her. She was some black chick at the college. I remember the odd coincidence that you robbed the girl that banged into me in the hall. We laughed about it. I remember that but what does it matter?”
“You remember I was messed up pretty bad that night?”
“Yeah dude we were both out of it.”
“I didn’t. I can’t even say it. Listen that girl, that woman has a kid now. A kid, this kid is seven. She had this kid, this white kid that was born nine months after that night.”
“I didn’t touch that girl. I just had a conversation with her. That’s not my kid.”
“Are you sure?” Adam eyed Tony suspiciously.
Tony paused as his brain made sense of the words that transpired between them. “I know where I stuck my cock. I never touched her. Tony leaned across the table to whisper. “You’re the one that ended up with her purse.”
“Yes but.”
“She didn’t even seem like the type of chick that would bang me.”
“She isn’t.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“I know her. You know what it means.”
“So is she banging you now?” Adam didn’t really answer but the answer was loud and clear. Tony took the information in and looked over at the window before giving Adam all his attention. “How do you know all this information about this chick?”
“She’s who I mentioned before. I’m seeing her.”
“The same chick you robbed?”
“She never saw my face. She doesn’t know it was me.”
“This is sick. What the hell are you doing? What the hell are you doing with her?”
“Don’t you think I know this is crazy?”
“This story is just unbelievable. That girl, the black girl, she ends up being your girlfriend. Why did you tell me?”
“I had to tell someone.”
“I don’t know the statue of limitations on that type of shit.”
“I don’t know either. I just know I love this girl. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“That is just crazy. Do you want to end up back in here?”
“I will never end up back in here. I would die first.”
“I hear you brother but it’s funny. I remember that day clearly. There are a lot of days I don’t remember at all. But I remember that day and I remember that girl.”
“I recall it as if it were a dream. I was a mess.”
“I’m sure you do. You were high as a kite, higher than me. That’s the night we went to see your brother. Yeah you we’re wasted. I never would have thought you would have robbed anyone by yourself.”
“I was angry and I just saw her and I didn’t even really see her. I just did it. It just happened so quickly and I didn’t think about it until I was locked up and I was in one on one counseling and then I realized what I’d done. It was so messed up. I was so gone, so lost in rage.”
“You were one angry bastard sometimes.”
“I was mad at the world. After my father died I just didn’t care about anything or anybody. But now--”
“But now you wish you could take it all back.”
“Yeah that’s exactly how I feel. I’m in love with this woman and she just appeared right in my line of sight. Everything in my life is going good. I’m afraid that something totally terrible is lurking around the corner.”
“Dude the situation, it is what it is. I know you want me to say something to put your mind at ease. My advice to you is to dump the broad.”
“I’m not willing to do that.”
“You know you can never tell her the truth.”
“I know.”
“You must be one damn good actor.”
“I’m not acting. I’m just not disclosing anything that would hurt her.”
“Well your secret is safe with me.” Tony studied Adam. Somehow he felt Adam was leaving something out of his story.
Adam had to admit that it made him feel better to get it off his chest. His and Tony’s secret connection to Roxanne was locked safely away, behind bars, with little to no chance of ever being discovered.
CHAPTER 17
Things had gone back to normal. Adam’s mother had invited Roxanne and him to a family and friends barbecue.
The fresh new manicured lawn looked unbelievably green and somewhat artificial. Jane Hardwick made sure her grounds were immaculate. The smoke from the barbecue grill walloped through the air. This was a memory that Adam missed when he was in the Chippewa Correctional Facility.
There were only twenty or so people in attendance. A small get together by Jane’s standards. Morgan played with a small group of young children under a large oak tree. Daniel stood tending to the grill while his mother supervised.
Adam and Roxanne sat on a bench near the tree in earshot of Morgan and the other children.
“You okay? Are you bored?” Adam asked. He thought Roxanne was acting strangely but maybe it was just he was on edge after seeing Tony.
“No. I’m fine.”
“You hungry yet?”
“No, not yet. I’ll eat when Morgan gets hungry.”
“I’m sorry about my Uncle Bob. I saw him over here harassing you earlier.”
Adam and Roxanne peeked over across the lawn at Uncle Bob. He was a middle-aged man with a receding hairline and an offensively outdated sense of style.
“If you saw him, why didn’t you come over and save me?” Roxanne joked.
“I thought it was hilarious.”
Roxanne punched Adam in his shoulder. “I should smash you right now.”
“I should smash you right now.” Adam put sexual innuendo behind the words. Roxanne looked around to see if anyone had heard. “Better for you to hear about his prostate than me.”
“You’re forgetting his hemorrhoid conspiracy theory.”
“Oh yeah that’s a good one. He hit you with that one? You are definitely a part of the family now.”
Adam took Roxanne’s hand in his. He kissed her softly on the lips. Roxanne was deathly opposed to public displays of affection but Adam made everything feel respectable.
Besides she had sex with him in a nightclub so a little kiss was tame compared to that dirty deed. It was a secret they shared together. Being together as a couple felt good. It felt like anything was possible. Roxanne would have never done that with any other man but with Adam she was free to explore her inhibitions and whatever she felt timid about in the past.
“You want to sneak up in my old bedroom for a little hanky-panky?” It was as if he was reading her mind.
“In your mother’s house, never.”
“Who’s going to know?”
Roxanne leaned in to his ear. “Your nosy Aunt Ilene. She’s been watching me since she got here. See. Look.” Roxanne nudged her head in the direction of the lady sitting cattycorner to them at the table. “Has she ever seen a black person before?” Roxanne joked.
They both glanced over at Aunt Ilene. She was a middle aged overweight woman with big hair and horribly noticeable spider veins on her pale legs.
Aunt Ilene was questionably staring at Roxanne. She turned and looked away when she noticed them watching her.
“What did I tell you? She’s burning holes in me.”
“She’s had a brief stay in a mental institution.”
“Oh that explains it.” Roxanne thought she was probably just racist. Seeing her nephew with a black woman was probably a little off putting but Roxanne was here to stay so Aunt Ilene was going to have to get use to seeing her pretty brown face.
“She’s a little paranoid. She got high on one too many things in the seventies. She’s harmless. The rest of my family is slightly less dysfunctional.”
“That remains to be seen.”
“So funny.”
Roxanne giggled. “I actually like your brother’s wife. She seems cool. But now that I think about it she’s not really related to you guys cause she married into the family.”
“You think you’re a comedian today.” They both chuckled. They had their own brand of humor. There were things that they only found funny. It was nice to be a couple where jokes were inside jokes.
Adam and Roxanne peeked over at Daniels’s wife Melanie. She was a pretty brunette woman in her late twenties. Roxanne had only seen her twice before today, once was at her wedding.
Melanie was noticeably pregnant. Roxanne couldn’t remember how far along. Jane Hardwick was pulling Melanie by the arm and away from Daniel. Who was still manning the barbecue grill?
Adam leaned in closer to Roxanne. “It’s hard to believe my brother is married and having a kid. I used to be so jealous of him. I’m older now and I realize I never had any reason to be. I had made it all up in my head. I use to be jealous of how he planned everything out in his life and how he always followed through. I thought my mother paid more attention to him and now I see I pretty much hogged all the attention with my antics. It’s weird how things turn out. I never thought I would go to prison. I never would have thought I would meet you and fall in love with you. I’ve never been in love before. I wasn’t even sure I believed in love.”
Those were Roxanne’s sentiments. She never really believed in love. Love between a man and a woman was some kind of enigma to her. There were times she thought she was in love but she was always left feeling empty.
Adam gazed over at the children playing. He smiled thinking about all the possibilities. This didn’t go unnoticed by Roxanne.
“Do you want to have more kids?” Adam asked. He turned his attention completely over to Roxanne and stared into her eyes.
“Kids, ah, I don’t, I don’t know. I guess maybe. I never gave it much thought. I mean I have Morgan and, I guess I just don’t know.” Roxanne stumbled over the words. In truth she had never really thought about it.
“So you would consider it? Having a baby with me?” Adam waited for her response.
Roxanne thought long and hard. She was raising one kid by herself. She loved Morgan more than life but she couldn’t imagine raising two kids alone. “Yes I would consider it but I would have to have some stability. You know stuff like that.”
“Stability meaning what?”
For the first time Roxanne felt uneasy. She didn’t want to say anything that made Adam feel pressured. Why did he even bring this up at his mother’s house without any warning?
“Just stable.” Roxanne shrugged.
“I don’t know what that means. Aren’t we stable now?”
“Stability is another word for commitment. I mean I’d have to be married. It’s not like I want to be a single parent forever. I grew up without a father so I guess I wouldn’t want that for both my kids. You know, if I had another one.”
“You want to get married?”