A Daddy for Her Daughter (13 page)

Why? It shouldn't matter.

But it did.

With one last goodbye to the husband, she slipped the chart in the holder and pushed out of ICU.

“Hey, I thought you could use a coffee. You take it black, right?” The familiar voice startled her and she spun around to see Kaleb walking toward her, holding two paper cups emblazoned with the hospital cafeteria's emblem.

He remembered how she liked her coffee? She sighed and took the cup he offered her. “Yes. Thank you.”

Taking a deep sip and letting the burn of the liquid anchor her back in the here and now, where life wasn't always as frantic as it had just been for the last hour or so, she said, “I thought you'd be long gone by now.”

“I went to check on our accident victim from the kite festival.”

That was right. Maddy had been following his progress as well. “Any news?”

“He's due to be released tomorrow, actually. The pin in his leg will be there for several more weeks, but he should make a complete recovery.”

“That's wonderful news. I'm happy for him. I wish everyone had as good an outcome as he did.”

“Me too.” Kaleb rubbed the back of his neck. “Sometimes it doesn't work out that way.”

“No.”

“Do you have a few minutes?” he asked. “I know I acted weird the night we were together, and I'd like to explain why.”

She glanced at her watch, shocked that it wasn't one hour that had passed but three since she'd first set foot in that hotel room. “I'm due to go off duty, actually, but I want to stick close for the next little while and make sure Gloria is doing okay. But we can go out to the garden, if you want.”

There were benches there, and, although there was quite a bit of foot traffic, the seating was designed so that families could discuss matters of life and death without being easily overheard by those passing by. It was the perfect place, although she couldn't imagine what he wanted to say about that night.

Did she really want to hear his reasons? Yes. Maybe it would make her feel better about the whole thing. And she was somehow glad of the fact that he'd stayed around and bought her coffee.

He led her to the farthest reaches of the garden and motioned for her to sit, which she did. “First of all, I owe you an apology.”

There was a pause as she tried to process exactly what he was saying he was sorry about. Spending the night? Or leaving the way he had? “Could you be a little more specific?”

“My questions about Chloe. It was intrusive. Her...health...is none of my business.”

It took her a minute to realize what he was talking about. “Her headache? I didn't think anything of it.”

“Maybe you should.” He leaned hard against the backrest of the bench. He chugged back some of his coffee, throat working in a way that made her wince. Her brew was still boiling hot.

Touching his arm, she waited until he put his cup back down. “What's going on, Kaleb? Are you worried I'll somehow try to pull the daddy card on you?”

“What? Oh, hell, no.”

If anything, he looked even more uncomfortable, as if that was exactly what he'd been thinking. “If it makes you feel better, I'm not looking for a serious relationship. I don't want Chloe growing to love someone who isn't going to be a permanent part of my life. I thought we'd already settled that?”

“We had. I mean...I just wanted to explain why I made such a big deal over her headache.”

Had he? Maddy certainly didn't remember it that way. “It's okay.”

“It's not. But I want you to know why.” He dragged a hand through his hair and then turned back toward her. “My daughter had headaches. Terrible ones.”

Daughter? Maddy's mind churned to life at the unexpectedness of his words. She'd guessed that Kaleb had been married at one time, but he'd never once mentioned a child. But some of his behavior at her apartment made sense now. “Does she still have them?” Maybe he was going to suggest Chloe go to his own daughter's doctor.

“No, she doesn't still have them.” His throat moved. “She died.”

Shock held her immobile for a minute, and she actually had to shift her body a couple of times before she located her voice. “Oh, Kaleb, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.”

“I never said anything, that's why.” He rubbed a thumb over the rim of his cup. “She had cancer. Only we didn't know it. I kept...” He stopped. Took a deep breath. “I prescribed painkillers. Took her to a pediatrician while on vacation who assured me that a lot of kids her age get headaches. It was part of her circulatory system growing and changing. She'd grow out of them. Only she didn't. They just got worse.”

Maddy's heart squeezed so tight she feared it would stop beating altogether. The reason for his reaction to Chloe's headache was horrifyingly clear now. She took a couple of careful breaths, trying to keep them steady. The last thing she needed was for her asthma to act up.

She tucked her hand inside the crook of his elbow and laid her head on his shoulder, needing to give him comfort and not sure how to. Was there really anything that could ease the pain of losing a child? “Was it very long ago?”

“Five years.” His bicep tensed beneath her hand. “My wife trusted me. I'm a doctor, for God's sake. It took a picture snapped at Christmas to raise the alarm. The dreaded red-eye effect. We laughed about it, planning to edit the image. But when I went to do just that a week later, I got to Grace's eyes and realized one of them glowed white instead of red. I got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. And I knew. I knew.” He paused as if gathering his thoughts, or maybe just to gather his courage to finish. “We went back to the doctor—a neurologist here at West Seattle this time. She diagnosed Grace with an aggressive form of retinoblastoma. It had already metastasized to her brain. Within three months she was gone, despite trying every treatment available.”

The cure rate for retinoblastoma was pretty good, with the removal of the affected eye, but the aggressive types had a dismal prognosis. And those were normally inherited.

“And your wife?”

He gave a hard laugh. “She said she didn't blame me. Which was kind of ludicrous, since I blamed myself. Not only could I not diagnose my own child, I had a grandfather with a prosthetic eye. It should have tipped me off, but it didn't. I never put two and two together until after she died.”

“It wasn't your fault, Kaleb. You had your daughter checked out. More than once.”

“You don't understand. I gave it to her. Handed it to her on a silver genetic platter.”

Maddy swallowed, trying to find the right words and failing. “You didn't. You didn't even know it was in your family. People aren't routinely screened unless there's a reason.”

What it could mean, though, was that Kaleb might not be willing to risk having another child. She doubted she would. That made her chest hurt all the more.

“It could have been prevented, if I'd known.”

“How? Would you have chosen not to have her?”

“No. Grace was...” His voice had an ominous wobble to it. “She was my life. Afterward, Janice couldn't... She never looked at me the same way ever again.”

Like Matthew, once he'd discovered she was pregnant?

No, this was nothing like that. But her lungs burned at the thought of Kaleb dealing with the collapse of his marriage even while he mourned his child.

Maddy set her cup on the bench beside her so she could wrap her other hand around his arm and hug it close. “I'm so, so sorry, Kaleb.”

“I just wanted you to understand why I butted in the way I did.”

“What can I do to help?” She wasn't sure what else to say. She allowed her fingers to stroke up his arm, trying to give whatever comfort she could.

He turned his head, meeting her eyes. “Somehow, I think you already did. I've never told anyone the whole story. Until now.”

The brown had deepened slightly and his gaze dropped to her lips before coming back up. Her breath stuttered in her chest. He was thinking about kissing her?

Probably not.

Or maybe he was.

Suddenly, it didn't matter. Because she was going to take matters into her own hands. And right now, it had nothing to do with comforting him, or pitying him. It had everything to do with the way this man made her feel, whether he was happy, angry or mired in a pit of grief. She wanted him. Needed him. And if there was the slightest possibility that he felt the same way about her, she was going to grab it with both hands and hold on.

With those thoughts running through her head, Maddy slowly stretched up and touched her lips to his.

CHAPTER TEN

T
HE
DOOR
SLAMMED
open to her apartment and in an instant Kaleb had her trapped against the foyer wall, his mouth slanting over hers in a kiss that robbed her lungs of breath. Then he was shoving the top to her scrubs up and over her head, letting it fall to the ground. Her bra soon followed.

Maddy was just as desperate to get his clothes off. Before she'd had a chance to revel in the feel of his bare chest against hers, he backed up a step and stripped off his trousers, socks and shoes. He was soon naked in front of her. But he didn't rejoin her immediately.

“Wait right there.”

“What? No.” She went ahead and pushed her own scrubs down and kicked off her sensible, comfortable shoes. The last thing she wanted right now, though, was to be comfortable.

She wanted to be taken.

By this man.

He retrieved his wallet from his pants and found a foil-wrapped packet, his eyes slowly trailing down her body.

Liquid fire pumped through her veins. “Hurry.”

He ripped the condom open with his teeth, but before he could remove it, Maddy moved forward, taking it from his hands and setting it on the padded bench to her left. “I changed my mind. We won't be needing that quite yet.”

“Oh, no?” One brow went up. She was thankful there was no hint of fear in his voice. He trusted her to do the right thing. And she wouldn't chance putting him through what he'd suffered with his daughter. She wouldn't risk a pregnancy.

The fact that he knew she wouldn't, though, sent an ache shimmering through her gut. Pushing past it, she slid her fingers over his shoulders and pressed her body tight against his, loving the sensation of her curves settling into the hard planes of his torso and hips. And that pulsing flesh against her belly found a matching need inside her.

The human body was exquisitely designed.

“I thought you wanted to hurry.”

She laughed. “You're like an expensive box of chocolates. Much too good to swallow all at once.” The naughty words hung in the air, eliciting a response from a certain part of his anatomy that made her grin. It was as if they'd never had that difficult conversation in the hospital garden. And that was just what she wanted. To help him forget, if only for a few moments.

“Maddy...” The warning in his voice sounded very real. And she loved it.

When she planted a kiss on his left shoulder, he didn't try to stop her. Nor when she trailed down past his pec. Or his abdomen, although the muscles in it jumped at her touch. The real test came when she bent her knees and slowly glided down until she knelt in front of him.

“Don't do this.” This time his words sounded half strangled.

“Are you telling me no, Doctor?” And if he was? Maybe he was one of those rare guys who saw oral sex as something to be reviled. If he did, she would be disappointed, but she would still make love to him. On his terms. She was willing to compromise, if necessary. But, oh, how she wanted to...

“No.” His Adam's apple took a quick dip. “I'm not telling you no.”

She smiled, allowing her tongue to dance across her mouth in preparation. “Well, in that case...”

Her lips parted around him, the warm, taut flesh brushing across her tongue. Her ex had demanded she do this. But Kaleb seemed to almost fear it. Which was why she wanted to so badly. To erase the memories of shame and ridicule and replace them with good ones. Healthy ones. With a man who had no expectations. No hidden agendas. No trying to force her in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

She let herself enjoy it. Each hiss of air that sounded above her drove her almost wild with need. She wanted to push him over the edge, wanted to take him deeper. To—

Hands on her shoulders gave a light squeeze and edged her backward, her lips leaving him with an audible pop. She licked them again.

“If you're trying to kill me, Maddy, you're doing a hell of a job.”

She wasn't trying to kill him. Just hoped to make him want her as much as she wanted him. And from the look in his eyes, she might very well have succeeded.

“Come here.”

When she tried to slide forward again as if misunderstanding him, the grip on her shoulders tightened slightly. “Up here. All the way up here.”

He held out his hands to help her, her body tingling with need. Foreplay didn't need long sessions of heavy petting, evidently, because she felt as if she were going to explode the second he touched her. And touch her he did. Soon she was off her feet and on her bed.

Kaleb pushed inside her with a quick thrust that had her writhing beneath him, the sensation of fullness almost overwhelming.

“Again.” She arched up to meet him this time, needing to reach the peak quickly...needing him to take her there.

Gripping his shoulders, she didn't let him slow the pace, and when he tried to, she shoved him until he was flat on his back. Then she rode him hard, exulting in the echoed need on his face—at the hands that reached to pull her close, to kiss her, even as she was tumbling over the edge, her world on fire. Two more thrusts and he joined her, breathing out her name as she took everything he had and tried to give it back to him.

And just like that, Maddy realized she was done. Over. Kaput.

She loved him. And this time there was no going back.

* * *

It couldn't be this easy. Could it? Over a week had gone by and their trip to the Space Needle was here. Chloe stood beside him on the observation deck, practically buzzing with excitement as she looked out over the huge city.

Surprisingly, Maddy had let him spend the last couple of days in their company, despite her earlier statements about not wanting the little girl to get attached.

Maybe Maddy had been worried about the wrong person all along. Because he was attached. To Maddy. To Chloe. Even Roxy had an oddball charm to her that made him shrug off things that would have ordinarily irritated him. Like her question this morning about whether or not he was as into Maddy as she was evidently into him.

Maddy had gone red to her very roots, while shooting her sister looks that threatened death and dismemberment if she didn't shut up. Not that it stopped Roxy for even a second.

Some things had clicked inside Kaleb after he'd made love to Maddy. First, he'd made love to her at her place again. And he hadn't died. Or even fainted. And he'd been more than happy to spend the night, except that Maddy had shooed him on his way, saying she had to pick Chloe up from Roxy's. When he'd called her the next night to ask if they could rent a movie and watch it together—the three of them—Maddy hadn't told him to get lost. She'd simply read the name of a movie she and Chloe had been hoping to see. He'd shown up at her door with said movie and takeout.

Chloe had curled up next to him and fallen asleep halfway through the movie. And the look Maddy had given him... Well, it had taken his breath away. He'd picked the little girl up and carried her back to her tiny bedroom and tucked her in, Jetta settling in on top of the covers. Maddy had watched him from the doorway, a funny expression in her eyes. That night, she'd let him sleep in her bed, only asking that he be out before Chloe woke up.

He was.

The same thing had happened the next evening. And the next. Kaleb found himself anticipating what Maddy would say, or found himself recognizing the way her eyes crinkled when he said something he knew she'd laugh at.

This was his first outing with Chloe, Roxy and Maddy since the kite festival. He'd been nervous.

Roxy was not.

And Maddy was... Well, the woman was hot. And sweet. And nothing at all like Janice. In a good way. Because whereas Janice had worn sweetness like a costume, it had collapsed in the face of crisis, much like that slinky cat suit that Maddy had donned, which was discarded at the end of the day. Maddy's sweetness went to the core of who she was—had survived an abusive husband.

She touched his hand, pulling him from his thoughts. “Everything okay?”

“Yes. Very okay.” He threaded his fingers through hers. The catch he heard in her breath was very real, but she didn't try to pull away. Even when Chloe grabbed his other hand and held on tight. Roxy had walked on ahead, throwing him a knowing smile. It also held a hint of warning:
hurt either of them, and you'll pay
.

The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Maddy. Or Chloe.

“We're way high, aren't we, Kaleb?” Chloe strained at the railing.

“We are way high.” His eyes, though, were on Maddy. Their relationship had been climbing as surely as the elevator that had climbed the steel girders of the building and dumped them out at the pinnacle. A fall from this height would be devastating.

Kaleb had no intention of falling, though. If he had to come back down, he intended to do it slowly and steadily, the same way he'd come.

Roxy stood several feet away from them taking pictures. The only glitch to an otherwise perfect day was that Maddy seemed to be going out of her way to stay out of the shots that her sister lined up that included him. Still protecting herself from being hurt?

He couldn't blame her. But something about it bothered him. Normally it was Kaleb who sidestepped any hint of being linked with a particular female. He wasn't used to the reverse happening. He didn't like it. Especially when Maddy was the one doing it. Maybe she was afraid.

The way he'd once been?

Did that mean he no longer was?

He had no idea. And today wasn't the day to go down that particular avenue. It could wait for another place. Another time. When he was alone with her and they could talk freely.

Maybe he should ask Roxy if she could watch Chloe for a couple of hours tomorrow.

So he could do what?

He wasn't sure. Make a decision? Possibly. All he knew was that he wasn't ready for whatever they had to end. He hoped Maddy felt the same way. It seemed that there'd been a change over the last week. Even his nightmares had faded, disappearing completely whenever he shared Maddy's bed.

Surely she had experienced the same freedom? Otherwise she wouldn't have let him stay the last couple of nights.

Except she was avoiding being in a picture with him today. Maybe he should straight-out ask her.

Squeezing her hand, he leaned closer. “Embarrassed to be seen with me?”

“What?” Her green-eyed gaze swung around to meet him.

“I noticed that you don't want Roxy to catch us together.”

“Oh...” Her face turned pink. “It's just that my mom...”

“Your mom...?”

“I don't want her thinking there are things there that aren't.”

He paused. Maybe the altitude was affecting his brain, but he suddenly wanted to lay it out there. “What if they are?”

Chloe swung her arm back and forth, still holding his hand. “What's there?”

“Nothing.” Kaleb said it at the exact same time as Maddy. They both laughed. Only the laughter felt a little more hollow than it had earlier.

“Hey, guys,” Roxy called. “I don't know about you, but I'm starving. Anyone ready to eat?”

“Me!” Chloe let go of him and ran over to hug her aunt.

Maddy glanced at him. “I guess it's time for lunch.” She hooked pinkies with him and squeezed for a second before releasing his hand. It felt right. Comforting. Like an acknowledgment that needed no words after all. He tweaked a lock of her hair in return. And this time when Roxy spun around to take a picture with her phone, Maddy didn't try to duck out of it.

The perfect ending to a perfect outing.

* * *

“Mommy, my head hurts again.”

They'd just finished lunch and were waiting on Kaleb to bring the car around to get them. The day had been beyond fun. Kaleb had been attentive and charming, entertaining them with stories from his childhood and medical school. For the first time since she was a teenager, Maddy felt as if things were working out in her favor. That included her move to Seattle, which had definitely been the right decision.

“Is it worse?” Chloe had commented that morning that she didn't feel well, that her head was kind of achy. Maddy had given her some acetaminophen this morning as a precaution, and she'd seemed well enough during the day. Maybe the change in pressure from the trip up the Space Needle and then back down had bothered her sinuses or something.

“Yes.”

She did look a little pale, and when Maddy put her hand on her daughter's forehead, she felt warm. Maybe it was her imagination. It was muggy out today, despite the breeze.

She glanced at her sister. “Can you feel her head for me?”

Roxy knelt in front of Chloe. “What's wrong, munchkin? Feeling a little under the weather?”

“It's my stupid head.”

Her sister grinned. “You shouldn't call yourself a stupid head.”

Chloe tried to smile, but it was obvious something was wrong. Even Roxy seemed worried. “I think she might have a fever.”

That would explain the headache. And Chloe's preschool teacher had said there was a stomach bug or something going around and not to be surprised if she caught it.

“Where does it hurt, honey?”

“My whole head.”

Moving behind her daughter, she put her fingertips on Chloe's temples and rubbed in slow circles the way she did when the little girl had a migraine. If they could just get her home, she could get some more medicine in her and maybe ward off a full-blown attack.

Kaleb pulled up to the curb, climbing from the car in order to open doors for them. He glanced at Maddy and then down at Chloe. “Everything okay?”

“I think she's getting a migraine.”

Her daughter chose that very second to vomit everything she'd eaten all over the sidewalk.

Damn. She hadn't thought to bring anything with them, and Chloe had seemed fine until a few minutes ago.

Kaleb fished some napkins out of his glove compartment and handed them to her. He seemed a little pale himself. But Maddy didn't have time to worry about him. She cleaned Chloe up the best she could, feeling terrible about leaving behind a mess, but there was nothing she could do about it at the moment.