A Date on Cloud Nine (27 page)

Had he? But then, who suspects his mother of poisoning him?

“Why?”

“I’m sure they’ll ask you that, dear.”

It was difficult to keep her head, but Lilly’d had calmness drilled into her endlessly during flight training. She fell back on it now, knowing it was the only way to win. “Good, then. I need to know if you murdered him. And if you did, I’ll be sure to let your sister know everything I know. Tell me, do you know who Andrew’s real father is?”

Head held high, Lilly breezed by Donna toward the door, silently vowing to get even if Brady’s death turned out to be anything other than a congenital condition. If John and Elizabeth didn’t like it, they could just deal with it. They’d neither said a word about how she was supposed to handle life outside of conceiving a baby and giving away money, nor were they using the bracelet to send warning zaps now.

Maybe she should have broken something, but a hundred-year-old lamp was irreplaceable, and she couldn’t do it. Not even to Donna.

Maybe she shouldn’t have tossed such a smug look at Andrew as she stepped out onto the front porch. It was a mask anyway; inside she was seething over the possibility that Brady’s family relationships might have been weighing heavily on his mind the last year of their marriage, and she hadn’t known.

Maybe she should have waited for Jake to get through his pithy statement to Donna and catch up before she started down the steps. Lilly was in the right, but she also understood the Marquettes’ power. Even in the wrong, they could cause her a lot of grief. If they had her picked up on some trumped-up charge on the way to the airport, it would touch off a series of events that’d end her days here very soon. Too soon.

Maybe she should have held on to the railing, so that when Andrew stuck out his foot at the very last second,
she wouldn’t have tumbled head over heels down the steps.

Her right arm hit on the edge of a brick and snapped with a loud crack.

God, that hurt.

The pain was predictably magnified. Intense. She swore a rather inventive blue streak while Jake scooped her into his strong arms, buckled her into the Mercedes, and zoomed out of range of the Marquettes.

Ohgodohgodohgod.

She’d give up all the great sensations she’d had over the past month if this blinding pain would just stop. Silk sliding over her skin. Hyacinths in her bedroom. Irene’s Chocolate Orgasms. Passionate, all-night sex. Even Snickers bars.

“Oh God, Jake.” And this was the worst reality: “I can’t fly.”

“You’re not gonna yell at me about the emergency room this time, are you?”

“Only if they don’t give me drugs.”

“At the rate you’re yelling, I’m sure—”

“Shit, you’ll miss your meeting.” She cradled her right arm against her chest and doubled over until the shoulder strap of her seat belt locked.

“It’s not important.”

“Yes it is.”

“Well okay, it is, but forget it anyway. Why would I want to do business with people who wouldn’t understand that you need help right now?”

“For your family.”

A couple blocks away, he pulled over to the curb.
Shit, he’d changed his mind?

“Damn, I’ve never seen anything swell so fast. I don’t
want to scare you, sweetheart, but this is bad. Really bad. That bracelet’s going to cut off your circulation if I don’t do something.”

She inched the bracelet down to where her wrist normally tapered. Every touch, every movement, hurt like hell. The chains were growing tighter right before her eyes.

Jake jumped out of the car. Lilly squeezed her eyes shut, tried to control her breathing and get a handle on the pain, but it was too intense. She couldn’t concentrate, but she didn’t give up trying.

The car barely rocked as Jake slid back in. “How’s it now?”

“Please tell me you were buying drugs.”

“Where? It’s all residential here.”

“Hey, at this point—
geez, it hurts!
—I’m not picky, okay?” She wouldn’t know how to buy drugs from anyone, but guys automatically knew that kind of stuff, didn’t they? He’d been self-destructive once.

When Jake touched her arm, she nearly went through the roof.

“Whoa, easy. Does it really hurt that bad?”

With her good arm, she dug her fingers into his thigh and squeezed. “Does that hurt?”

“Keep your eyes closed. Take a deep breath.”

She tried, she really did. She was just about to tell him it wasn’t helping when she felt a little tug at her bracelet and heard a snip. Almost before the sound registered, Lilly’s arms and legs grew heavy. For the first time in her life, it took strength to drag oxygen into her lungs.

“
No
,” she wailed, staring at her bracelet now, at the one chain that dangled, cut clean through.

Whatever you do, don’t take it off.

Lilly knew exactly what was happening. She remembered the long, long line waiting for her outside the pearly gates.

“Shit, if it’s going to hurt this bad the whole time, just go ahead and send me to hell now.”

“I—”

“I’m not talking to you.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured that. I thought you had an in with these angels.”

“I worked so hard to keep my end of the bargain. I’m
so close.
”

“Hold still, hon. I’ve got one more cut to make.”

She shuddered with the effort it took to speak. “You can’t.”

Oh God, she was getting weaker, and she wasn’t done here yet. A part deep inside her yearned to mourn the son she’d never have, was insistent that she do so. A larger part regretted that she hadn’t had time to prepare Jake to face her death and not implode.

“I need time to tell him,” she said, hoping Elizabeth could hear her. “I need time to make him understand.” At the moment, Jake was patiently studying her, but that could be short-lived. “Your family needs you to stay strong.”

“You talking to me now?”

“Yes!”

“Hey, just wanted to clarify things.”

“Shut up and listen, would you?” It took several gasps to collect enough strength to go on. “Your family needs you. People need your technology. It’d be wrong if you do like you did last time…you know, if you self-destruct?”

If he didn’t listen, if she had to make him hate her to accomplish this, she would. Whatever it took, even the naked truth, because she loved him.

“It’s cutting off the blood to your hand, Lilly. You’ll lose it.”

It hurt like hell, too, but what difference did a hand make? If the bracelet went, so would her life. Angie’s departure had set the pattern. Upon Lilly’s death, she had no doubt Jake would repeat it.

Dear, sweet Jake. He was so important to so many people. She was out of time, she understood that. No more bargaining room there.

Elizabeth, are you listening? I promise, if you let me get through to Jake, if he comes to accept my leaving or if I have to make him hate me so it won’t hurt so much, then no matter what, I won’t bitch about the dreaded line.

“Lilly? You ready?”

“
No.
”

“Don’t be stupid, it’ll be too tight by the time we get to the emergency room.”

Lilly’s head lolled against the head rest. “You can’t let them. Jake, please, whatever you do, don’t…don’t let them cut it off.” It was an effort, but she covered the remaining chain with her left hand. No more sneak attacks. No one’d be able to get to it without her knowing it. She didn’t have the strength to beg; her eyes would have to do it for her. “I’m not strong enough to stop anybody…”

“It has to go.”

“…but you are.”

“No way. You’re crazy with pain. I know what’s best.”

“Jake, please, you have to believe what I know is true.”
If he didn’t stop them, she knew that the next cut would end her last breath.

Visibly upset, he raked his hand through his hair. “No.”

He was
so
not ready for this.

“If you don’t open your mind—If you don’t stop them—I’ll die.”

I
t’s not possible!

Jake felt Lilly’s life, the very light of her, fade. Right before his eyes, like a bulb on a rheostat, her spirit just dialed down and stayed there, close to flickering out.

All over a broken arm? He thought not. Everything else looked fine; she must be bleeding internally. Her whole body sagged in the passenger seat, melting into the leather as if becoming one with it. He raced the Mercedes through the streets toward the nearest hospital, driving like a man possessed, holding his hand on the horn through every intersection and supporting Lilly in an upright position in between.

“Where does it hurt? Lilly! Talk to me.”

“It’s John and Elizabeth.”

Her conviction defied argument.

Though he’d been in love with her from the first time they’d met at the church, it was nothing compared to the depth of his feelings now. He’d die to save her, if he could.

He’d die if she deserted him.

She winced at every bump in the road. As much as it hurt him to see her in pain, he couldn’t slow for every pothole. Too much was at stake. He turned a corner to find, too late, that he’d ventured onto a street with a huge Allied moving van blocking the way. Without hesitation, he eased over the opposite curb and drove along the sidewalk.

“I love you. Lilly, can you hear me? Stay with me, sweetheart. I love you.”

Eyelids drooping, she rolled her head toward him and studied him through lowered lashes. “You shouldn’t.”

“What? Why not? No, never mind, it doesn’t matter. I do and I can’t stop just because you said so. You ready to give in yet? If you are, I’ll stop and cut that off.”

“If you do, I’ll die.”

“How can you believe that?”

“Look at me. How can you not? I can tell you now.”

“What?”

“Everything. Why I came back.”

“Back?” He didn’t want to tell her she was incoherent, saying crazy things. He needed to keep her calm. Let her ramble.

“From heaven. After the dildo shop blew up.”

She spoke quietly, and in order to hear her better, Jake leaned toward her as he drove. Sometimes there were long pauses between phrases, so long he thought she’d passed out. But then she’d start up again. Always on the same train of thought, so her brain was hanging in there.

“They wouldn’t let me into heaven because I needed to learn things. Like charity. So I had to come back and give away all my money.”

“You have a bunch left.”

“I failed. I’ll be early again. I swear, I won’t mind as long as you’ll be okay, but they’re going to make me stand in line.”

Okay, so she wasn’t completely lucid.

“We’re here. Hang on, they’ll fix you up.”

He slid the Mercedes to a crooked stop outside the ER, scooped her up, left both doors open, probably left the car running, and ran inside, yelling for help.

One look at Lilly, face pale, lips blue, and she was triaged right into an exam room. A nurse tried to push Jake out, but she was no match for him. He watched everything the staff did, answered every question he could because Lilly was barely able to speak. Half an hour ago, she’d been fighting mad, ready to tear her mother-in-law’s heart out and hack off part of Andrew.

Had he been so wrong to cut the chain? He knew it had to be done. How could he know it would effect her like this? Except for this one thing, she was the most sensible, levelheaded woman he knew. Her belief that her life was tied to that bracelet was so strong.

He’d believed in other powers once, long ago. He’d trusted them. But now he only trusted himself, and he knew what was best for Lilly.

Was that how Angie had felt about him when she’d learned she was dying? That she was in the best position to make a life-altering decision for him?

She’d been wrong. Could it be possible that he was as well?

“That bracelet has to come off.”

Jake’s head snapped up as the nurse spoke. She was all business, with short salt-and-pepper hair and a bounce in her step as she bustled about the room. Lilly should pay attention to this gal.

“Right away.”

Lilly managed to say, “No,” and with a look, reminded Jake that she was counting on him.

For what? To refuse treatment that would save her? He pinned his hopes on the nurse. “There’s gotta be something else—”

“Why didn’t you just finish the job?”

“She’s convinced she’ll die if it’s cut.”

“Just give me drugs,” Lilly begged.

“With that break? Oh yeah, you’re gonna get drugs all right. And you’re gonna get out of that bracelet.”

“It can’t come off.”

Uncertainty gripped him in the gut. He felt ill equipped to argue this reasonably and make Lilly come out the winner.

“Come on, Lilly, help me out here. You want to lose your whole arm?”

“Hey, they said I couldn’t take the bracelet off. They didn’t mention the arm.”

The nurse shook her head at Lilly’s weak attempt at humor. “You convince her. I’ll be right back.”

Alone together, Jake pulled a chair up to the exam table and squeezed Lilly’s good hand between his. If he could just take some of her pain away. If he could just give her some of his strength. “I’ll tell them to go ahead anyway. I’ll tell them we’re married and you’re nuts, and I’ll give them permission to treat you.”

Her eyes fluttered open, and she seemed to summon strength from deep within because she was very convincing when she said, “I’m not worth it.”

“Bullshit.”

“I tricked you…into sleeping with me. I needed…to have a baby.”

“If this is some crazy scheme of yours to scare me off, you can just forget it. I love you; get over it. Now let me do what’s best for you.”

“No.”

“God, I’m begging you.”

Blue lips twitched in a semblance of a smile. “You’re praying?” “Get real.” He’d tease her, distract her, or get her mad enough to fight, it didn’t matter which, as long as one of them worked. “Dear John just doesn’t have the right ring to it.”

He could do better; for Lilly, he
had
to do better.

Her eyes drifted shut. Her face was pasty white. He needed a solution, fast, and her belief was so strong, how could he fight it?

It was impossible.

She owned his heart, and because she believed this with all hers, his was won over, too. He knew, as sure as if John and Elizabeth came down here themselves and stood right in front of him and told him so, if the bracelet came off, Lilly would simply stop breathing and die.

Accepting it made his path clearer.

“Okay, you got me.” He sighed deeply. “I believe it. So what do we do now?”

“Nothing.”

“Maybe I should pray or something, right?”

“Just accept it. I came back for a reason. My time’s up.”

She opened her eyes again, but they were heavy-lidded. The gold sparks were gone, leaving her irises a dull brown. But even though her body was so weak, her incredible inner strength radiated throughout the room and touched him.

“You’re at peace with this?”

She nodded. “I hope I didn’t make you hate me.”

“Never.”

He squeezed her hand and pulled it to his lips and held it there. He didn’t realize his cheek was wet until she lifted one finger and traced the track. Barely a breath later, weakness overcame her again, and her eyes shut. He feared it was forever and he wanted to throw something, anything, and yell and kick a hole in the wall. But then he felt her fingers move against his, the gentlest hint of pressure.

“Lilly.”

“Hm?”

“This accepting thing’s pretty hard. I’m a guy. Guys need to
do
things, active things. You know, to make it better. To fix it.”

“You could make a promise.”

“Anything.”

“Don’t self-destruct again.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“After Angie left—The drinking.”

Jake took a deep breath. “In case you can’t tell with your eyes almost shut like that, I’m letting you know right now I’m counting to ten thousand again.”

“I don’t have that much time.” Another twitch of her lips. “Promise me.”

“Sure.”

“Too easy.”

“Okay. I promise, if the angels come and get you, I won’t go off the deep end. I’ll rejoice.”

“Liar.”

“Look, what can I tell you? Six months ago, I lost my best friend, my business, my home, and racked up more debt than most people do in ten lifetimes. And then I
came back to St. Louis to start over. Now what about that sounds like ‘victim’ to you?”

One eyebrow arched, as if she acknowledged that what he said was true. “But you closed your mind. So promise me…anyway.”

“I promise.”
God, let her breathe easier, please!

And she seemed to, then. “Sorry about your meeting.”

“There’ll be others.”

“You should go.”

“I’m not leaving you. Not now, not ever.”

“Everything’ll be okay. I promise. There’s more…than enough…to pay your dad back.”

“Would you forget that? I swear, you’ve always got money on your mind.”

“Oops.”

It was too difficult for her to breathe, let alone explain the crooked little grin lifting the corner of her mouth, so he didn’t press the issue. He didn’t say anything else that required she struggle to answer. Instead, he kissed her knuckles, enclosed her hand tightly in both of his, and shut his eyes.

“Dear John.”

Asshole. Who do you think you are, torturing Lilly like this?

“You, too, Elizabeth. Damn, I’m supposed to pray to you guys while you’re doing this to her?”

“Maybe you should pick somebody else…to pray to.”

“Like who?”

“Shoot, a prayer like that…might as well use a rabbit’s foot.”

She was losing it again.

Whoever’s listening, please, save her.

Once he started, it was difficult to stop. He spent long minutes making promises out the wazoo about how he’d live his life and how well he’d treat people and how he’d, maybe, start going to church again.

The chain he’d cut was the one with the oval charms, and he saw them in his mind’s eye, one by one.

Serenity
—not damn likely he was going to be feeling any of that today. Maybe not ever again if Lilly didn’t give in and let them take care of her broken arm.

Courage
—he was in grave need of this if he was going to follow her wishes and refuse treatment.

Wisdom
—how did that go? Grant me wisdom to know the difference?

“This is a test, right, John? Elizabeth? You’re testing me for some reason?”

If only he knew which answer would get him the passing grade. But Lilly said he didn’t even have to pray. He just had to accept that there were things beyond what he could see and hear and prove. That her leaving somehow made sense.

He was still struggling with that when he realized someone else was in the room.

“There, piece of cake.”

Lilly’s hand went limp in his. Barely audible, she whispered, “Remember. It’s okay.”

Jake’s eyes flew open as a skinny, freckle-faced guy set a pair of cutters aside, along with the severed bracelet.

“You weren’t supposed to—
Oh Jesus
. Didn’t they tell you?”

With her last breath, Lilly whispered, “There’s no light. It’s so cold.”