Authors: Carol Lee
“Yeah, yeah,” I responded non-committally. I’d given up on taking the day off. Everyone said I needed one, but I’d rather be working a case than spending time being grilled about my failed relationship by my family.
Marissa – April 2006
“Are you going to take his name?” I asked Sarah as we lay in the king size bed together. It was the night before her wedding and, as tradition called for, she was spending it apart from Jack.
“I can’t believe we haven’t talked about this yet! Nope, I’m keeping Buratto.”
“Why not? I thought you were following all of the expectations,” I asked as I looked in her direction in the dark. We couldn’t see each other, but it didn’t matter. I knew she was looking back at me.
“I was going to. It’s not that I don’t want to. But I started going through the process and it’s so much work!”
“That’s a lame excuse,” I said, laughing. I rolled back onto my back.
“Not really. Think about all the places that you’d have to notify. It’s more work than moving! Credit cards, social security, passport, bank accounts, college loans, driver’s license—your name is on
everything
!”
“You should have asked him to take your name.”
“Hah. Yeah right. I don’t think the bride taking the grooms name has anything to do with patriarchy. I bet it’s just because men are lazier than women, so it’s simply a convenience factor.”
“Maybe,” I said, skeptical.
“Regardless, it wouldn’t change anything. We’ll still be married.”
“That you will.”
“Good night, Marissa,” Sarah said. I could feel her eyes on me.
“Good night, Sarah. I’m really happy for you.”
“I know.”
***
“I can’t believe it, Sarah. Today’s your big day!” I said as soon as I got to the church. Sarah had left the room before I’d even woken up. I had a suspicion that she didn’t sleep at all. Our mom was busy putting Sarah’s hair up. There were more bobby pins on the table than I knew could fit on one person’s head.
“I know! I can’t believe it either!” she said, not able to contain her smile. It stretched from ear to ear.
“You’re lucky to have met Jack so young,” our mom added. “Your father and I didn’t meet until well into our 30s and we were lucky to be able to have both of you!”
Sarah and I exchanged a look. We’d heard this story over and over. It had dominated our childhoods—the challenges of having kids later in life. Not only because they had trouble keeping up with us, but because of the miscarriages along the way.
“But don’t worry, Marissa, you’re not 30 yet. You’ll find someone soon,” she continued. I knew one of her biggest fears was that I wouldn’t meet someone who would make me as happy as she’d been with Dad. What she didn’t know was that I was completely happy being single. I wasn’t tied down, I didn’t have to make my schedule match up with someone else’s and I was free to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.
I smiled, knowing it was better to keep my mouth shut.
“Sarah, what can I do to help?” I asked, turning back to my glowing sister.
“Will you call Judy? Her number’s on my phone. I couldn’t get ahold of her last night. I want to make sure she’ll be on time. She’s. . .slightly unreliable,” she finished with a grimace.
“No problem,” I said and picked up her phone to call her best friend.
***
“When Sarah and I were little, we were completely inseparable—or so our parents say. I remember playing dolls with her and she would happily—and confidently—tell me that when we grew up, we would have kids at the same time. And they would be best friends. We also drew up plans for our houses that would share a driveway. And for work? We’d be partners in whatever business we were pretending to have that day. She told me, ‘Yeah, I’d make a good boss!’ My twelve-year-old self even knew that a boss and a partner weren’t the same thing. Our plans might have changed since then, but I love Sarah no less than I did when we spent all of our time together. Since we don’t even live in the same state, our career paths have taken drastically different routes, and she’ll for sure be having her first born well before I do, I can’t imagine a better person for her to spend all of her time with—and creating that partnership within life, if not in business—than Jack. Cheers to the happy couple on their day!”
“You’re going to make me cry!” Sarah whispered in my ear amidst the laughter, applause and silverware tapping on glasses. There was never enough kissing at a wedding and the crowd was starting early to encourage the bride and groom.
“We’re both lucky to have you as our sister,” Jack added to me as we hugged. We all sat back down and got ready for the next speech from Jack’s older brother.
He rattled off several improvements to Jack’s behavior since meeting Sarah, but I was lost in my own head, thinking how lucky Sarah was to have met Jack so early in her life, actually agreeing with my mom. She was only 22 and marrying her middle school sweetheart. They’d been together longer than all of my relationships combined and I was nearing 30. I wasn’t unhappy with my life, but having that person to share it with would make it that much more enjoyable. I hadn’t even brought a date to the wedding.
“Cheers,” I joined the crowd in saying as the speech came to a close and I looked around to see joy on every face in the room. This was the one day that Sarah would have everyone she loved in the same room. She was absolutely glowing.
Our dad stood up next. True to his personality, his speech was loaded with sarcasm that was based in truth. You could hear and see how proud he was to be welcoming Jack into our family, and to let Sarah join Jack’s. They were the epitome of a perfect couple.
“I hope I can find someone who completes me the way Jack completes Sarah,” Judy whispered to me on my right. She’d arrived with just minutes to spare, already done up and dressed, before the ceremony.
“They really do complement each other,” I agreed as food was laid down in front of us and glasses were once again tinkling with the sound of silverware asking for another kiss from the wedding couple.
“There was a time I didn’t think this day would come, but I couldn’t be happier for them,” Judy added.
“You didn’t think Jack would ask?” I wasn’t sure what she meant.
“I wouldn’t have believed it back in high school,” she offered as an explanation.
“No one really thinks they’ll get married when they’re in high school,” I reasoned.
“They did. But I just didn’t think they were the perfect couple yet. I guess I was wrong,” she said with a smile toward Sarah and Jack. “I’m happy for them.”
“I am too,” I agreed.
Sam – September 2009
“Come to dinner tonight. Bring Judy. This had to have been a hard day for her,” Allen said when we got back down to the parking lot and into our car.
“That’d be great. What can we bring?”
“Nothing. Come empty handed or we’ll turn you away,” he said with a smile, his usual response but I still always asked.
“We’ll see you at six,” I said and we drove back to the station together in silence.
No matter how many cases we’d work on, it was never any easier to find a body and know that you’d soon be notifying a family that a loved one was no longer alive.
***
“I don’t know how you both do it!” Judy exclaimed as soon as we showed up at Allen and Krista’s. “Just one sight was enough to make me know I never want to see another dead person. Ever. And this is your
job.
”
“Hi Judy. It’s nice to see you too,” Allen said with a smile as he took her coat. We were all essentially family now and it was always good to have Judy back home since she’d moved out of state.
“Krista!” Judy exclaimed as she walked into the kitchen and saw that Krista was pregnant. “You couldn’t have told me over the phone? How many times have we talked since you knew? You must be five months pregnant by the looks of your stomach! I can’t believe you didn’t say anything!”
“Oh, this,” I heard her say with a smile in her voice. “I’m actually only four months along. We just found out it’s twins! We just told our parents so hadn’t gotten around to telling friends yet. But guess what—I’m pregnant!”
“Congratulations!” I said to Allen as we walked in to join them. It had been far too long since I’d seen Krista if I was just learning this now too.
“Thanks man. We’ve been trying for a while now and it’s finally happening. We couldn’t be more excited. Twins will be tough, but we’re just so thrilled about finally having at least one baby on the way, two will be that much more fun, right?” he said skeptically.
“I’ve always heard twins aren’t twice as hard as one baby. They’re three times as hard! But you have such a great support system here with your families and lifetime friends. You’ll have a whole village to help,” Judy reassured them both.
“You had quite the day, I hear,” Krista said, changing the subject.
“Yeah. Does Allen ever tell you the details of his work? I don’t think I could handle hearing it every day. Seeing it once was more than enough,” Judy told Krista as they finished prepping for dinner and Allen and I took beers out back to watch the nightly feast of dragonflies chasing away the last of the mosquitoes.
“Cap said the body was a local,” Allen told me. I hadn’t gone back to the office but had taken the rest of the day off like I’d promised and even visited my mom.
“You recognize her?” I asked, not really wanting to know the answer but knowing I’d find out eventually.
“I haven’t looked yet, tomorrow. They’ll do the final ID using dental records just to be sure before notifying any family. But, Sam, man, how are you?” he finally asked. I’d hoped he would avoid any real confrontation of what had been going on in my life. It was enough to visit my mom, but then to have to talk about the failed relationship on top of that.
“I’m getting by. It can only get easier, right?” I said with false confidence. There was no getting around it: my six-year-relationship with Lynn had ended and I hadn’t wanted it to. I thought everything was going fine, when one day she told me she was leaving. Completely blindsided. That was it. No conversation, no explanation, she was already packed. She left most of her things, said she was too tied down and wanted some adventure. Had to live her life. Even though I’d given her every freedom she could have ever wanted. Never held her back from doing what she wanted. She reminded me of Judy in that way, which was why I was even more shocked when she left. Judy was starting to grow up and take on more responsibility, while Lynn seemed to be regressing. I was still skeptical that it was just an excuse to leave for whatever reason she didn’t want to share.
“How about some ladder golf? We’ll get the girls out here too,” I suggested, lightening the mood from work and failed relationships. I needed a break before I headed back to work in the morning.
Marissa – April 2007
“Welcome home!” Sarah shouted as soon as I walked through the door. She was just as excited as her new puppy, Casino, to have company.
“It’s so good to be back! Every time I visit I wonder why I left,” I said, dropping my two bags inside the door and nearly being knocked off balance by a surprisingly strong puppy.
“Casino, down!” Sarah shouted with no reaction from the dog. He was focused on trying to lick my face even though he had months to go before he’d be big enough to get that high. He didn’t even acknowledge that Sarah had said anything.
“Don’t worry. He’ll learn,” I reassured her as I got down to face level and was covered in kisses from this new complete stranger.
“He was Jack’s idea. Since we hike so much, he thought having a Golden Retriever would be a nice companion. But now we’re leaving for two weeks for our anniversary and of course we couldn’t take him! I don’t know why we didn’t wait until we got back,” she unnecessarily explained.
“It’s really not a problem. I love coming out here and I needed a break anyway. I have a grad student filling in for my lectures while I’m away and there’s plenty of time before graduation where students get worried about exams and actually use my office hours, so it’s perfect timing for me,” I promised her.
“Well, we don’t leave until tomorrow afternoon, so why don’t we get you settled and then you and I can catch up over dinner. Jack is working late to close things out before we leave so he probably won’t be back until nine or ten. Your bedroom is just at the top of the stairs,” Sarah finished as we both picked up a bag and went upstairs.
It was funny being back and not in the house we’d grown up in. Sarah had never left, but since Mom and Dad had moved south to avoid the long New Hampshire winters, I hadn’t visited much. Of course there was the wedding last year, but I’d even stayed in a hotel then. I’d lost touch with friends from grade school who were still in the area and hadn’t wanted to try to work through our years of silence. I enjoyed upstate New York and the life I’d created there, so I didn’t leave much.
***
“I hope you like grilled mushrooms,” Sarah said when I walked into the kitchen to join her.
“Has it really been that long since we’ve spent time together that we can’t remember foods we each enjoy?” I said, laughing. Our inseparable lives in childhood hadn’t continued into adulthood. Aside from the wedding, we’d only chatted on the phone a handful of times and visits were fewer and farther between. Maybe it was the big gap in our ages. Or maybe it was something else. Despite our lack of frequent communication, we had a deep appreciation for the other and truly wanted the best.