Chapter 18
J
ack raked his fingers through his hair. Where was he? What just happened? He looked around the room. His office. Looked down at his clothes. He’d gotten home from Texas late last night. He hadn’t slept well for days, and exhaustion must have sent him into a deep sleep.
He glanced at his desk and frowned. Why was a liquor bottle there? He peered down at the bottle. A note sat beneath it. One of the volunteers had found it hidden beside the bed where one of their regulars slept. They’d warned John multiple times when he’d come in hungover that he couldn’t bring alcohol into The Refuge.
He must have sneaked it in while I was gone. And Pamela thought it was mine.
He had to stop her. He yanked on his shoes, then scooped up the note and shoved it in his pocket. Feeling a stick of gum in the pocket, he pulled it out and shoved the piece in his mouth. He desperately needed a shower, a change of clothes, to brush his teeth, but all that would have to wait.
Grabbing his coat off the chair, he threw it on as he raced out of the office. He spied Steve, and the man’s face lit up and he waved. Jack lifted his finger. “Be right back.”
Teresa pointed to the door. “She just left. You should be able to catch her.”
He smiled. The awkwardness between them had dissipated when she and one of the single male volunteers had started to talk on a regular basis. “Thanks.”
Rain gushed from the sky with the fervency it had the night before. He looked to the parking lot and spied Pamela beside her car, her eyes closed and her face lifted to the heavens. He raced to her and grabbed her arm. “Pamela.”
She looked at him. Rain streamed down her nose and cheeks. “Jack, I’ve got to go. I can’t do this.”
“Please talk to me.” He pulled on her arm, and to his surprise, she allowed him to guide her to an awning beside the shelter. “It wasn’t my bottle.”
She narrowed her gaze, and he opened his arms. “Look at me. I’m not hungover. I’m dirty. I’m tired. But I haven’t been drinking. It was almost midnight when I got back. I went to the shelter and crashed on the couch. I slept harder than I expected.”
She crossed her arms and looked away from him. He yanked the note out of his pocket. “Look. This was under the bottle. One of the volunteers had put it there to show me he’d caught one of the guys with alcohol. It’s not allowed. The bottle was just proof.”
Pamela took the note from his hand and read it. Her shoulders slumped, and her lower lip quivered. “Why didn’t you call us while you were gone?”
He patted his jean pockets, then his coat pockets. He pulled his phone out of the inside of his coat. “Phone got busted on the bus on the way there. I didn’t have your number memorized, so I couldn’t call. But I had left a message before I boarded the bus.”
She frowned. “Emmy accidentally deleted it.”
She didn’t say anything else, and Jack waited. If he’d heard her correctly about getting back together, he wanted to give her time to digest the information. She’d always been a thinker, almost to the point of driving him crazy.
To his surprise, she reached out and took his hand in hers. “Owen told me about your mom. I’m really sorry.”
Jack bit his bottom lip. “Yeah, she’s battled MS for years, but we never expected her to die from a heart attack. And so young. Barely fifty.”
“How’s your dad and your sister and brother?”
“Hurting. But I’m praying God will use this to draw them to Himself.” His voice caught. “I couldn’t believe how big Kari and Todd have gotten. I wish I could see them more often. Be the big brother they need.”
Pamela lifted her hand and touched his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. “I love you so much, Pammer.”
“I know you do.” She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m scared, Jack.”
He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her against him. With his lips against her hair, he said, “You have every right to be.”
“I loved you so much. Would have done anything for you. But there were times I was afraid of you. Afraid you’d hurt me or Emma.”
Jack’s stomach turned, and he squeezed his eyes closed as he remembered the woman and her two girls at the shelter in Texas. “Praise God I didn’t.”
“I was embarrassed when you didn’t help Dad and my brothers on the farm. Angry when you didn’t help me with the house or Emma.”
He cupped her chin and lifted her gaze to his. “All those things were inexcusable, and you have every right not to trust me again. But God has changed me.”
Pamela’s gaze softened. “He’s changed me, too. He’s given me grace despite my anger and bitterness the last few years. He’s allowed me to raise two beautiful girls and go back to school, something I always wanted to do.” She lifted her hands until her fingers traced through his hair. “And even though I’m scared out of my wits, he’s brought you back to me.”
Jack’s heartbeat quickened as disbelief, excitement and joy racing through him. He lowered his head and captured her lips against his. There was no fear as she returned the kiss, and his stomach churned and his knees weakened. Pulling her tighter, he grabbed her head and kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, her chin, her lips again. He didn’t want to let her go. “By God’s grace, I’ll be good to you.”
“You’d better be.”
She pulled away from him, and he realized her skin had paled and her bottom lip quivered. “You’re freezing.”
“Just a little bit.”
“Let’s get you inside.”
She shook her head. “No. I’ll go home, take a hot shower and put on some dry clothes.”
Standing on tiptoes, she cupped her hand around his neck and kissed him again. “I love you, Jack.”
Jack’s heart beat against his chest as she raced back to the car. His prayers had been answered. And God had said yes.
* * *
At home, Pamela touched her fingers to her lips. She could still feel Jack’s kisses and found she yearned for more. Closing her eyes, she needed to keep her mind focused on what was most pressing. Before she and Jack could pursue a relationship with each other again, she’d need to talk with the girls. It had been the three of them all their lives. Adding a guy to the mix would definitely change things.
She chuckled when she remembered shaving cream and dull razors and woodsy-scented soap crowding her products in the shower. For some reason, Jack always dropped his dirty clothes beside the clothes hamper. Not in the hamper. Beside it. Something she never understood. And the toothpaste. He never put the cap back on. Constantly left the cabinets open. A zillion little things that had driven her crazy.
And she couldn’t wait to battle each of them again.
After a hot shower, she dressed, blow-dried her hair, and walked to her parents’ house. The girls and their grandpa sat at the kitchen table, icing sugar cookies. Her mom placed dishes in the dishwasher. “So, did you see Jack?”
Her mother acted uninterested, but Pamela knew better. Her parents were every bit as concerned as she.
“I did.”
“Why hasn’t he called us?” asked Emma.
Pamela wished she could wipe the concern from her older daughter’s features. The girl worried far too much. Pamela hoped that would change in the coming months. She petted Emma’s long hair. “Remember I told you his mother passed away.”
Emmy licked her plastic knife. “Yeah. Our grandma that we haven’t met.”
Pamela scrunched her nose. She hated the disconnected tone in Emmy’s voice. “Yes. Well, he dropped his phone on the bus and busted it, so he couldn’t call us.”
Emma looked relieved as she leaned back in her chair. Emmy continued to lick the knife. She’d never been concerned. How Pamela wished the girls could share just a bit of the other’s personality.
Pamela continued. “My guess is we’ll see him later today.”
“Yay,” squealed Emmy.
“How was the funeral?” asked her dad.
“He said it was hard and that his siblings have grown a lot. He hopes to see them again soon.” She tapped Emmy on the nose. “He wants you two to meet them, as well.”
Emmy lifted her eyebrows. “Okay by me.”
Emma shrugged, then focused on the cookie she was decorating.
“What do you think about that?” Tammie asked.
“I think it would be good.” Pamela picked up the dishcloth on the table and twisted it. “Girls, I’d like to talk with you.” She looked at her parents. “It’s okay if you stay.”
They nodded, and her mom pulled up a chair and sat beside her dad. Worry was etched on her mother’s brow, and Pamela almost laughed out loud. She knew where she and Emma got that characteristic.
She took one of each girl’s hands in hers. “What would you think about me and your dad getting back together?”
Emmy pulled her hand away and clapped. “Yay! I always wanted a mommy and a daddy like Stephanie. She says her daddy keeps the monsters out from under the bed.” She leaned closer and pursed her lips. “Course, we know there’s no such thing as monsters.”
Emma stared at the cookie on the table. She pulled her hand away, then set down the knife and started to get up. Pamela reached for her again. “Where are you going, Emma?”
She dropped both hands at her sides, and her face reddened as she yelled, “What if he leaves again?”
She ran out of the room and up the stairs. Emmy clicked her tongue. “Somebody needs to take a chill pill.”
Pamela rolled her eyes at Emmy. She looked at her parents. “I’ll be right back.”
Her dad squeezed her hand. “We’re happy for you, and Emma will be okay.”
As she walked up the stairs, she heard Emmy’s words. “My daddy’s back for good. He...”
Her daughter’s voice faded as Pamela walked to the back bedroom, where she knew Emma would be. She opened the door and saw Emma curled up in the oversize yellow wingback chair, her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin resting on her knees. She stared out the window. The rain had finally stopped, and the sun peeked through the clouds every few minutes.
Pamela sat on the edge of the bed. “You wanna talk about it?”
Emma turned and looked at Pamela. “I like that it’s just you and me and Emmy.”
“What do you think about your dad?”
Emma shrugged. “He’s okay.” She rolled her eyes. “Emmy likes him good enough for both of us.”
Pamela grinned. “I think you’re right.”
“Uncle Ben said that he was no good and should go back where he came from.”
Pamela bit her bottom lip. She wished Ben would have kept his thoughts to himself. She understood he was concerned about Jack coming back into their lives, but not once had he given Jack the chance to show him that he’d changed. “What do you think about your dad? Is he no good?”
Emma shook her head.
“Has he been taking care of us since he came back to Bloom Hollow?”
Emma shrugged. “He didn’t call the last two days.”
“His phone was broken.”
She dropped her chin back onto her knees. “I know.”
“I’ve been praying about this, Emma.” She paused. How much should she tell her daughter? The girl was only nine.
God, guide me.
“And I’ve been scared.”
Emma looked up, her gaze searching Pamela’s for truth and confirmation. “I was really sad when your dad left. And I have been scared.” She clasped her hands. “But I’ve decided that I have to trust your dad to God.”
“But what if—”
Pamela walked to her daughter and placed her hand on her shoulder. “Life is going to be full of what-ifs. All we can do is trust God with what He’s asking us to do. Your dad loves us, and—”
“Do you love him, Mom?”
Pamela nodded, and her heart swelled with peace. “I do.”
Emma looked back out the window. “I guess I do, too.”
Pamela lifted her daughter’s chin and looked her in the eye. “It’s going to be okay. God’s got it.”
Chapter 19
T
he past few days had been bliss for Jack. He’d shared with Pastor Mark about the reconciliation, and he had allowed Jack every opportunity to spend time with Pamela and the girls. Christmas was only days away, and he could hardly wait to enjoy the holiday with his daughters for the first time.
“Where are we going, Dad?” asked Emma from the backseat of the car.
“I thought we’d visit the shelter where I work. We’ve received a bunch of clothes that we need to sort, and I thought you girls could help.”
“Cool,” said Emmy.
Emma wrinkled her nose, and Jack laughed. “Doesn’t sound fun to you, Emma?”
She shook her head. “Not really.”
Pamela reached over and grabbed his hand. “It will be great.”
They reached the shelter and, since dinner wasn’t for a few hours, he took them on a tour. The girls’ eyes widened when they saw the dining area. Emma pointed to the walls. “There are scriptures all over the place.”
“Yep,” said Jack.
“I think it’s cool.” She pointed to the door leading to the kitchen. “What’s in there?”
He took them into the room.
“You have a serving line like at school,” said Emmy.
“We do,” said Jack.
Emma pointed to appliances. “Does the school have that many stoves and refrigerators?”
Pamela laughed. “I don’t know.”
He showed them his office, and Emmy hopped on his rolling chair and spun around several times. Finally, they made it to the back room. A pile of clothes nearly as tall as him sat in the corner.
The girls’ eyes widened. “Whoa,” they said together.
Pamela lifted her eyebrows. “That is quite a stack, Jack.” She covered her mouth and giggled at the rhyme, and Jack planted a quick kiss on her nose.
He rolled up his sleeves. “Okay. This is how we’ll separate them. A pile for boys’ clothes. Another for girls’. A third for women. A fourth for men. And the last—” he picked up a ragged shirt that had multiple holes “—will be for clothes that aren’t good enough to be given away.”
Pamela clapped her hands. “Got it.”
Emmy dug in, chattering as she separated items into the different piles. Every once in a while, she’d ooh over a shirt she liked or wrinkle her nose at something she found to be “gross.”
Emma seemed a bit hesitant, so Jack stayed close. He talked to her about Christmas and the present they’d bought Pamela. Soon, she settled in and smiled at Emmy’s exclamations over the apparel.
The dinner crew arrived to prepare the meal, and Jack left his family for a few minutes to make sure everything was ready in the kitchen. When he returned, the girls had finished separating and even put the unusable clothes in trash bags. He high-fived each of them. “Great job! I think you’ve earned some chicken nuggets tonight.”
Emmy pumped her fist. “Yes!”
“I thought we might eat here.”
The girls’ jaws dropped at Pamela’s suggestion. Jack lifted his eyebrows, every bit as surprised as them.
“Are you kidding?” said Emma.
Pamela placed her hand on their older daughter’s back. “I’m not.” She shrugged her right shoulder. “We’ll get to see what your dad does.”
Jack rubbed his hands together. “That sounds great.” He opened his palms. “We could go for ice cream afterward.”
Emmy twisted her hips. “Oh, all right.”
“There is one more thing I’d like to do,” said Jack.
Emma smacked her hand against her forehead. “Please don’t tell me we have to sort food.”
Jack and Pamela laughed, and he said, “No. I’d like you to meet my dad and sister and brother.”
The girls frowned, and Emmy raised her palms upward. “How?”
“Have you heard of Skype?” said Pamela.
They walked back into his office and he turned on the computer. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted Kari to tell them to get ready.
Emma pointed to the screen. “Isn’t that like through the computer?”
Jack typed in his account number and password. “It is. And they’re already waiting to meet you both.”
“They are?” said Emmy.
Kari’s face popped up on the screen. She motioned beside her. “Guys, come here. They’re on.”
Jack waved at the screen. “Hey, Kari. They’re ready.”
Both girls squeezed their faces close to the screen. At first, they kept leaning forward and backward, looking at themselves in the box at the top of the screen. Soon Todd had them laughing at the ridiculous faces he was making. Looking at the clock on the screen, Jack knew dinner had started several minutes ago. “I’m sorry, everyone, but we’re going to have to get off now.”
The girls whined, and Kari pouted through the screen. They said goodbye and promised to call again soon; then he led the family into the dining hall. Emma grabbed his hand when they saw some of the homeless people taking trays to various tables. Jack peeked at the door to be sure someone was greeting their guests and checking bags. Teresa was there, and he let out a sigh of relief.
He guided them through the serving line. They didn’t pay any attention to the food or the volunteers, even though the people oohed and aahed over the girls. Both of them stared at the homeless, and he wished he could venture through their minds to know what they were thinking.
They set the food on an open table and Steve walked up behind the girls. “What have we here?”
The girls jumped, and Emmy placed her hand on her chest. Emma grabbed Jack’s hand and squeezed, and Emmy moved closer to Pamela. Jack smiled at Steve. “These are my girls. Emma and Emmy.”
Steve bent down and tapped Emmy on the nose. “Well, aren’t you just the cutest little girls I’ve ever seen.”
Emmy leaned closer to Pamela.
He turned and looked at Emma. “Do you mind if I sit with you?”
Jack swallowed. Under normal circumstances he’d never deny Steve the opportunity to sit with him for dinner. But this was the girls’ first trip to the shelter, and even though they were safe with him by their sides, he knew they didn’t feel comfortable.
To his surprise, Emma nodded and sat down in a seat. She pointed to the place beside her. “You can sit here.”
Jack looked at Pamela, and she grinned and shrugged. They all sat and started to eat fried chicken, mashed potatoes and peas. Steve talked to the girls about his life as a boy, and soon the girls were giggling at his tales of leaving lizards in the teacher’s desk and snakes in her closet. Jack hoped those things weren’t true, but he couldn’t be sure as mischievous as he’d discovered Steve to be.
When dinner ended, Steve tugged at Emma’s hair. “You girls will have to come back on Thursday. Hamburger night.” He rubbed his belly. “My favorite night of the week.”
After making sure the dinner crew had all the cleanup under way for the night, Jack and his family walked to the car. He’d driven less than five minutes before Emmy had fallen asleep in the back.
“Dad,” Emma said.
“Yes, honey?”
“Let’s skip ice cream and go home. I think we’ve had enough excitement for one night.”
“Sounds good to me.” Jack peeked at Pamela, and she covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Out of the mouths of babes.
* * *
Pamela heard a car pull into the driveway. She knew it was Ben. She excused herself from finishing the preparations for their Christmas Eve dinner and rushed outside. Dad, Kirk and Jack all sat in the living area chatting about which teams would end up in the Super Bowl while she, Mom, Callie and the girls worked peaceably in the kitchen. The last thing she wanted was for Ben to come in the house and throw a fit about Jack.
Ben opened the car door and lifted his hand to her. “I already told you on the phone. I’m not gonna say anything to your
precious
husband.”
Pamela blew out a breath and hugged her overgrown little brother. “Merry Christmas, Ben.”
He huffed. “Sure. Whatever.”
She worried about him. He’d had to take a year longer than he expected to finish school, and her dad had mentioned some credit card debt. Which she didn’t understand since he had a free ride and a part-time job. At least, they thought he had a job.
Whatever was going on, the bitterness and anger he showed tore at her heartstrings. She understood the feelings all too well and knew they would only bring him sadness.
He opened the back door of the car and grabbed a few presents. She took some out, as well. “I know we talked on the phone, but I just wanted to say that Jack has changed. I want you to give him a chance.”
“Listen, Pamela. I said I’d be nice to him for the girls, but you can’t make me like him.”
He shut the door with his hip and stalked toward the door. Pamela followed him. The girls squealed when they saw him, and he tickled both of them. When the men came into the kitchen, he was nice as he promised, saying hello to Jack, but it was obvious he didn’t want to.
Kirk clapped his hands. “Now that we’re all here. Callie and I have a present we’d like to give Mom and Dad before we get started on dinner and gifts and such.”
Callie bit her bottom lip and grinned as she took a rectangular box out of the bag that hung on the back of one of the chairs. “Here you go.”
Mom placed her hand on her chest. “What is it?”
“I think it’ll say if they’re having boys or girls,” said Dad.
“Really,” said Mom. “But I thought you weren’t going to find out.”
“Open it, Grandma.” Emmy jumped in front of her.
“Boys,” said Dad.
Pamela shook her head. “Nope. Girls.”
Ben chuckled. “I’d love to see Kirk end up with two girls at one time.”
“Two girls is okay,” whined Emma.
“Yes, they are,” said Jack.
Callie wrapped her arms around Kirk’s waist and nestled her nose against his chest. In the past, the show of affection would have made Pamela jealous. She grabbed Jack’s hand. Now she just felt thankful that God had blessed her with love again.
Kirk blew out a breath. “We never said it was gonna tell you what we’re having.”
Dad winked. “But I’m sure that’s what it is.”
Emmy dropped her hands at her sides. “Just open it already, Grandma.”
Pamela grinned as her mother tore open the paper. She lifted off the top and pulled out a picture frame. She cackled as she read the front.
“Well, what’s it say?” Mike asked.
Her mom turned it around. On the left side was a sonogram picture of one of the twins with its hand in the air. Beneath the picture were the words
I’m a boy.
On the right side was a picture of the other twin with the words
So am I
beneath it.
The family cheered, and Kirk pumped the air with his fist. “Got my boys just like I said.”
Emmy punched Kirk’s arm. “What’s wrong with girls?”
He wrapped his arm around her neck and scratched the top of her head with his knuckles. “Not a thing wrong with girls, except that y’all have been outnumbering us boys for too long.”
Jack squeezed Pamela’s hand, leaned close and whispered, “Maybe that will be us again.”
She huffed. “Not for a while.”
Even though they’d need time to rebuild their relationship and grow as a family, in the depths of her heart she relished the idea of maybe one day having another baby with Jack. But not for a while.