A Fighting Chance (10 page)

It is.
My blood catches fire.
“But where is Henry supposed to get fifty grand? HJ is just a kid.” I can see his face. Those little brown eyes.
My eyes.
The innocence fading from them. “He didn’t ask for any of—” My words get buried in a strangled noise in my throat. Sharp, shallow breaths press out of my lungs, and my body goes rigid. Panic sets in and I can’t get any air, like an actual pair of hands is tightening on my neck.

“Jess!” Drew is suddenly at my side and rubbing my back. “Breathe. You have to breathe. Please, please breathe.”

Her voice is all I hear over the ragged sounds coming out of me, and I let her guide me down to the chair. I close my eyes and put my head between my knees because sometimes it helps. Bubbles rise in a nearby water cooler and then she hands me a cold cup full.

“You’re still getting panic attacks…or whatever these are?” Drew asks, concern shading her face as I swallow down big gulps to soothe the burn around my tonsils.
Between sips, I answer with a nod. “You need to talk to someone about it…”

“You know how I feel about doctors and hospitals, but I haven’t had one in a while.” My hands tremble as I set the cup down on the desk. “I guess it’s all hitting me now…how ridiculously fucking stupid this is. I gave up
this life. That was the whole point of leaving Glory. I buried this Jesse years ago. I buried him with Mom.”

Drew sits on the desk, and when she takes my hands in hers
, every nerve ending in my body is suddenly focused right where we’re touching. “I know you did. Believe me, I’m well aware of
everything
you
left
in Glory.” Her jaw clenches when she pauses, and my guess is it’s to let her implication reverberate. “But this is different. It’s for HJ…it has meaning. It didn’t before. And…I’ll help you.” But she sighs and reluctance creeps back into her eyes. “Can you do this, even with a different motivation? Can you really do this without it turning you inside out?”

“I think so.” The three words
feel
like a lie, even though my uncertainty is the truth. “But this is the only way to save HJ. I have to go back down this road.”

Resignation fills her expression but it fades into a reassuring smile. She runs her hand over my head and grips the back of my neck. “I know, and when you’re done,
I’ll pull you back, Jesse.
I’ll pull you back.
”

I nod
and her words blanket my heart. “I really think you’re the only one who can.” I force a smile.

“God, I
wish you didn’t have to do this,” she says, blinking back tears. “I wish Carla were still here. I don’t know why, but I feel like she’d be able to think of something better than this.”

“Me too. I miss her like crazy. And it never goes away.
Sometimes I can’t remember things about her. But the pain stays. I feel every bit of it. Every day.”

She brushes her tears away.
“Are you going to see her while you’re here?”

“Not until after I get this done. I still want to be t
he person she knows when I go to the cemetery.”

“You are. You will be.”

“Hey, baby, are you…” The door to the office swings open as Buck steps in, and Drew jumps back away from me. She greets him with a kiss, and I clench my jaw shut so it doesn’t unhinge and fall to the floor. It’s one thing to find out about their relationship; it’s another to actually see it play out in front of me. And then my anger bursts in. Had he been interested in her the whole time we were together? Had Buck just been biding his time? But I can only direct my rage at myself. I’m the one who let her go.

“Hey, Buck,” I say with a tone that hopefully doesn’t sound as
unnatural to him as it does to me.

“Jess? Jesse Chance?” With his arm around Drew’s waist, he approaches me, hand out. When I stand, he pulls me into a hug and finally lets Drew go.
She and I stare at each other over his shoulder, and I don’t know why I feel guilty when we weren’t actually doing anything wrong. “The hell are you doing here?”

“Long story
.” I step back and finally let my gaze drop away from Drew. “Hey, I just heard about your dad. I’m really sorry.”

“Thank you, man.
He was older than everyone else’s dad, but burgers and beer finally caught up with him. Heart attack. The bastard croaked during
Andy Griffith
reruns on TV Land. He died right where he wanted. It was a tough time, but Drew got me through it.” He reaches for her hand, and a surge of burning jealousy soaks me when she links their fingers. She’s standing slightly behind him, so I can look at her without being obvious. All I can do is stare, feeling betrayed
and
knowing it’s irrational.
This is her life now. You have no right.

“So, I heard your good news. Congrats on the engagement…” I say. He shifts Drew so that she’s in front of him
. Buck starts marking her like an animal, kissing her cheek and putting his face into the curve of her neck. All the while, her eyes are on mine. What the three of us aren’t saying is probably most telling. He’s threatened. I’m disheartened. And Drew…Drew’s wedged in the middle somewhere.

“Thanks!” Buck crosses both their arms over her
stomach. “Hope it’s not too weird…” Yeah, not weird at all…except it feels like we’ve switched bodies, and it’s Freaky fucking Friday in here.

“No, of course not. We were in high school, and I’m seeing somebody at Hamilton, anyway. My girlfriend. Lydia Penelope
Price. We’re going to Europe this summer…” My organs feel like they’re congealing. I want to stop talking but I can’t, and I’m not sure if I’m just sharing information or giving my blessing. “Madrid, Milan, Prague…Europe. A lot of Europe. All over it. Europe. Alabama. Not in Europe, of course. But we’re actually moving there together.” I end with a high-pitched laugh.
Fuck me
, this is awkward.

Buck grins
. I guess he’s relieved that I’m not here to steal his girl, but Drew’s face is completely expressionless. “That’s awesome,” he says. “We should get your address to send an invitation…once
this one
finally sets a date.” He squeezes her and Drew clears her throat. “So, what’s up? Why ya here?”

I can’t tell if he means
home or a closed-door office with his fiancée. “Uh, to see Henry.”

“And then we ran into each other and he ended up here…we’ve been reminiscing about
the barn
,” Drew adds.

“Oh my God. The barn.
Man, I miss that shit sometimes.” Buck’s face lights up, and for a moment I think he loves me more than he does Drew. “Why? Do
you
miss it?”

“Fighting?
I don’t know.”

“Don’t be shy now. Jess was thinking about getting into the ring while he’s here,” Drew says.

“What?!” Wild excitement brews in his wide eyes, now that our silent crisis is over. “Really? I can’t believe this! The champ is back! Yes! I could arrange something if you want. Man, this is gonna be great. So, so great. Welcome home, Glory’s Own.”

Buck sets up two fights for me
, and I get through them easily. Drew puts me on a strenuous workout regimen afterward. She refuses to let me go to Mexico right away because she doesn’t think I’m ready, and she needs to speak with her contact there. She doesn’t say how she knows him or what his connection is to the fights, but she says nothing can happen until they discuss a few things. I join a gym in Laredo, and prep for nearly six hours every day, but slugging a heavy bag, running, and lifting won’t be enough if the matches are as bad as Drew says they are. I try to Google anything I can about The Cull, but it leads to a lot of dead ends. There are just a few message boards that mention cage fights in Mexico City, Veracruz, and Tabasco, but nothing about a specific organized event.

As
anxious as I am to get this over with, my three weeks of training don’t feel enough when Drew finally says she’s worked everything out for the trip. She explains that she needed the time for Miguel, her contact, to spread the word about me because, while it’s not impossible to get on the fighting circuit in Mexico, people won’t place high bets on fighters without much buzz, which means less prize money. Miguel is sort of a fight promoter, though not cartel-affiliated, and he met Drew during one of the very last fights at the barn. He’ll be my tour guide and translator, but also someone to keep me from getting myself killed for being a stupid American.

I return my rental and buy a
gas-guzzler from someone in town and spend one last night at the hotel. When I awake on the day of my trip, Drew is out front, waiting with her bags. We’ve been arguing the last few days about whether she really needs to be in Mexico. Guess I lost.

“I still don’t think you should come
,” I say as I toss my things into the trunk, but I grab her bags too and her guitar case and put them in next.

“You don’t know your way around Mexico, and Miguel probably won’t feel comfortable dealing with you without me. At least not right away.
I won’t be there long. I’ll hop on a bus and come back.” She’s already climbing into the passenger seat and adjusting it to stretch out her legs. I try to keep my eyes off them, but her cutoffs are up to her crotch. Lust and attraction stir up heat in my stomach.

Drew wasn’t
my first
, but I was hers. No, she was my first in a way. I won’t ever refer to
fucking
as
making love
, but it was the first time I felt how amazing sex was when there was love behind the physical connection. I wonder if she remembers that night the way I do. I can recall exactly how she shut her eyes and clung to me the first few seconds I was inside her, and the halting way she exhaled. How she’d looked up at me the whole time, first with tender warmth in her expression and then absolute euphoria. She was the virgin, but I was so fucking nervous that night; I don’t even think I enjoyed it (okay, I was having sex, so I enjoyed it). I was so worried about her being okay and comfortable. I do remember how soft her body felt and how beautiful her nakedness was.

My dick turns to steel behind my zipper as I glance over at her, letting my gaze run down the length of her
frame.
She’s Buck’s damn near wife now and you can’t think of her like that.
I push the memories away and start the car, following the route my GPS is dictating. “You know your way around Mexico? I thought that was what Miguel was for.”

“Some parts. Buck and I
go down there sometimes, and I’m looking at, um, honeymoon spots, too.”

A prickle of sadness
hits my chest, but the masochist in me has to know more. “So, how did that even happen? You and Buck?”

She shrugs and fidgets, and suddenly I feel like I’m intruding. “Hanging out over breaks from school
over the years. Turned into
more
. He proposed last year. I said yes.”

P
inpricks erupt all over my skin at the last three words. It feels like a loss. A loss I can’t mourn without seeming selfish in my mind because I’m the idiot in this situation. And I have a girlfriend, who I love, too
.
“Well, you are beautiful, and if you’re anything like the girl I remember, I’m not surprised he fell for you. He’s a lucky guy and I hope he knows that. He doesn’t mind you coming with me?”

“Your girlfriend story helped a lot. I don’t plan on being here more than two weeks or so. I told him the fight
ing bug bit you and you want to see the scene. Plus, I plan to introduce you to Miguel, warm you two up to each other, and he’ll take it from there.”

“And your jobs?” I had to quit mine, but I always try to plan ahead, so I’ll be able to cover my bills with auto bill-pay for at least two months, and I’ve paid for housing through the school year.

“Joe likes having a young female manager at Tickles
.
None of those prim and proper girls around there want the job. It’ll be fine. The other jobs, though, those are definitely out.”

“I
still don’t want you spending your money to be here, Drew…”

“It’s saved money.” From the corner of my eye, I see her chin dip and then she picks at her polish. “Wedding money.” I bit
e the inside of my cheek. She lifts her head again. “It’s okay, though. I’ll take a cut from your winnings…as your manager and trainer.” Drew’s back to picking at that nail polish. “So…you and Lydia? How’d you two—” My burner cell rings and a picture of Lydia and me pops up on the screen. It’s a throwaway phone, but I needed to add something that reminds me of home, something that reminds me that there
is
a home.

“Oh, wow. Got yourself a prom queen?” Drew asks, p
lucking the phone out of the front cup holders. “I bet she uses
summer
and
winter
as verbs.”

“
Uh, you were homecoming queen, babe. And she’s not like that.”

She drops it to my palm. “Well, you guys look really happy…” she says, trailing off as I press the cell to my ear.
Drew plugs her ear buds in then shifts her body away from me to stare out the window. Most of Texas is behind us. Glory is so close to Mexico that we’re already minutes away from the border check to enter Tamaulipas.