Authors: April Emerson
“What the fuck, man? What the fuck are you doing?”
“Relax. I was just looking for someone.” Aidan’s speech is
thick and slurred, and he laughs at himself. His gaze darts to me, and Jason
moves in front of his eye line.
“Don’t fucking look at my girl, bro. I seriously fucking suggest
you walk away right now.”
Aidan disregards Jason’s threat and moves aside so he can
see me again.
“Hey, Claire.
Looks like you’re
havin
’ a good time tonight. Add your name to the list of
ladies Jason’s fucked right here is this closet.”
“I swear to Christ, motherfucker, I will
end you
—right
here, right now—if you don’t fucking disappear immediately.”
“Yeah.
All right.
I’ll see you soon I hope,
Claire
.”
In a blur, Jason lunges at Aidan and I rush to grab his
waist.
“Don’t!
Jason, no!”
He slips through my grasp as he rushes at Aidan, who moves
backward through the darkness, past the curtain, and into the bar. He throws
his chin up at me in defiance and shrugs his shoulders.
“What the fuck is your problem, Taylor? You know you’re just
gonna
fuck her and dump her. I’ll pick up your sloppy
seconds, like you did mine. Is she good? It sounded like she was. Is she better
than Skye? You love to get these bitches to suck you off in that fucking
closet, don’t you Taylor?”
Jason shakes with anger. I know he’s going to erupt and
there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it. He throws a quick jab and catches
Aidan in the gut. It knocks the wind out of him, and as he doubles over he
grips onto Jason’s shirt. I hear the fabric tear as he tries to grab his neck
to choke him but Jason pushes him off. He swings his elbow up and hits Jason in
the nose. Jason’s eyes
water,
and blood begins to
trickle out. He throws his fist square at Aidan’s jaw, and I hear the slapping
sound of their flesh meeting. Bones crunch and Aidan lets out some kind of
slurred wail, and as he falls to his knees he grips his face. Jason kicks him
in the stomach as hard as he can, and Aidan falls backward.
I can’t watch this. I feel sick. I push back through the
ring of onlookers drunk on their bloodlust, and find Ben.
“It’s Jason! He’s going to kill Aidan. You have to stop
him!”
Without a word Ben tosses gawkers to the side as he rushes
to stop the brawl. He reaches for Jason and grips his shirt. In his rage, Jason
turns to throw punches at Ben.
“
Yo
, fucking
chill,
Jay! Calm the fuck down! You’re
gonna
kill that guy! Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
When I see the look on Jason’s face, I feel panic begin to
set in. His hands are covered in blood. His shirt is torn. He looks maniacal.
Then I see Aidan. He’s beaten, badly. He moans and tries to
sit up, spitting blood out of his mouth and rubbing his jaw. He’s hurt and it’s
Jason who did that to him.
Some of Aidan’s friends survey the damage and rush at Jason to
get their revenge, but Marc and Ben fend them off. The crowded bar has become a
war zone of people rushing to see what’s happened, as others race toward the
exit.
Lydia pushes through the crowd with the palms of her hands
pressed to the sides of her head, a look of complete panic and confusion on her
face.
“God damn it, Jason! What the fuck happened? Why did you do
this?” She starts crying and turns toward me.
“You!”
She points her finger at me in accusation, lunges at me, and then stops and
collapses into Kat’s arms, sobbing.
Alexa rushes past, her eyes are blazing as she assesses the
damage. “Take him outside now, Ben!” she yells.
The sight and smell of the blood makes me sick and I cover
my mouth. Ben pulled Jason off of Aidan just in time. Jason showed no mercy.
The sound of flesh meeting flesh in such a violent circumstance is something I’d
never witnessed up close before, and it completely repulsed me.
I know why he did it. He did it for me. I’m afraid,
disgusted, and my heart hurts. He scared the hell out of me just now. Tears
begin to stream down my face. It feels as if a truck just hit me.
G
rief washes over me. I’m in love
with him, and he’s so fucked up. I want to go to him, but I stop myself. I want
to run. I want to leave. I need to be alone. I need to think.
Aidan moans and sits up, blood pours from his mouth and
nose. I look to Jason. His chest is heaving and his eyes are wild. They reach
mine and I just want to get away. Lydia emerges from the crowd. She screams at
her brother and then turns to me. Her eyes are filled with fear and anger. She
steps toward me, and I can tell by her expression she thinks this is my fault.
I want to explain to what happened but before I can, she’s wrapped in my arms,
crying. I hear police sirens, and my stomach drops.
Jason’s going to get arrested.
People
start rushing toward the exit, and Alexa comes bursting through the crowd to
try to handle the mayhem. Ben forces Jason out the side door, and I slip Lydia’s
arm over my shoulder and make my way toward the front exit.
“Claire, are you okay?” Tony pushes his way through the
crowd and reaches me and Lydia. “Come with me, I’ll get you out of here.”
He takes my hand and leads us out of the bar, past the
police cruiser. Kat runs up beside us. “Oh, thank God you’re okay, Lydia. What
the hell happened in there? Someone said Jason was fighting?”
“I don’t know what to do. Claire, what should we do?” Lydia
is sobbing and can barely speak.
The worry on her face—the love she has for her brother—now I
see why she’s so passionate about protecting him, because I feel the same way.
I start to panic as I think about what may happen to Jason.
I look toward the alley and see Jason has been handcuffed. A
cop pushes Jason’s head down as he forces him into the cruiser. Before we can
react, the lights go on and he pulls away. I hear another siren and an
ambulance approaches the bar.
Lydia takes a deep
breath in a desperate attempt to calm down. “We need to call my dad. My dad
will help him. Let’s go to our place and figure this out.”
T
he four of
us walk home. I want to help Lydia sort this all out and I want to go to Jason,
but I also feel I need to think about what I’m going to say to him when I see
him.
I know that I’m in love but he
was so violent, and I heard what Aidan said to him. I’m not the first girl he
took into that closet. What if Jason really is just using me, the way he used
all of those other girls?
Lydia is in the kitchen on the phone with her dad. Kat, Tony
and I flop down in the living room. I feel their concerned eyes lingering on me
as I stare at my hands. I feel an arm on my shoulder and look up into Tony’s
face.
“You look pale. Are you all right? Can I get you anything?”
“No. I’m fine. I need to check on Lydia.”
I walk into the kitchen. Lydia’s sitting at the kitchen
table with her head in her hands. She looks up at me and pushes an ashtray
toward me. I definitely need a cigarette right now. I light one and blow the
smoke out as I search her face.
“My dad’s on his way. Claire, what the hell happened?”
“Jason and I were…talking…in the back of the bar, and Aidan
found us. He said some shitty things to Jason, and Jason lost his temper. I
tried to stop him Lydia, I really did…but there was no stopping him.”
“This is bad, Claire. It’s not the first time Jason has been
arrested.”
We’re interrupted by Lydia’s cell phone buzzing.
“Ben, where’s Jason
?…
What happened?…shit.
Fuck…okay. My dad’s coming…no…just go home or come here…okay, bye.” Lydia ends
the call and turns to face me. “He’s in jail.”
“What should we do?”
“I don’t know. Ben’s coming here, and we’re
gonna
go down to the precinct. Maybe we can bail him out.
My dad will help us when he gets there.”
She stands up and looks down at me. I put out my cigarette
and stand to face her.
“You know how much I love my brother. He’s my whole life.
But I want you to know I love you too, and I’m sorry I blamed you for the
fight. I know it wasn’t your fault. Jason would have done the same for me, if
he thought I was being threatened.”
“I have to tell you something—I know it’s been a little
weird for you, with Jason and I being together, but you have to know how much I
care about him.”
She cocks her head to the side. “What are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying that I love him. I’m in love with Jason.”
She puts her arms around me, and we stand in the kitchen
holding each other for what feels like forever.
Ben bursts through the back door with Alana in tow. My arms are
replaced with his as he hugs Lydia, and she starts to cry again. Lydia looks
like a tiny doll, dwarfed in Ben’s embrace.
“Claire, Jason wanted me to tell you he’s sorry,” he says.
“Is he all right?”
“He’s pretty bloodied up, but I think he’ll be okay. Let’s
go get our boy.”
Kat comes in and takes Lydia’s hand.
She looks to me. “Are you coming, Claire?”
I open and shut my mouth several times. I want to go to him,
but I need to think about what happened, and honestly, I’m afraid to see Jason
in jail. I won’t be able to handle it.
“
It’s
okay, Claire. He’ll
understand.” Lydia lays a hand on my shoulder, and Ben looks confused.
“I just need to think. I’m sorry.” I’m sure I’m disappointing
them. I’m Jason’s girlfriend. I should be there for him.
“It’s okay. I’ll call you later,” Lydia says.
The four of them walk out the door, and I instantly feel
regret. I should have gone, but what’s done is done. I’m hit with a wave of
exhaustion, and I feel hung-over. My head feels as if someone bashed it with a
sledgehammer, and I can barely stand up.
I walk into the living room. “I need to sleep,” I mutter.
Tony nods. “Okay. I’m just downstairs if you need me.”
I lock the door behind him, and crawl into bed. I want to
talk to my mama. It’s late, but I pick up my cell and call her.
“Honey, how are you?”
“I’m all right, mama. I’m really tired…and I just need to
talk to someone.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.
I’m fine. Everything is good
here. I met a guy.”
“You did? That’s great. What’s he like?”
“He’s a musician. He’s smart…he’s like a genius, actually.
We have a lot in common…and he’s gorgeous.”
“Well, that sounds like a deadly combination.”
“You don’t even know the half of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. He’s very passionate—about everything. He’s
intense. His mama died of cancer a few years ago, and he’s still pretty messed
up from it. He got into a fight tonight. He got arrested.”
“Oh, no.
Guys tend to do that sort
of thing when they’re young, but it must be awful for you and for him. Part of
gaining maturity is learning how to handle conflicts. It doesn’t seem like he’s
learned that lesson yet. How do you feel about this boy, exactly? I mean, how
long have you known him?”
“He’s Lydia’s brother actually, I met him as soon as I got
here.”
“…and how do you feel about him?”
“I really like him. My hair stands up when I see him. I’ve
never felt like this before.”
“It sounds like you’re head over heels for this boy. Do you
think you love him?”
“It’s crazy, mom, but I feel like I do. I’m just afraid he
may not feel the same way.”
“Well, you won’t know until you talk to him. I do think you
need to consider how his impulsiveness may affect you, though. If you decide
you want to go for it, lay it all on the line. We both know life is too short
to not tell people how you feel about them.”
“Thanks, mama. I feel a little bit better now.”
“Good honey. Keeping emotions bottled up is never good. They
always explode eventually. Let me know how it goes.”
“I will. I love you.”
“Love you too, sweetie.”
I end the call and see that my battery is about to die, but
I don’t even have the strength to plug it in to charge. I pull my blanket up
over my head and place my phone near my pillow. I need to rest…just for a
little while.
The sun glares into my eyes when I open them. My neck is
stiff, and I have to pee. I slept through the night. I look at my phone—and see
it’s
dead.
I plug it in to the charger. I’m
still wearing my clothes from last night. I peel them off, grab my robe, and
head into the shower.
I feel so anxious and afraid. I want to know if Jason’s is
okay, but I’m terrified to speak to him. I feel as if my chest is bursting. As
soon as I see him the floodgate will open, and I’ll want to tell him
everything—that I love him and it terrifies me, and
he
terrifies me, and he makes my body feel things I’ve never felt
before.
When I leave the
bathroom I hear the phone buzzing.
I rush to pick it up. I have a
million texts and voicemails, and they’re all from Jason.
I read and listen to apology after
apology from him. His voice grows more desperate as time passes. I want to get
my head on straight before I see him again, but I need to know that he’s okay.
I sit down on the bed to call him back.
He picks up after half a ring.
“Claire, I’m so sorry about what happened! I’m sorry you had
to see that—”
“I’m not angry. I was just…overwhelmed.
And
a little scared.
Are you okay?”
“My hand is messed up, but other than that, I’m fine.”
“Did you have to stay in jail?”
“My dad bailed me out in the middle of the night. I hate
that he had to do that. It’s like I’m proving him right when I fuck up like
this, and he has to deal with all of the bullshit.”