A Free Man of Color (6 page)

JACQUES CORNET
You think I want your wives? I’ve had your wives. You knot of mouth-friends! Henceforth, hated be! These men once groveled at my feet. A coded message arrives. They suddenly hold back. I need to play a role in this Hobbesian juggernaut called history. I need to know where I fit?

Jacques Cornet’s bedroom. Murmur and Dr. T appear.

JACQUES CORNET
Why won’t the men of this town answer my friendship?

DR. T
For starters, you don’t look the same as they do.

JACQUES CORNET
I should hope not.

DR. T
Look at your clothes.

MURMUR
Look at theirs. You’re the only parade in town.

JACQUES CORNET
A good parade pleases everyone.

DR. T
Not your kind of parade, brazenly trampling every bystander. If you want acceptance, purge yourself of all outward signs of foppery. The man of the nineteenth century no longer stands out. He dresses in black.

JACQUES CORNET
The color of Satan?

DR. T
(
snatching off Jacques’s peruke
)
And men now show their scalps.

JACQUES CORNET
(
putting the wig back on his head
)
Have men no modesty? Give this up? I’d as soon forfeit an arm or a leg or—

MURMUR
Or what?

JACQUES CORNET
The only scepter I allow to rule me.

DR. T
Now that you mention it. Another motive for men’s alarm is that sea monster of yours lurking beneath the waves, waiting to attack their wives.

JACQUES CORNET
What are you talking about?

DR. T
The arm of a five-year-old boy holding out an apple.

MURMUR
Flamingoes flying home and some guy’s wife being the nest.

JACQUES CORNET
Apples? Flamingoes?

DR. T
Jacques. Your endowments are legendary.

JACQUES CORNET
That? Don’t all men have one?

MURMUR
Every country has a river but not all are the Mississippi.

JACQUES CORNET
I am so alone in the world.

MURMUR
You have us, boss.

JACQUES CORNET
But you have no power. They do. I merely want their faith.

DR. T
Faith? Faith? Look at your wife, your women. You don’t know the first thing about faith.

JACQUES CORNET
You err, Dr. T. I never showed more faith then when my father was on his deathbed with his estate unsettled. I sat by his side. I flattered. I cajoled. I echoed his thoughts. His jokes were my jokes. His opinions mine. I became as his mirror. That faith bought me my freedom and my power.

MURMUR
If you named me in your will, I’d be lapping your face.

JACQUES CORNET
Don’t you now?

MURMUR
Sure—but my teeth wouldn’t be gritted.

JACQUES CORNET
Ahh! The idea uncanny! Suppose I were to die and each man thought he were my sole heir?

MURMUR
Die?

JACQUES CORNET
If I unleashed word that I lingered in the neighborhood of death . . . and left a will. Yes! I will make every man in New Orleans think he is my sole heir. Yes! After a jealous husband shot me for seducing his wife and left me in the gutter like an empty champagne bottle. I’m about to hover in the shady land between life and death. (
He pulls out pen and paper
) My last will and testament: Being of sound mind but not of body, I leave all my worldly goods to . . . ta ta tah—ta ta ah! Fill in the names of Morales—Harcourt—Dorilante—Sparks. Find each man in private. Tell him not to share word of this largesse with any other man.

DR. T
You’ve gone mad.

JACQUES CORNET
I’ve gone sane! I will rid myself of everything that puts a space between me and them. The name of my play is now
A Free Man of Color or the Things We Do for Power.

Napoleon in military splendor appears, followed by Tallyrand.

TALLYRAND
The luck of Napoleon. The slave rebellion in
Sante Domingue
is there for your cover. You will sail your ships to the Indies merely to put down this tiresome rebellion. Mission accomplished in a few days. You sail up the Caribbean into the Gulf of Mexico. Possess New Orleans, the mouth of the Mississippi. The birth of
Nouvelle France!

NAPOLEON
Napoleona!

TALLYRAND
The name is immaterial. The money not.

NAPOLEON
I can’t leave France now.

TALLYRAND
Then send your brother-in-law to lead the fleet.

DR. T
General le Clerc, known by one and all, behind his back, as the Blond Bonaparte, bounces on.

GENEAL LE CLERC
bounces on.

LE CLERC
I sail wherever you say, Citizen Consul, except—

NAPOLEON
You hesitate?

LE CLERC
May I tell a secret, which in no way reflects upon my unchallenged manhood? Scorpions. I’m told in the Indies you step out of bed, scorpions wait.

Josephine appears.

JOSEPHINE
In
Martinique,
we placed the legs of the bed in pans of water so the scorpions could not crawl in. Pans of water from bed to toilet to desk. We hopped from pan to pan and quite loved the exercise. Pans of water and you’re safe.

LE CLERC
Hop? Hop? Hop? The West Indies will be such fun.

The French contingent goes. Enter Jefferson and Meriwether.

JEFFERSON
Instruct Robert Livingston to get here! I’m sending him to France at once!

Meriwether brings on
LIVINGSTON,
who listens through an ear trumpet.

DR. T
Robert Livingston appears. The scion of one of the richest, oldest families in the United States.

LIVINGSTON
Go where?

JEFFERSON
Paris?

LIVINGSTON
Harris?

JEFFERSON
Paris, France.

LIVINGSTON
I’m Minister to France.

JEFFERSON
I’m appointing you Minister Plenipotentiary!

LIVINGSTON
Put me in a penitentiary?

JEFFERSON
I’m giving you more powers!

LIVINGSTON
Flowers?

JEFFERSON
(
in Livingston’s ear trumpet
)
You must stop France from taking New Orleans!

LIVINGSTON
What about New Orleans?

Meriwether wheels in a blackboard with the words
FRANCE NOW OWNS NEW ORLEANS
written in large letters.

LIVINGSTON
France now owns New Orleans! Never!

JEFFERSON
Get New Orleans! I authorize you to spend up to two million dollars.

LIVINGSTON
I don’t speak any French.

JEFFERSON
Money is the great translator.

The American contingent goes.

JACQUES CORNET
Murmur, put out word that I have burned my wardrobe. You say men fear me with their wives? Dr. T, you will tell New Orleans that in checking my physique,
post actus reus
, you were shocked to find an absence.

MURMUR
That? You’re talking about that?

JACQUES CORNET
Yes. A gunshot has removed the skeleton key that once fit all the locks of Louisiana. Now may I have, by the reputation of a eunuch, the privileges of one; and be trusted with information by the lords of the town. Murmur, bring me my pistol. (
Murmur goes.
) Doctor T, you’ll make the announcement? My conspiracy will need verification.

DR. T
Hippocrates will reach down and slay me.

JACQUES CORNET
Hippocrates will applaud. (
Murmur returns with the pistol.
) Murmur, do your job.

Murmur cocks the pistol and kneels. Dr. T holds up Jacques Cornet’s breeches.

JACQUES CORNET
(
cont
.)
Farewell, all senseless thoughts of remorse.

I would remove what e’er would stop my course.

Murmur shoots between the legs.

JACQUES CORNET
(
cont
.)
Oh, Murmur, say that the brigand took two shots.

Murmur shoots again. Dr. T holds up the silk breeches marred by two bullet wounds at the groin. Jacques Cornet is very pleased.

JACQUES CORNET
(
cont
.)
I am as that fiery star the sun.

I decree what plants will grow or not.

No man uproots me and plants me in
his
pot!

Born to myself, I like myself alone.

Murmur, bring my
flaçon
of
eau de cologne
.

The Haydn plays. Jacques Cornet, Murmur and Dr. T bow to us. Murmur draws the curtain closed.

ACT ONE CURTAIN

ACT TWO

The Ball. Music and dancing. The gun shot. Everyone stops. Then they resume dancing. The second gun shot. A moment of alarm. Then everyone returns to the spirit of the ball. Margery enters, costumed as a boy and carrying a mask.

MARGERY
(
to us
)
What a world of fine folks here is. But I don’t see the gentleman that loves me. I have got the Louisiana disease they call love. When I think of my husband, I have the inclination to vomit, but when I think of my dear mystery man, my hot fever comes, and I am in a fever indeed and need to be where he is. Oh sick sick. Where? There!

Margery throws herself at a masked man. It’s Pincepousse.

PINCEPOUSSE
You’ll not dance with any man. Tonight
you’re
a man.

MARGERY
I’ll yet find the man who owns my soul.

Dr. T enters, carrying Jacques’ shot-up breeches.

DR. T
(
quiet, to Morales
)
Someone has shot Jacques Cornet.

MORALES
Is he dead?

DR. T
In a manner of speaking.

MORALES
(
shock, then glee
)
Tell it to me again.

DR. T
And I trust you to tell no one this humiliating event.

MORALES
No one. My oath.

DR. T
Naturally, the news travels.

Morales runs to Pincepousse and whispers.

PINCEPOUSSE
Thank God!

HARCOURT
I have an alibi!

ALCIBIADE
I better have an alibi!

PINCEPOUSSE
I don’t want an alibi.

CREUX
Is no man safe in New Orleans?

DOÑA POLISSENA
You’re safe, dear. You’re safe.

DOÑA SMERELDA
God cannot be so cruel!

MRS. SPARKS
My joy is amputated!

LADY HARCOURT
I am buried alive!

DOÑA SMERALDA
Suicide!

MME DORILANTE
My life is over!

DOÑA SMERALDA
(
to Dr. T
)
There’s nothing you can do?

DR. T
(
showing her the breeches
)
The pistol’s aim was impeccable.

Doña Smeralda is inconsolable.

MORALES
Another jereboam of champagne!

THE MEN
Let’s toast!

ALCIBIADE
Let’s raise a statue to the man who did it.

PYTHAGORE
No! Raise a statue to Cornet.

HARCOURT
Will it be before or after his loss?

PYTHAGORE
After! A great wind will blow through its lower portions!

HARCOURT
Has he truly become a
berdache
?

SPARKS
A what?

HARCOURT
A
berdache
is a North American Indian transvestite. Let’s call Jacques
Berdache!

DORILANTE
Berdache! Berdache!

MORALES
(
to Pincepousse
)
Nova Spania
lives! Get Jacques’ money before it’s too late.

PINCEPOUSSE
(
nodding
)
Where is Margery? Margery!

Pincepousse finds Margery and drags her out. Murmur enters, carrying a number of wills.

DR. T
Murmur arrives. He takes each of the husbands aside.

MURMUR
(
to each, separately distributing the wills
)
Supreme Intendante.

Mr. Sparks.

Monsieur Dorilante.

Harcourt.

Read the final wishes from the pen of a dying man.

MORALES
(
reads
)
A last will and testament? Good god!

DORILANTE
(
reads
)
I am his sole heir!

SPARKS
(
reads
)
He leaves me everything?

HARCOURT
(
reads
)
His fortune comes to me?

MURMUR
The wax is warm yet and the ink scarce dry upon the parchment.

SPARKS
By what good chance, sweet Murmur?

DORILANTE
Why would heaven befriend me?

HARCOURT
Are you sure?

MURMUR
Your dessert, sir; I know no second cause.

I oft have heard Jacques say, how he admired You.

You.

You.

You.

So wise, so grave; when every word

your worship but lets fall, is a pearl of great price.

MORALES
’Tis true.

SPARKS
He sees me as I am.

DORILANTE
I loved the man!

HARCOURT
How much money does Jacques Cornet have?

MURMUR
Enough to sink a sloop.

HARCOURT
Or let one sail. How can I be of service while he lives?

DORILANTE
How may I show my gratitude before death snatches him away?

SPARKS
—let the man know I loved him?

MORALES
—give comfort in his last hours?

MURMUR
My master has heard of
Nova Spania
and would like to play a part in it—if he lives.

MORALES
How did he know about
Nova Spania?

MURMUR
His half-brother?

MORALES
Of course! That dolt. I must not let Pincepousse know I am the sole heir to Jacques Cornet. Tell Jacques he won’t miss the love business. Very overrated.

MURMUR
(
to Sparks
)
All my dying master wants in return is to become a friend of Thomas Jefferson! Supreme Councilor of Democracy!

SPARKS
A goodly title if posthumous. I shall arrange that.

HARCOURT
(
to Murmur
)
Tell your master King George would be proud to count him as an ally and give him an honor. Knight of the Silver Stick? Yes, I love it.

MURMUR
And tell no other man this news.

MORALES
No one.

SPARKS
No one.

HARCOURT
No one.

DORILANTE
No one. Jacques Cornet

HARCOURT
shall be an integral part

SPARKS
of the future of

MORALES/SPARKS/DORILANTE/HARCOURT
New Orleans!

SPARKS
Look! What’s that fire!

DORILANTE
Murmur, a fire rages outside your master’s window!

MURMUR
No worry. My master is simply burning his entire wardrobe and dressing in black. His last words to me were “oh men of New Orleans, how beautiful to dress as they do!”

HARCOURT
I knew he’d come to his senses.

THE MEN
Berdache! Berdache!

The men cackle triumphantly and go.

Jacques Cornet’s bedroom, filled with flowers. Jacques Cornet, Murmur, and Dr. T enter, laughing.

JACQUES CORNET
Isn’t it the most wondrous fun? Do tell me again Murmur, and pour that champagne.

MURMUR
(
as they drink
)
Morales said this love business is overrated.

JACQUES CORNET
At least by the impotent.

MURMUR
And look at the flowers you’ve received!

“From your best friend.”

DR. T
“I have written to Napoleon”

MURMUR
“To the people of
Nova Spania
”

DR. T
“To Jefferson”

MURMUR
“From one who adores you”

JACQUES CORNET
Are these from the wives or the husbands?

A sudden knock at the door, alarming Jacques Cornet and Dr. T.

MURMUR
I have told everyone you may receive no visitors. (
to the door
) Whom that?

Pincepousse appears in the antechamber with a cranky Margery.

PINCEPOUSSE
(
to Murmur
)
I wish to talk to my brother and reconcile with him before he dies. I know he’s in there!
Jacques Cornet and Dr. T burst into laughter.

DR. T
Get into bed! Remember the part you have chosen. I must go now and make my reports.

JACQUES CORNET
What state am I in?

DR. T
Feverish.

JACQUES CORNET
(
getting into bed
)
I can do that.

Dr. T goes into the antechamber.

PINCEPOUSSE
Doctor Toutou, are you going to prepare the funeral?

DR. T
He’s hanging on by a silken thread.

MARGERY
I don’t want to see any man who’s had his whoosiz shot off.

PINCEPOUSSE
You wait outside!

MARGERY
I don’t want to wait outside!

PINCEPOUSSE
What will I do with her?

DR. T
Take her in with you. Every man in New Orleans is safe.

JACQUES CORNET
My half-brother is the only man who offers me nothing. But his country wife is another matter.

Pincepousse and Margery come quietly into the “sick” room.

JACQUES CORNET
(
cont
.) (
in a daze
)
Dies iræ, dies illa, dies calamitatis et miseriæ
.

Murmur swings incense and joins in the dirge in a jazzy riff. Murmur exits as Pincepousse goes to Jacques Cornet’s bedside.

PINCEPOUSSE
I hate him so I am paralyzed. First of all, let me be brief. The subject is money.

JACQUES CORNET
You’re giving me money? How dear.

PINCEPOUSSE
No!

MARGERY
(
to us
)
But that’s the man for who it is I search! He’s the one the bullet found? My luck to find my dream the day he lost
his
luck.

JACQUES CORNET
Prithee, who is this pretty young gentleman? Come closer.

PINCEPOUSSE
Don’t move! I possess a most magnificent map that will reveal the passage to the west—But it comes at a price.

JACQUES CORNET
No more maps. I’m staying home and doing needlepoint. (
to Margery
) Are you the wife forced to wear your brother’s clothes or are you the brother forced to wear your sister’s? What a complicated family life you lead. Come closer.

PINCEPOUSSE
Go to him. Don’t dilly–dally. Tell him you want money.

Margery reluctantly goes to his bedside.

MARGERY
(
by rote
)
I’m very sorry for the event what has befallen—

Jacques puts her hand under the sheets.

MARGERY
(
after a moment
)
Oh! ’tis like being at sea for many days and you’re sure there’s nothing there until one day a sailor in the crow’s nest cries out “Land Ho!” Land Ho!!

JACQUES CORNET
Since I’d never kiss a lad, would you give the bride your sister this humble kiss from me?

PINCEPOUSSE
Hurry—get it over with—Now about the money for the map—(
Margery kisses Jacques over and over. Jacques returns the favor.
) May ten thousand ulcers gnaw away their lips! How she gazes on him! (
pulls her away
) (
to Jacques
) Sir, I need money—

JACQUES CORNET
Methinks he is so handsome he should not be a man. Are you sure you’re a man?

PINCEPOUSSE
(
twisting her arm
)
Tell him you’re a man. Say it! say it!

MARGERY
I am no woman. (
whispers
) I am! I am!

JACQUES CORNET
And tell your husband I am no man.

MARGERY
He’s not. He’s not.—You are! You are!

PINCEPOUSSE
Brother to brother, will you give me the money?

JACQUES CORNET
Have you heard word of Napoleon and New Orleans?

PINCEPOUSSE
What a ridiculous thought.

JACQUES CORNET
Liar. His wife will tell me what he knows.—Murmur, as Cain said to Abel, get me my bag of walking around money. (
Murmur goes
) Too many visitors. I need air. Pray leave me your wife’s brother whilst Murmur gets your gold?

PINCEPOUSSE
Be a good boy!

Pincepousse runs out. Margery jumps into bed.

MARGERY
They told me you were beautiful but they didn’t tell me you were this beautiful.

They go under the covers. Dr. T appears.

DR. T
Meanwhile, Livingston in Paris has a much harder time trying to meet Napoleon.

Enter Livingston.

LIVINGSTON
Has Spain given you Louisiana?

Talleyrand appears.

TALLYRAND
I hope such lavish rumors haven’t sent you across the sea?

LIVINGSTON
—Liar.

TALLYRAND
Your French is execrable.

Exit Talleyrand.

LIVINGSTON
I will not leave this spot till I speak to Napoleon!

Livingston goes. Enter Jefferson, Meriwether, Toussaint, and Le Clerc.

DR. T
At the same time, Washington, D.C., and Santo Domingo both find themselves in turmoil.

MERIWETHER
Sir! Napoleon’s fleet has anchored at the eastern end of Santo Domingo.

TOUSSAINT
I’ve never seen so large a fleet before.

LE CLERC
We arrive. We wait. We prepare.