Troy watched as she pulled at her hair and walked in a circle, trying to figure out what she should do. She approached him aggressively and said, “I'll do it!”
Troy smiled. “I thought so. Now, get in the car so I can take you home.”
Tasha glared at him. “No, thanks. I'll walk!”
Amra looked in the mirror, and for the first time, she saw the signs of the disease all in her face.
How did I do this to myself?
she asked herself.
How stupid can I be? I've been having sex with so many different men. I never thought this would happen to me. I wish I could just take it all back.
Amra felt empty inside. While she was struggling to save her mother's life, she had been willingly killing herself slowly over time.
I don't even know who gave it to me,
she thought as she stared at her reflection in despair.
Why did this happen to me?
She tried to retrace her steps to find out where the disease had come from, but didn't know where to start. She was promiscuous before she came to Flint, and didn't know if she had just caught it, or if she had been passing it along for years. She'd never even thought to ask men to use a condom, knowing that once they got a taste of her loving, it would be her payday.
I'm paying alright. I'm dying!
Amra was so lost and confused. It didn't make sense to her.
How can I have AIDS?
She gripped the sink and slumped slowly onto the floor and curled up tightly in a ball. She closed her eyes and prayed that she would wake up and it would all be a bad dream. “Please, God, help me!” she pleaded as she rocked back and forth. She didn't understand why this was happening to her.
Amra didn't want anyone to know. She thought about what people would think about her.
I can't tell anybody, not even Tasha.
She was feeling so many different things; she was embarrassed, afraid of dying, and in a state of shock. Catching AIDS never crossed her mind. It always seemed like something that she heard about but never encountered. But now the reality was hitting home. Now she was the one infected with the deadly disease, and it was killing her that she could have prevented it.
Tasha walked into the house, crying hard. She was confused and afraid, but most of all, she didn't want to be the one to help nab Joe.
I didn't even know he was dealing drugs like that. I mean, I knew he had money, I just never thought he was in the game this big.
Tasha saw Mimi and Tammy in the living room watching TV. She walked past them without saying anything and headed straight to Honey's room.
Honey was doing her hair when Tasha walked in. she could see Tasha's reflection in the mirror and immediately saw her red eyes and pale skin. “What happened?” She turned around to face her friend.
“Joe . . . it's Joe,” Tasha started. “Troy wants me to help him arrest Joe. I saw him today. They call him âJamaica' in Flint.”
Honey's mouth dropped to the floor, and her mind began to race.
I can't believe this shit! Tasha better not try to fuck us over to save him. She has to do this.
“What are you going to do?”
Tasha shrugged her shoulders. “I don't know. I don't think I can do this, especially not to him.”
“You have to do this. It's not a choice. You have to think about everybody in the situation, Tasha. If it was me or Amra or Mimi, we would do it, but for some reason the cop chose you, so you got to do this. You have to get Keys' murder to disappear.”
Tasha knew what she had to do and didn't need Honey drumming it into her head. “I know!” she yelled.
Honey watched her leave the room.
She better stop tripping.
Honey wasn't trying to go to jail because Tasha couldn't bring herself to go against her boyfriend. She wasn't having that at all.
The only reason we even robbed Keys was to get them that damn money for Ms. Pat. So she needs to remember that shit and handle this.
Tasha made her way to her room and sat down and thought about Joe. She wanted to warn him. She wanted to tell him about Troy blackmailing her, but she knew that he would not be able to get her out of this.
I helped kill a man, and now I have to turn Joe in to cover it up.
She decided to lie down and take a nap before she went out that night with Joe.
Maybe I'll wake up with a clearer head
.
Amra entered the room and was glad to see that Tasha was asleep. She didn't feel like talking to anyone. She just wanted to be left alone, to deal with her own problems without hearing about anybody else's. She walked over to her bed and picked up her cell phone. She dialed her mother's number and waited anxiously as the phone rang.
“Hello?” Ms. Pat answered.
Amra smiled at the sound of her mother's voice. It felt good to hear it. She instantly wished she'd called more often. “Hi, Ma,” Amra said in between sobs, as her tears began to flow again.
Ms. Pat knew her daughter like the back of her hand, and could tell that something was bothering her. “What's wrong, baby?”
“Nothing. I just miss talking to you. I miss home.” Amra had already decided not to tell her mother that she'd contracted the deadly virus. She talked to her mother for a couple hours, saying all the things she normally wouldn't say. She wanted her mother to know exactly how she felt about her.
Ms. Pat could tell that something was wrong. She just didn't know exactly what it was.
“I love you, Ma,” Amra said. It was something she had avoided saying for a long time.
I do love you, Momma,
she thought as she listened to her mother talk on the other end of the phone.
Amra talked to her mother for more than three hours that day. She told her mother everything that she had neglected to say over the years. She wanted to make sure that her mother knew that she appreciated her. They had experienced their share of arguments and differences, but Ms. Pat had never failed to be there for her daughter. Now that Amra knew she was dying, she wanted to be close to the woman who had brought her into the world.
It's something I should have done a long time ago.
She regretted all the times she had taken her mother for granted.
Amra hung up the phone and crawled underneath her covers. Exhausted, she just wanted to lie down and relax for a while. She looked at Tasha sleeping soundly in her bed, and wished she had listened to her when she had tried to tell her to calm down.
You were right. I should have been smart. All the niggas I've had sex with weren't worth my life.
Chapter Eighteen
T
asha woke up from her nap and looked at the clock that sat on the nightstand that stood between her and Amra's bed. It was only six in the evening, so she had a lot of time before she called Joe. She looked over at Amra, who was lying on her stomach and writing in a diary. Tasha stood up and stretched her arms. “When did you start keeping a journal?”
Amra shrugged her shoulders. “I don't know. Right now, I have too many thoughts to keep them all in my head.”
Tasha could see there was something bothering her. “Are you alright?” she asked, genuinely concerned.
“Yeah, I'm good,” Amra whispered.
Tasha knew she was lying, but she had too many problems of her own to be worried about Amra's.
Amra wanted to tell Tasha about her disease, but she didn't want anyone feeling sorry for her.
I don't need sympathy right now. I don't know what I need, but I know I don't need people turning their noses up at me, judging me.
Amra didn't know how she was supposed to feel.
What am I supposed to say? I'm dying, and there is nothing I can do about it?
She tried not to think about it and was trying to live a normal life, but she looked at stuff differently now that her days on this earth were numbered.
Every single thought that popped into her mind was followed by the thought,
I'm dying
, or
I have AIDS
. She had no one to turn to and was too embarrassed to share her secret with anyone else. It wasn't something that she wanted the world to know. And even though she desperately needed someone to talk to and a shoulder to lean on, it was a secret that she would take to her grave.
Honey peeped her head inside Tasha's room and knocked on the door, snapping Amra out of her thoughts. Amra looked up and saw Honey walk into the room.
“Tasha, can I talk to you for a minute?”
Tasha didn't really feel like talking to Honey. Every time she tried to talk to her about Troy, Honey just added unwanted pressure to the situation. Tasha knew that Honey would say what she needed to say.
“Amra, can we have a minute?” Honey asked.
Amra nodded her head. “I'll be in the living room with Mimi.”
After Amra left the room, Honey sat down across from Tasha. “So, what are you doing tonight?”
“Honey, come on now. Cut the bullshit. I know you. You didn't have Amra leave the room so you could ask me what I got up for tonight.”
“Okay, you're right. I want to know what you're going to do about Joe. I mean, I know how you feel about him, but you have to help the detective get him.”
“I don't know what I'm going to do about him. I know I love himâ”
“Love ain't got shit to do with it. Tasha, we are hot right now. This is the only way to resolve it.”
Tasha looked Honey in the eye. “Resolve it? It's funny how you keep telling me to fix this. It's real fucked up how it's up to me to make this right. I'm not the only one who was at Keys' house that night.” Tasha was furious. Honey was living her regular life, and Amra and Mimi were clueless about the situation, all while she was trying to clean up their mess.
Honey stood up and got in Tasha's face. “You're the one who set Keys up in the first place,” she said, pointing her finger in Tasha's face. “We only robbed him so that you and Amra could get the money for Ms. Pat. Then, you fucked up and only gave him one pill. If you would have given him both, he never would have woken up, and Amra never would have killed him. You got us into this bullshit, so you need to get us out. Fuck Joe! That nigga ain't done shit for you. We're the ones who had your back and been there when you needed us, not him.” Honey walked out of the room.
Tasha plopped down on her bed in despair.
She's right. I did get us into this.
She picked up her cell phone and dialed Joe's number.
“Hello?”
Tasha wanted to hang up the phone. She didn't want to go through with Troy's plan, but she didn't have a choice. “Hi, it's me,” she said sweetly.
“What up? Are you ready?”
“No, I was just calling you to tell you I will be ready at nine.” She gave him directions to the house.
“Alright, I'll see you then.”
Tasha hung up the phone and walked over to her dresser and stared at her reflection in the mirror.
I can do this.
Honey couldn't believe that Tasha would even think about betraying her. She never thought that Tasha would fuck her over, but she knew how she felt about Joe.
I have to find a way to get out of this shit, just in case she doesn't go through with it.
Honey refused to go to jail for some shit that she didn't do.
I'm not the one who killed Keys.
Honey thought hard about how she could fix their dilemma. She didn't know if Tasha could go through with it, and didn't want to leave it up to chance.
I need to think of a Plan-B. Amra and Mimi don't even know about it. I still don't think that they need to know. I have to figure this out on my own. The less they know, the better. They will just panic and confuse things even more.
She regretted helping to rob Keys, but at the time, her friends needed her, which was why she'd agreed to do it.
I wouldn't be caught up in this shit now
.
Tasha looked in the mirror, hoping that the outfit she had chosen looked as good as she thought it did. She rubbed her sweaty hands together and took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. She didn't want Joe to pick up on her vibe.
He should be here any minute.
She closed her eyes.
I can do this.
Her cell phone rang loudly, jolting her already rattled nerves. “Hello?”
“You remember what you have to do, right?”
Tasha grimaced when she heard Troy's deep voice on the other end of the phone. “Yeah, I know.”
“Tasha, remember what's at stake. I want a conviction.” Troy got off on putting drug dealers behind bars. “I want something that can put him away for a long time. I want you to find out who he's getting it from, when he's getting it, and where it's going down. That's your job, understood?”
Tasha listened to Troy's commands, and instantly began to feel like a traitor. “I understand.” She hung up her phone and put it on vibrate. Just as she was about to put the phone in her purse, it vibrated.
What the fuck does he want?
“Hello?”
“I'm outside your crib. You ready?”
The sound of Joe's voice made her smile. “I'm on my way out.”
Tasha walked out of her room and bumped into Honey on the way out the door. Both girls stopped and stared each other down before going on their way.
Tasha smiled when she saw Joe waiting at the curb in a black Mercedes Benz. He reached over the seat and opened the door, and when she hopped in, he pulled off. He dropped the top down, and Tasha's hair blew in the wind. They cruised through the city streets, enjoying each other's company. The night was perfect.
Joe reached over and grabbed her hand. “Why are you so quiet?”
Tasha intertwined her fingers in his. “Sorry. I just got a lot on my mind.”
“You want to talk about it?”
Tasha shook her head no, and sat back in her seat, trying to relax.
“Where you wanna go? I don't really know much about Flint. You tell me what's up.”
“A new club on the North Side just opened not too long ago. We can go there.”
Joe nodded his head and punched the gas, causing Tasha's head to jerk back. She started to laugh and threw her hands in the air, letting the wind rush between her fingers.
After they pulled into the parking lot of the club, Joe cut off the car. He hit the hazard lights and then hit the AC button, and a small compartment popped out of the dashboard. He reached into his waistline and put his gun and a couple stacks of money inside.
Tasha laughed. “You got some ol' James Bond type shit going on.”
Joe smiled. “Come on.”
The club had a mellow vibe when they walked in. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. They found a table and sat down, and Joe ordered a bottle of Merlot.
“Why did you come to Flint?”
Joe sat back in his chair. “A business venture.”
Tasha shook her head and sipped on the wine. She was nervous. She hadn't been around Joe in months, and it felt different. “So, you plan on staying here?”
“Nah. When the money runs out, I'm gone.”
Tasha reached across the table and grabbed Joe's hands. “I missed you.”
Joe was quiet for a moment. “I missed you too. I thought about you a lot after you left.”
Tasha put her head down and instantly felt a streak of guilt. “I thought about you too. It's like I've been counting the days until I can come home.”
Joe looked her in the eye. “What's stopping you?”
Tasha froze for a moment, not knowing how to answer his question. In her mind, she was saying,
I have to help set you up.
“Business.”
Joe laughed. “Business, huh?”
Tasha smiled. “What? You the only person who got stuff to handle?”
Joe shook his head and didn't reply.
After Tasha stopped thinking about setting Joe up, she relaxed, and they had a good time. They talked and caught up on old times. Everything he did reminded her of why she was so infatuated with him. The way he walked, talked, dressed . . . just everything about him had her hooked. Joe told her about what was happening back home, and she listened closely. She missed the sound of his voice.
They sat in the club for a couple hours, but when it got too crowded. they decided to leave. Joe took Tasha back to his hotel. She walked into the room and sat down on the bed. She smiled to herself as she watched Joe walk over to her. She loved his brown complexion and his strong jawbone.
Out of the blue, Tasha asked, “When I come back home, will you still be waiting for me?”
Joe sat down next to her. “I ain't gon' lie to you. I have been with other women since you left. It doesn't mean shit though. I don't know . . . it's something about you. Them other bitches don't mean shit to me. They can't compare to you.”
Tasha's heart dropped when Joe said that he had been with other women, even though she didn't really expect him to wait.
Joe saw the look of disappointment spread across her face. “When you get back, it's me and you.”
Tasha smiled and kissed him on his cheek. “I love you, Joe.”
Joe lightly wiped away the tear that slid down Tasha's face. He lay down on his back. Tasha lay beside him and put her head against his chest. She could hear his heart beating, and the rhythmic thud soothed her as she snuggled close to his body. He put his arm around her body and held her.
“We should go back home,” Tasha whispered.
“I got business here. I can't just up and leave right now, ma.” He kissed the top of her head, and Tasha closed her eyes and sighed deeply.
They lay together in silence, enjoying the time they were spending together. Hours passed, and they didn't speak. All they did was hold each other. Tasha held onto Joe as if her life depended on it. It felt good to be near him. It was the first time she felt safe since leaving Flint.
“I love you,” she said.
When Joe didn't respond, Tasha sat up and looked at him. He was knocked out and looked too peaceful to wake. She kissed him softly on the lips, and then got up and took a cab back to Tammy's house.