A Good Killing

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For my sisters, Kerry and Tracey,

my best friends and most biased witnesses

Since the house is on fire, let us warm ourselves.

—ITALIAN PROVERB

1

W
hen I was fifteen, my favorite place in the world was the high-jump setup at the school track. The bar provided a simple obstacle with a certain solution. You either cleared it or you didn’t. In a world of tangled problems with knotty answers, that was bliss.

I guess it all started out on that field, the summer before my sophomore year. That’s when I fell in love with Owen Fowler. I never could hide how much I wanted that man.

That’s why everyone immediately thought I murdered him. Watch any TV crime show, and the person who says “I couldn’t have killed him—I loved him!” is the one who did it.
Nothing fuels hate like love gone wrong. So when the coach went up in flames, people naturally looked to see if I was holding the match. But I swear: I didn’t kill him.

You don’t believe me, Annie, I can see it in your eyes. But I’ll tell you everything, exactly how it went down. You probably won’t agree with what I did. You definitely would’ve done things differently. But by the end, I hope you’ll at least understand.

So—ten years ago. The athletic field was the most beautiful place in Holly Grove. A girl could feel like she was part of something good on that rectangle of perfect grass, surrounded by bleachers shining silver in the sun. Come fall, the football players would own the field, and the stands would hold ten thousand screaming fans. But in July, the stadium was empty, and the kids who went to Coach Fowler’s sports camp got to use the spongy red track that circled the field. The air smelled of fresh-cut grass, the clean sweat of a good workout, and the occasional whiff of Icy Hot. To this day, I still love the smell of Icy Hot.

And I loved the feel of the high jump itself. That moment at the
peak, as my back sailed over the bar and I looked straight up at the sky—suspended above the earth, touching nothing but air. Like I could detach from the physical world with all its problems. For a second, at least. I was free. It was my little piece of heaven.

You know what I mean, right? You were a pretty good sprinter yourself. What’d you place in the two hundred meter? Eighth in the state? But track didn’t mean the same to you. You’d found another way out. By the time I turned fifteen, you’d already accepted that scholarship to U of M. That summer, you were just killing time before college, hanging out at the track a lot. You told Mom you went to watch me, but you were really there to flirt with Rob. Don’t fuss, you know it’s true. He was a hottie. And not just because he’d been starting quarterback that year—king of the town! He was objectively hot. Guess he peaked early.

You know why he suddenly got interested your senior year, right? After all those years of not knowing your name? No offense, but. You finally grew some boobs. My own chest didn’t show signs of catching up any time soon. The high jump was the one place where my resemblance to a wall was still an advantage.

I was aiming to break your school record for high jumping. Six feet, one inch. I thought if I broke it, people would finally start calling me “Jody” instead of “Anna Curtis’s little sister.” I remember the day I first believed I could do it: July 15, 2004.

I was trying to figure out why my jump had stalled. I was doing everything right, but it just wasn’t taking. I tried again: stood at my starting place and sprinted toward the bar. I hit my mark and rounded the turn toward the mat: five strides, pivot, jump! I flew backward, arched my spine, and kicked my feet up. But something was off, I knew it even before my butt knocked down the pole. As my back hit the mat, I heard the bar clatter to the ground and Rob laughing in the distance.

I said, “Fuck.”

“Watch your language, young lady.”

Coach Fowler stood next to the mat, which was a surprise. He was the head of the whole camp and mostly stayed with the football
team, leaving the lesser athletes to the lesser coaches. The thrill of him noticing me was canceled by the fact that it was when I’d messed up.

“Sorry, Coach!”

I jumped off the mat and fetched the pole. We set it on the risers together. He was tan and tall, with an athletic build and that aura of authority. The sun threw golden glints off his blond hair. He must’ve been forty at that point, but he was way cuter than the teenage boys he coached.

“You’re a good jumper,” Coach said. “You could be great—but you have to really want it. Do you really want it?”

I looked over where you and Rob were sitting. Rob was tugging on the tie of your hoodie. The coach followed my gaze.

“Your sister’s a good runner. Fast, determined, scrappy,” he said. “Jody—you’re better.”

I blinked with surprise. He knew my name. And . . . not many people thought I was better than you at anything. He reached over and pulled my hand away from my cheek. I hadn’t even realized I was touching my scar.

“It’s barely noticeable,” he said. He cleared his throat and pointed to my pink chalk mark on the ground. “The problem is your approach. Your mark is too close. You shot up this spring, so your stride is longer. You need room to stretch out those long legs.”

I tried not to blush at the implication that he’d noticed my legs. Coach took a piece of blue chalk out of his pocket and drew a line on the ground, about three feet behind my pink mark. He also moved back my starting mark. “Try that.”

I trotted to the new starting place, feeling the blue nylon of my team shorts brushing against my glamorously long legs. I looked at the coach’s marks and wasn’t sure I could do it. I glanced at him, and he nodded. You and Rob stopped talking to watch me. I took a deep breath, squinted at the high-jump bar, and sprinted toward it. I reached the coach’s mark and counted off my curve, demanding my legs cover as much ground as they could with each stride: one, two, three, four, five. Pivot. Go!

I jumped. And I flew.

I knew it was perfect the moment I took off. I felt it in my legs, my hips, my spine. I soared back over the pole with inches to spare. Suspended in the air, I looked at the bright blue sky and the soft white clouds and felt a moment of perfection.

I landed on my shoulder blades and let myself somersault backward. A few runners broke out into applause. You yelled, “Go, Jody!”

I jumped on the mat. “Yes!”

“There it is!” Coach yelled. “Good girl! Do that at a meet, and we’ll be putting your name up in the gym.”

I bounced to the edge of the mat, and Coach met me with a high five. Then he held out his hand to help me down. I took it, feeling honored, shy, and electrically happy. His grip was steady and strong. Dad had never held my hand like that. Coach’s fingers tightened around mine as I stepped down, then opened to release me. But I didn’t want to break the connection. I kept holding on to his hand for a few seconds after he let go.

2

A
nna felt a gentle nudge on her shoulder but kept her eyes closed. Another nudge followed, more insistently. She smelled fresh-brewed coffee and heard morning birds chattering, but all she wanted was to stay curled in warm oblivion. She closed her eyes tighter, determined to hold on to her sleep. It was like trying to hold on to water; the harder she squeezed, the faster it slipped away. She cracked an eye.

The unfamiliar bedroom was bright and lovely, decorated in expensive neutrals. Her black pantsuit was draped neatly over an ivory chair. She glanced down and saw that she was wearing only her bra and panties from the night before. She became aware of a dull headache, throbbing with each beat of her heart. Blinking, she pulled the blanket to her chest, sat up, and tried to remember how she’d gotten here.

A pair of warm brown hands handed her a steaming mug of coffee. Anna looked up at the hands’ owner. Her friend Grace smiled down at her.

“You look like your hair got caught in a blender,” Grace said.

“I feel like it was my whole head.”

At least she understood where she was: Grace’s guest room. The night before came back in a series of images that grew blurrier toward the end: placing her engagement ring on the table at the Tabard Inn; walking through Dupont Circle with tears streaming down her face; meeting Grace, Samantha, and the detectives at Sergio’s restaurant to toast the jury’s verdict in the MS-13 case. And wine. Endless glasses of wine, which, despite Anna’s wholehearted
efforts, had succeeded in blotting everything out for only a few short hours.

And left her with a massive hangover. She groaned and rubbed her temples. Grace handed her two Advil, which she gratefully swallowed down with coffee. It was sweet and milky, which coaxed a smile through the blur. Her life was a mess, but at least she had a good friend who knew how she took her coffee.

Anna spotted her cell phone on the nightstand. She had two “unknown” calls from a Michigan area code, and a string of worried texts and calls from her fiancé. Correction: her ex-fiancé. She let the phone thump back down.

“I would’ve let you sleep longer,” Grace said, “but you have a phone call.”

“Jack?”

“Who else?”

Anna shook her head, which was a mistake. She wondered how long it would take for the caffeine and ibuprofen to kick in. “We’re done.”

“He tracked you down here,” Grace said. “That’s doesn’t sound ‘done.’ That sounds kind of romantic.”

“He’s the Homicide chief. If he can’t locate his ex-fiancé, he should resign.”

“I didn’t want to hit you with this, but . . . he’s distraught. And you know he’s not the distraught type.”

Anna plucked unhappily at the blanket. She wanted to talk to him—she wanted it like a dieter wants cupcakes. But there was nothing left to say. She knew Jack loved her. He loved another woman, too.

“Please tell him I’m fine, and I’m sorry, and I can’t talk to him now.”

“Okay, sweetie.”

Grace handed her a box of Kleenex and left. Anna banished a rogue tear, as her phone buzzed from the nightstand. It was the “unknown” caller from Michigan again, the same 313 area code as her sister. She blew her nose and picked up.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Anna? It’s Kathy Mack. From Holly Grove High School?”

That was another world, and Anna needed a moment to get there. She stared at the ceiling until her memory caught up with the conversation: Kathy was an old friend of her sister’s. Anna saw her occasionally, when she went home to visit Jody in Michigan. They’d never traded phone calls.

“Kathy—hi! Is everything okay?”

“Actually . . . no. There’s a lot going on here. I don’t know where to start. I guess I should start with this: Coach Fowler died. He— Some people are saying he was killed.”

“Oh—that’s terrible.”

Anna sat back against the pillows. Since she was a kid, Coach Fowler had been a major figure in her hometown, leading Holly Grove’s football team to the state championship several times. He was the most successful member of their community, and one who gave back. His recommendation helped Anna get a college scholarship and out of their small, rusting town.

“It is terrible,” Kathy said, “but that’s not exactly why I’m calling. See, the police want to question Jody.”

“What? Why?” The coach had mentored Jody in high school, but that was ten years ago. As far as Anna knew, they hadn’t been in touch since then.

“I have no idea,” Kathy said. “And no one can find her. The police went to her house, but she’s not answering her door. I’ve tried her number; she’s not picking up.”

“Thanks for calling me,” Anna said. “I’ll try her now.”

They hung up and Anna dialed her sister’s number. She got an automated message she’d never heard on Jody’s phone before: “The person you’re trying to reach is no longer available.” It didn’t let her leave a voice mail.

Anna chest tightened. She was always vaguely worried about her little sister. For the last few months, they hadn’t spoken as often as usual. If Jody were in trouble, Anna might not even know.

She welcomed a reason to get out of town for a while. Get away from Jack, D.C. Superior Court, and the inevitable sympa
thy from everyone she’d have to uninvite from her wedding. She could take a couple days off. Prosecutors often did after a big trial.

She swiped through her phone, tapped the Expedia app, and clicked on a last-minute deal to Detroit. Then she called Kathy back. “Thanks for calling, Kathy. I’m flying to Michigan this afternoon.”