A Heart Divided (28 page)

Sarah swallowed hard, then nodded. “Yes, I still want to stand by you, Cord. I don’t want to give up on what I think—I hope—we have. But the things that have happened of late . . . well, I’m not so sure we should rush into marriage. At least not in another four weeks.”

His gaze narrowed. His jaw clenched.

“And why’s that, Sarah?”

Blast him
, she thought.
He’s not going to make this easy. But then, why should I be surprised? He’s always been as prickly as some pinecone.

“Do you want me to be honest, or would you rather I dance around things and pretend all’s well with us?” Though Sarah tried to keep the irritation from her voice, she feared she was far from successful. “Because it
isn’t
right now. We’ve got a lot to sort through before we can focus on a life together.”

“The only thing that needs sorting through is your inability to separate yourself, once and for all, from your crazy father!”

The first tendrils of anger licked at Sarah. It took all her willpower to smother the flames.

“Yes, I’ll admit to that,” she replied, struggling to speak calmly. “But you’ve also got a lot of unresolved feelings about
your
father, and it makes you defensive and ready to fly off the handle at the least provocation.”

Cord expelled a weary breath. “So, it always comes back to my refusal to defend your father and brother, doesn’t it? You just won’t let it go, will you?”

“On the contrary. I’ll let the part go about defending my family. At the time, I was desperate and not thinking straight. I was unfair to you.” Sarah paused, considering how best to word what she was next to say. “The part I won’t let go is your unwillingness—or maybe even your inability—to forgive. Because it eats at you, Cord, and makes you so unhappy. And I’m afraid, so afraid, that if you don’t find some way to forgive, you’ll end up like . . . l-like my f-father.”

As if she were speaking gibberish, he stared uncomprehendingly at her. Despair filled her. He didn’t understand or, worse, didn’t want to understand.

Tears welled, trickled down her cheeks. Sarah clasped her arms about her.

“I-I don’t think this was such a good idea,” she whispered, her voice clogging. “It’s late and we’re both tired. I-I think I’ll head up to bed.”

Just as she stood and turned to go, Cord groaned out her name. He climbed to his feet and swiftly covered the space separating them. Taking her into his arms, he pulled her close.

“No,” he said, “this
is
a good idea. We’ve got to start talking to each other. No matter what, we can’t keep tiptoeing around each other and the things that are bothering us. It’s no way to begin a life together.”

Despite the harsh words they’d so recently shared, it felt so good to be held, to feel Cord’s strong arms about her. Sarah clung to him like one drowning. The tears came in earnest then, and she wept long and hard.

Wept for Caleb. Wept for the shattered dreams of a happy family and a father she could trust and depend upon. Wept for the sense of isolation from and tension between her and Cord that had been going on for much too long. And wept in relief, that though there were still unresolved issues between them, he finally seemed willing to meet her halfway, to try and work things out.

“Y-yes,” she croaked out the word. “We’ve got to k-keep talking. It’s the honest and loving thing to do.”

Ever so tenderly, Cord kissed her on the forehead. “I love you, Sarah. No matter what, I don’t want to lose you. And certainly not because of my father or your father. We can’t let them destroy what we have. We just can’t!”

A fierce resolve filled her. Maybe she didn’t know everything about him. But what she did know was enough. Cord had the courage to face what needed to be done to heal the breach between them, and that gave her renewed hope for a life together.

“No, we can’t let them—or anyone—destroy what we have.” She leaned back and looked into his eyes. “Do you still want to marry me on New Year’s Eve?”

Joy warmed his eyes and made him smile. “Yes. But I don’t want to rush you into anything.”

She chuckled softly. “Oh, maybe we are still rushing things a bit. But being held in your arms also reminded me how much I want—I need—to be married to you. And I think, if we just keep talking things out, we’ll be fine.”

Sarah smiled softly. “Indeed, more than fine.”

The following day, and with great trepidation, Sarah took Danny aside to tell him about Caleb. Understandably, the little boy was very upset when he learned of his brother’s death, and wept long and hard. Unfortunately, it also set off an asthma attack.

For the next hour, the entire household labored to bring Danny back under control, having him breathe in copious amounts of steam and take the remaining medicine Doc Saunders had given them at the last attack, now almost three months ago. Blessedly, this time the symptoms abated far more quickly than before, even though Danny continued to sniffle off and on about his brother for the rest of the day.

Once again, Sarah was grateful for all the support, both physical and emotional, that Cord, Nick, and the others provided. It only reconfirmed the rightness of her decision to go ahead and marry Cord as originally planned. This was where she and Danny both belonged. This was now home.

In the ensuing days the wedding plans that, in the past two weeks had noticeably slowed, picked up with a vengeance. Invitations were penned and delivered. The wedding reception to be held at Ashton’s church after the ceremony was planned, and food stores checked for available ingredients, before a shopping list was made. Finally, just four days before Christmas in the last flurry of holiday baking, decorating, and gift wrapping, the time came for Sarah’s final fitting of her wedding dress.

A storm had blown in the night before, dropping several inches of fresh snow, but the morning of that next day dawned sunny, calm, and clear. As Sarah and Emma pulled on their coats and mittens in preparation for a visit to town and the dressmaker, Danny ran up.

“Can I come? Can I come?” her brother asked, hopping from one foot to the other, his blue eyes bright with hope. “With all the storms and cold, I haven’t been able to go to town in a month of Sundays!”

At Danny’s rather gross exaggeration, it was all Sarah could do not to roll her eyes. “In actuality, little brother, it’s only been—”

“I need to do some Christmas shopping!” he said, cutting her off in midsentence. “And this might be my only chance before Christmas.”

“Christmas shopping?” She eyed him suspiciously. “And exactly when did you come into any money to buy anything?”

“Golly, I didn’t steal nothing.” Danny heaved an injured sigh. “Mr. Nick gave me some money and asked me to buy some presents for everyone.” He dug in his pocket, pulling out several bills, which he showed to her. “See?”

Remorse instantly filled Sarah. She was overreacting just because stealing seemed to run in her family these days. She squatted before her brother and took him by both arms.

“I’m sorry. I guess I jumped the gun a bit, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, I guess you did,” he agreed solemnly. “So, can I go with you and Emma?”

After a moment’s hesitation, she nodded. “You have to be patient, though, while I try on my wedding dress. It could get a little boring. And you have to dress warm and wear a muffler over your nose and mouth whenever we’re outside, okay?”

“Sure.” Danny’s grin was wide and joyous. “I don’t care how much time it takes for you to try on your dress, just as long as I can go shopping afterward.”

“I guess that can be arranged.” Sarah shot the housekeeper a questioning glance. “Would that work out all right for you, Emma?”

“Sure it would. And maybe, if there’s time, we can even stop by the Wildflower Café for a piece of pie before heading home.”

“Oh, that’d be swell.” Her brother shoved the money back in his pocket and grabbed his own coat from the lower row of pegs near the front door. “I can’t wait!”

An hour later, they pulled up in front of Edith Wolfe’s dress shop. The trip to town had gone well, the ranch sleigh gliding smoothly over the fresh snow. While Emma tied the horse to the hitching post in front of the dress shop, Sarah helped Danny down from the front seat.

“Now, whatever you do,” she cautioned him as they climbed onto the boardwalk, “you’re not to say a word to Cord about my dress. The groom isn’t supposed to see it or know what it looks like until he sees the bride in it on the wedding day. So, can you keep a secret?”

“Of course I can. I’m not some baby, you know!”

She had to smile at his show of righteous indignation, Sarah thought as she opened the door and ushered her brother inside. He was going to be eight years old next month, and was growing up. He indeed wasn’t her baby brother anymore, but getting to be a big boy.

A big boy who resembled his two older brothers more and more with each passing day. Well, one living and one dead brother anyway, she corrected herself with a fleeting stab of pain, then quickly brushed that thought aside. The memory of Caleb’s recent demise was still very, very tender, and tears frequently hovered on the brink of falling.

Today, however, was to be a day of fun and happiness. For her sake but, even more, for Danny’s sake. He too mourned his brother. Though she tried to shield him from the worst of the news about his father and brothers, he had always been a very sensitive, perceptive child. Probably came with the territory, Sarah mused, when so much of one’s life had to be spent as a semi-invalid, with not much else to do but listen and observe.

That was going to change, and indeed had already begun to do so, since Danny had come to the ranch. His asthma attacks had dramatically lessened, and the few he’d had were far less severe. He played outside a lot more, weather permitting, and had even made some friends at church. In time, Sarah hoped he’d be healthy enough to attend regular school. More than anything, she wanted for Danny to live as normal a life as possible.

As they entered the little dress shop, the bell over the door tinkled. Edith Wolfe immediately hurried out from the back fitting room. At the sight of Sarah, Emma, and Danny, she broke into a smile.

“Oh, I’m so glad you were able to come today,” the tall, thin spinster exclaimed. “I wasn’t sure how the roads to town were, and after last night’s snow . . .”

“We took the sleigh and hadn’t any problems getting here,” Sarah said as she removed her mittens, coat, and hat, then proceeded to help Danny with his. She laid the coats and other paraphernalia on a nearby bench.

“Are you excited to see your dress, now that it’s finished?”

Edith’s question sent a shiver of happy anticipation through Sarah. “Yes, indeed. Will you help me get it on?”

The seamstress motioned her in the direction of the back room. “It’ll be my pleasure.” She glanced at Emma and Danny. “Why don’t you both wait out here? Once Sarah’s dressed, she can come out and show off her gown. In the meanwhile, there’s a pot of hot water in that kettle over yonder”—she pointed toward the potbellied stove in the corner—“and there are mugs and tea, plus some fresh sugar cookies I made this morning on the counter.”

Danny didn’t need a second invitation. He immediately made a beeline for the plate of cookies.

Emma smiled and shook her head. “You two go and get on that dress. I’ll make sure Danny doesn’t eat all of the cookies. At least not in the next few minutes anyway.”

Chuckling, the two women headed to the fitting room and, less than ten minutes later, Sarah was garbed in her wedding dress. The dress had originally been Mary Wainwright’s, but she was a much taller, larger-boned woman than Sarah. Edith had finally decided it best to open all the seams and essentially use the ivory silk and lace fabric to craft an entirely new dress to fit Sarah.

A row of tiny, silk-covered buttons fastened the cuffs of the tight, long sleeves of a gown of alternating silk and lace panels that ran full length from shoulder to the long hem, ending in a train of ribbon and lace. The waist was fitted, the neckline off the shoulder, and the matching veil of lace and silk flowed from a pretty coronet of silk roses.

Gazing at herself in the tall dressing mirror, Sarah thought she must be dreaming. The dress and veil were exquisite. Never had she imagined she’d be wearing something as fine as this to her wedding. But then, she’d never imagined ever marrying. Her life was to be dedicated to taking care of her brothers and father.

But no more. No more.

Her gaze met Edith’s in the mirror. Both women smiled.

“Guess we shouldn’t keep Emma and Danny in suspense, should we?” Sarah asked.

“No, you shouldn’t.”

At the sight of her, Emma’s eyes grew wide then immediately filled with tears. Danny’s mouth dropped open.

“Wow, Sarah!” her brother said. “You look beautiful.”

“Do you think so?” She bent down, picked up her train, then whirled around.

Danny laughed and clapped his hands.

“I can’t wait to see the expression on Cord’s face when he first sees you, child,” Emma said, hastily swiping at her tears. “He’s going to near swoon from joy.”

“Now that’s a picture,” Sarah said with a chuckle. “Cord swooning, I mean.”