A Heart Once Broken (19 page)

Lydia tried to breathe. The road lay open before her. Where it would lead was unforeseeable, impossible. It couldn't work, but the temptation pulled on her heart. She couldn't deny that.

Lydia met Rudy's intense gaze. “I loved you once, it's true, but…”

Rudy silenced her with an upraised finger. “Shh…say nothing more. Just give me some time, Lydia, okay?”

“Rudy, I can't say yes. I just can't.” Lydia felt more tears starting to run down her cheeks. “You'd better go now. Please.”

Rudy looked deeply at Lydia, then pulled his hands from the dishwater. He handed Lydia the final plate. “Okay, I'll go,” he said. “But just until we meet again.”

Lydia waited in a daze as he left through the washroom door. A few moments later
Mamm
came into the kitchen. In the distance she heard the cheerful voices of Emma, Rhoda, and their friends laughing. Then the sound of a car starting up and pulling out of the lane.

“Why did you allow this?” Lydia asked
Mamm
.

Mamm
came closer to wrap her arms around Lydia's shoulders for a hug, then let go to sit on a kitchen chair. “
Yah
, I suppose this shouldn't have happened, but we've decided to go easy on Emma and Rhoda. We don't want to drive them off. Not after all the other tragedies we've suffered lately. Your two younger sisters are different. They take a gentler touch.”

“And you think this is the way to avoid having them leave?” Lydia whispered.

Mamm
sighed. “We can only try, Lydia, and do the best we can. The Lord can't ask more of us than that.”

“But what about me,
Mamm
?” Lydia asked.

Mamm
rose to her feet, and the two clung to each other as the stillness of the house crept over them.

“You'll be okay,”
Mamm
said. “I've never worried about you. You'll make it through this.”

Chapter Eighteen

C
an't you hurry?” Sandra asked Mark as Dixie's hooves beat steadily on the pavement in the morning stillness. She propped her cast against the buggy's dashboard. “I want to get to Aunt Mary's place quickly. This thing hurts.”

Mark didn't answer as he kept the reins taut in his hands.

“Sorry,” Sandra muttered a few moments later. “I could have gotten the dishes done sooner, I suppose. I know you were ready for some time.”

Mark still didn't say anything, but she didn't want to quarrel with him on Thanksgiving Day. Things were tense enough at the house with her half-crippled efforts at housekeeping.

Mamm
had offered them a place to stay until the cast came off, but Sandra wouldn't consider it. Not with Clyde in the house. Not with all the hints Clyde continued to drop about a relationship between the two of them.

How Mark put up with her, she wasn't sure. Likely because her stay in the house wouldn't be for much longer. Mark had taken Deacon Schrock's daughter, Marie, home on Sunday night again. The two seemed to like each other, and Deacon Schrock understood the
Troyer family's situation. He likely wouldn't object if Mark wanted to wed Marie by next fall.

Sandra shifted on the buggy seat. She wanted to present a cheerful attitude for Thanksgiving Day instead of these dark thoughts, and not just because they would be at Aunt Mary's place before long. She wanted to be cheerful for Mark's sake, and for her own sanity. Darkness didn't sit well with her.

“I'm a little uptight myself, so I don't blame you,” Mark finally said, glancing at Sandra. “And I know that cast slows you down.”

Sandra breathed in deeply. “Thanks. I know I'm grouchy and hard to live with lately.”

“You do try,” Mark allowed.

He obviously also wanted peace on Thanksgiving Day. She gave Mark a smile and said, “I'm so looking forward to this meal. No one cooks like Aunt Mary. It will sure make up for my awful cooking of late.”

Mark grinned. “I'm not complaining. And I do have some
goot
news. I found a place yesterday for us to rent on Johnson Road. It's small, but it will have to do for now.”

Sandra sat up straight on the buggy seat. “So you're giving up the homeplace?” She had known this moment would arrive, but the shock was still intense.

“I don't have a choice.” Mark sounded irritated again. “I wasn't the one who became involved in that dumb Ponzi scheme.”

Sandra glanced at her brother and lowered her voice. “I know, but
Daett
's gone now, and you'd best be careful how you speak.”

“It's still the truth,” Mark grumbled. “And we're left to pick up the pieces.”

And pieces they are
, Sandra told herself. But she didn't repeat the thought out loud. Mark already knew. And she didn't want to think about
Mamm
's awful wedding day when she had fractured her tibia.
All because of
Daett.
The shame and regret burned inside of her. She hadn't been to any youth gatherings since then. What was the use? Ezra had been kind to her after she came back from the doctor's office. He had even held her hand at supper time, but the glow on Ezra's face didn't come from the time he had spent with her. She had been a complete failure.

She hadn't charmed Ezra on
Mamm
's wedding day. Instead, Ezra's attentions had moved on. She hadn't failed to notice his repeated smiles in Rosemary's direction that evening. Even when Rosemary was with another man and she was with him.

“I'm sorry about Ezra,” Mark said, as if reading her thoughts.

Sandra tried to focus. Did she dare ask the question? She really wanted to know, but Mark might not speak the whole truth. Still…Sandra looked away and asked, “Is Ezra still showing Rosemary attention at the youth gatherings?”

Mark hesitated, then said, “Let me put it this way. You probably should start accepting Clyde's attentions directed to you.”

“Has he taken her home from the hymn singing?” Sandra kept her gaze on the road ahead.

“Not yet.”

“Is he going to?” Sandra looked at him.

“How would I know?” Mark sounded irritated again. “I don't understand that man's mind, but he's not going to ask you.”

“How do you know?” Sandra shot back. “Maybe you're wrong.”

Mark laughed now. “There's not a chance in the world, so why don't you let Clyde take you home? He's nice enough, and you could wed about the same time Marie and I say our vows.”

“Because I can't stand him!” Sandra snapped. Her spirits sank again.

“Look.” Mark shrugged. “I know you don't always think I know what I'm talking about, but
Mamm
's happy with Amos.
Yah
, he's a
little overbearing, but he's
goot
for
Mamm
. Clyde would be equally
goot
for you.”

Sandra sniffed, but Mark continued. “Okay, you don't like Amos. But would you have wanted
Mamm
to struggle along on her own, always short on money, having to depend on church aid? I know the family would have tried to help, but none of us is that well off.
Mamm
deserves a better life than that. And you know eventually someone would have come along, someone not as decent as Amos.
Mamm
was going to remarry, and some of the older Amish bachelors can be a pill and a half. Think about Willis Stoll, for example,” Mark chuckled. “He can't keep his pants together in one piece without safety pins. And I saw him looking at
Mamm
before Amos stepped in.”

“He does need a
frau
,” Sandra got in edgewise.

“So you would want Willis for a stepfather instead of Amos?”

“No, but what does this have to do with Clyde?”

“Clyde's Amos's son,” Mark said. “Isn't that enough of an explanation?”

Sandra didn't protest. Mark wouldn't change his mind, but she didn't plan to change hers. Not unless she had to. She kept her voice firm. “I'll take a job. I might even move back to the old community in Ohio. Someone will have work I can do, perhaps in one of the Amish hardware stores or at an
Englisha
outfit.”

Mark gave her a long look. “You know my opinion about that.”

“So why wouldn't it work? Other single women do it.” Sandra glared at him.

Mark sighed. “And they usually stay with family. That's not going to work with our family.
Mamm
's the only one who will take you in without hesitation. And do you want to live with ill feelings toward the in-laws? And I can't have you around once I'm wed to Marie. I
can't put Marie through that. She deserves a married life with just the two of us in the house.”

“I'm not asking you to do that,” Sandra assured him. “And I won't be a burden to others. But what about Lydia? Aunt Mary would take me in.”

Mark didn't say anything, so she had finally hit pay dirt. A great happiness rushed through her for the first time in weeks. “Why haven't I thought of that before?”

“I don't know,” Mark allowed. “But I do hate to see you say no to Clyde. That's still a mistake.”

“That's why no one saw this choice,” Sandra said. “You were all too busy pushing Clyde and me together.”

Mark slowed the buggy for the Troyers' driveway. “You'd make a
goot
match with Clyde, Sandra. I'm just saying. You need someone to care for you.”

Sandra bit her lip as the buggy bounced to a stop beside the barn. The front door of the house burst open, and Lydia came toward them at a fast pace until she reached Sandra's side of the buggy.

“Oh, you're a sight for sore eyes,” Sandra cooed. “Mark was tormenting me all the way over with horrible visions of who I'm supposed to marry.”

Lydia ignored the comment and studied Sandra's cast instead. “Which leg goes out first?”

Sandra chuckled. “I don't think I have it figured out. I haven't been in a buggy since the wedding.”

“I know. We've missed you at the youth gatherings,” Lydia said. “But let's get you out of here so we can talk.”

With an energetic jump Sandra was on the buggy step, and with Lydia's hand on one arm and a crutch in the other, she soon made it to the ground.

“Is Clyde here yet?” Mark called out.

Lydia shook her head and kept her hand on Sandra's arm as they worked their way toward the front porch.

“How do you get around at home with the cooking and cleaning?” Lydia asked.

Sandra sighed. “
Mamm
comes over to wash on Mondays, and she bakes some things. But the rest of the time I get by with a knee walker in the kitchen. Mark's a
goot
sport too.”

“I feel so sorry for you,” Lydia said as she helped Sandra with the stairs and guided her to a chair on the front porch.

“Don't you need to help with dinner?” Sandra asked.

“No. Emma and Rhoda have their penance coming for a stunt they pulled this morning.
Mamm
has them both in the kitchen working hard, and your
mamm
should be here before long.”

“Stunt?” The interest showed on Sandra face. “I knew I needed to come over here to cheer myself up.”

“Don't encourage them,” Lydia said. “It's been a rough morning, and you can't imagine the half.”

“Really? What happened?”

“It's Thanksgiving Day,” Lydia said. “I'm trying to stay thankful, but I can see no blessing in what has happened so far this morning.”

“You had best tell me.” Sandra reached for Lydia's hand.

Lydia paused to look around. “Emma and Rhoda made an early breakfast for their
Englisha
friends. They brought Rudy along.”

“Rudy!” Sandra's mind spun. “But that's all in the past.”

Lydia didn't look at her. “That's what I thought.”