A Heart Once Broken (38 page)

“We'd best practice,” Mark had teased.

“This can't be that difficult,” Sandra said.

Mark had chuckled and seated himself on Clyde's chair. “The simplest things are what trip you up.”

She had given in and seated herself beside Mark to stare at the line of empty chairs. She had descended into giggles, and Mark joined her with laughter of his own.

“Thankfully the ministers don't see us now,” Mark had quipped. “They'd declare you unfit to be wed.”

“No they wouldn't,” Sandra had shot back. “They'd know I'm just happy.”

A smile lingered on her face as Sandra remembered the moment. She glanced across the room at the line of ministers and sobered at once. They wouldn't know why she was smiling, and she wasn't about to explain.

Bishop Henry gave them both a brief glance before he opened the session. “Let's have prayer and remember our young couple before the Lord,” he said. “As you all know, we are very thankful for this moment and for the testimony they both bring to the community. But we know the enemy lies ready to destroy and to steal. Also, we can remember Rosemary on this our day of joy. As the Lord sometimes wills it, sorrow and happiness walk close together.”

“Amen,” several of the ministers said, and they all bowed their heads.

Bishop Henry led out with the words from a psalm. “O L
ORD
, our L
ORD
, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens.”

Sandra sent up her own prayer.
Dear Father, remember Rosemary today in her suffering. Let Rosemary become well, if it's not against Your will, perhaps even on my wedding day. If not, then comfort Rosemary's heart and give her joy during her suffering. And help us all today. Let me not be overcome with my happiness, but let me remember that life
has sorrows ahead for Clyde and me. Help us to endure and finish our journey together with faithfulness and commitment to each other.

Bishop Henry finished his prayer with an “Amen.” Sandra kept her head bowed for a moment.

“And now for the instructions for our young couple,” Bishop Henry said. “I don't have much to say myself, really. Both of you have manifested a spirit of humility and submissiveness in your life. Sandra, you have been through a difficult valley with the death of your
daett
last year. But you and your
mamm
have made wise choices since then, and the Lord has clearly blessed your efforts. For that we give much thanks. As to further instructions for the bride, I've tasted of her mother Edna's cooking, and have been greatly blessed. I'm sure, Sandra, you have learned to work equally well in the kitchen from a
mamm
who is such an excellent cook.”

“She won't be starving Clyde, that's for sure,” Deacon Schrock quipped.

The line of ministers joined in the laughter.

“Have you instructions for our young couple?” Bishop Henry asked the deacon.

“I've given plenty already,” Deacon Schrock deadpanned. “Perhaps we'd best leave the floor to the others this morning. We don't want to stay up here all day.”

“Are you saying that you're long-winded or that we are?” one of the other ministers asked.

Deacon Schrock laughed. “I was referring to myself, of course. Sometimes I don't get home from my Saturday rounds until after the cows come home.”

This produced another round of laughter, and even Clyde joined in. Sandra didn't, though, because it might not be proper. She could laugh in the presence of the other women, but a smile was sufficient
at present. These were all ministers, after all, even if they indulged in a lighthearted attitude this morning.

“I think I'll follow Deacon Schrock's excellent example this morning and keep my thoughts brief,” the first minister said. “I have been married now for ten years to Melissa. The Lord has blessed us with six children in that time. If there is one thing I would wish to say, it's to Clyde. Be the man in your home, and lead your children in the fear of the Lord. Be careful to discipline your children for their disobedience, and bring their will under the Lord's order. This will save much trouble for you and for them later. And to Sandra, I say support your husband. Stand by his side always when you have differences with the children. Speak to him in private, and Clyde, when she does, consider her thoughts. You are the head of the home and must make the final decision, but your
frau
will have important things to say. As one wise man once told me, ‘Your
frau
is often right, but it's difficult to accept it when it happens.'”

Another round of laughter went up and down the line.

“I thought you were keeping your thoughts brief,” Bishop Henry teased.

“I couldn't resist that line,” the minister said, with a chuckle.

“Okay, let's keep moving,” Bishop Henry instructed. “Those were all wise words, so Clyde and Sandra, consider them.”

Fifteen minutes later the last minister finished his remarks. He said, “Be strong in the Lord, both of you. Keep a teachable spirit about yourselves. Listen to each other and raise your
kinner
in the fear of the Lord. On our part we will remember you in prayer, and wish you the Lord's fullest and complete blessing.”

“Okay, thank you all for that,” Bishop Henry concluded. “You can go now, Clyde and Sandra. We'll be down in a bit. That is,
after we've figured out who can preach the shortest sermon on your important day.”

Clyde joined their laughter and stood up to lead the way out of the room. “They were awful nice to us,” Clyde whispered on the way down the stairs.

“
Yah
, and my heart is overflowing with happiness,” Sandra whispered back. “Because soon you will be my husband.”

Clyde's face glowed. He paused long enough on the stairs to give Sandra a quick hug. “I'd kiss you now, but they'd see our red faces,” he said.

Sandra suppressed her giggle and clung to Clyde's arm until the moment before he opened the stair door.

Clyde seated himself, and within a few minutes the ministers came down the stairs. They still had smiles on their faces, so Deacon Schrock must have made a few more jokes since they left the upstairs room. Sandra forced herself to pay attention as the first sermon began. The words were all
goot
and helpful as the time drifted past. Lydia caught her eye during the second sermon, and sent a warm smile her way. Sandra smiled back as the joy of the day flooded all the way through her.

Finally the moment arrived. The clock on the living room wall read a quarter to twelve. Bishop Henry rose to his feet when the last sermon was concluded and turned to face them. “If the two of you are still willing to enter into the holy state of matrimony,” he said, “you may rise to your feet.”

Sandra knew the back of her dress shook as she stood before the community. She said “
yah
” over and over again to the questions. After the last one, Clyde's familiar hand was placed in hers by Bishop Henry.

The bishop's voice echoed through the house. “By the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Lord as a minister of the gospel, I declare you man and wife. May the God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob bless your union and give you many happy years together. Amen.”

The room went in circles as Sandra sat down. She clung to the sides of the chair with both hands until Clyde's handsome face slowly came into focus again. Someone gave out the song number and the singing began. Sandra wanted to jump up and hug Clyde and kiss him right there in front of everyone, but that wasn't how things were done. She held still and allowed the thought to sweep over her.

She was Clyde's
frau
now.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

I
t was a Wednesday night, as the last shadows of the evening stretched across the Beilers' lawn. Rosemary, her bed now set up in the living room, tried to raise her arm to reach for the glass of water beside her bed but failed. As Rosemary drooped over the edge of the bed,
Mamm
and
Daett
both hurried to their daughter's side. Rosemary sighed, but allowed
Mamm
to lift her head to take a small sip before Rosemary closed her eyes again.

Mamm
's voice reached Rosemary through the fog. “Ann has gone for Ezra.”

Rosemary formed the words with effort. “Don't bother him tonight. He was here only last night.”

“Nevertheless, he's coming.”
Mamm
's voice was firm. “You need him.”

Rosemary opened her eyes. “Am I dying,
Mamm
? Is it tonight?”

“Ezra is coming,”
Mamm
repeated, then hurried away toward the kitchen.

Yah
, this must be dying,
Rosemary told herself. She had avoided the truth even as she felt the strength seeping from her body these past few days. Each evening found her weaker than the night before, and each morning brought a little less relief from the long dark
hours. Was her battle nearly over? Perhaps this was for the best. The experimental treatment had obviously failed, and even the pain medication Dr. Katz had given her only dulled the pain to a bearable ache. This was not living. Though hope still knocked on the door, the sound was dim—and grew dimmer tonight. Her road on this earth was near its end, and she was afraid. She didn't want to fear death, but the truth was the truth. She was very afraid.

“
Mamm
,” Rosemary called out, but the sound came out in a cough, faint and distant.

Mamm
appeared in the kitchen doorway. “
Yah
, Rosemary?”

“Perhaps I do need Ezra tonight.”

“He's coming, dear.”
Mamm
came near to stroke Rosemary's forehead. “And Bishop Henry and Deacon Schrock are also coming along with their wives. Ann is stopping in at their places on the way back with Ezra.”

Fear again filled Rosemary's face. “They shouldn't be bothered.”

Mamm
didn't answer as a tear trickled down her face. Rosemary looked away. She knew what that meant. Bishop Henry and Deacon Schrock wouldn't be on their way if it wasn't going to be her last night on this earth. Rosemary tried to sit up, but her head didn't leave the pillow.

“Lie still,”
Mamm
chided. “They'll soon be here.”

Rosemary stared out the living room window.
Daett
stood near her bed, silent, with his head bowed. Her life was over, and she had only lived a few years. The pain medication couldn't remove the sting of that truth. She had given herself up to the Lord's will many times, but she still wanted to live. Leaving this earth meant that she had to leave behind the
wunderbah
gift of Ezra's love. Yet, hadn't that gift been given to help her through this time? There seemed no other explanation. Yet, what if she could have lived and become Ezra's
frau
? What would it have been like to say the wedding vows
with him? If there had been time to wed Ezra, she could have borne him a child before she left this earth. Other women were allowed to see the faces of their
kinner
. Shouldn't she be allowed to see one of her own?

Mamm
's voice broke through Rosemary's thoughts. “Ezra's here now.”

Rosemary forced a smile as the front door burst open and Ezra rushed in with Ann close behind him. Worry lines were deep across his face.
Daett
nodded to him and left to put away Timber. Rosemary managed to lift her arms to Ezra, and they embraced.
Mamm
hurried off again to the kitchen, but Rosemary didn't care who saw her embrace Ezra. She loved the man more than words could ever say.

Ezra's hand slowly stroked her face. “How are you tonight, dear? Ann came and said I should come.”

“You look so tired,” Rosemary whispered. “I wish…”

Ezra shook his head. “Don't say anything. I was glad to come.”

“I think the time has come,” Rosemary said. “I've tried not to be afraid, but I am.”

Ezra wrapped his arm around her again and pulled Rosemary's thin frame close to his strong one. “We must pray and beseech the Lord,” he said. “While there is breath, there is hope.”