A Hero Grinch for Christmas (8 page)

Even though she had no intention of acting as if nothing happened, Dani saw no need of making a big deal out of last night. So she allowed Hunter his space. She wasn’t sure if he even went back to sleep. She tried to sooth him, tried to comfort him the only way he would allow—losing himself in their ecstasy. He’d been so remorseful, she wouldn’t let him to fall into a dark hole, where he’d more than likely been for the past several months.

They would discuss his behavior when he was ready. She only prayed he would not shut her out.

Hunter stood at the granite island in the kitchen, a mug in his hand.

“Whoever invented coffee should receive the Nobel Prize,” she said.

He looked so shell shocked and guilty. Stepping beside him, she kissed his cheek. At least he didn’t recoil from her touch. But she could sense his hesitation, see the way his jaw tightened.

“Looks like it finally stopped snowing.” She looked toward the kitchen window.

“I need to check the generator. If we run out of gas, we’ll have to rough it for a while.”

“If this house is what you call roughing it, I don’t need anything else.” She smiled, letting him know things were fine with her.

He didn’t smile back. “Without gas, there’s no electricity.”

“So we light a few candles.” She shrugged. “We have a fireplace. How about the wood supply?”

“I’ll check that, too.” He set his mug on the counter and headed for the back door.

“How about some breakfast?”

“Don’t want any.” With that, he grabbed his hat off a wall peg, put it on, and opened the door. Blistering wind rushed in.

It seemed he couldn’t get away fast enough.

But they were talking.

She grabbed some bread and made some toast, making enough for them both, just in case he came back in. Hunter was suffering. Maybe she couldn’t fix him, but she could help reduce his pain. Everyone needed a little light, and like he’d said already, she’d gotten inside his head—and maybe, his heart.

While she was at it, she’d pray for a Christmas miracle. Hunter had to let go of his demons. Whatever it took, she was determined to help heal him. No man should carry the weight of his burdens alone.

While he spent most of the day outside, doing God knew what, she tidied the cabin, then checked in with Henry. Afterward, she debated on whether to go looking for Hunter, but quickly dismissed that idea. He needed his space. He needed time.

With only a few ways left to entertain herself, she explored what few books were on the wall of shelves in the living room. She chose a hardback on the Colorado Mountains and wondered if Denny had bought it before he moved to Wyattsville. Propping her feet on a chair, she thumbed through the colorful pages.

Minutes later, wind blasted inside, sending a chill across her neck just before Hunter closed the door.

“Hey. I put on a pot of soup.” She closed the book. “You’re probably cold. Should be ready in another thirty minutes.”

Silence. The only sound in the room came from him removing his coat and boots.

“How about some cornbread to go with it?” she asked, hoping he’d respond.

“Sure.”

Dani released a breath of relief. A smile lit her heart. He’d be okay. She’d make sure of it.

They sat down to eat an hour later. But after suffering through half a bowl of soup in uncomfortable silence, Dani slammed her spoon down. “I’ve had enough of this crazy quiet. I told myself I wouldn’t crowd you. I told myself to wait, let you come to me. I can’t. We need to talk.”

Hunter slowly slid his chair back and crossed one booted leg over his knee. He stared at her, not saying a word. And of course his frown was in place.

“You don’t have anything to say?” she asked.

“You started this conversation.”

“What conversation? It takes two to talk, Hunter.”

“If there’s something you want to get off your chest, go for it.”

At least he was willing to listen. “Please don’t push me away.”

Her statement seemed to surprise him. “I’m not.”

“You’ve ignored me all day. I can’t handle that, not after what we’ve shared.”

“You take everything too personally, Dani. I’m not a chatter box like you.”

“Okay. Let’s talk about last night.”

“There’s nothing to say.” He stood up.

“Wait.” She grabbed his arm. “I’m not done.” When he made no move to sit back down, she continued. “I’m not as delicate as you think I am. You didn’t hurt me.”

Clouds formed in his eyes, then his chest fell in a sigh. “I could’ve seriously hurt you.”

Dani sucked in her tears. “But you didn’t.”

“I’m a trained killer, Dani.”

“It was a nightmare,” she said dismissively.

The anguish in his eyes begged her to accept the reality of the situation. But she didn’t want to. “Don’t do this.” As the first tear slid down her cheek, Hunter took her in his arms, cradling her like a baby. She buried her head on his shoulder.

“Don’t cry, Dani. Just admit what could’ve happened.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to.”

“Hey,” he said softly. “We can’t change reality.”

She pulled away and marched to the kitchen. Unable to find what she wanted in the first drawer, she closed it and yanked open another.

“Dani?”

“I’ll keep a rolling pin by my bed.” She shoved utensils around.

“A what?”

“A rolling pin. It makes a good weapon.”

He chuckled. “You’d use it on me?”

She twisted around. “Maybe to knock some sense into you.” She had to make him understand. “Hunter, I get it. But I think there’s a way to work it out.”

“Work out what?” He frowned in confusion.

“I don’t know. That’s what we need to figure out.”

“We?”

Of course we, dammit. I will not let you do this alone.

Hunter was pushing her away again and it broke her heart. She was falling in love with him and the fear of losing him scared her.

“Let me help you.”

“Stop trying to fix me, Dani.” He shook his head. “It’s useless—bits and pieces of me are scattered across the world—from the sandbox to Colorado.”

This discussion was getting way too serious. And if she didn’t do something, he was going to walk out. She had to do some quick thinking

“Well, since there’s no rolling pin, I guess I’ll just have to distract you.”

He leaned a hip against the counter. “You’re pretty good at that.” One corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. She took it as a sign that all was not lost. Taking a step closer, she slid her hand up the front of his shirt. The contours of his chest was such a turn on.

He opened his legs and cradled her between his thighs resting his hands on her hips. “Just what do you have in mind?” By his expression he already knew.

“Don’t think I’m a woman who normally does this kind of thing. This is my first time.”

“What kind of thing, exactly?”

“Seduction. Coming on to a man is outside of my comfort zone.” She toyed with the seam on his shirt.

“You’ve been chasing me around this house for days.”

“I have not.”

“Teasing me, tempting me, pushing me until you got your way with me.”

She slapped his arm playfully. “I’ve never fallen into bed this fast with just anyone. If you must know, I haven’t been with a man in . . .”

He chuckled, and drew her close.

“Baby, I’ve seen a lot of sharks, and you’re definitely not one of them.”

She snuggled into his embrace. He felt so good, and he was holding her again, his chin rubbing her hair.

“How long?” His hands roamed her back.

“Hmm?” she murmured.

“How long has it been?

She didn’t want to tell him, but if she expected him to be forthcoming, then she better set the example. “A year, maybe two.”

“Maybe?” He drew back in surprise.

“Closer to two.”

His deep-throated laughter sounded delicious.

“So you were horny.”

“You’re such a man.”

He studied her for a long moment. “Why me?”

How did she answer that?

Because I’ve never met anyone like you? Because I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you.

“Cause you’re just so darn cute.”

Dani dried the last plate and placed it in the overhead cabinet, then hung the towel on the rack. She’d managed to escape Hunter’s earlier question—
why me
—but the subject lingered in her mind. At least she lightened the mood as she’d intended. But now?

He’d been standing at the hearth while she was busy in the kitchen. He was too quiet. She grabbed two glasses and a bottle of wine and placed them on the island. After pouring a generous amount in each glass, she walked up behind him.

“I love the smell of wood burning.” She held out one glass.

He turned and accepted the glass she offered. Dani tossed the couch pillows on the floor the way Hunter had done the night before. She draped her arm over one of the cushions, and smiled in relief when he settled beside her.

“Let’s play twenty questions. I’ll ask you something and you say the first thing that comes into your mind.”

“I don’t think I like this game.” He gave her an amused look. “Depending on the questions, I’m pretty sure you won’t like my answers.”

She laughed. “I’ll make this easy on you. What’s your favorite color?”

“Green.”

He faced her and raised one brow. “Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Never mind. What’s your favorite movie?” she asked.

“I think I should have a turn to ask you a question now.”

“That’s not the name of this game,” she teased.

“Oh? Well, you’re not getting any more answers until I can ask you a question.”

“What if I don’t like your question?”

Hunter shrugged. “Fair’s fair.”

She thought about it for a minute. If he didn’t get too personal, she could do this. “Go for it.”

His wolfish grin made her rethink her decision.

“I’ll make the first one easy.” He mocked her. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Blue.” One of his eyebrows raised as though he wasn’t sure he believed her. “I’ll bet you thought I’d say pink.”

“All girls like pink. But then, I’ll have to admit, you’re different from any female I’ve met.”

His blue gaze warmed her. She hoped he meant that in a good way. “My turn. What’s your favorite movie?”

“Battleship.”

“Battleship?”

“I like the way the producer linked the board game with the sonar on the destroyer.”

“That was a neat idea.”

“How many boyfriends have you had?”

“A few.” She took a gulp of wine.

“Not good enough.”

“Let me see.” She dragged out the words as she was thinking. “There was Bobby in eighth grade. Dennis in eleventh grade. George took me to Senior Prom.”

“George, huh. You have sex with George?”

She should have known. “My turn. How many girlfriends have you had?”

“Couldn’t think of your own question?” One brow rose and he smiled smugly.

Cocky butt.

“More than a few,” he continued. “I was a horny teenager.”

“Okay, you win.” She laughed. “No more questions.”

He shrugged. “I’m starting to like this game.”

“It’s really good to see you smile.”

“Been a while.”

While Hunter poured her another glass of wine she stretched her legs toward the fire. “It’s so cozy here. What will you do with the cabin?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

“Don’t make a decision too quickly” She watched the shadow of the flames dancing across his face. She wished he would stay here forever. How quickly she’d grown accustomed to living in this house, seeing Hunter every day, waking up next to him in the mornings.

“I’m sure Aunt Fay will be happy to look after the place when you leave.”

“Where am I going?”

“I meant, when you go back to the Army, for your next tour. How long before you leave?”

“I don’t.”

She shifted to see his face. “What?”

“I won’t be going back.”

“I thought you were on a hardship leave, or the Army gave you time off to settle your uncle’s affairs.”

“I’m done with the Army.”

That’s a huge decision. From what she’d been told, she never would have thought Hunter would just quit.

“That must have been a tough decision. Are you sure—?”

“I’d rather not talk about it. You help me forget.”

“Sometimes talking helps.”

He laced his fingers with hers and brought her hand to his mouth. After kissing her knuckles, he ran his tongue over her fingertips.

“If you’re hoping to distract me . . . mmm I like it.” She lifted her other hand and ran her fingers through his hair, turning him where she could meet his gaze. “Please, talk to me.”

His chest rose and fell as if it hurt to breathe. “Dani, I am so—”

“Do not apologize.” Her fingers tightened on his scalp. “Not again. It happened. I’m all right. If you want to share anything other than an apology, I’ll listen.”

He pressed her knuckles to his mouth for several seconds.

“I’m going to need something stronger than this.” Taking his wine glass with him, he shoved from the floor, his steps heavy as though he carried his burden with every step. “We do have a few bottles of Scotch hidden in the kitchen.”

Digging under the counter, he grabbed one. Swiping a glass from a cabinet, he returned to their space on the floor.

“What do you mean you’re not going back?”

“I’ve had enough carnage. I received my discharge papers before I came here.” He uncapped the bottle and splashed scotch into his glass. “I loved the Army. I planned to be a lifer.”

“Then why?”

“I got tired of watching my buddies die.”

She linked her fingers with his, hopefully conveying, she wasn’t going anywhere.

His fingers wrapped around hers warm and secure, while shadows clouded his baby blues. “The ‘Gates of Hell’. That was our name for the zone, in Afghanistan. We were Special Forces. Orders for deployment could be issued at any given time so my men had to be ready. We were given our destination after we boarded a plane.”

He studied the amber liquid in his glass.

“There were fifteen guys in our group, units of five. Sometimes we all went, sometimes we rotated in five man groups. One unit advanced, and the rest supplied backup. Whatever the job called for. You never knew when your time might be up. Each of us lived with that. Accepted it.” He gulped half the glass of whiskey. “It’s hard to believe they’re all gone.”

Dani couldn’t keep the gasp from flying out of her throat.
All of them?
She tightened the grip on his hand and rested her head on his shoulder.

“We were outgunned, outmanned. We didn’t even have orders to be there. It was a black op. Do you know what that means, Dani?”

The haunted look in his eyes tore at her heart. She was almost relieved when he turned his gaze back to the fire.

“My job was to get our unit to the target. I knew right away something wasn’t right. I told my unit to evacuate. We made it to the end of a tunnel. They were waiting for us.

She rubbed her fingers over his hand and waited to hear more.

“Good men in my unit died because of piss poor intel. We called for extraction, but with the chaos, the communication was distorted. Extraction wasn’t possible, but a drone was sent with heavy armor fire support. When the gunfire and explosions stopped, there was only Mike, Kip, and me.”

His voice sounded like he’d eaten glass. She wanted to take away his pain, heal his hurt. And she knew there was more to his story and feared the worst was yet to come.

“We hiked to our pickup point. On the way, we came upon a village.” His jaw flexed. He took a deep breath and slowly released it.

Silence stretched around them as she watched Hunter draw into himself. He stared into the fire for long punishing moments.

***

The explosion flared brutally clear, as vivid as if it happened yesterday, and the pain was just as engulfing. A few more clicks and they would have been at the rendezvous point, where he would give the location of his fallen men.

Then they stumbled upon the village and the shit with the boy. He could still see Mike’s smile as he squatted down to the boy’s level. Still hear Kip’s shout. The bench. The explosion. The blood. So much blood.

“Hunter?” Dani’s troubled voice jerked him from his trance.

For one crazy wild moment he thought he’d spoken aloud. He squeezed his eyes closed hoping to blot out the cruel vision. How could he expose Dani to the violence of war?

He felt her hand on his cheek. When he looked into her eyes, the pressure in his chest eased. For some reason Dani calmed him. Strength flowed from her, surrounding him in comfort.

“The people in the village were welcoming. The women gave us water. I was speaking with a man, I figured he was the person in charge, or a chief of some sort, while Mike and Kip cleared the area. There was a boy.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Mike was the youngest in my unit. The other guys gave him a hard time, but he was a champ. He’d earned their respect. A true soldier. He kept hard candy in this pocket. The guys appreciated it during maneuvers when their throats went dry, but it was more or less an enticement—a good device to make friends. Kip and Mike know the drill. They were thorough. No threats were found. Mike gave the boy a piece of candy. My concentration was on the leader, my thoughts were on getting us home.”

Dani’s warm hand caressed his chest. He tightened his arm around her.

“The boy led Mike to a bench, and I turned back to the man. I didn’t see what happened, but I heard Kip yell, ‘Wait’. Instincts kicked in, I spun around, weapon at the ready, primed to face the threat. I saw Kip running, and then, all I saw was dirt.” Dani curled into him, her hand over his heart. “The bench was strapped with explosives. The boy was sacrificed.”

“No!” Dani cried out.

He couldn’t look at her, didn’t want her to see his anguish reflected in her eyes. She cuddled into him, giving him just what he needed, her warmth, grounding him when he wanted to strike out at everyone.

“That’s the last thing I remember until I heard the chopper blades whipping in the air.” He raked his fingers through his hair. He didn’t like being unable to control his emotions.

She locked her arms around him. God, she felt good. He kissed the top of her head.

“I was discharged months ago. Going home was not an option. With Dad gone and my mom remarried, I wasn’t about to destroy her happiness. I was in Afghanistan when I got news about my uncle, so he was gone, too. It hurts to say it out loud. Uncle Denny, the war . . . my emotions were still too raw.” He lowered his head against the top of hers. “So much death and destruction, my life was in shambles. I only existed.”

Her hands slipped under his shirt, stroking his back. God it felt good. She felt good. He’d never had emotions grab him by the balls. He never wanted to let her go.

Talk about building castles in the sky.

“The easiest coping mechanism would have been to dive into a bottle. But I’ve seen what alcohol can do. No amount of liquor can kill the pain of reliving the moment of holding your friend’s damaged body in your arms.”

She shivered against him.

“I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

She pulled away to look at him. “I want you to share your thoughts and feelings.

“The worst is the guilt.”

“Guilt?”

“I lived. They didn’t.”

Dani cradled his face. God, he loved her touch. He inhaled her clean scent.

“You didn’t want to die, Hunter. Neither did they. What do you have to be guilty for? Guilt is a vicious thing, we heap on ourselves, and most times, as in your case, undeserved. Please don’t regret that you lived.” Her eyes examined his. “You would have given your life for your buddies, am I right?”

“Damned straight.”

“I’m sure they felt the same way. Honor them by sharing memories of the way they lived.”

He frowned in confusion. She rubbed his forehead the way he liked.

“Remember the good things. You of all people know how quickly life can end. So make the most of the time you have. Don’t live in the darkness of the past. Your buddies wouldn’t want that.”

Could he do that? Live outside of his darkness?

“Besides, tis the season. Good tidings. Miracles. Forgiveness. Love.”

“I don’t deserve anyone’s love.”

Her heart ached hearing his declaration. “Life offers opportunities as well as obstacles. I bet the families of your friends would love to see you. You’d be honoring your friend’s memories. And I’m sure their relatives would appreciate your consideration.”

Good God, was she falling for him? “Don’t care too much about me, Dani. I’m a lost cause.”

“I disagree.”

“Take my word for it. Stay away from me.” He turned away.