A Hero Scarred (3 page)

Chapter Five

Jessie’s pulse raced. Before she got a chance to stand, Matt came around the table to help her up. Passion filled his gaze. Hungry. Needy. He grabbed hold of her hand in his larger one. The feel of his warm skin on hers drove her hormones into
a frenzy.

She stopped.

“Shoes.” She pointed down to their feet. With both their shoes in their hands, they headed for the beach.

Nerves twined in her belly, curling into thick knots around her stomach. He seemed like a nice guy. One she’d love to get to know better on an intimate level if it weren’t for the negative experience she carried around with her.

“Is this your first set-up?” His deep voice melted through her pores, slowly making its way to her pussy to turn her slick.

“Yes.” She hadn’t been with a man in months. The stress of her divorce was enough to leave a bad taste in her mouth when any man approached her. Now she felt her hormones waking up.
And taking great big notice of Matt.

Big. Oh, yes.

Sexy. Hell to the yeah.

Making her panties wet.
Without a doubt.

This was Kayla’s attempt at setting them up. Matt was clearly uncomfortable with being on a date, and she definitely wasn’t looking for a relationship. No way. No how. But maybe they could still have fun. There wasn’t a rule that said they couldn’t enjoy each other’s company.

Salty breeze floated over her skin. His arm brushed her shoulder and his grip on her hand tightened, making her even more aware of how close he was. Warm water washed by their feet. With each step they took, her feet sank into the soft sand, spreading through her toes in a grainy massage.

“Matt.” She stopped and turned to stand in front of him. Those piercing eyes of his melted more of her resistance.

“Yes?” He continued holding her hand, but raised his other one to cup her cheek.

Lord
have mercy.

“I…” Want a kiss. Right now please. “Had a great time at dinner.”

His gaze dropped down to her lips, lips she licked that very moment. Then, in a slow motion move worthy of any romantic movie, he lowered his head, brought his lips down to hers, and kissed her.

Oh, what a kiss. His firm lips brushed tentatively over hers at first, tempting her to open up and let him in. She sighed, pushing out a little moan. That’s all it took. Soft went out the window. Mouths pasted together. Tongues tangled in frenzied caresses so hot it felt like he’d branded her.

The hand holding hers let go and pulled her into his warm muscular body. She crawled her fingers up his torso. Giddiness filled her. She’d finally gotten her hands on his gorgeous body. Tight muscles shifted under her palms, adding a new rush of arousal to her already heated core. He tugged her closer, rubbing his steel hard erection on her belly. Her pussy quivered in need.

She broke away from the kiss, panting. “God. I—”

The look he gave her said it all. Him. Her. Really hot sex.

“I want you, Jessie. I haven’t been with anyone in a while.” He licked those sexy lips that had just seconds before been devouring hers.

“I haven’t either.” Need turned her voice husky. Their gazes locked and temptation didn’t just knock at her door, no. It broke it down and said “I’m here.”

He rocked his cock over her belly. Arousal sent electric shocks down to her clit, making it twitch. “I want to spend more time with you.”

Two seconds. That’s all it took for her to decide she wanted the same thing too. “Let’s go to my room.”

Once the words were out, she wanted to drag him to her room and strip him.

“Are you sure?” He squeezed her ass over the soft material of her dress.

If she thought any more about him fucking her, she’d burn out all her brain cells. “I’m positive.”

Several steps and they stopped by a palm tree. Then another clash of lips hurled her temperature out of orbit. His tongue rubbed sensually against hers, claiming every crevice in her mouth, owning her lips. A soft whimper sounded in the back of her throat. She gripped his shirt in her hands, tugging at the material. It had to come off as soon as possible or she’d tear it off. He tore away from her, clenched his teeth together, and groaned.

“Tell me you want this now or we’ll stop.”

Stop? Was he crazy? There’d be no stopping. There would be coming for both of them if she had anything to do with it. She breathed hard, trying to drive air into her lungs.

“I want—I want you.” She drove her hands into his short hair, tugged his head down, and shoved her tongue into his mouth. Fuck waiting for the bedroom. With her fingers curled tight on his strands, she ran her nails across his scalp in a rough caress that was very unlike her.

“Fuck!” He sucked her neck. Her pulse beat erratically with each lick he did on her skin. Farther down, he swept his tongue over the top of her breasts.

“Oh
yesss,” she moaned, leaning her head back on the tree.

One tug, and the dress
was down to her waist, her breasts bared. The man was a genius. He worked wonders, sucking one nipple into his mouth. It didn’t stop there. His second hand lifted the hem of her dress and went straight for her panties. Instinctively, she widened her legs, making room for whatever he had planned.

She moaned. The hand in her crotch pushed the panties aside and rubbed right at her clit. A bone-deep shudder racked her spine.

Matt released her nipple from the prison of his lips. The cool air scrunched up the little bud tighter. “Jessie, God. Look how beautiful you are. And so responsive.”

Not even in her wildest dreams would she have come up with this. He rubbed up and down her clit. Lightly. Slowly winding the wheel of desire at her core. The tree’s rough bark rubbed against her back, a reminder they were still outside in view of anyone who happened by.

Lick. Suck. Bite. Moan. She groaned with each pleasurable nibble. Her hips rocked on his fingers, hoping to increase the friction on her clit. Then he added to her torture by slipping one digit into her pussy.

“So wet.”

She ran her hands down to his shoulders and held on.

“Matt, please.”

He glanced up from her wet nipple and met her gaze. The lines of his face were tight with need. Hunger. Passion. It was clear to see.

She gasped. He dropped down to his knees and dove under her skirt. He tugged on her panties. The material ripped and slid off. Digging her nails on the tree at her back, she widened
her legs and waited. His hot breath floated over her pussy lips. Then he rubbed his mouth over her slick sex.

“Oh, Matt.”

One lick. Then another. Breaths pounded hard in her chest. He flicked his tongue mercilessly over her clit. Her belly quivered as he did long, wet, licks through her folds. Stars burst behind her lids, covering the field of her vision in white sparkles.

He thrust his tongue into her channel. Lick. Suck. Fuck. Her body burned. Goosebumps broke over her skin with each swipe of his tongue on her sensitive flesh. His fingers bit into her ass. Cheeks squeezed tight, he focused on her clit.

Ragged breaths rushed out in a panted wheeze. “Oh my God…”

Another suck. The ball of tension tightened some more. Another flick. She stood at the edge of a precipice, ready to fall into the waves of pleasure. His teeth grazed her nub in a nibble that broke through the tension and shoved her into a tidal wave of bliss.

She bit her lip hard to hold back the scream pushing up her throat. Her legs shook and almost gave under her had it not been for his tight grip. Molten fire heated her veins and travelled through her body in a slow river of joy.

He pulled away from under her skirt to stand before her. That’s when she attacked. She threw herself in his arms, molded their lips together, and kissed him.

Harsh.

Demanding.

Aggressive.

Completely unlike her and yet incredibly liberating.
He groaned into their kiss. Her hand shot down to his pants. Unzip. His hard, long, cock sprang free. Another moan from him and she pulled back to jerk him in her hand while staring at him.

“Tell me to put your nice long cock in my mouth.”

“Fuck, Jessie.”

“Tell me to suck it and I will.” She squeezed at his pulsing member. Then she rubbed her palm over his slit and coated it with his
precum. She used it to lubricate her hand and jerk him in her grip.

His bright hungry gaze held her immobile. Her body still burned with her need to get fucked. She wanted his cock inside her.

“Wrap those gorgeous lips around my dick and suck.”

Yes. “With pleasure.”

She lowered to her knees. His smooth, hard, length beckoned her to taste. One final glance up caught him watching her.

Intense.

She leaned forward, not once taking her gaze from his, rubbed the head of his cock over her lips, and then pulled back. His jaw clenched, but he said nothing. Her mouth dropped down to his balls, sucking them into her mouth at the same time she jerked him.

“Christ!”

Her enthusiasm grew. Trailing a long, wet, lick up his stiff length, she reached the crown of his cock and flicked her tongue in a lazy circle over it.

“Yes, baby. Put my cock in your mouth.” He moaned.

That’s exactly what she did. Widened her lips around his dick and licked him as he thrust down her throat. She propelled back and then sucked him further into her mouth. Her saliva slickened his length, allowing for ease of penetration. Her pussy juices dripped down her legs. She squirmed, but continued bopping her head on his cock. She suctioned her cheeks tight and felt his fingers grip her hair. His hips thrust into her mouth. Not hard, but with enough force she knew he had a difficult time holding himself still. She jerked and sucked him repeatedly. Faster and faster until all she heard was his hard breathing.

“Stop.” He tugged at her hair, pulling her off his cock.

Grasping her by the shoulders, he helped her back to her feet. Passion burned bright between them. She wanted more.

What sounded like plastic caught her attention. She glanced down as he dug into his pocket and pulled out a condom. She tried to take it off him.

“Let me.”

“Later,” he replied.

He tore at the wrapper and slid the rubber over his cock. Her heart beat so loud in her head she had a hard time listening to anything else. They kissed again, bodies flushed tight.

Anticipation ate at her nerve endings. She needed him. Needed more of his drugging touches.

Before she realized it, he lowered to sit on the sand and pulled her down to straddle him, his very erect cock pointing up and ready for her.

“Ride me.”

Absolutely. She dropped down, placed a leg over his, and gripped his shaft in her hand. He bit his fingers into her hips, helping her with her descent. His cock stretched her pussy muscles taut. So good. She continued her way down in one quick drive, until she sat there impaled by him.

They both groaned.

She lifted, dropped, and then rocked her hips in a quick shimmy. The move rubbed his dick inside her pussy in an amazing friction.

“Oh God!” She gasped. Her moves increased in speed. His fingers dug deep into her hips, urging her up and down his length. Her back arched, pushing her breasts out toward his face. He sucked a nipple into his mouth, tugging hard at the little bud. So hard it felt as though her pussy was on fire and the suck had reached her clit. He bit her tit, let it go with a pop, and sucked her other large breast into his mouth.

“Matt!” She squeaked. Her body stiffened. He increased the speed. She slowed down, waiting for the tension to snap. He dropped her hard over his dick. Each lift and drop tightened the knot in her womb farther and farther. But it didn’t break. He reached between her pussy lips and pinched at her clit.

The world exploded. Sight, sound, and light swirled into a mess. Her body shook as tremor after tremor racked her. Matt stiffened under her. He bit hard on her nipple, sending shock waves through her body. His cock pulsed in her pussy. For a moment neither moved, slowly coming down from their pleasure high.

Passion cleared the haze in her eyes. Matt’s eyes sparkled. He gripped her hair and tugged her head closer. Lips met. Soft. Sensual. His hands caressed her breasts and fixed the top of her dress.

When they broke off, he met her gaze with a smile. “Let’s go to my room.”

Um, okay. If it got her more mind-melting sex, she’d go to the deep ends of the ocean and fight a shark if necessary.

Chapter Seven

Matt helped Jessie back to her feet. Her chest and face glowed with perspiration. Beautiful. She breathed in hurried little puffs. Passion burned in his veins with his new need to taste her again. Touch her. Take her.

He hugged her to his side as they headed back to the house. Much to his surprise, they didn’t encounter a single person on their way. It was as if they were completely alone. Jessie’s hand trailed under his shirt. He moved away, grasping her hand in his.

The look on her face, filled with need and hunger, shook off the insecurity of taking her to his room. Desperation took control of him. Of his action. Of his mind.

A new force hauled him through his door. She stopped in the middle of the room and turned to face him with her gorgeous eyes speaking for her. They taunted him to hurry up.

She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. “I am not going to ask you to show me your scars.” Oxygen froze in his lungs. “But if you choose to, understand there is nothing that will change how much I want you.”

Maybe. The darkness that tried to consume him into the world of self-doubt made its presence known.  Or she could give him one of those looks that reached down to his gut and made him feel all kinds of inadequate. Like the nurses had done. Like his ex-girlfriend had. He was no longer that
good looking guy that chatted up the ladies. Or the one who’d joined Ryan’s unit. No. She was looking at a show of his former self.

He took a step toward her. God she was so beautiful. Her eyes shone with understanding, and it almost made him rethink things. Almost.

“I know what pain is like, Matt,” she whispered.

“Not my pain.” Fear for her to see what he’d turned into made him lash out. “People say they understand, but they don’t. Nobody does. You return a ghost of a person. It’s easy to say things, but when you live hell day in and day out, it messes with your soul. To be so drastically changed that you’re not you anymore? How do you think that feels?”

She reeled back as if slapped, but continued to meet his gaze. “Probably as bad as it feels to trust someone and find out that they broke your trust, they killed any affection, and to top it off, they wanted to see you destroyed.”

“I’m not the man I used to be.” He forced out. His chest ached with a burning he’d never felt before. He knew that he was slowly killing their evening with his words, but he couldn’t seem to stop.

“I’m not the person I was three years ago.” She sat down on the trunk in front of his bed, hands folded in a tight grip. “I have a hard time seeing any good in men lately.”

She pressed her lips together before glancing up at him. “I didn’t want to come here. I knew there was a possibility I’d meet a nice guy. But I didn’t want to take that chance. You asked me earlier if I wanted to find love. My past experience tells me that if love hurts you to the point it almost destroys you then no, I don’t want that love.”

Sadness filled his chest. For her. For him. For the things they were both scared of in other people.

“Love isn’t like that. Haven’t you seen Kayla and Ryan? There are no lies or deceptions, just an honest need to make each other happy. Without asking for anything in return.”

She glanced down at her hands. “I’ve never experienced that before. So it’s a little hard for me to believe I ever will. Especially with my track record.”

It was then he fully realized Jessie had scars too.
Probably bigger ones than him. Yet Jessie sat there, all sad and alone. It cracked something inside him. He liked her. She was beautiful, and the things she’d said so far made her one of the few people who came close to knowing how he felt without the experience.

He got on his knees in front of her and took her hands in his. It was stupid, but he wanted to tell her to trust him. That he wouldn’t do those things to her.

“Stay here.” He heard himself say.

She cocked her head, staring at him. “I don’t know.
You and I. This is only going to lead to someone getting hurt.”

Yeah, and it looked to him like it would be him. His heart already beat harder when she smiled and his stomach twisted at her sad look. Maybe he hadn’t wanted a relationship before. But that was before Jessie. Before he saw that there was a nice woman who’d been hurt by lies that also needed tender care.

He didn’t get a chance to say anything else. She leaned forward and kissed his lips. Just a flutter of a kiss and pulled back.

“Matt, you’re beautiful.” Her lips tipped up in a small grin. “Not because of your eyes, or your hair, or that hard body I know lives under your clothes. No. You’re strong, a hero. You fought for our people and came back. You left it all behind to protect our country. All that, with the possibility that you might be giving up your life.”

He swallowed hard the knot in his throat. He’d never thought of what he’d done in that way. Just knew he wanted to help keep his friends and family safe.

“I’m no hero.”

Her small hand caressed his bristly cheek. “You are. You’re a hero scarred. But until you start to realize not everyone will pity you, you’re never going to move on.”

A sick sensation took over at the pit of his stomach. Should he show her his scars? Would that finally prove that she was different? Bile hit the back of his throat as he fought the sickness in his stomach.

“I’m sorry, Jessie.” He saw a flash of pain flicker through her eyes.

“It’s fine. I should go.” She stood and marched past him. At the door, she stopped and said, “Thank you for a really great evening.”

Curling his hands into fists, he watched her go. He couldn’t give her what she wanted. From the moment he’d returned changed—from the inside out, he knew that learning to open up would be hard. War alone was tough. The things he’d seen still gave him nightmares, but his scars weren’t a sideshow.

A few hours later, he was still sitting on his bed, thinking. Jessie. They were both so scarred. Could anything work between them? His mind ran her words in circles, over and over again. Dawn fast approached when someone knocked on his door.

Jessie.

He jumped off the bed and flung it open. Ryan. His friend’s
deep set frown worried him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think we should talk,” he said. “Want to go down by the beach?”

“Sure.” It wasn’t like he’d get any sleep. Not when all he’d been thinking about was Jessie.
Jessie’s lips. Jessie sucking his cock. Jessie moaning as she rode him.

The sun had started to peek up as they reached the beach. He and Ryan sat down by the water, letting it wet their feet as the tide came in.

“What’s going on?”

“Look, I know what Kayla did wasn’t the best way to go about things, and for that I’m sorry. She really thought you and Jessie would hit it off being that you’ve had difficult times lately.”

He nodded. Kayla had been right. “It’s okay. Don’t even worry about it. We had a nice dinner.”

“That’s the thing.” Ryan turned to him. “Jessie waited up for us last night. She seemed down and asked Kayla to arrange for someone to take her home.”

“What?”

Pulsing pain beat at his chest. He’d done that. Pushed her away with his need to hide himself.

“She said she didn’t want to interrupt our other guests and would return another time.” Ryan’s gaze never wavered from his face. “I just wanted to let you know. She looked kind of sad.”

“She wanted to see my scars.” He gulped at the sick sensation curling around his vocal cords.

“So? Why didn’t you show them to her? She sees scars all the time.”

“What?” His surprise sounded in his question.

Ryan shook his head. His lips pressed into a tight line. “She works with Kayla. They’ve been working with deformed and severely scarred children. Plus, she volunteers in the burn unit. She’s probably seen worse scars than the ones you have.”

“I-I couldn’t show them to her.”

Ryan’s shoulders drooped. “Why?”

“You know how hard it is to see that sympathy and pity in people’s faces. It only serves to remind us of our flaws.”

“She’s not like that. Jessie’s husband was an asshole who took her for a ride and then tried to leave her with nothing. Took her two years to get rid of the bastard. This was her first time meeting someone new.”

Acid burned in Matt’s stomach. She’d seemed so sad with some of the things she’d said. “She said some things that made me question if she knew what it was like to be hurt like we are.”

Ryan picked up a seashell and started flipping it between his fingers. “She knows all right. Her ex cheated, took some of the money her parents left her, and when she fought back, he put his hands on her. So yeah, she knows.”

“I feel like such a dick.” He ran his fingers through his hair, gripping the short strands. Frustration and stupidity beat at his insides. He’d felt so insecure, so hurt, that he swore she couldn’t understand. Dumbass. Someone as sweet as her shouldn’t have been hurt at all.

Ryan sighed. “It happens to all of us man. I almost lost Kayla from my own insecure thoughts.” He pinned him with a serious look. “Don’t do the same. Jessie’s a wonderful person. I’m not telling you to go ask for her hand in marriage. The poor woman has had enough negativity with that to be a skeptic for life, but if you like her to the point you feel comfortable with her, talk to her. When you meet a person who understands some of the fear and pain you’ve been through, get to know her better. She may just be the one who’ll make you feel whole again.”

Air froze in his chest. That’s what he’d been feeling the hours he’d spoken to Jessie. A bit more like the man he’d used to be. He’d felt…whole. Urgency grew wings in his heart. He had to find her.
Talk to her.

“I need to see her.”

Ryan smiled. “The chopper’s waiting for you.”