A Hundred Pieces of Me (59 page)

Tell us about a guilty pleasure.

Mascarpone mashed up with icing sugar. I urge you
not
to try it. The slippery slope to Hell is covered in mascarpone, with Irish Dairy Milk handrails. 

What’s your favourite karaoke song?

I do a mean ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ by Cher. Especially the low honking parts.

What was the last song you listened to?

The last song I listened to was The Viking Literally Song from
Horrible Histories
. No day is complete without a bit of
HH
.

What’s your secret special talent?

I can waltz, cha cha cha and foxtrot.

What can you always be found with?

A cup of coffee.

What’s your idea of perfect happiness?

A huge sofa, a new hardback, a coal fire, dogs each side of me, and rain lashing down on the windows. Or a night of Scottish reeling that never ends, with a bar that never runs dry.

A Note from Lucy Dillon

Cancer, especially breast cancer, is something that will, sadly, probably touch all our lives at some point; currently, in a lifetime breast cancer affects 1 in 8 women (and 1 in 868 men). I won’t presume to go into detail about such a complicated and important topic here, but I found Macmillan Cancer Support (www.macmillan.org.uk) and Breast Cancer Care (www.breastcancercare.org.uk) straightforward and helpful sources of information and support while I was researching this book. The stories and everyday bravery of women just like Gina were inspiring, and I’m even more admiring than ever of the work the fundraisers, supporters and researchers do to help those facing breast cancer.

Ten tips for being a good client, gleaned from the builders working on my house, and my own ‘slow learner’ experience

 1.
Decide what you want.
House renovators, as far as I’ve gathered, tend to fall into two groups. People who know what they want, and people who don’t. People who know what they want may have stacks of mood boards, and irritatingly specific requirements about lighting that may not always be possible outside a showroom, but they’re easier to work with than people who don’t know what they want, and take three weeks to decide where to put light switches. Some things will only occur to you as you go along, but it saves everyone’s time if you’ve at least
thought
about how many plug sockets you want in your sitting room before the electrician arrives. (Not surprisingly, when you’re invoiced for two builders standing around for a whole day while you hem and haw about grout colours, your mind will be focused.)

a)
Decide what you want between you.
This is my builder’s biggest bug-bear: doing a job to the exact specifications of one person, only for their other half to come back and decide it’s completely wrong and needs re-doing. Re-painting a room is fair enough. Moving a whole oak floor is a nightmare for everyone. So is standing by as a couple come to blows about what kind of taps they really wanted.

 2.
Put proposed works and costs in writing,
so there can be no confusion about what was included in the quote. Extras will inevitably crop up but it’s important to communicate exactly what you want. It’s much harder all round when the work’s been done. Or not.

 3.
Get a kettle, plenty of tea, coffee, milk and biscuits;
leave out for the builders. They can then make their own and not bother you. Popular biscuits: chocolate digestives, bourbons. Unpopular: Nice biscuits.

 4.
Make lists
of what’s vital, what’s important and what can wait. Do not harass the builders about items on List 3 while they’re in the middle of vital structural work, but do not be fobbed off about items on List 1. If you haven’t employed a project manager to deal with the various tradesmen, establish who the foreman is, and have a regular ‘end of the week’ conversation, so you know where you are. Write things down.

 5.
Pay your invoices on time.
You don’t want the plumber to be ‘hard to get hold of’ when everyone’s waiting for him to put the water back on.

 6.
Ask questions.
The thing about renovations, according to my brilliant electrician, is that you learn by doing them. The trouble is, not only is renovation work quite stressful (you only have to look at
Grand Designs
to work that out) but most people have done up one, maybe two houses before. Your builders, on the other hand, have hopefully done lots. So ask. Their last client’s problem might be your solution.

 7.
If you can’t work out where to put lights or switches,
photocopy your fittings and stick them to the ceiling/walls with Blu-tack until they look right. Also, put a plug socket in a cupboard so you can charge all your chargeable stuff in one place.

 8.
Hide your expensive hoover.
Someone will use it to hoover up the seventy tons of brick dust that’ll be generated. There is always dust. Even if you’re just having some shelves put in. Isolate the work if you can; cover up everything. Move out, if at all possible. If not possible, get noise-cancelling headphones and some gin.

 9.
Take lots of photos
– it’s good to have a record, and better to remind yourself just how horrible it all once was, and how much nicer it is now.

10.
Be professional but friendly
– compliment all the great work the builders have done, as well as moan about the paint splatters on the new tiles. After all, renovation work can go on for ages. There will come a time when the house will seem strangely empty without three men in overalls, listening to Radio 2 and drilling . . . stuff.

a)
If your builders are following you on Twitter,
make sure you only ever tweet nice things about them. And don’t follow them obsessively to see if they’re complaining about the Nice biscuits again. Actually, best not to follow your builders at all.

Greyhounds: some reasons why they make the perfect pet

If you’re thinking of getting a dog, then spare a thought for the thousands of retired greyhounds looking for a second life away from the track. Not only are they real pedigree dogs, with ancestry you can trace back through several generations, should you want to, but they’ve been specially bred to be easy-going and companionable. And nothing says love like a greyhound leaning silently against you with its full weight . . .

1. Contrary to what you might expect,
greyhounds don’t need endless exercise.
They’re sprinters, not joggers, so a couple of twenty-minute walks and the occasional mad dash around an enclosed field or park will do them fine. If you want to walk further, they’re perfectly happy to join you – as long as you wrap them up in winter.

2. Their
laidback temperaments
make them ideal pets: calm, gentle and affectionate, a greyhound is basically an elegant love sponge with a quirky personality to match his aristocratic looks. OK, so you might have to keep food well out of reach of that long nose but they don’t yap, dig or shed hair as much as other breeds, making them great for owners with dog allergies, and they’re used to a routine from their racing days, so will fit into yours quickly.

3.
You get what you see
: rehoming a fully grown dog means there are no surprises, unlike puppies, which can often grow into something you weren’t expecting. Rescue centres rehabilitate ex-racers, and fosterers will assess their needs and personalities so you can be matched with the right dog for your specific circumstances. Not all of them are huge either – greys come in all shapes and sizes, from muscular racers to smaller and more delicate dogs, and in every colour.

4.
Some do like cats
. Like many dogs, greyhounds are prone to chasing cats (and other furry creatures) – the difference is that they’re fast enough to catch them. But not all greys see moggies as a challenge. The rescue centre will test them with a (willing) cat volunteer to see if they’re chilled out enough to share their home with a feline friend, and many pass with flying colours.

5.
They come with their own, ready-made social life
. You’ll definitely make friends when you adopt a greyhound, not least because no passer-by can resist saying hello. Since greys spend most of their working lives in kennels, rarely meeting other kinds of dogs, they socialise best with other hounds, so rehoming charities and owners’ clubs organise regular ‘greydates’, fun days, and fund-raising walks.

6.
They’re stunningly beautiful
to look at, even when they’re sprawled upside down on your sofa. To own a greyhound is to have a little piece of history in your home: from Egypt to Elizabethan England, the soulful eyes of the greyhound gaze out of tapestries, portraits and photographs. Few dogs have lived such colourful and respected lives.

7.
There are thousands of them waiting in rescue
for a new home. After a short racing life, many dogs are abandoned or put down if they’re injured, not quick enough or just too old. And yet as a long-living large breed, often reaching ages from twelve to fifteen, they still have many years of love to give – and make devoted friends to their forever owners.

Useful links:

Greyhound Rescue West of England: www.grwe.com

Retired Greyhound Trust: www.retiredgreyhounds.co.uk

Greyhound Gap: www.greyhoundgap.org.uk

Greyhound Rescue Wales: www.greyhoundrescuewales.co.uk

Scottish Greyhound Sanctuary: www.scottishgreyhoundsanctuary.com

Celia Cross Greyhound Trust: www.celiacross.org.uk

Lucy Dillon

The Secret of Happy Ever After

When
Anna
takes over Longhampton’s bookshop, it’s her dream come true. And not just because it gets her away from her rowdy stepchildren and their hyperactive Dalmatian.

As she unpacks boxes of childhood classics, Anna can’t shake the feeling that maybe her own fairytale ending isn’t all that she’d hoped for. But as the stories of love, adventure, secret gardens and giant peaches breathe new life into the neglected shop, Anna and her customers get swept up in the magic too.

Even Anna’s best friend
Michelle
– who categorically doesn’t believe in true love and handsome princes – isn’t immune.

But when secrets from Michelle’s own childhood come back to haunt her, and disaster threatens Anna’s home, will the wisdom and charm of the stories in the bookshop help the two friends – and those they love – find their own happy ever after?

‘Lucy Dillon’s voice is gentle and kind throughout . . . perceptive and well handled. A heart-warming piece of escapism for long winter nights.’
Red

Lucy Dillon

Walking Back to Happiness

Juliet’s
been in hiding. From her family, from her life, but most of all from the fact that Ben’s not around anymore.

Her mother
Diane
has run out of advice. But then she insists Juliet look after her elderly Labrador and it becomes apparent that
Coco
the dog might actually be the one who can rescue her daughter.

Especially when it leads to her walking dogs for a few other locals too, including a spaniel,
Damson
, who belongs to a very attractive man . . .

Before she knows it, Juliet realises she has somehow become the town’s unofficial pet-sitter. A job which makes her privy to the lives and secrets of everyone whose animals she’s caring for.