A Lady in Defiance (37 page)

“Because you sin with such pride and boldness.” She pointed
an accusing finger at him. “You know exactly what you’re doing. I’ve never seen
a man use people with such calculated deliberation.”

“And that makes me less worthy of forgiveness?”

After staring back at him defiantly for several seconds, she
finally softened a bit, out of pure fatigue. Shaking her head, she looked up at
the ceiling. “Back home, it was so much easier. Go to church on Sundays, say
‘Amen’ in the right places, and then have company for Sunday dinner. It was easy
being a Believer when we didn’t have to put our faith to the test day in and
day out...” She looked at him again. “Here it’s a challenge every second to
live what we believe. I feel like all I do is make mistakes.” Her shoulders
sagged with the admission. “Is that what you wanted hear?”

Slowly, Mr. McIntyre walked around his desk and stood before
her, pushing through all her personal barriers to stand too close. Naomi had
the irrational desire to run but her feet wouldn’t move. His eyes pinned her to
the spot. He raised his hands as if to touch her face, but dropped them to his
sides.

“I’m closing the saloon. I retired the Flowers.” He stepped
even closer and his nearness made her feel astonishingly light-headed. “Ian and
I are setting up a town government. I’ve invited investors to come look the
area over for opportunities in mining, timber and ranching.” Fighting the
sensation that she was drowning, Naomi managed an unsteady step backward.
Gently, he grasped her hand and while he didn’t draw her forward, she knew he
wouldn’t let her retreat further. “I truly am endeavoring to make an honest
living...to be a better man.” She tried to swallow the white-hot fear that had
risen in her throat, tried to pull her hand away but her muscles wouldn’t obey.
Her heart was beating so fast, she was sure the pounding was audible. “I
haven’t waited for a girl since I was fifteen. And then I only waited a week
before I kissed her.” Naomi’s eyes widened in terror at the mention of a kiss.
“Because of you I find myself revisiting assumptions I’ve made about my life,
God...women. You have had an undeniable influence on Defiance.” He caressed her
hand gently with his thumb. “On me.

“I know your husband hasn’t been gone even a year. I know
that you and I seem to get along about as well as Lee and Sherman...but I was
wondering,” he lowered his voice and asked carefully, “if it’s all an act. Is
there the smallest possibility that you’re afraid of me because you might
actually...have feelings for me?”

Naomi was sure her heart had stopped. Everything else had.
Her blood. Her brain. Time. All she could see were those mesmerizing brown
eyes; all she could feel was the warmth of his hand covering hers.

But like a stick of dynamite, the reality of who he was, the
kind of man he was, and the memory of her husband, it all blew up in her face.
“No,” she croaked, awed by how difficult it was to move away from him. Pure
panic filled her veins. “No.” It came out as a whimper, and she pulled her hand
away. Shaking her head, she stepped back, unable to express anything other than
a denial of his feelings...and hers. “I don’t,” and like a panicked rabbit, she
bolted. She turned and ran from the saloon as if her life depended on getting
out of there.

Only, the moment the door slammed shut behind her and the
snow was crunching beneath her feet, she knew she had lied to him.

Chapter
33

Naomi raced back to the hotel, but then stood on the porch
for a full five minutes trying to regain control of her emotions. She couldn’t
go in there with her cheeks blazing and her chest heaving. They would think
she’d seen a ghost.

If only she could. The ghost of her dead husband, the memory
of him, wasn’t enough to keep her from losing her heart to a man who−well,
it just made no sense, she fumed. How could she possibly love him!? A man who
wouldn’t give God the time of day if the Almighty walked right up and asked for
it.

Oh, Lord
, she cried out.
Please help me resist this foolish attraction. It
makes no sense. No good can come of it. It’s you and only you I want−

“Naomi, what are you doing out here?” Hannah peeked through
the cracked door. Naomi quickly turned her face away, wiped off the
embarrassing tears and tried to calm her racing heart. Her lack of a response,
though, did not dissuade her little sister. Naomi heard the front door shut and
Hannah persisted in her probing. “Talk to me. Maybe I can help.”

Actually, Hannah was the last person Naomi wanted to confide
in about man troubles. She was too young to understand her guilt and Naomi
hadn’t ever had kind words for Billy. Now here she was attracted to basically
the same kind of man. That was justice for you.

“I’d really rather not talk about it just yet, Hannah.”

Hannah mulled that over for a minute then asked, “Is it
something to do with Mr. McIntyre?” Naomi snapped her head around. Hannah
nodded. “I noticed you disappeared after dinner today. Did you go see him?”

“I went to apologize for being so unforgiving of him.” She
shook her head in astonishment. “It just didn’t turn out the way I thought it
would.”

“I’ve known there was something between you two ever since
that day I saw you choppin’ wood. I didn’t know what that something was, but it
was there.”

Miserable and getting cold, Naomi flopped down on a bench and
hugged herself for warmth. “It’s like he’s quicksand or something. The harder I
try to get away from him, the deeper I sink.”

Hannah sat down beside her. “What happened?”

“He, he held my hand.” Naomi swallowed hard. She would have
sworn she could still feel the heat there. “Then he asked if I possibly had
feelings for him.”

Hannah’s eyes saucered. “Good gravy, I guess that did take
you by surprise. Although...” She faded off, piquing Naomi’s curiosity.

“What?”

“I’ve heard things, especially from Mollie. In retrospect, I
guess a definite pattern developed but no one was looking for it.” She shook
her head, as if trying to regroup her thoughts. “Not that long after we got
here, he ended his relationship with Rose. He didn’t fill the gap by visiting
any of the other Flowers either. In fact, they said he seemed rather bored with
the whole saloon business. I know I’m young, Naomi, but if a man turns his
world upside down for a woman, surely that means he loves her.”

“He’s not a Believer, Hannah,” Naomi whispered mournfully.
“How can I even consider him? Never mind the fact that I’m riddled with guilt
for even thinking of another man.” Naomi hung her head in despair. “I loved
John with every breath I took. He was the best thing that ever happened to me
in this life.”

Hannah lowered her voice and framed her next question with
tenderness. “Have you considered the possibility that he was the second best
thing?”

“You mean after God.” Naomi nodded, acknowledging the
correction.

“No. I mean that you still have your whole life ahead of you.
If Mr. McIntyre was to become a Christian, he could be an amazing man. And the
two of you are so much alike.”

“We’re nothing alike.”

“Says you,” quipped Hannah. She snuggled up to her sister for
warmth. “I let a man lead me astray instead of me leading him to the Lord−”

“You were young and immature in your faith.”

“Exactly. And you’re not. Especially after everything you’ve
been through. If you were the tool God would use to lead Mr. McIntyre to
Christ, would you surrender your heart?”

“That’s not a fair question. I don’t have to love him like
that to lead him to the Lord.”

“What if that
was
the sacrifice God required? You’re
holding back from God and holding back from Mr. McIntyre. You’re making God
qualify what he can and can’t have of you. If Abraham didn’t hold back his son,
can you hold back your heart?”

Naomi searched Hannah’s face for clarity. “What are you
telling me to do? Pursue a relationship with a man who is not a Believer?”

“I don’t think God brought you fifteen hundred miles so you
could run from him.” Exasperation fogged Naomi’s weary mind. She pressed the
space between her eyes, warding off a headache, and prayed that Hannah would
stop talking. “Well, for what it’s worth, Naomi, I’ll tell you what I think.”
Hannah burrowed in even closer to her sister for warmth. “I think that God is
going to use you to reach Mr. McIntyre. I think that Mr. McIntyre has the words
‘Naomi’s Destiny’ stamped across his forehead. I can’t explain why God didn’t
give you a socially respectable time to morn. Having all the answers isn’t my
job.”

“No, apparently just having some of them is,” Naomi replied
with an amused sarcasm. “I hope you marry a pastor, Hannah. That way the pulpit
will be in good hands when your husband is out of town.”

~~~

McIntyre tore a biscuit in half and perused a month-old copy
of the Rocky Mountain News. At his desk in the saloon, he was trying to focus
on the news and a breakfast of semi-cold ham and eggs. While his eyes saw the
words on the page, his mind wouldn’t stop showing the image of Naomi fleeing
from his office. The urge to chase after her, spin her around and take her in
his arms had been maddeningly strong, but he had resisted. She had rejected him
outright, but the battle he had witnessed behind her eyes gave him the audacity
to hope. He reasoned that if it had been easy for her to say no, she wouldn’t
have bolted and he was oddly encouraged.

McIntyre questioned, though, how much more time this was
going to take. He wasn’t exactly used to being a monk and having such pure
thoughts about a woman, such
honorable
thoughts. This was all strikingly
new territory for him. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed deeply.
Time
,
he thought
. Just give her more time
. But it had been two weeks and
neither of them had made a move−

Ian strolled in, tossed his hat on to a side table, sat down
and waited. Without looking up from his newspaper, McIntyre commented blandly,
“I believe you’re putting on weight.”

Grinning, Ian patted his small but arguably increasing belly.
“Family life agrees with me.” While McIntyre was grateful for the interruption,
he wasn’t in the mood for his friend’s annoyingly sunshiney attitude. The
Scotsman had become downright exuberant since those women had hit town. “Naomi
told me she came by a few weeks ago and invited ye back in to our fold. Said
she was sorry for treatin’ ye so cruelly. A prideful woman, it’s no’ an easy
thing for her to apologize, especially to a man like ye.”

McIntyre slapped the newspaper, frustrated over what he
wasn’t exactly sure. “Just what does that mean? Why is it that your little
family can accept unwed mothers, prostitutes and orphans but it is such a tall
order to associate with me?”

Ian’s eyes widened in response to the outburst. “It’s no’
that any of us think we shouldn’t associate with ye, my friend.” He softened
his voice to a conciliatory tone. “And I apologize if I’ve played a part in
givin’ ye that impression. Unlike the others, though, ye’ve built an empire in
defiance of God, if ye’ll pardon the pun. By givin’ yer life to God, ye stand
to lose, and gain, the most. That makes ye harder to approach.”

 McIntyre mulled that over. “Just because I’d like to be
included in your little circle doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly going to start
preaching salvation and feeding the poor.”

“Aye, that’s exactly what I’m sayin’.” Ian moved to the edge
of his seat. “Ye’re the most resistant because ye don’t think ye need God.
Lily, Iris and Jasmine−little Chinese Jasmine who is completely
unfamiliar with the concept of a Christian god−will come to know the Lord
before ye do.” While McIntyre considered that, Ian asked, “Tell me this, why
now? Ye’ve wanted all along to make Defiance a better place to live but ye’ve
dragged yer feet. What’s put the fire in ye to get the wheels turnin’ now?”

“Her.” There. He had said it. Saying it aloud didn’t make him
feel any better but he hoped his friend might have something encouraging to say
that would lessen the blow of her rejection. “I want to be a respectable man
because I know that’s the only way a woman like her would ever consider a man
like me. Before, I wanted to build the town up into something so it could serve
my interests. Now, I want Defiance to be something I give a part of myself to.
She’s the reason.”

“The changes yer makin’ are fine, noble ones, but they willna
be enough for her. There’s always goin’ to be a man between ye.”

“Yes, I know the husband. But with time−”

“No’ the husband” Ian shook his head and gave McIntyre a look
to be heeded. “Jesus Christ. From what I’ve learned about these girls, and
Naomi in particular, they were close to Him before coming to Defiance, but now
they’re more dedicated than ever. Until ye at least try to understand her
relationship with God, she’ll keep her heart away from ye.”

McIntyre laced his fingers together and rested his chin on
his hands. “Why should that be an issue? If she came to know me−”

“She has the conviction of her faith, mon. She knows the
Scriptures. A believer is no’ to be wed to an unbeliever. It could corrupt or
weaken her faith. To find your way to her heart, I suspect ye’ll find the path
goes through God first.” As if he was suddenly in a hurry, Ian stood. “Put that
in yer pipe and smoke it. And join us for dinner tomorrow night. We’ve not seen
much of ye lately.” As he turned to leave, however, he apparently felt
impressed to offer one final thought. “Ye know, ye may think ye’ve made all
these changes and are pursuing this path of yer own volition. I’m inclined to
think, though, tha’ the Lord has directed your steps. Ye don’t need to believe
in him for him to believe in ye.”