A Little Bit of Us (9 page)

     His lips brushed
my neck, his styled hair tickled my cheek but I was too preoccupied with the havoc his lips and tongue were wreaking on my skin to give a damn.

     And then my phone rang. I’d set sirens as the ringt
one for my dad’s nurse so when we heard it we both looked up in panic. Our wedding night was over because my dad had gone into cardiac arrest.

     I snap back to the present when I enter the waiting room and there’s the doctor that operated on Amelia stood before Lucas shaking his hand. “I’ll take you to her room now.”

     “Oh thank god,” I sigh and rush to Lucas’ side. He wraps me in a tight hug, his entire body shaking with fear still left behind. I assume it’s from when the doctor came in and started to talk, he clearly expected the worst. “She’s fine.” I reassure him.

     
I release him and step over to James who smiles at me fondly. I laugh a little when he takes my bag, it isn’t even heavy by the way, and then takes my hand.

     Amelia looks completely drained of energy to say the least, her arm is in a sling and cradled to her chest. She still smiles when we all come in but her smile is for her father this time. We all step outside to give them a moment, I use this time to hand around drinks and take my own.

     Lucas lets us back in five minutes later, we’re all eager to see the little princess. “Hey you,” I say and kiss her forehead.
“I think she deserves something special for being such a brave girl.”

     “DS, with the camera,” I love the way she says camera. Cam errrrr ah. Wait, how does she even know what a
Nintendo DS is, she’s four? I tell her as much, to which she responds. “And a half.” Christ, has it been that long since her birthday? “And Jamie in school has one.”

     “Is Jamie your boyfriend?” Marie smirks and winks at Lucas. “Gonna have a little heartbreaker here.”

     “Noooo!” Amelia buries her face in her teddy, she even giggles a little. “Jamie’s a girl.”

     “Time to sleep now princess,” Lucas interjects and turns to us all
as if to say, ‘please take the hint and piss off’. I give her a kiss on the forehead and hug Lucas before stepping out of the room. The others say ‘see you later’ with numerous hugs and kisses and we leave, happy, relieved and talking about who is going to buy her the god damn DS.

     “Fine, we’ll all get it,” Marie shrugs and there’s a murmur of agreements. “Well I’m beat. Anybody need a ride?”

     Sylvia glances at me and James, a mischievous look is on her face, I don’t like it. “Yes, that would be great actually.” Now I
really
don’t like it.

     “But… I don’t mind, really,” I
say and glare at Marie, she just shrugs. Thanks buddy, real great,

     “See you kids later
.” Sylvia grins, I watch her pucker her lips and kiss James on the cheek. He hates it when she does this yet she always does it. Momma’s boy.

      We stand and watch them leave, an awkward silence settling over us. I shuffle, he shuffles.

Say something.

      “Momma’s boy,” I blurt.

You sicken me.

     “I’m not a momma’s boy,” he scoffs and pulls out onto the street only to get stuck in traffic.

     “Of course you’re
not,” I flutter my eyelashes, my sarcasm meter in the heavy zone.

     I open one of the sandwiches I purchased earlier and go to take a bite right before it’s yanked out of my hand leaving my teeth to bite into nothing but air. What the fuck? “Give that back!”

    “It has mayonnaise in it.”

    “And?”

    “You’re not supposed to eat mayonnaise whilst you’re pregnant,” he says and bites into the sandwich himself. I huff and rest my head against the window. “But I love mayonnaise,”
I sound like a whiney child and I don’t care. He doesn’t give it back and the other sandwiches are ham, ham sucks. Asshole.

     When we get into the apartment after a long silent ride home I head to the kitchen and immediately call Jacob. He’s not happy I didn’t call him that’s for sure and says he’s going to send her something. I watch as James holds up a jar of jelly and a loaf of bread, I pretend to gag. What am I, five, who eats jelly on toast? I opt for some fruit and yogurt instead, he can make that too. That equals number four on the list of things he can actually make.

     “You there?” Jacob says.

     “Yeah sorry.”

     “Don’t you have anything to say?”

     Umm… “About what?”

     “Everything I just said,” he half shouts in disbelief.

     I grin, even though he can’t see me, “Sorry but I stopped paying attention after the first sentence. You can really rant.”

     “You’re such a… a…”

     “You should really stop that Jacob, one of these days you’re going to damage yourself.”

     “Stop what? Insulting you?” he laughs once.

     “No, I mean thinking. It clearly doesn’t work for you,” James starts laughing, I slap him upside the head
, stay out of my conversation. “So if you have a fly with no wings, do you call it a walk?”

     Jacob sighs, I’m guessing he’s pinching the bridge of his nose, I have that effect on people. “I actually miss you.”

     “Awwwww. That’s nice. I’d miss me too.”

     “You’
re a bitch.”

     “Creativity is the key to a great insult Jacob. I’ve been called a bitch that many times it may as well be my middle name. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t expect your small brain to think up something specta
cular when you only have a maximum of eight seconds to respond.” Silence. More silence. “Jacob?”

     “Huh? Sorry, I stopped listening after the first word of your rant.” That cheeky! “Laters.” Beep. He just hung up on me!

     “JAMES!” I shout and barrel into the living room. Bump. Oh god.

     “What?” he jumps up from the couch and rushes straight over to me.

     I point to my stomach, “It’s doing something!”

     “What?” wow, he looks panicked. “What do you mean?”

     Bump. “It did it again! It feels like a bubble popping.”

     He places his hand on my stomach, it’s not going to do it now and I’m going to look like a liar.
Bump. Or not. His panic is replaced with a gorgeous full toothed smile, he drops to his knees in front of me and places both hands under my dress, effectively flashing my panties and stockings, although he doesn’t seem interested in that. Watch it buddy. Bump.

     “He’s kicking,” his eyes widen in awe. I go to talk but he shushes
me and stays right where he is his warm palms causing a stirring deep within.

     “I’m gonna…”

     “Shush.”

     “But it’s…”

     “Shush.” Whatever then. Bump. Stop that would you, it’s really weird. James looks up at me through his thick lashes and then back to my stomach. He leans forward whilst sliding up my dress a little further, causing me to shiver all over as the soft fabric tickles my skin, and kisses between my belly button and panties. “That’s amazing.” It’s annoying.

     “Can I go to bed now?” I grunt and step away from him. “I’m tired.”

     He shrugs whilst straightening up, “It’s your apartment too.”

     “I was thinking of moving in with Marie for a little bit. Just until we get ourselves sorted.”

     “Why would you do that? Am I annoying you?”

     I shake my head, “No, but things are just so tense and when they’re not it’s still tense because you’re nervous about upsetting me and I’m nervous because I’m scared you’ll want to talk.”

    “Well we do need to talk Maya.”

    “I’m aware of that… I just don’t know how.”

    “How to what huh? How to talk about your feelings?” he whisper shouts. Bump. Don’t you start?

     I groan and pretend to pound my head on the counter, “Don’t push it. Not now. It’s all far
too fresh.”

    “Why can’t you just tell me how you feel?” That’s it, I’m done. I stand up and go to walk away, he intercepts me and places his hands on my shoulders.
“Dammit Maya just tell me how you feel!”

     “Why should I? Why should I tell you how I feel when that’s the reason you hurt me in the first place!” I scream, and what a screaming sentence it is
, I’ve finally snapped. My throat aches immediately afterwards so I take a large gulp of air to calm myself. “I’m done with this. I can’t deal with this right now. Just leave me alone.”

     I storm into my bedroom leaving him to wallow. He just had to push didn’t he? And now I’m angry, so damn angry I could kick something. Smack, take that shoe.
Ouch, my toe hurts. “Fuck.” I hop over to my bed and flop down face first. Bump. Go away.

     Things could be better I won’t lie. James was gone before I left this morning. He made me cereal and left a note saying he had a meeting. He also left me a tablet and a glass of orange, the note stated the tablet is a prenatal vitamin. It wasn’t pleasant to swallow.

Speaking of swallowing.

Give it a rest.

     “Good morning!” I call as I walk into Lucas’ apartment. I instantly spot Amelia on the couch watching TV with the remote in her good hand. “Auntie Maya!” she calls. I rush over and give her a kiss.
She was released an hour ago, I got the text as soon as I woke up. “Has daddy fed you yet?”

    It’s only eight thirty so I doubt it. Where is he anyway? She shakes her head and asks for pancakes. I pad into the kitchen and get cracking, not before turning on the radio.
“Coz baby you’re a firework.” Nana nana noooo nan ah.

    
I catch a flash of brown hair dart past the kitchen, huh. That wasn’t Lucas. I scramble for a look and find a scrawny looking woman struggling to pull the door open with clearly trembling hands. “Who the hell are you?” I ask none too politely, taking note of her ratty, dirty pants and too small jacket and the huge rucksack on her back. Her hair is wet and tied back in a hairband like she’s just had a shower. She looks like an addict, all sunken eyes and hanging skin and dull eyes. “Answer me.”

    “It’s ok Maya, she’s with me,” Lucas sighs and steps into the hall. I narrow my eyes on the startled female and then on Lucas. “She’s a friend. She needed a place to crash.”

     “Sorry,” the girl squeaks and finally opens the door. I quirk an eyebrow at Lucas. “Explain. Now.”

     “Reme
mber at the hospital yesterday? She was the reason I was late.” Fuck, the pancakes! I dash back into the kitchen and flip them. He continues after following me through. “She used to be friends with my wife. Although now she’s… she’s got it tough. Got into the wrong shit.”

     “Let me guess, she needed money?”

     He shrugs, “Yeah, but I didn’t give her any. I’m not stupid enough to pay for her habit. I did let her have a shower though and wash her clothes after a couple hours of rest.”

     It shouldn’t bother me but it does, it shouldn’t even be my bu
siness but for some reason it is. Instead of speaking I exercise my dad’s advice and get to work on the pancakes which are a little more browned than I’d like. If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all. Lucas leans against the counter and gives me a crooked smile. I glare at him and shove Amelia’s plate in his hands.

    “You’re mad at me?” he laughs once. I point
to the doorway, my eyes clearly saying, “Get that food to your daughter now.” He gulps and exits. I hand him his exactly how he likes it, with syrup on each layer mixed with chopped banana. “Thank you.”

    “So she’s an addict?”
That he invited into his home and near his daughter.

    “It’s pretty obvious isn’t it,” he sighs and rubs his temples. “It’s sad, she used to be so attractive.”

     “What happened?”

     “Like so many of us in the lower class, she lost her job, her house and got in with a bad crowd to make a bit of cash.” His green eyes dim with sorrow. “If you hadn’t have found me, Amelia would be in care. I’d probably be on the welfare. What good are qualifications if you can’t use them?”

     I grip his hand across the bar and give him a small smile, “Don’t think about that ok? So, tell me about this woman. She seemed a bit skittish.”

     “She’s desperate for drugs
, she wasn’t running away she was running towards her next hit.”

    
“Can’t she go to rehab or something?”

     He raises an eyebrow
and snaps at me like I’m clueless, which I am, but so not the point right now, “Do you have any idea how much that costs?”

     “Sorry,” wow, grumpy
ass or what? “I told you when we first met I’m a spoilt bitch and I know nothing about the real world in that sense.”

     My dad sheltered me well, in some ways I wish he hadn’t because poverty seems to keep staring me in the face at the moment and I don’t know a thing about it. “How’s James?”

     “He wants to talk.”

     “So talk?” his tone is a question, he wants to know why I don’t want to talk and also thinks I should. At least that’s what I’m assuming.

     “I can’t, I daren’t.”

     “Talk to me then?”

     I laugh and shake my head in disgust
, mostly for myself rather than the situation that is me and James, “I’m so conflicted. He wants me, that much is obvious but he hurt me.” He nods for me to continue. “That’s just it. That’s as far as I’ve gotten. So many voices screaming in my head, all completely different things. I just don’t know what I want. I miss him, I miss being close to him but…”

     “Every time you close your eyes you see those photos.”

     “Yeah, how’d you know?”

     “Because I did the same thing to my wife before we got married,” he replies honestly with a blank face. “I fucked up, I was young and stupid, this girl came on to me at a party and I screwed her in the bathroom whilst my wife was downstairs with her friends. Worst decision I ever made.”

     Wow, that’s really bad.

Like you can talk!

    
Right, remain non-judgmental. Got it. “How old were you?”

     “I was eighteen when it happened and nineteen when she found out,” he cringes at the memory. “The girl that I had sex with, she was jealous of our relationship. I don’t mean to sound big headed but she wanted me.”

     “You’re a hot guy,” I giggle. “Continue.” This story is starting to sound good.

It’s about his dead wife, have some compassion!

     He cringes again and shudders a little as he speaks, “I proposed to her publicly. In front of a crowd when I was nineteen. Unfortunately that bitch was in said crowd and decided to tell her in front of everybody. I don’t know why she waited so long.”

     I pinch my lips together, no, no, no. It’s coming up, it’s brewing, I can’t hold it… and the laughing commences. His mouth drops open in shock. I can’t help it, it’s awful but at the same time you can just imagine the room being silent and then the other woman coming up and saying, I fucked your boyfriend, I imagine the entire room going still. The crack of Crystal
’s (his wife’s) hand against his face, someone would cough, and maybe a glass would roll and shatter. If I was in the crowd I’d pee myself, it’d be fucking funny.

You’ve been on the receiving end of that pain. Get a hold of yourself.

    “I’m sorry,” I wipe my eyes. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful but still… What happened next?”

    “I’m not telling you,” he scowls at me and pouts
, James style, it doesn’t suit him. Calming myself by clearing my throat, I sit up straight and wait. He sighs and goes on. “Well she left me. For about six months. Then I went to college and studied English Literature but hated it, she was there also and we clicked again. She got a degree in photography, I took a course in joinery a few months later at a local building company. I proposed to her again when we turned twenty and we got married a year later. Then two years later we started trying for a kid, once we had the nice house, the cars, and the jobs.” A huge grin stretches across his face. “She was my best friend. Quiet, composed, sweet and adorable. Not to mention sexy as fuck.” I find myself smiling with him, just picturing her in my mind, he rarely talks about her which is understandable so I’m grateful for this little tidbit of their time together. “I couldn’t work for a couple of months after the crash and I had Amelia to fend for and the funeral. The house was up for sale barely three months after their deaths. You would have loved Annie, she was a treasure, so different too Amelia. Always climbing and talking back. She was certainly a mini you. Minus the swearing and the whoring tendencies.”

    Well! “I do not have whoring tendencies!”

    “Please, you had three different guys on at once.” He smirks and raises an eyebrow. “Tell me how that happened.”

     What a tale that is… not, yet I tell it anyway. As you already know I lost my virginity to Paul. I’m not even sure how we got to know each other that way. Let me see, I remember him picking me up that time from the burnt patch where I threw up on his shoes… oh I remember! It was my first summer break from college, I came back and he was at the same party I attended. He was stood in the corner with a beer in his hand looking all suave and sexy and cool. Nothing happened that night but we did make out a lot afterwards. He told me he didn’t do relationships, I told him I felt the same. Then he offered to take my virginity, promising me complete enjoyment. I wasn’t waiting for marriage or anything I just hadn’t clicked enough with anyone to give it away, I just thought fuck it and went for it. I lost my virginity and spent the next six months in Europe. When I came back we continued our open relationship. I was working hard in the lab when I met Frankie, small world. So I had a bit of fun with him after stating my have sex, no love rule and along came Kaden about two weeks later, now Kaden was an amazing guy. In a band, loads of tattoos, he wanted to get serious quick but for all the wrong reasons, I met him in a bar one night, he was performing and was pretty decent. Even wrote a song about me during our time together. He liked my money that was all, he was a bum and a bit on the lazy side so I ended it with him five or six weeks later. Then Frankie told me to break it off with Paul, I was shocked when they both found out about each other and rather than break it off with me they turned it into a challenge between them.

     Paul was clever though, I kept saying to them I wouldn’t fall in love
and I wouldn’t sleep over, it was sex pure and simple. Frankie didn’t listen, Paul clearly did. Paul probably knew Frankie would crack, Frankie was a sensitive male, if you think James is sensitive you should’ve seen this guy. He cried over everything. Even when his mom shouted at him for leaving a condom at the top of the trash. That made me laugh, which made him cry harder.