A Little Bit Scandalous (13 page)

Slowly he ran a hand from her ankle, up the side of her leg, over her hip, across her abdomen, until it rested on her right breast. He leaned his head down and took her nipple into his mouth, suckling it, rolling his tongue around it. She nearly levitated off the bed. Moisture, hot and slick, pooled between her thighs.

His hand rubbed against her left breast while he licked and nibbled her right. She squirmed about the bed, never knowing exactly what position was perfect or where to put her hands. She felt out of control and disordered, as if only he had the power to make her body obey, as somehow she’d lost that privilege.

His hands and his mouth on her breasts felt so good. She would have allowed him to do that for the rest of her life. But his hand moved away, trailing down her torso, and moving slowly to her belly. Then down further, further, until he passed his fingers softly through the hair between her legs and she cried out.

His fingers moved, explored, tantalized. He toyed with her entrance and she opened her legs to him wider. Then slowly he slid one finger inside her. The invasion was simultaneously strange and wonderful. He moved the finger within her and she bucked against him. She wanted to open her eyes, look at him, but she was so afraid he’d come to his senses and ask her to leave his bedchamber. His finger continued to move building tension inside her abdomen, then his thumb brushed across the nub at her core.

“Oh my,” she managed to say. “Roe, oh yes, that’s—” She wanted to say more, but words were becoming increasingly more difficult to string together into coherent sentences. Her thoughts weren’t even coherent.

That spiraling sensation built, swirling through her, growing. She kept trying to catch whatever lay at the end of this crest, but then he’d change his rhythm, torment her more. She was panting now, words gone, simple breathing had become a challenge. He brought his mouth back down on her breast while his hand continued its torment of her nether regions. Her climax was mounting and as much as she wanted to chase it, she feared it would dissolve if she got to close.

Stop thinking, Caroline, only feel.

She rocked against his hand, using his rhythm, as he sucked hard on her nipple. And then waves of pleasure rode through her and she tossed back her head and cried out in pleasure.

His hand stilled and his lips moved from her breast to her throat to her ear.

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he murmured.

She managed to open her eyes and met his green gaze. “Thank you.”

They lay there quietly for several moments and the weight of what he’d done crashed down upon him. Sweet, innocent Caroline. She’d claimed she wouldn’t get hurt, that she would be fine, but he questioned that. And damnation if he hurt her, he’d never be able to live with himself.

Roe crawled out of the bed and moved away from Caroline, putting as much distance between them as he could. He swore, then walked away. “This should not have happened,” he said, unable to look at her. He knew his words would sting, but rather hurt her now than after he took her virtue away. His bed creaked and he knew she’d sat up. “That wasn’t even a full consummation, Roe, how can you—”

“You obviously didn’t listen when I told you what happened with your brother.” He turned to face her and she sat wide-eyed in his bed, blanket clutched to her, covering most of her body. Her hair tousled, her lips looking very kissed and loved, she looked beautiful.

“I didn’t find anything you told me about Christopher’s death to be so terrible. I don’t blame you.”

If she didn’t blame him it was only because she still saw him through the eyes of that eighteen year old she’d been. The girl who had thought him a hero for taking her in and teaching her to play poker. The things he’d done for her were so small compared to the damage he’d caused in her life. Why couldn’t she see that?

“It doesn’t matter, Caroline, I can’t be with you.”.

“I only asked for one night, Roe, not a lifetime.” Her features set with indignation.

She was right, of course, she hadn’t asked for anything but a night of passion. One he could give her. Damned, but he wanted her enough.

She shifted her gaze away and a lock of hair tumbled into her eyes. “But perhaps you can’t muster the desire even for that,” she muttered.

He could only gape at her in shock. Not muster the …

In a single swift movement he was back by her side. He tipped her chin up so she had to look at him. “You are beautiful and extremely desirable. You—” He could hardly think about how lovely she was without wanting to ravish her. Talking about it was impossible. “But you are also very innocent in the ways of the world.”

“I—”

“I know you want to be stripped of that innocence, but I will not be the man to do it.” The only question was how could he allow another man to do it? He didn’t know. After all this time, he still didn’t know how he could bear to let another man have her. But he did know this: Christopher had not left her to his keeping so he could defile her. He would want better for his sister, and she deserved better.

“How can you not blame me? I’m the reason he died, Caroline.”

She shook her head, a frown furrowing her brow. “Roe, it grieves me so that you have blamed yourself for this for so long. Christopher was never the healthiest of persons. He had fevers often growing up. You both fell ill on that trip; it is no one’s fault that Christopher died. He succumbed to a disease that has claimed plenty of other lives.”

He wanted to believe her words, wanted to cling to them and let them wash over his battered soul, absolving him of his guilt, but without this guilt standing between them then Roe feared he’d have no legitimate excuse not to be with her. He knew that no matter how things might seem, he’d succumb to his true nature, become like his father. He’d hurt Caroline and she’d grow to hate him.

“I don’t want to hurt you the way my father hurt my mother. Or the way I hurt Penelope,” he said.

“I thought Penelope left you for Lord Granger.”

“She found respite in his arms, but I couldn’t even be faithful to her during our courtship. A marriage would have been worse.”

“What happened?”

“Certainly you don’t want the sordid details,” he said.

“No, I merely want to understand what troubles you so.”

“I had another woman in my arms.”

“Your arms or your bed?”

“What does it matter?”

“It matters a great deal. There is a significant difference between bedding a woman and sharing a brief moment of passion.”

“Yes, but I would have brought her to my bed.”

“But you didn’t. Therein lies the significance.”

“Still, you don’t know what I’m capable of.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to do that to her or any woman, especially you.”

She said nothing in response and he knew she was no doubt repulsed by his admission. It was for the best.

“I’m going to leave now. When I return, please be in your own bedchamber.” With that he stepped into his dressing room and quickly changed. He needed to be away from her, needed space. She had proved far too tempting for him. Had he allowed her to seduce him completely he would have no choice but to marry her, and he couldn’t do that. She deserved so much more than the likes of him.

He left the dressing quarters and made his way outside. He needed a drink and a distraction. Before he knew it he was heading in the direction of his brother’s townhome. Justin could be at Rodale’s, but ever since marrying Clarissa, the two lovebirds stayed close to their nest in the evenings. As luck would have it, the Rodales were home. His brother’s butler brought Roe into Justin’s study.

Roe immediately found his brother’s good scotch and poured himself a glass. He downed it in one gulp and ignored the fire that burned its way down his throat and watered his eyes. He cleared his throat and poured himself another. It was then that Justin stepped inside.

“This is a surprise,” he said.

“I’ve missed you,” Roe said, holding his glass up in a mock toast.

“Yes, that I can tell by the sardonic tone in your voice. Sit.” Justin sat by the fireplace and motioned for his brother to accompany him there. “What is troubling you, dear brother?”

“How can you tell?”

“It’s the only time you drink scotch.”

Roe eyed the glass and then looked up at Justin. “I loathe being so bloody obvious.”

“I won’t tell anyone.” Justin grinned.

“Caroline is in town,” Roe said. He still kept his gaze on the amber-colored liquid in the glass.

“Yes, you mentioned that, though it seems to be troubling you.” Justin leaned back in his chair. “I take it you are not pleased with her being in London.”

“She is …” Ah. What was she, exactly? Irresistible? Reckless? Infuriating? Seducible? “Distracting.”

“I imagine she is. She was always quite pretty.”

Roe grunted a response and took a sip of the scotch. Quite pretty barely covered it. However, if it was only her looks, he could have easily ignored the temptation. Pretty girls practically littered London, and he didn’t want to toss all of them into his bed. No, it was Caroline’s quick wit and sharp mind that he couldn’t ignore. Her clever determination. Her desire to help others. Those were the things no other girl had and that he couldn’t resist.

“Yes, it is quite troubling when women are so pretty,” Justin said. “Have you considered finding her an appropriate husband?”

“Of course I have, but the girl refuses.”

Justin studied Roe. “Interesting that you refer to her as a girl. Caroline is the same age as Clarissa, isn’t she? Twenty-three?”

“She is four and twenty now.”

“She is hardly a girl anymore. She is a woman.”

“Of course,” he said offhandedly. He was all too aware that she was a woman, but somehow using the word girl made her feel off-limits. It helped keep him in check. When he thought of the girl she’d been when she first arrived at his home after Christopher’s death, when he thought of her as a grief-stricken fifteen-year-old, he felt nothing but protective. But she was not that girl anymore. Many women her age had been married for years. Regardless, no matter how old she was, he still felt decades older. She deserved so much more than him. She deserved someone as fresh and full of hope as she was. Someone who would love her and treat her with the respect she deserved, not someone who fantasized about ripping her clothes from her body and devouring her. Of course, if such a man existed, Roe would have a hard time not beating him to a pulp. But he would try.

Roe had never told his brother about Caroline’s request that Roe marry her himself. It seemed pointless to mention. Justin had seen Caroline as a younger sister, the way that Roe should see her, too, yet that had never been the case. Damned if it still wasn’t. But he had to do something. Marry her off or get her the hell out of his house. Perhaps he should check in with those architects to see how the progress was going. The sooner he could get her house completed, the better. She would still be in London, but she wouldn’t be under his roof. She wouldn’t be slipping into his bedchamber, offering herself to him.

“How’s married life?” Roe asked, making a sad attempt at changing the subject.

“Perfect.” Justin flashed him an obnoxious smile. “My wife makes me very happy.”

“Indeed.”

“You could find a wife. I suspect you have a candidate in mind,” Justin said. “I highly recommend marriage. It has a way of soothing the soul.”

He raised his brows. “I won’t tell anyone you said that. Besides, Caroline deserves better than the likes of me.”

“Deserving one’s wife has nothing to do with it. I suspect most men don’t deserve their wives.”

“Be that as it may, I am much more similar to our father than you are. I will not do to Caroline what that man did to my mother.”

“You are an idiot,” Justin said with a shake of his head. “I won’t argue with you because I know it’s pointless. You won’t listen. Suffice it to say I know you’re not like our father despite your reckless lifestyle. You’ve always had a generous spirit.”

“Stop, you’re making me blush,” Roe said with a roll of his eyes. “I should probably go. I didn’t mean to intrude into your evening.”

Justin stood. “Going to Rodale’s?”

“I might.” Frankly, he didn’t know where he wanted to go, but he knew he couldn’t go home. Caroline was there, willing and eager, and he’d already resisted her once tonight. He wouldn’t be able to do it again.

Roe had retrieved Caroline from the parlor where she’d sat reading while his mother stitched on the settee. He said nothing to Caroline about the night before and she asked no questions. Perhaps she’d realized he’d spoken the truth about his character. They had nearly arrived at Belinda’s townhome.

“I asked Belinda to contact the rest of the board and have them all meet us at her townhome.”

Caroline said nothing in response. Instead, she gave a nearly imperceptible nod, then looked out the tiny carriage window. Ten minutes later they arrived at Belinda’s and he assisted Caroline to the ground. The rest of the members had already arrived, everyone save Mr. Harcourt who evidently was on holiday.

“Thank you all for coming,” Belinda said coming to her feet. She sauntered over to Roe, placed a hand on his arm.

“I shall handle matters from here,” Roe said. He motioned toward a chair and waited for Belinda to sit before continuing. “I asked Lady Fairfax to gather the board because I want to discuss some concerns. I did some investigating and I have discovered some discrepancies in the funds collected for Dover House and the claimed expenditures.”

“What are you suggesting?” Lady Greene asked.

“I inquired about expenses from a certain vendor and they claim to have not provided services to Dover House in nearly six months.”

“Why ever did you look into these matters?” Lady Winguard asked.

Roe leveled his gaze on the older woman. “I had my reasons.”

“You’re suggesting Mr. Lamb is doing something unethical with the funds we provide for the orphanage?” Belinda asked.

“I’m concerned about some inconsistencies and want to see if any of the rest of you have had any similar concerns,” Roe said. He eyed Caroline, but she sat quietly as if merely another bystander at the meeting.

“I’ve never had any reason to be suspicious of Mr. Lamb,” Lady Greene said. “He appears the perfect gentleman.”

“I would have to agree,” Lady Winguard said. “There is no reason to call his actions into question. I’m certain the vendor is mistaken.” She came to her feet. “With all due respect, Your Grace, I find it rather offensive that you would join the board and then readily assume the director of Dover House is being insincere in some fashion. The rest of us have been quite pleased with his performance.” She glanced around the room and one by one, the other board members, save Caroline, nodded in agreement.

Caroline shot to her feet, primed to say something, but Roe held up his hand. “Very well, I shall respect the consensus of the majority. Miss Jellico, shall we?”

She shook her head to protest, but Roe grabbed her arm and led her out of the room. “Nothing we say will convince them. We need to find proof.”

Caroline sat in the study shuffling the cards again and again. It was safe to say she was restless and in a bit of a foul mood. Not only had Roe left her abruptly the night before, but after their meeting with the board members, he’d left again. He had yet to say anything about the time she’d spent in his bed. She still had no notion of what the hell had happened other than he had some misguided attempt to protect her.

Millie sat on the settee embroidering. She had known Caroline long enough to know that silence was sometimes needed, so Millie hadn’t inquired as to what troubled her.

“Millie?”

The woman looked up from her needlework. “Yes, what is it, dear?”

Caroline frowned. “Roe mentioned something and I wondered if perhaps you knew what he might be referring to.”

“I suppose that all depends. My son is quite mysterious at times, but I certainly might be able to shed some light on the situation for you.” She set aside her needle and thread and folded her hands in her lap. “Now then, what is troubling you?”

She wanted to ask more about Penelope, but that seemed a breach of his privacy. Asking about Christopher was acceptable, though, since he was her brother. “Roe somehow believes himself to blame for my brother’s death.” She took a deep breath and waited for Millie to speak.

“Ah, yes, I do know something about this. When he returned from that trip, he was so very sick. Roe’s father had hired a team of doctors to tend to his every need. It was the only decent thing that man ever did. Roe was so weak, so frail and thin, he didn’t even look like himself. His fever ran high and he was in and out of consciousness. But every lucid moment he had, he begged his father to return and save Christopher.”