A Loving Scoundrel (29 page)

D
ANNY WAITED FOUR MORE DAYS
, long enough for the last of the tenderness to leave her neck. She didn’t want any discomforts slowing her down. She was also waiting for Jeremy to be gone from the house for more than just a few hours, and Percy helped her out there. He came by that week to invite Jeremy to some horse races that were taking place a good hour’s drive away from London. She didn’t
really
think he would try to stop her from leaving, but she wasn’t taking any chances, which was why she didn’t want him to know about it until she was long gone.

As soon as Jeremy left the house that morning for the races, Danny went to her room to gather up her few belongings. It didn’t take her long. She would have left the ball gown, since it was too bulky to lug about the city for very long, but Mrs. Robertson’s seamstress wasn’t that far away and she figured she could get a few extra coppers for it from her, maybe even a few pounds. Every little bit was going to be needed until she got a new job.

She didn’t think it would take long this time, though, finding a job. She had experience now, and her speech had improved so much, she didn’t even slip anymore when she was nervous. She could probably get another maid’s job in this part of town, but that would be too close to Jeremy. The middle-class area of the city would do her just fine and be the easier place to find a husband, too, maybe even a gentleman, at least a man who wasn’t so lordly it’d be unthinkable for him to marry a servant.

She wished she could write Jeremy a note. She didn’t want to go without leaving him an explanation. That was going to be a new goal for her. As soon as she could afford it, she was going to find herself a tutor to at least teach her to read and write. As an alternative, she dragged Claire to her room for a few minutes to leave a message with her.

“It’s time for me to move on,” she told her friend. “I’ll be spending a few nights at my old home, if they’ll let me, while I look for a new job. Or I’ll rent a flat.”

“Why must you go?” Claire complained. “We’d only just got to be friends.”

“That won’t end with my going. I’ll keep in touch. I might even come visit from time to time.” Danny wouldn’t, couldn’t afford to risk seeing Jeremy again after she was gone. “Or better yet, you can come visit me. I’ll let you know where I get settled.”

Claire sighed, but then asked suspiciously, “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

Danny shook her head. “No, I was lucky in that regard. But that would become an issue if I stayed longer. And although I don’t think he’d try to take the baby from me, I’d have an even harder time leaving with one.”

“So why leave at all?”

“Because I’ve fallen in love with the man, Claire, and he’s tempting me to put my goals aside for him.”

“He doesn’t know you’re leaving, does he?”

“Of course not. He’d have no trouble talking me out of it. He’s good at that, talking circles around me. So don’t be telling him where I’m going. But I do want to leave him a message, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Certainly.”

“Tell him for me that I said thank you for improving my lot, that I’m much more confident now that my goals will be realized.”

Claire raised a brow. “You really think he’s going to want to hear that? Or doesn’t he know what your goals are?”

“You’re right, scratch that second part. Tell him instead that I’ll miss him, but I have to get on with my life. And tell him—” She had to pause, was feeling her throat close up. “Tell him I don’t regret being his friend.”

“Eh?”

“He’ll understand. Now I have to go. Watch over my pets for me?”

“You’re not taking them?”

“Only Twitch. The other two, he shouldn’t have given to me in the first place.” Danny hugged Claire. “I’ll miss you. I’ll miss all of you.”

“Bloody hell, I think I’m going to cry. Go on then, if you’re going. And good luck.”

Danny ran upstairs one last time before she left. Jeremy had warned her never to touch it again, but too bad, she was taking her old hat with her. Not to wear. It would look silly with her skirts. But it was hers, and she wasn’t leaving anything behind.

She paused in his room to give it one last look. She touched his bed, his pillow. The tears started.

She didn’t want to leave. She’d said it to Claire, but that was the first time she’d put it into words. She loved Jeremy Malory. It wasn’t supposed to happen. She thought she’d be able to leave before it did. But it was too late. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with Jeremy. He could fulfill all her dreams—if he would.

And, dear God, what if he would? How could she leave without finding out?

It would mean confronting him and spilling her guts, and risking what she’d feared, that he’d try to talk her out of going. He couldn’t. Her resolve was firm now. But it would rip her up if he tried, make it that much harder…

Danny waited, went through an agony of indecision. But in the end, that tiny hope that Jeremy loved her, too, enough to defy convention and marry her, kept her there until he got home.

She let Claire know that she wouldn’t have to give him any messages for her after all, and why. “You’ve got more courage than I would have under the same circumstances,” Claire said. “Good luck, Danny.”

She didn’t need luck, she needed her one small hope to be realized.

Jeremy returned in time for lunch. Percy was with him. They were laughing as they entered the house. Danny savored the image from where she stood in the doorway to the parlor. She wasn’t holding her sack; it was on the floor just inside the doorway where she could grab it quickly.

It must have been her expression, though, that made Jeremy’s expression turn serious and tell Percy, “Run along to the kitchen and let them know you’re hungry, old man. I’ll be along shortly.” He approached Danny then, put his hand on her cheek. “What’s wrong, luv?”

She stepped away from him, moving back into the parlor. She wasn’t going to be able to say what she had to if he was touching her. He followed her into the room. He was going to reach for her again. She put up a hand to stop him.

“I’m leaving, Jeremy.”

“I just got home. Where are you off to?”

She realized he’d been drinking, for him to mistake her meaning like that. But he wasn’t foxed. Jeremy Malory was incapable of getting drunk.

“I’m not going out on an errand. I’m leaving for good.”

“The devil you are. It’s too soon.”

“Actually, I shouldn’t have stayed this long. But don’t misunderstand. I don’t regret my time here with you, not a’tall. I—I’ll miss you.” She had to pause, was feeling her throat close up. “But I have to get on with my life.”

“Don’t do this, Danny.”

“Then give me a reason to stay! Living my life sharing only half of yours isn’t what I want for myself. I want a real family, and children who aren’t bastards. I won’t get either here unless you marry me.”

There, she’d said it, put her heart on the table.

And he said nothing.

Even his expression was inscrutable for once. For a man with such telling eyes? That
was
his answer. He wasn’t going to remind her that marriage wasn’t for him. He was sparing her that. God, what a fool she’d been, to grasp and cling to such a small hope!

She wasn’t sure how she got out of there without bursting into tears in front of him. But no sooner was she out of the house than the tears began in earnest. Thinking about leaving just wasn’t the same as walking out the door and realizing she’d never see Jeremy Malory again.

I
T TOOK
D
ANNY
a few extra hours to find where Dagger had moved the pack to. She knew the right people to ask. Back in the old neighborhoods, it was amazing how many people didn’t recognize her at first. A few did and were dumbfounded, but most didn’t recognize her at all, had to be reminded, and she’d known these people most of her life!

Had she changed that much? Probably. And it wasn’t just the female attire. She was walking boldly into the most crime-ridden area of the city, confident that she could deal with any trouble that came her way.

Dagger was home. So was Lucy, who squealed in delight when she saw Danny walk in the door. A few of the children were also there and demanded an equal share of her attention. It was a good ten minutes before she thought to look at Dagger to judge his reaction.

He’d said nothing yet. And he was just staring at her, as if he didn’t recognize her either. But he
knew
she was a woman now, so he was probably trying to figure out how he’d missed that fact all these years.

Finally he said in a gruff voice, “Ye can’t stay ’ere. There’s a dangerous fellow looking for ye in these neighborhoods who means ye ’arm.”

“Yes, I know.” Danny moved to join him at the same old kitchen table where he could usually be found. That table always traveled with him. And she realized now that he treated it like his office, or his throne. He gave all his orders there, dictated his rules. He should have an office, a real one.

She said as much. “You should have an office, Dagger. Why did you never turn one of the bedrooms into one?”

He snorted. “Like we ever ’ave spare bedrooms. And don’t be changing the subject.”

She noticed his nose was a little off-center and nodded toward it. “Did it hurt a lot?”

“Bleedin’ right it did. It were that fellow looking for ye who broke it.”

“Yes, Lucy told me.”

Dagger spared a moment to glare at Lucy, who shrugged as she joined them at the table, too. “So I knew where she were working. It’s a good thing ye didn’t, or ye would’ve spilled yer guts to that thug.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Danny interjected. “He found me anyway. He’s dead, though, so you don’t have to worry about him anymore.”

“Ye
killed him?”

Danny shook her head, explained, “He did that on his own when he got caught trying to kill me and ran. And the lord who hired him, he’s off to jail himself, so he won’t be doing any more hiring.”

“A lord?” Dagger exclaimed. “Wot the devil ’ave ye been getting yerself into, Danny?”

“Nothing. It was my past catching up to me. That lord, he knows who I really am. He wouldn’t say though, the bastard, and I still can’t remember. But I think he’s the one who killed my family. I was supposed to die with them, but my nurse protected me and escaped with me. Then Lucy found me.”

Dagger turned an incredulous look on Lucy. “Ye brought home a
nabob!”

“I don’t think I’m one of them,” Danny was quick to deny.

“That lord, he’s as crooked as they get, a thief himself. If my family was associated with him back then, maybe they weren’t so up-standing themselves. He did want us all dead, after all. To wipe out a whole family sounds like revenge no matter how you look at it.”

Lucy snorted now. “She were a nabob. Dressed like it, spoke like it. And lords kill each other all the time for all sorts of silly reasons that don’t bother us down this side o’ town.”

Danny rolled her eyes, was about to mention that not only nabobs talked like that, that even upper-crust servants did, but Dagger demanded of Lucy, “Then why’d ye bring ’er ’ome, eh? You bleedin’ well knew better.”

“Because she ’ad no one, and no memories, and was barely five years old. If ye think I’m that cold ’earted that I’d leave ’er in an alley to fend for ’erself, then I’m thinking ye need yer nose broke again.”

“But ye ’id wot she was, not just that she were gentry, but that she were a female. Why’d ye do that?”

“Because ye were going through one o’ yer desperate-for-money periods and were about to force me to whore for coins. I was furious wi’ ye, Dagger, over that. And I didn’t want to see the same thing ’appen to Danny. I wanted ’er to ’ave choices, and men get more choices.”

He was blushing by the time Lucy finished. “’Ow many times do I ’ave to apologize for that, eh?”

“Oh, shut up, Dagger. I made a good whore as it ’appens. But I’m thinking o’ retiring. I’ve met a man who wants to keep me exclusively to ’imself.”

Danny grinned and guessed, “That hack driver?”

Lucy chuckled. “Aye, ’e’s sweet on me, ’e truly is. Wants to get married! Who would’ve ever thought, eh?”

“So I’m going to lose ye, too?” Dagger said, looking crushed.

Danny thought that might be a good time to introduce one of her old wishes. “Dagger, have you ever thought of turning this into a real orphanage? We could get real jobs to support it, hire a teacher for the children, get them real beds. Lucy would probably help, too.”

He was staring at her as if she’d lost her mind. “D’ye ’ave any idea wot kind o’ money yer talking about, to run an orphanage? Teachers ain’t cheap, are bleedin’ expensive. And beds!”

“It
could
be done, Dagger. Think on it.”

“Bah, where would I be finding a real job, eh? Ye didn’t, did ye?”

“I did,” she said, her tone turning defensive.

“Then wot are ye doing back ’ere?” he demanded. “Got fired already?”

“No, I left of my own accord. It was a good job, I really liked it. But I was getting too attached to my employer, so I thought it best to leave.”

The moisture started gathering in her eyes again. She stood up, turned away from the table. Lucy was suddenly beside her, putting an arm around her shoulder all the while she was glaring at Dagger.

“I’m not here to stay, Dagger,” Danny continued when she got control of her emotions again. “I’m just here to leave my things with Lucy for a few days while I look for another job. And I missed you all, and the children. I know you told me not to come back, but—”

“Hush, luv,” Lucy cut in. “Ye can visit for as long as ye like. Ain’t that right, Dagger?”

It was said in such a threatening tone that Dagger merely mumbled something under his breath, grabbed his hat, and left, probably to find the nearest tavern. But as soon as he was gone, Lucy turned Danny toward her, studied her tear-reddened eyes for a moment, then hugged her close.

“Ye poor lass, yer not pregnant, are ye?”

“No, at least, I don’t think so.”

“Then ye let yer ’eart get broken?”

“There was no stopping that. I thought if I left sooner rather than later, then it wouldn’t be so bad, but I—I didn’t think it would hurt this much.”

“There’s no chance for the two o’ ye?”

“No, I told him I was leaving and why. He didn’t try to stop me.”

“Because he’s upper-crust gentry?”

Danny shook her head. “He might have a huge family full of titled lords and ladies, but there’s members of it who buck convention, even his own father. He just doesn’t want to get married. He’s one of those confirmed rakehell bachelors. All he wanted to do was make me his mistress for a while.”

“I take it ye were ’aving none o’ that?”

“None a’tall.”

“Even though some men keep their mistresses for as long as they do their wives?”

Danny snorted. “He’s not
that
type. Lucy, I swear he’s so handsome he could melt butter with a smile. He’s got women scheming and plotting to lure him to the altar by any means, while he’ll go to any lengths to avoid it. But it doesn’t matter. I want a family of my own. Jeremy Malory can’t give me that.”