Authors: Sami Lee
Eve was unable to speak past the emotion wedged in her throat. She felt immense gratitude for what Denise had said, knowing she would never have had the faith in herself to believe it if she hadn’t heard it from Mike’s mother, of all people. Denise had Bailey’s best interests at heart. She wouldn’t say such things if she didn’t believe them.
It occurred to Eve that if she and Mike’s mother had sat down and talked out these things properly weeks ago, it would have been an enormous weight off her shoulders. She could well have used Denise’s help and encouragement, if she had only let herself ask for it.
“Thank you,” she said, as tearful now as the other woman.
Denise pulled a small pack of tissues from her handbag, handing one to Eve and taking one for herself. “Has Mike never tried to reassure you of how you were doing with Bailey? If not, I’ll have to have a talk with that boy.”
Eve smiled ruefully at the description of Mike as a ‘boy’. Only his mother could ever see him that way, and not as the physically exciting, amazing man that he was. “He tried to tell me, I guess I just wouldn’t listen. It all got caught up in the…” she shifted in her seat, “other feelings. I thought he was just telling me what he thought I needed to hear.”
“Maybe. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t the truth.”
All those times Mike had reassured her, complimented her on how she handled Bailey, he had meant every word. And if he had meant every word of what he had said about that, perhaps he had meant every word he’d ever said to her.
That he cared about her.
That he thought about her all the time.
That they were a team. A
family
.
She had known all along that Mike had a core of integrity to him, that he wasn’t a liar. Why hadn’t she really listened to what he was telling her?
Because her mind had been so full of her inner voice—the one that was negative and harsh, the one that told her she was useless and unlovable, that she was no good for Bailey, that everyone, eventually, would leave her.
But Mike hadn’t left her. She’d left him.
“Oh, my God,” she groaned, her head falling back against the waiting room wall. “I’ve made a terrible mistake.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
“If I let him—them—get away, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
“Undoubtedly.”
Was it too late to repair the damage?
She wasn’t sure, but she knew she had to find out. Fear of doing the wrong thing had led her to do the worst thing she ever could have—let down the two people she loved more than anything in the world. Obviously, fear wasn’t a good decision driver. She couldn’t let it cloud her judgment any more.
Filled with sudden purpose, Eve stood. “I’m going to find out what’s going on.”
She had taken only two steps toward the nurse’s station when Mike suddenly materialised. He walked into the waiting room, his shoulders slumped. He looked emptied out, and for a moment Eve’s heart stopped.
His gaze settled on her briefly before moving to his mother. The relief in his eyes pulled an answering response from her, even before he said the joyous words, “He’s going to be fine.”
Mike held up his hands at his mother’s rush of questions and explained. “He did have a touch of the flu, but the rash that appeared is unrelated. I used a different laundry detergent and he had a reaction to it. I read about the symptoms of meningitis in a book and panicked, I guess. All he needs is fluids and bed rest.”
“Thank God,” Denise said, wrapping her son in a tight hug. In the next moment, Allen came bursting into the room. He saw them and rushed over.
“What is it? How’s Bailey?”
Releasing Mike, Denise turned and embraced her husband. “Allen, we just heard. He’s going to be fine.”
Mike and Eve were left standing together, the diversion provided by his mother gone. She watched Denise and Allen embrace, imagined what Mike must have gone through, driving Bailey to the hospital in a frenzy, and knew that this was what real family was like. Being there for each other during the good times and bad, leaning on each other. Needing each other and not being afraid to admit it.
Mike had once told her she was a part of his family, but she had not believed him. Now she knew she wanted to be, more than anything else she’d ever wanted, and she would fight for her rightful place in the Wilcox clan.
But first things would have to come first. “I need to see him,” she said, and Mike hesitated a fraction before nodding, turning and leading her down the hallway.
Bailey looked so tiny, so vulnerable in the hospital bed, the metal rails pulled up at the sides. Eve’s heart compressed at the sight, but then he turned and saw her, his eyes lit up and his face broke into a beatific smile. In his sing-song voice he said, “Mumumum.”
Eve broke down.
She ran to his bedside and kissed him all over his face, let him get his tiny fist tangled in her hair until it hurt, told him over and over again that she loved him. “I’ll never leave you again B, I promise you that,” she said, and meant it with all her heart. Whatever else happened, she would be a part of his life. She might make mistakes—in fact she was fairly certain she would—but today proved that bad things could happen whether she was around or not. Eve vowed that she
would
be around to help Bailey through every scrape, and he would always know she was there for him, that he was loved.
And she, too, would be loved.
Just as Jacinta had intended, she thought, for the first time thinking there might have been an underlying purpose of her friend’s decision to give her Bailey. She hadn’t been handing Eve a responsibility, but an opportunity—an opportunity to embrace the family she might never have had the temerity to find for herself, to discover what love was all about.
Thank you Jacinta. You always gave me what I needed, and this last thing, this has been the best thing you’ve ever given me
.
When Bailey’s eyes started to droop under Eve’s rhythmically stroking hand, she looked up to find Mike watching her, his expression intense, raw with pain and something else she wanted badly to trust. Catching her eye, he pulled the shutters down on his emotions, saying gruffly, “I’ll wait outside.” He had turned around and walked out before she could say a word.
“Well,” Eve whispered to Bailey, smiling despite her inner turmoil. “I think your Uncle Mike still hates me for leaving.”
“Dadadad,” said Bailey sleepily.
“Yes, honey, he’s your dada.” Her heart racing out of control, Eve knew what she had to do. She had to be brave, as she never really had been before. She had to put herself on the line to see if there was any chance left of salvaging a relationship with Mike. She
would
be a part of Bailey’s life, but she also wanted to be a part of Mike’s.
“Wish me luck, honey,” she whispered against Bailey’s temple as he slept.
Then she went to take a risk.
Just over a week, Mike thought. Eight long days she’d been gone, each one more miserable than the last. And now, just like that, she was back, pretending she cared.
Yeah, right. If Eve had cared about Bailey at all she would never have walked out on him. Couldn’t she see that Bailey needed her? That
he
needed her?
No, scrap that last part.
He
didn’t need her at all. So the house seemed empty without her. So what? So his heart ached with missing her, that could just as easily be indigestion. He’d been eating fast food for a week, something he never did and that felt satisfyingly self-destructive. So he and Bailey were grumpier with each other than they’d ever been. Bailey had been sick the last few days, which explained that perfectly.
Bailey had been sick
.
At the reminder of how easy it might have been to lose him, Mike sagged against the cold hospital wall and let out the shuddering sigh he’d been holding in. So maybe he did need Eve, just a little. If she’d been around she probably would have handled this better, for a start. Because she had no doubt read all about early childhood diseases in minute detail, instead of skimming over that section of one of her parenting books in an idle moment, seeing the symptoms listed in dot points and drawing the worst conclusion in a state of panic.
Damn her anyway, for being his perfect complement, because with her gone, he felt acutely, profoundly incomplete.
He heard her footsteps and lifted his head, not wanting to see her but unable to keep from looking. She was a sight for sore eyes. She hadn’t tied back her hair, and it fell almost past her shoulders now, the rich carmine hue a stark contrast to her ashen complexion. He remembered that hair softly tickling his bare chest the nights they’d shared a bed, and he steeled himself against the desire to reach out and touch it, crossing his arms over his chest and setting his jaw.
It was too difficult, seeing Eve like this. It was like picking at a newly healed wound, and Mike was going to have to put a stop to it, one way or another.
As she approached him, he growled, “I can only assume from that little show of motherly love you put on in there that you think you can just walk back into Bailey’s life.”
She paled further at his tone, before setting her spine straight and facing him with open honesty. “I made a mistake. I should never have left.”
No kidding
. “I tried to tell you that a week ago, but it’s too late to take it back.”
“Is it? I never got around to contacting a lawyer about custody, and I haven’t heard from yours. Legally, nothing’s changed.”
“Semantics. Everything’s changed Eve, and you know it.”
“You’re right. Something really important has changed. I realise now how much I love Bailey, how much he needs me. I realise that learning to be a mother is a process of trial and error, of learning to adapt, that I am allowed to make the occasional mistake without racking myself with guilt over it. The important thing is that he knows I love him. I promise he’ll always know that.”
Well, good luck for Bailey
, Mike thought, feeling a completely puerile moment of envy for his nephew. If only she’d direct a love declaration or two his way, things might really start looking up.
He had to get out of here. He couldn’t look at Eve a moment longer without the aching emptiness inside him, the longing, becoming manifest in his expression. Seeing her on a part-time basis, in some kind of shared custody arrangement would only drag out this agony, and he wished he could be enough of a bastard to stick to the ultimatum he’d made last week, but he couldn’t do his nephew the disservice. Being deprived of Eve’s love was just too painful.
“Call me tomorrow. We can discuss some kind of custody arrangement. I’m willing to go fifty-fifty if you are.”
As he turned to go, she stopped him. “Is that what you want? Shared custody?”
Keeping his back to her, he struggled with his emotions. “Since when has what
I
want been a consideration? I told you I wanted you to stay last week, but it meant nothing. Why should I waste my breath telling you again?”
Without turning, he walked away.
Helplessness enveloped Eve for an intense, sorrow-filled moment before she remembered her vow to change her ways. She needed to be optimistic. She’d give anything not to have wounded Mike, but his hurt had to indicate his feelings for her ran deeply, mustn’t it?
Taking a fortifying breath, Eve followed him.
She found him in the waiting room, saying something to his parents. Then he turned and looked about to walk out of the hospital. “Mike, wait.” When his steps slowed but didn’t stop altogether she rasped, “Please.”
He turned and looked at her across the waiting room, his expression pained. “Why are you dragging this out, Eve? I thought we could agree on shared custody of Bailey. Isn’t that what you want?”
“No.” It was an unequivocal statement. “I want a shared life.”
That got his attention. Mike stared at her for a long moment, his brow furrowed, until he asked carefully, “What do you mean?”
“I’m sorry, I should have been more specific.” If she was making a colossal fool of herself well, too bad. There were worse things that could happen—like living a life without love, without Bailey or Mike in it. “I want to share my life with you, if you’ll have me. I love you, Mike. I love your strength and your humour and your smile and your loyalty. I love the way you treat Bailey, the way you treat me.” Eve’s voice cracked. She cleared her throat and continued because this was so important, the most important thing she’d ever said in her life. “The way you make me feel like I
matter
. I
do
matter, damn it,” she said, feeling the truth fill her, hearing it fill her words. “I’m a good person who just wants to do good things. A simple, happy life, that’s all I want. And I deserve it, by God. I deserve
you
. At least, I did until I walked out of your life like a big, fat-headed idiot!”
Eve paused in her speech, aware suddenly of how heavily she was breathing. Aware also that she had arrested the attention of the half-full waiting room. She glanced around her, feeling numerous pairs of eyes darting away as she did so. They probably thought she’d escaped from the psychiatric ward.
She couldn’t dredge up any humiliation. Mike was just standing there staring at her and saying nothing, so a little public humiliation was the least of her concerns.
She badly needed him to say something.
Anything
. “The fact is, I need you, Mike. My life is beyond dull and unappealing without you. Can you forgive me?”
At great length, Mike said, “That depends.”
“On what?”
Anything. I’ll do anything
.
“On whether I heard you right.”
“You did. I am definitely a big, fat-headed idiot.”
“Not that part.” He took a step toward her and she saw that a light had entered his eyes. He reached up and touched her face so tenderly that she at last recognised that light. She’d seen it before, but hadn’t known what she was looking at.
Love
.
He loved her.
Eve’s heart sighed with relief, gathered strength, and took flight. She let every feeling show in her eyes. She smiled and she knew it was an adoring, besotted smile. “I love you, Mike.”