A Man's Heart (30 page)

She glanced up when she was settled to see the flight attendant. “Your traveling companion has an empty seat next to him. Would you like to move?”

When she eased to look at Cruz, he motioned her back.

The hostess smiled and leaned closer. “He says you don't like to fly, and you'd feel better sitting next to him.”

“Thank you.” The back was bumpier during flight, but she didn't care. She gathered her overnight bag out of the bin and then proceeded to the back of the plane. Dropping into the empty seat, she said softly, “Thanks.”

He wadded a pillow under his head. “I know flying makes you nervous.” Closing his eyes, he noted, “How are you going to play nurse if you're seven aisles away?”

Not exactly giddy, romantic banter, but good enough for now. She snapped her seat belt into place, and prepared for the flight home. As the MD80 wheels left the ground, Jules felt the familiar lifting sensation. Her hand gripped the arm of the seat. Cruz reached over, loosened her hold, and held her hand as the plane banked, gaining altitude. It was the best take-off Jules had ever experienced.

A little before seven the next morning, the commuter plane from Seattle touched down in Pasco. The sun was up; it was a magnificent morning. Ethan and Livvy would be eating breakfast, scrambled eggs and orange juice, unaware that their futures rested in the hands of two people who couldn't agree on the temperature, let alone who would raise them; although, for the past twenty-four hours she and Cruz had not exchanged a harsh word.

She prayed that the tentative truce would hold.

Cruz wheeled into the farm lot towing the center pivots that afternoon. Jules stepped away from the kitchen counter, to the
mirror to check her appearance. Jeans, T-shirt, ball cap. She sighed. He'd seen her like this practically all of her life. Did he often compare her boyish appearance to The Babe's and other women he'd dated lately? If so, she'd come up short. Opening the kitchen door, she stepped outside on the porch. “I didn't expect to see you so soon.”

He lifted the tailgate; sunlight caught his hair and deepened the black shine. He'd always been good-looking, even during awkward teen years, but today, in the looks department, he could easily take home a blue ribbon from the county fair. The years only enhanced his dark, Hispanic features.

“Got a busy afternoon,” he called. “Joe around?”

“In the fields.” She stepped off the porch to meet him, eyes on the irrigation pivots. “I heard the field yielded a good crop.”

“Thanks to you.” He approached her and she took a deep breath. How hard it was to love someone who didn't love you back. He paused, and his eyes met hers. “I've said it once, but I'll say it again. You know that you saved my chops.”

Shrugging, she smiled. “We'll call it even since I've bruised a few of those chops too.”

He gave her one of those men looks that said “let's not go there.” Clearing her throat, she glanced at the equipment. “Joe will help you to unload.”

Leaning against the truck, Cruz crossed his arms, eyes fixed on her. “I don't get it, Jules. You jilt me twice, I do my best to avoid the subject, but you bring it up every chance you get. What's the deal?”

She mentally sighed. “I want to be friends, Cruz.” She wanted more than friendship, but why ride a dead horse?

His expression sobered. “I don't want to be friends with you.”

She struggled to maintain a neutral expression but his admission, stated in stark language, stung. Tears smarted to her eyes and she ineffectually swiped them away.

Both demeanor and tone softened. “I can't be friends, Jules. I loved you most of my life, and being ‘just friends,' regardless of forgiveness, isn't possible for me.”

She wiped her eyes on her shirt sleeve. “I know it's not the ideal solution, but we live in the same community, go to the same church, share custody of the kids, almost every friend we have is a mutual one. If we're going to live here, can't we make an effort at friendship?”

She could not go on fighting him the rest of her life. She refused the notion, and she wasn't going to leave the community. Her roots here went too deep. It was a big world, and somehow they must learn to co-exist in harmony regardless of the past.

He shook his head. “Can't do it. If I'm around you, I want you. If I want you, you don't want me.”

“I have not ever not wanted you.” Deplorable grammar, but the only way she could think to say it.

A smile crossed his features. “I have an engagement ring in my top drawer that says ‘you have so ever said you didn't want me.'”

“And I have a broken heart, a guilt complex that I'll never overcome, and years of wishing away the past in my memory box.” She straightened, taking a final swipe at the telling moisture in her eyes. “I'll trade my remorse for your ring. At least your hurt has value.”

Joe's pick-up drove up and halted the conversation. Turning on her heel, Jules walked into the house.

B
uttering a piece of toast, Jules fixed her gaze on Crystal's elaborate gift that had been delivered just after Cruz left. There it sat in the barn lot, a big, shiny candy-apple red Ford truck. Double cab, four-wheel drive, fully loaded with enough gadgets to keep Jules occupied for a month. Apparently Adan and her sister had been busy while she and Cruz were visiting the Parkers. When she protested that Crystal had spent too much, the sparkle in her sister's eyes diminished her complaint. How did one grouse about a new truck?

“I have all of this money! What else can I do with it other than buy gifts for those I love?”

The vehicle wasn't Jules's Geo Tracker. This was a bunch of elaborate steel and fancy wheels. The Tracker held her memories, but like her life, her Tracker was twisted steel.

“How did the trip to Waco go?”

“Fine. The Parkers would like shared custody of Livvy.”

Crystal's features paled. “That won't happen, will it?”

“I pray not. Cruz wanted time to think about it.”

The men handled the children well, but it was time to
make the change. A week or two of sole “fatherhood” for either man would reinforce her case. Cruz might reconsider her proposal and view Sophie's children having both a mom and dad in a different light. Neither brother had the slightest idea of exactly how much grit it took to care for two small children on a daily basis. Millions of single men and women did, Jules knew that, but it wasn't easy.

Obviously, Cruz wasn't inclined to marry her. Her cheeks burned at her humiliation when he'd … well, he'd never exactly
said
he wouldn't marry her during the conversation, just strongly hinted that he wouldn't. How could she have lowered her defenses that small?

Half an hour later, she set Olivia's car seat in the backseat of the new truck and tightened the strap. The interior smelled of leather and rubber floor mats. Crystal came out of the house lugging a huge bag of toys. The sisters had spent over an hour gathering the kids' clothing.

Crystal stored the sacks in the lined truck bed. “Should I leave a few things over here? They'll let us keep the children occasionally, won't they?”

“Oh, I'm sure they will.” Jules smothered a smug grin. Given a week or two of full-time fatherhood, they'd be begging for mercy.

Pausing beside the truck, Crystal focused on the toys and luggage. “I'm going to miss them dreadfully.”

“Yeah.” Jules closed the door. “I'm going to miss them too.” Somehow she'd adjusted to sticky fingers and toy fire trucks, and dolls scattered about the house. Childish giggles, waking in the middle of the night to get Ethan a glass of water, chasing Olivia around the den to change her soiled dress.

Her eyes met Crystal's and both broke into tears. Hanging
onto each other, they sank to the dusty ground and shared a good cry. “What are we going to do without them?” Crystal whispered. “I never realized how very special a child could be; little arms around my neck, sloppy kisses, sticky jelly fingers.”

Jules patted her arm. “We'll have our own children someday.”

“But they won't be Ethan or Olivia. I've grown to love them so much, Jules.”

“Me too. A part of Sophie is still with me when I look at Olivia. The same eyes, the same cocky grin. The house will be like a tomb without them.”

Pulling back, Crystal wiped her eyes. “I guess I don't understand. Why now? Why decide to hand them over so soon? You can't be sure of how this will turn out. The Parkers might very well be granted custody. The judge will have highly influential friends …” She paused, thoughtful. “Why don't you and Cruz marry? That would solve everything — and you know that's what Sophie was hoping for.”

“I would marry him. There's only one technicality. Cruz doesn't want to marry me.”

“How do you know? Have the two of you even tried to sit down and talk this feud out rationally?”

Jules nodded, wiping her nose on a tissue. “I asked him to marry me.”

Crystal's jaw dropped. “You did? When?”

“The night before we left for Waco. He refused. Sort of.”

Crystal's lips firmed. “How could he refuse? Except for Sophie, you're the best mother the kids could ever have. Is he blind?”

“No, just hurt.”

“He needs to get over it. Life's tough; besides, anyone who
knows you, knows how hard it is for you to commit to dinner, let alone a marriage. Cruz has to know that you love him desperately. You always have.”

“He doesn't have to — and he won't accept that I'm not perfect.” Jules took out a clean tissue and wiped her eyes. “What about you and Adan? You two are close. Why don't you marry?”

Sighing, Crystal sat back. “He hasn't asked. Hasn't even thought about it if my instinct is correct.” “Would you?”

“Marry Adan?” Her features turned pensive. “For the children's sake, I believe that I would.”

“You're in love with him?”

“Not yet — but I could be. Eventually.”

“That isn't good enough. Both you and Adan deserve more.” The idea was tantamount to her suggestion that Cruz marry her because it was the
noble
thing to do. “Maybe that's why Adan hasn't asked. He must sense that the timing isn't right.”

“Maybe, but I know he'd do almost anything to raise the children.”

“Well,” Jules got up and dusted her jeans, “both Cruz and Adan are going to have them shortly.”

Crystal rose. “Oh, Jules, do you think we're doing the right thing? The men make great uncles, but fathers?”

“They'll be yelling for help,” Jules said. “It's what they want and we're not going to fight them anymore. We'll let nature take its course.” She turned to face her sister. “I … I can't be around Cruz without loving him. I have to pull back. Let events fall as they will, however painful.”

“But we'll see the children, won't we?”

“If they need us — and you're free to visit anytime but I'm going to stay away. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Isn't that what they say? Perhaps if Cruz doesn't see me as often he'll realize …” What? That he was wise as a serpent? Or as thick-headed as a mule. “You can bring them home occasionally and we'll have a picnic, but I have to make him see that we need each other, Crystal.”

Crystal fell into step as the two women walked back to the house. “Can you do that?”

“I can do it. I can't reproduce that perfect potato, but I can take control of my feelings.”

“I'm disappointed in you.”

Well, that seemed to be going around. Jules turned. “What's your reason?”

“You're a fighter, just like Sophie. Why are you giving up now?”

“Because Cruz as much as told me he would never marry me.”

“And you believed him?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Of course you have a choice.” Crystal grinned. “Prove the man wrong.”