A Mate for Lazarus (The Program Book 3) (23 page)

Alex tried to ignore the guy standing in her living
room. She tried to ignore the fact that there were two at the front entrance to
her apartment as well. One outside the elevator and another at the top of the
stairs on her floor.

She shuddered to think what shopping was going to be
like. Would all of them surround her? Would they want to run errands for her?
It was nuts. It would end up drawing attention to her. There was only one
reason she had agreed to this in the first place. It turned her stomach but her
body refused to listen.
Blood.
She needed to drink whether she wanted to
or not. Alexandra sniffed the air. The guy in her living room had a nice enough
scent. She didn’t want to drink from him though. She didn’t particularly want
to drink from anyone but if she had to, she would pick Lazarus.

She chewed her lip, trying not to cry. Barely pregnant
and her emotions were a mess. If she was craving blood then she was probably
also hormonal.

“Are you thirsty?” The vampire asked her. He was the
same guy she had met before, Titan. He was second-in-command of all the guards.
Her babysitter for the foreseeable future.

She shook her head even though her fangs throbbed.
Her stomach clenched. “I just need a glass of water.” So damned thirsty.

“Water won’t help, you know?” Titan was nice enough.
Also a bigger guy, he kept his distance and hadn’t spoken much until now.

“I’m good.” She tried to smile. How long would that
last? An hour, two? The clock was ticking.
Blood
. Alex practically
drooled at the thought. She pursed her lips.

“Let me know if you change your mind. I’ll stay right
outside your—”

The door burst open, almost tearing off its hinges.
“You can get the fuck out.” Lazarus growled, his finger pointed at Titan.
“Now.” He snarled when the guy didn’t move.

Titan put up his hands in defense. “I’ll be right
outside the door just in case you need me.” His gaze was firmly on her.

“She won’t fucking need you.” His voice was low and
rough.

“I think the female can decide that.” Titan raised
his brows. He glanced from her to Lazarus and back again.

“Alexandra is my female. Mine!” He roared for a
second time. “Get out!”

“And I have been assigned to her protection. Don’t
make me call the others in here. You would not stand a chance against five.”

“Call the others…” Lazarus muttered. “Fucking
pussy.” His chest heaved. “Can’t fight your own battles.”

Alex stepped forward. “There is no need for
fighting. Titan…”

Lazarus growled as she said the other guy’s name and
if she didn’t know better she would say that he was jealous. She cleared her
throat. “Can you please give us a minute? I will be fine.”

Titan held her gaze for a few beats before nodding.
He left her apartment, closing the door behind him.

Suddenly they were alone and Alex wasn’t sure what
to do, or say. They both started talking at once.

Lazarus shoved his hands in his pockets and she
sucked back her words.

“You first.” His dark eyes locked with hers. They
were still clouded with hurt and with pain but they didn’t seem as bad as
before.

“Don’t try and talk me into coming back with you. I
can’t.” She shook her head, trying hard not to cry.

“I’m here to talk. I’m ready to hear you out. It was
overwhelming before. I was too hurt, too angry to listen.” He shifted his
weight. “I’m all ears now.”

Shit! He was giving her a chance. What the hell
should she say to him? How did she make him understand?

“Let’s sit down.” He pointed to the couch in the
living room.

Alexandra took a seat at one end and Lazarus sat
down at the other. He was dressed in his leather pants and vest. His weapons were
still strapped to his body. His scent hit her square in the nose. It was
unmistakable, alpha male. Raw aggression with a healthy dose of spice. It made
her mouth water.

Lazarus gave a half smile which quickly disappeared.
His eyes turned serious. “Do you need to drink?”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to.”

“I told you not to lie to me again. If you do, I’m
leaving. There will be no second chances.”

He was implying that he might just forgive her. Why?
What had changed? Realization hit and it hurt.

“You should drink, Alexandra. Just a few mouthfuls
and then we can talk.”

Just hearing him say the word, mouthfuls, made her
want to attack him with her fangs and never let go. She hated this craving. “I
wasn’t lying. I
don’t want
to drink, I
have
to. This is new to
me. It scares me. I’m not sure I like it.”

Lazarus nodded. “I understand.” His nostrils flared
as he moved towards the center of the couch. “I’m glad that you didn’t drink
from someone else.”

Definite jealousy. What was she missing? He unstrapped
a few weapons, placing them on the coffee table, then he peeled off his vest
exposing all of his layers of roped muscle. It made her mouth water even more.
Made her lose her train of thought.

He opened his arms. “Get on my lap,” a rough growl.
When she hesitated, a tick appeared in his jaw. “I won’t lose control like
yesterday, I promise.”

Alex nodded and climbed onto his lap. He gripped her
waist and moved his head to the side. A clear invitation.

Alexandra put her hands against his chest and
focused on the thud at the base of his neck. Her fangs felt sharp and achy. Her
mouth felt dry.

“It’s fine. Take your time. If you look carefully
you will see my pulse. You will hear it. That is the spot to bite. You won’t
hurt me.”

“Will you…” Oh god. There was no way she could ask
him that.

“Ask me.”

“No, it’s…”

“Ask me.” A command. His voice was deep and rich.

She huffed out a breath. “It’s stupid…” She mumbled,
feeling him tense beneath her. “Will you become aroused? You don’t have to
answer. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. Yes, I will. Very fucking aroused.
I will deal with it. Now drink so that we can talk.”

“Fine. Hold still.” She focused on his pulse. On the
rapidly increasing rate of his pulse. It was becoming both faster and stronger.
Lazarus’ chest moved beneath her hands with each breath he took. She bit down,
hearing his lust-filled groan echo around her apartment.

She couldn’t dwell because his taste filled her
mouth. It was the best thing she had ever savored. Better than handmade,
Belgian chocolates, better than champagne, better than anything that had passed
her lips, better than anything that ever would pass her lips again. He tasted
like they belonged together. She was going to tell him everything. Hopefully it
would help him understand.

All too soon. He pulled away from her. His chest
rumbled as he growled low. The sound was laced with frustration. “That’s
enough…for now.”

When she caught his gaze it was filled with desire.
His irises glowed softly. He was so beautiful that for a second there she
couldn’t speak. Her throat felt clogged, her heart raced. His taste was still
on her lips.

She realized that she was still in his lap. Her
hands were still planted against his chest. “I need some water.” She mumbled
while scrambling off of him. “Can I get you anything?”

Lazarus shook his head. “I want you to explain
things to me and I hope to god I understand because I want you, Alexandra.
That’s it.”

She nodded, taking a seat next to him, her water
forgotten. “I told you that my father died. I was still only a senior in high
school. We had an amazing relationship. I loved him so much. He was killed in a
car accident.” She paused, taking deep breaths. His death still hurt. The pain
had dulled over the years but at moments like this it came back to the surface.
“The brakes on a truck failed and it ploughed through a red-light, taking out
two cars. My father was in one of the cars and a whole family of four was in
the other.” She chewed on her lip. “I often used to wish that I was in the car
with him. I actually envied the family because at least they all got to go
together.”

Lazarus’ body tensed. He made a growling noise at
her admission.

“It was wrong of me to have thought like that. I am
glad to be alive. I was a hormonal teenager. Stuck living with my mother. Mummy
dearest came from a wealthy family. She’s never worked a day in her life. I
have money in a trust fund. I haven’t touched any of it.” And she wouldn’t ever
dip into it if she could help it. “My dad worked hard. He was a top journalist,
he won awards. I remember going to one of those awards ceremonies.” She paused.

“People looked at him like he was some sort of god.
I looked at him like that too. He was special. He looked at the world
differently. His work was like a window through which, for just a moment, the
rest of us could glimpse at things in the same way that he did. A special way.”

“You wanted others to see you like some kind of a
god? Is that it?” His brow was creased.

Alexandra shook her head. “No. My mother never
understood what all the hype was about. She didn’t get it. Can you believe that
she even tried to talk him into giving up on his career because he didn’t need
to work? She barely cried after the accident. Within no time she was seeing
other men. Lots of other men. It was like our front door became a revolving
door. It made me sick to my stomach. I don’t think that she ever really loved
him…not really.” She swallowed hard.

“She and I fought all the time and I moved out as
soon as I graduated from college. I always knew that I would follow in his
footsteps. After he passed away, the drive became stronger. Knowing my mom
didn’t care made me want to succeed all the more. Not only for myself but also
for him. Things somehow got twisted inside of me. I thought that if I could get
a front page story, become a household name, maybe even get an award or two of
my own that I would somehow be proving to him that someone cared…that I cared.
No one remembers Peter Stone anymore.” She smiled. “I had this ridiculous
fantasy of going up on stage and accepting an award, of telling the world that
it was all in honor of him, my father, my mentor, my hero.” Her voice hitched.

“It’s not ridiculous.” Lazarus put his hand on her
thigh and rubbed.

“The thing is, I’m not getting any younger. I still
work for a small time press. I’m a nobody. I haven’t achieved a single thing.
All the while my father becomes more of a distant memory. I’m his daughter, his
only child, it’s my responsibility to continue the legacy, to make my mark on
this world and I’m failing.”

“No, you’re not.” A growl. Lazarus sat forward, he
pulled her towards him. “That’s utter bullshit.”

“I know it is. I’ve come to realize that I was wrong.”

Some of the tension left him.

Alex nodded. “I still love my father. I still
remember him. He would not have wanted me to do the things I had planned on
doing in order to get the story.” She smiled at Lazarus. “My father had this
saying.
Sometimes you need to sacrifice to get the story. If the story is
big enough, you might even need to sell a piece of your soul. The best
journalists are willing to do what it takes.”

Lazarus frowned. “So he would have condoned your
actions.”

She shook her head. “He also often used to say…” She
had to smile even though her eyes filled with tears. “That he wasn’t
one of
the best
that he would never be
one of the best
. I never understood
what he meant. I mean he was brilliant, he was one of the damned best but he
would never sell his soul for a story. I know that now. I understand that now.
My father injected his soul into his work…he would never have done anything so
underhanded though. I lost track…I almost sold my freaking soul.” She took his
hands in hers. They were so huge in comparison. “I really do believe that the
world needs to know. It isn’t important to me anymore that I be the one to tell
the story. My father would want me happy…he would want his legacy to live on in
his grandchildren. This baby…”

A single tear fell but she ignored it. “I should
never have lied. I was wrong, but you need to believe me when I tell you that
as soon as I started having feelings for you the story was over. I wouldn’t
have cared either way. It wasn’t important to me anymore. You were. I love you
so much. I love this baby.” She put her hand to her belly. Alex sniffed as the
tears continued to fall. “I hate crying.” She tried to smile but her lip
wobbled.

“It is killing me to see you so upset.” Lazarus took
a deep breath. He squeezed her hands. “Us non-humans are a simple bunch. We
listen to our bodies. We are open and honest with one another. Such blatant
lying and deception is completely foreign to us.”

She had to close her eyes and look away for a
second. Guilt still gnawed at her.

“I know. I took advantage.”

“I understand though. I believe you. Allison told me
that you signed the contract even though you didn’t have to and that you
refused to take the pills even though you could’ve made a lot of money.”