“You’ve gone soft.” Lopez curled her lip in disapproval and started to stalk out of the alley they had finished their chase in, glaring ferociously to clear the inevitable bystanders that always seemed to gather on New York streets. “You didn’t even slam that guy’s head into ground once.”
Jonah stomped after her and ignored the pathetic whimper from the man he was dragging. “Yeah, it’s called wanting to avoid a suspension for police brutality, Lopez.” He rolled his eyes when his partner shoved her prisoner into the arms of a waiting beat cop so hard he nearly went to his knees. “Something you might want to consider sometime.” He nodded his thanks to the patrolman that relieved him of his own captive and then turned to begin the walk back to where they had left their car when they had been forced to chase their prey on foot. “I’ve not gone soft, alright? I am still a badass.”
“Whatever,” Lopez snorted and raised a hand in farewell when the patrol ca
r drove past them and beeped its horn in goodbye. “I’m just saying – it’s been four months now since baby-momma and the kid showed up and you still get that dumbass look on your face whenever anyone mentions him. He got a candy flavoured dick or something?”
Jonah
ground his teeth and glowered at the sidewalk as he stalked along. “None of your damn business and don’t fucking talk about him like that.” He shoved his hands in his jeans pocket, sweating in the heat of the day and wishing like hell he’d thought to bring a spare t-shirt with him to work that day. The heat of a New York summer and a pounding foot chase didn’t exactly leave him spandy fresh.
Scenting weakness in her prey and blood in the air, Lopez smirked and said mockingly, “Aw, the kid cramping your style, stud? Baby-momma not putting out like you’re used to?”
“Gina,” Jonah’s low, dangerous growl had Lopez’s head whipping round in shock to stare at him nearly as much as the almost unheard of use of her first name. “Leave it the fuck alone.”
They made the rest of the walk back in silence and it was only when they had slid back into the car and
Jonah was about to shove his keys in the ignition that Lopez spoke again. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Jonah glowered down at the keys in his hand and then blindly out at the busy street they had parked on. “We should head back to the station. Cap’s going to want those guys booked and interviewed and the reports on her desk ASAP.”
“Okay, that’s it,” Really worried now, Lopez reached out
and snatched the keys. She dropped them into her bra when Jonah tried to grab them back and waited until he fell back in his seat in defeat. “You never want to turn in reports unless someone’s standing over you with a gun or Simons is threatening to toss your ass in the cells for the night – what’s going on?” She frowned in angry suspicion. “Is the baby-momma making life difficult for you? He not letting you see the kid? Hey, if that’s the problem I got the name of a great lawyer and I can call him up and have you down there this afternoon. Donnie’s good people, you know? He’ll really look after you.”
Jonah
looked torn between irritation and gratitude for a moment and then his face cracked in a weary smile. “Thanks, but it’s not that. Kyle’s been great – is great.” He looked away and when he next spoke it was to the top of the steering wheel. “That’s kinda the problem.”
Lopez looked confused and studied
Jonah’s profile carefully, looking for some clue as to what to say next. As a crack crime fighting, balls to the wall, kick- ass team they were the shit – as two people talking about their lives and, God help them
feelings
, not so much. Still, she was Gina Lopez and her partner needed her so she squared her shoulders and promised herself an extra half hour training in the ring at the gym later that night to off-set the nauseating chick flick moment she could feel approaching. “I don’t get it. If you two are getting on so well then what’s crawled up your ass? You got the kid, you got the guy….” She broke off when she caught Jonah’s wince, small though it was, and then questioned slowly, “You don’t got the guy?”
Jonah
shot her a murderous glare. “Give me the damn keys and shut the hell up, Lopez. You’re way over the line.”
Raising an eyebrow at him, Lopez answered coolly, “Since when is having my partner’s back over the line?” She turned in her seat and crossed her arms over her chest, giving him a pointed look before saying archly, “If I wiped your face free from applesauce when you couldn’t find your own mouth with a spoon in the hospital, then I think I can sit through a
few minutes of you emoting your pain at your unsatisfying big swishy love without upchucking.”
Jonah
shot her a dark look and then broke into a reluctant grin. “Yeah, I guess so.” He tilted his head back against his seat back and a laugh rumbled deep in his chest. “You fucking sucked as a nurse. Remember when you upended my tray on my head and told me you’d let me starve before you’d put up with anymore of my self-pity bullshit if I didn’t quit bitching about not being able to use a knife and fork?”
Lopez scowled. “I remember getting strong armed out of the room and banned from the hospital for three days before
Dex and Crawford double teamed that doctor bitch in charge of you and made her let me back in.”
Jonah
laughed again, remembering the tiny doctor’s outrage at Lopez’s version of pro-active recovery and the screaming argument the two women had had before Lopez was literally dragged from his room by hospital security and Doctor Novak was swearing she would never be allowed to darken the hospital doors again. He said wryly, “Not everyone gets you like I do.” He cocked his head and eyed her for a moment before saying, “I never really thanked you for that, huh?” Lopez looked at him, puzzled. “For kicking my ass when everyone else was kissing it. You really came through for me.”
“Tough. Love.” Lopez gritted out and flushed hotly, uncomfortable, and refusing to let herself go back to those dark days when it looked like
Jonah would be left so damaged it was unlikely he would ever be able to do something as simple as feed himself let alone get back on the streets at her side. “I’m your partner. I got your back whatever.”
Knowing that was as far as he could push things with Lopez before getting a fist to the eye and a stream of insults deriding his manhood,
Jonah punched her shoulder lightly and said, “Yeah, well, thanks.” He grinned at her suspicious glare and eventual short nod and made his decision. “Me and Kyle – we’re not together.” He ground his teeth and confessed bitterly, “We’re just friends.”
Lopez, still smarting from having to acknowledge she had a heart let alone actual emotions, let her black scowl slip slightly in her surprise. “What?” She let her arms fall from her chest and stared at
Jonah in confusion. “I thought...so you haven’t been banging him stupid every chance you get?” She held up her hands defensively when Jonah bristled in his seat and said hastily, “Hey, just saying. Not like you made any secret of wanting to get him planted back on your cock soon as you got the chance.”
“Oh, nice,”
Jonah looked disgusted. “Seriously, nice imagery there, Lopez.” He paused for a moment – because it sort of was - and then shook it off and glared at his partner. “Can you quit talking about him like that? He’s got my kid – show a little respect, okay?”
Looking more and more like her wor
ld was being rocked to its very foundations, Lopez gaped and then stabbed an accusing finger at him when she made another one of her intuitive leaps. “You love him.” She burst out laughing at the mortified and guilty expression on Jonah’s face and said with glee, “Oh my God, you’re totally in love with him and you’re being a gentleman.” She collapsed with mirth against her car door and howled, “I didn’t even know you knew
how
. Oh my God, this is hilarious!”
Jonah
wrapped his hands around the steering wheel and clenched tight in lieu of doing the same thing to Lopez’s neck. “Yeah, laugh it up. Thanks for your support. Can we go now?”
Fighting valiantly to bring herself under control, Lopez swiped at her streaming eyes and sputtered in apology, “Sorry, sorry. It’s just....” She shook with laughter again. “Come on, the one person in the world you want more than a good fuck from and he just wants to be your friend? You don’t see that’s even a little funny?”
Jonah glowered at her and then his lips twitched involuntarily when she continued to giggle helplessly, because, seriously, Lopez
giggling
. “I’m splitting my sides over here.”
Lopez was certainly in danger of doing so, but being the good partner that she was she made a herculean effort to pull herself together – and no
t pee herself from mirth. She straightened up in her seat, asking, “So what’s the problem? Just tell him and wait for him to throw himself at you. Mission complete.”
“He wants to be friends, Lopez,” growled
Jonah, “He doesn’t want me like that.” They both took a moment to marvel at that almost unheard of turn of events before Jonah continued, “I’ll get over it. It’s no big deal.”
“Yeah, except for the fact that it is.” Lopez finally lost all trace of humour and said seriously, “
Jonah, come on, it’s not like you haven’t already been there. You know he wants you. You make a move and you know he’s not going to knock you back.” She paused and then added doubtfully, “Right?”
“Not so much,”
Jonah muttered. “He’s...I’ve never had something like this before. Never wanted anything like this, but....” He pinched the bridge of his nose and screwed his eyes tight shut, saying hoarsely, “I thought it was just wanting to fuck him at first, okay? Then when I found out that we’d already done that I thought it was just about wanting to do it again and get it out of my system. Then I saw him with Shea and I thought it was just about seeing him with my kid and then....” His hand dropped from his face and he turned to look at his partner, face open and vulnerable in a way she’d never seen it. “It’s not about fucking him or watching him with Shea, it’s about him. The times you’ve seen him he hasn’t been himself. He was like a cat on hot bricks before we found out about Shea and then the couple of times you’ve seen him since he’s still been antsy because he knows you’re important to me and he wants you to like him. When he’s on his own and relaxed and happy, he’s different. He’s funny and sarcastic and he doesn’t take any shit from anyone – not even me – and he bounces around at home singing all the goddamned time and making fun of my clothes and....” He broke off for a moment and then said, “Hey, you remember when that bust went bad a couple of months back and I ended up with that black eye and split lip?”
Lopez scowled beca
use, yeah, she remembered. She was still smarting over having a junkie slip past her and get the drop on her partner before managing to stab another officer in the thigh with a homemade shiv and being brought down as he tried to escape. “Yeah, I remember.”
Jonah
winced, knowing of old Lopez’s habit of taking it personally when she didn’t manage to clean up New York’s streets single handed, but went on anyway. “It was one of my nights to see Shea and I nearly begged off because I felt like shit and I didn’t look much better. I didn’t want to scare the crap out of the kid with my face all marked up, you know? It was pretty new and we were still feeling our way, but I made myself get in the car and get over there. It was just so I could say I turned up and then I was gonna go home and sink a few beers and nuke a pizza or something like I always do.” His eyes went a little distant and a small smile curled his mouth. “Only I knocked at the door and Kyle opened it and he took one look at me and dragged me inside and made Louise take the baby out back to play for a while. He sat me down and made me put a whole load of shit on my face to help the bruising and got me some soup from the fridge and was just so mad that someone had hurt me again.” His smile grew as he remembered. “Then he called Louise and the baby in and had Shea sit on my lap and play with his crayons while he and Louise cooked dinner. We ate and he wouldn’t let me go home after and made me go sit and watch TV with him and Shea and....” Jonah shook his head and said with some embarrassment, “I never knew I wanted that. It’s always bugged the shit out of me having people fuss and seeing me weak, but with him I didn’t mind it. Hell, I wanted it. I’ve never had anyone to come back to when a day’s gone south, but I want that from him. I want him getting mad and putting weird smelling stuff on me when I’m all bruised up and I want him sitting on the couch with Shea between us and watching dumbass cartoons.” He stared helplessly at his partner. “I just want him. I don’t know what to do.”
Neither did Lopez. She generally found crooking her finger and pointing at the ground in front of her was enough to cause a minor stampede of interested parties when she felt the need for company and was wholly unfamiliar with the concept of having to work for it. “You, uh, you’re sure that he definitely just wants to be friends with you? He hasn’t given you any hints at all that he still wants you?”
Jonah went to shake his head and then paused, saying slowly, “Sometimes I think I catch him watching me. When I’m with Shea or we’re doing something with him together and he looks at me sometimes and I think I see something in his eyes but he always shuts down when he sees me looking back and he’s a fucking master at avoiding anything he doesn’t want to talk about or do. It took me nearly a month to make him take child support from me because he’s still got some batshit crazy idea that he’s to blame for me missing out on Shea being born and not seeing him until we got assigned to his case.” He paused again and then muttered, “There was this one time, a few days after the whole black eye thing, and we’d taken Shea to the zoo and we were all pretty tired so I said I’d give the kid a bath and call Kyle when it was time to say goodnight. Shea was so tired he passed out when I was getting him dressed for bed so I just put him in the crib and went down to get Kyle and he’d passed out too. He was on the couch and all splayed out and I went to wake him up by just shaking his shoulder.” He grinned sheepishly. “But he was pretty far gone so I crouched down and just said his name and shook him again a little harder. He pulled this face in his sleep and tried to bat me away and then when I shook him again he opened his eyes and looked at me and then he smiled this fucking incredible smile and touched my face like....like I was something special.” He cut his eyes to Lopez warily like he was expecting to be mocked and then coloured when he saw she was just looking at him with an unreadable expression. “It only lasted a couple of seconds before he realised what he was doing and he was scrambling up and his mouth going a mile a minute but I thought I saw something then.” He looked back at Lopez when he felt her touch his arm and said, “What?”